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Sexlessness can be a painful condition for the spouse who is rejected for having sex. The pain is caused by the ignorance of the fundamental mechanism and the right solution. Advice and information that is not based on fundamental mechanism of human sexuality may be ineffective or destroy marriage relationship.
Most people try to solve the issue of sexlessness based on the partner's speech and actions and their conscious thoughts and feelings. The problem is that the partner who refuses to have sex does not understand why he or she doesn't want to have sex at the fundamental level. Even experts who provide advice base their analysis and advice only on the visible phenomena. Most of common advice and information are non-sensical or even outrageous from the perspective of the operational mechanism of human mind and sexuality.
For example, having conversations and sharing emotions can be effective in improving the couple relationship with respect to emotional connection, but it is irrelevant to the issue of sexlessness. Men do not connect emotions with sexuality, so such advice is meaningless to the husband who refuses to have sex. Many people argue that men also connect sexuality and emotions, but it is not feelings in mimind but xes feelings in xesmind that men connect with sexuality.
Also, when the husband tries to connect with the wife emotionally to persuade her to have sex with him, the wife loses sexual desire even further since she feels emotionally satisfied through the interaction. Women's sexual desire is the desire to treat wounds in mimind. Emotional interaction with the husband is perceived as attention and consolation and makes her feel loved and comfortable making sexual actions unnecessary.
She may decide to have sex with the husband as a reward of getting attention and consolation as her wounds are healed and love is reinforced since sexuality and feelings in mimind are closely connected in normal women. It can be a good way of improving the couple relationship even though reinforcing emotional connection is not the direct force that activates sexuality in women.
Another type of advice couples often adopt to overcome sexlessness is to reinforce sexual sensations to enhance sexual pleasure. It includes spending longer time for foreplay, taking surgery on sexual organs, or learn diverse sex techniques. A longer foreplay and adopting diverse sex techniques may be perceived as love and attention by the wife and she may feel better emotionally when she does not have discomfort or repulsion in the first place.
Women experience sexual pleasure in two cases. One is when sexual actions are familiar ones for them. Women with diverse sexual experiences may be able to sense sexual pleasure more easily than women who don't have many sexual experiences. Normal women cannot amplify sexual sensations when the partner or the situation is unfamiliar or they don't have feelings of love toward the partner.
The other is when women develop sexual desire based on wounds in mimind in order to restore happiness. These women are easily aroused sexually and sense greater sexual pleasure than normal women. Women's recognition of sexual pleasure is not the matter of their physical condition but the matter of the operation of their mimind and xesmind. When women try to reinforce physical aspect of sexuality consciously and pursue sexual pleasure disregarding the operation of mimind and xesmind, they necessarily develop negative sexual energy and grow wounds in mimind, which in turn increases sexual desire even further. Then, they may think that their attempts to activate sexuality are effective since they respond to sexual stimulation easily and recognize sexual pleasure more intensely. Unfortunately, they are only destroying their mind and body growing their wounds in mimind.
The wife who still refuses to cooperate with the husband's attempt or the expert's advice to enhance her sexual responses is actually trying to protect her body and mind. The same applies to the husband who doesn't show much interest in having sex. Men basically perceive having sex as a way of having pleasure. The husband not making attempts to enhance sexual pleasure indicates that he doesn't perceive the wife as a sexual object.
People may criticize such husbands and wives blaming them for not making enough efforts to activate sexuality in the marriage relationship. They put priority on activating sexuality in marriage relationship based on distorted ideas on marriage and sexuality, and may even justify infidelity. They have no idea how destructive distorted activation of sexuality can be for both individuals and relationships.
Activation of sexuality can be important and meaningful in marriage relationship. Sexuality in married couples means much more than just a way of enhancing intimacy or relieving sexual desire. We must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and sexuality, and adopt the right method of activating sexuality in the way that promotes health and happiness for both the wife and the husband. We must be able to distinguish the right advice and information from the wrong and destructive ones. You must keep in mind that so-called experts may be actually leading you and your spouse to destroy your body and mind as well as your marriage relationship.
The best way to solve couples' sexual issues is for the wife to understand the operational mechanism of human sexuality and internalize the method of activating sexuality putting herself at the center of her mind and sexuality. That is, she has to build true sex ability in herself. On the other hand, the husband must discard all his concepts and ideas he has had so far, simply focusing on protecting the wife complying with the wife in every aspect. Analyzing human sexuality based on visible phenomena and the visible operation of psychology is the most distorted way of approaching sexual issues, and it can be the determining factor that destroys individuals and marriage relationships.
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