Humans have the body and the mind. All humans including children need to protect and nurture both their body and mind. Parents will do their best to protect and nurture children's body and mind. Parents themselves do not know why they protect and provide for children at all costs. They will sacrifice their life to provide children with the best things for the development of the body and the mind.
As parents try to protect and nurture children, they will focus on nurturing the mind as well as the body. Nurturing the mind can be divided into two components. One is to protect and nurture children so that they can maintain the emotions of comfort and happiness. Even when parents themselves are in psychological pain, they will do their best to protect and nurture children's emotions of comfort and happiness. The other component is to help children develop basic abilities to pursue self-actualization when they become adults. Parents will try to educate and support children for successful future life.
Maternal love and paternal love operate together for protecting and nurturing children's body by providing good foods and a safe shelter. However, the mother and the father usually divide their roles for nurturing happy emotions and preparing for future success. One parent may focus more on nurturing healthy psychology and the other may focus more on developing basic abilities for the future. Usually, protecting the emotions of comfort and happiness is associated with maternal love and developing abilities for the future success is associated with paternal love, but not necessarily so. In some families, the mother and the father may change their roles or share both roles. Human beings pursue more than physical health and safety and they all pursue happiness and self-actualization with meanings and values of life. Most parents will do their best to protect and nurture children's happiness with respect to both the body and the mind.
The concept of 'sacrifice' is important in the discussion of parental love. Children may naturally think that their parents have sacrificed themselves for their happiness. However, most parents do not consider what they do for children as sacrifice since protecting and nurturing children make parents themselves happy. Maternal love and paternal love are activated from the unconscious without even being recognized in the conscious.
There are cases where parents recognize that they are sacrificing themselves for children's happiness. Then, it is considered that they have already lost parental love in a true sense. Now, they have developed the distorted psychology with which they expect reward for their service to children. The relationship between such parents and children are similar to some kind of a business relationship. Such parents may demand what they think they deserve when children become adults, and children may develop the sense of resistance against parents.
The concept of maternal and paternal love is not applicable anymore to parents who consciously think that they have sacrificed. It is more like they have provided service and now they want reward for what they have done, in other words, for their sacrifice. They may want to be rewarded economically or emotionally or in some other ways they see fit. Of course, problems may occur when children refuse to or have no ability to live up to parents' expectations. Then, parents' love degenerates into negative emotions such as disappointment, sorrow, anger, or even hatred.
When you have true parental love, you may give children whatever you can since giving makes you happy. You may even feel sorry for not providing and nurturing more. You may even accept criticism and blame from children or other people after all you have done for your children. On the other hand, parents who recognize their sacrifice in the conscious may stop giving to children as soon as their sacrifice is denied thinking they may not be rewarded or they are treated unfairly.
Parents' love is noble and sublime. Parents take what others consider to be sacrifice as happiness. When parents recognize their sacrifice toward children in the conscious, it indicates that their parental love has degenerated. Then, many psychological and practical problems may occur in the family. The difference between true love and degenerated love is determined by the absence or the presence of recognition by parents themselves.
Some children may comply with demands of parents whose love has degenerated without causing any problems on the surface. Then, these children may follow their parents' example when they become parents, which raises the probability for problems to be manifested in the next generation. Parents must not manipulate children and distort parent-child relationship under the pretext of maternal or paternal love. Accurate understanding of the mechanism of parental love may help you adopt adequate parenting strategies and build a healthy relationship with your children.
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