A teenage girl who consulted me said, "My mother keeps nagging and scolding me. She is irritable and angry all the time. She endlessly tells me to stop playing games, go to bed early, not eat snacks, take a shower, or study hard. I am sure she really hates me.”
“When I ask people why she hates me so much, their answer is that it is because she loves me so much. They say I have to understand her and I will know all that when I grow up. Some people say that she is only doing her best all for my own good. I simply cannon understand them or my mother. I really hate my mother and sometimes I just want to die. I don't want to go back home at all.”
I told her that both the mother and the daughter are females and all females have the same operational mechanism of mind and psychology. Females' unconscious operates feelings and it works at a much deeper level than the conscious. The operation of the unconscious cannon be controlled by the conscious and it may be manifested differently from intentions or thoughts. When females have psychological wounds, their unconscious attempts to treat wounds and generate the energy of love. In this process, females tend to express negative feelings and wounds toward people who are in close relationships with them. Mothers and daughters are likely to express their wounds to each other by such mechanism.
Her mother seems to be freely expressing negative feelings toward her daughter as an attempt to treat her own wounds. She is actually trying to generate energy of love by getting attention from her daughter. When both the mother and the daughter understand what is going on deep inside their mind, the mother can find some other ways to deal with her psychological wounds and the daughter can understand the mother better and act accordingly.
KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/
E-mail : uip@uip.ac
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