[SATW] The sense of ownership in sexuality

When the sense of ownership in sex is excessive, various phenomena such as obsession, jealousy, control, and suppression can occur. When the sense of ownership is distorted, it may develop to the idea that everything about the partner belongs to the person who has the sense of the ownership. 

The sense of ownership in sex is reinforced with marriage, so it is displayed differently before and after marriage. When people get married, they may develop the idea that they own each other regarding sexuality. When the sense of ownership in sex develops, they may reveal their personality and other traits that were not revealed before. 

Distorted sense of ownership leads you to treat the partner as an appendage of yours. For example, men who commit infidelity may think that he can have an affair, but his wife must never commit infidelity since she belongs only to him. 

Perceiving someone as the only special partner indicates that the partner is the most important to you. Then, you want to share everything with the partner including love, affection, sex, pleasure, and happiness. However, the sense of ownership is a major factor that makes the two people distant.

The sense of ownership also makes sex more monotonous and boring. Then, you may regret about the relationship and neglect the partner. The couple may focus on only their roles as the father and the mother, and stop perceiving each other as a man and a women in a romantic relationship. Then, they may lose the right and be left only with responsibility in sex. That is, you try to own the partner's right and make the partner keep only the responsibility. You are left only with the responsibility in sex in the relationship, and it can induce depression, regret and doubt on life, and even infidelity. 

We should rethink about the sense of ownership in sex. Loving and having sex with the partner doesn't mean that you can own the partner's right of sex. Taking the partner's right of sex is to take the right to pursue happiness and it is not a right way to live with someone. 

The sense of ownership in sex is especially dangerous. It leads to hedonism and sexual objectification treating the partner as a means to achieve sexual pleasure. It is very dangerous to even think about sex with reference to the ownership. It results in pursuing only sexual pleasure without even realizing that your idea on sex is distorted. 

No one should forget about their own right of love and sex as well as the partner's right of love and sex. Please, keep in mind that both you and your partner can become happy together when your right and your partner's right exist in harmony.


About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

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