<Q> “I am suffering from excruciating pain caused by husband infidelity.”
<A> The wife suffers from great pain since she has developed post traumatic stress. Post traumatic stress makes her sense not only the incident of infidelity but also all her life experiences with her husband as pain, which is referred to as ‘fake wounds’. The more the wife has had a good marriage life, the greater pain of post traumatic stress she senses. It is only natural that the wife suffers from great pain upon the discovery of husband infidelity.
<Q> “Will I recover when my husband breaks up with the adulteress and comes back to me?”
<A> Suppose that the wife makes efforts to restore marriage relationship and the husband comes back to her. Actually, the wife’s post traumatic stress and the husband’s relationship addiction get aggravated in the process of making efforts since they add more wounds in the wife and more stress in the husband. Eventually, the restoration of marriage becomes more difficult and their relationship is more likely to worsen in the end. The whole situation unfolds in the opposite way from what the wife wishes for.
<Q> “Most people around me tell me that I must break them apart and sever their relationship to have my husband back. Is that true?”
<A> They say so because they only see the surface phenomenon and do not accurately understand the erroneous operation of the wife’s and the husband’s psychology. Husband infidelity occurs when he develops relationship addiction, in which he becomes addicted to the adulteress’s response. The wife has developed post traumatic stress. They cannot engage themselves in normal psychological interactions. Most people assume that causes of husband infidelity are problems of marriage, sex, or love, so they simply think that they need to address those issues directly.
People who advise on infidelity issues think that they have done the right thing since, at least on the surface, they helped the husband break up with the adulteress and come back to the wife. However, it is the wife and the husband who have to suffer and make all the efforts only to aggravate their psychological conditions leading to even worse practical situations in the future.
<Q> “Does it mean that even experts advise for suing the adulteress knowing that it will aggravate the situation? How could they do that?”
<A> Of course, they may be well intended since filing a lawsuit against the adulteress makes the wife feel a little comfortable as far as they understand. Some experts advise for lawsuits to truly help the wife since they don’t understand the true nature and the root cause of infidelity. Others may seek their own interest associated with the procedure of lawsuits and divorce. Again, it is the wife and the husband who end up dealing with dire consequences of inadequate actions.
Some people may induce the wife to develop the idea that the husband is a bad person for cheating her and encourage her to divorce him. Then, the wife may become thankful to them and they may take advantage of the wife in many ways. They are actually committing crimes in disguise of kindness and good intention.
<Q> “What? Then, are people who advise for the lawsuit against the adulteress and divorce hiding their intention to take advantage of the suffering wife?”
<A> Of course not. Not everyone is ill-intended. People who understand the true nature of infidelity or people who accurately understand that the couple can overcome the adversity and restore true happiness would recommend the treatment of post traumatic stress before filing a lawsuit against the adulteress.
However, anyone who does not take consideration of the whole life the couple have had together or the wife’s suffering, and just advises for taking practical measures such as lawsuits and divorce is definitely trying to take advantage of the wife. Some of them even may try to make the wife dependent on them by gaslighting her.
<Q> : Then, should I never sue the adulteress to break them apart?”
<A> Of course, you can sue the adulteress, but only after you recover. You must sue the adulteress after you recover your healthy psychology by adequately treating the condition of post traumatic stress. When the wife treats her condition and restores healthy psychology, she can have the ability to adequately resolve infidelity issue on her own, and live happily regardless of practical situations. The wife must restore healthy psychology first regardless of her husband’s condition, and then, she can take any practical measures she wants.
When the wife can live happily with children after full recovery, she can decide on whether to stay in marriage or get a divorce as well as on other practical matters as she herself chooses.
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