Especially, when the wife has had a happy marriage and trusted husband, wounds of post traumatic stress may be even greater like ㊀1,000,000. The wife with post traumatic stress can be likened to a wife who got hit in the back of her head with a huge hammer by the husband as she was just living a perfectly happy life. She suddenly got hit by a huge lightening in a beautiful sunny day.
In such cases, real wounds directly caused by husband infidelity is less than 1% of the pain she recognizes. 99% of her pain is caused by the fake wounds triggered by husband infidelity. Post traumatic stress turns all her happy memories in her marriage life associated with her husband into wounds that are fake but that she recognizes as pain.
‘My husband must love the adulteress, so my whole life has lost its meaning.’
‘My husband has an affair because I refused to have sex with him.’
‘My husband has an affair because I was too busy and didn't take care of him’
‘How could he betray me after all I have done for him? I feel so angry.’
‘I regret devoting my life to taking care of children not even knowing my husband was having an affair.’
The wife may blame herself, blame other people, regret her life, and become enraged. She experiences unbearable excruciating pain. All women who have suffered from post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity must know that it feels like pain of death.
Here is an example dialogue between a suffering wife and a psychology counselor.
<Wife> My husband must be in love with the adulteress. My whole life is meaningless. What should I do?
<Counselor> I completely understand how much pain you are suffering from. Your husband definitely did a wrong thing. You must gather up your will for life and find your own happiness. You can recover and live a happy life from now on. It is not too late.
※ The wife may feel consoled by the counselor's encouragement and she may have hope for happiness. It is right for the counselor to empathize, console, and encourage the wife. However, husband infidelity is caused by relationship addiction, which makes him addicted to the adulteress' sexual responses. He never loved the adulteress but needed her sexual responses in the first place. The husband's love is unlimited responsibility in his unconsciousness, and it is formed only toward his wife. Connecting love and the adulteress causes fake wounds in the wife's mind. The counselor's empathy, consolation, and encouragement transform fake wounds into real wounds.
Also, the wife may think that her whole life has been wasted, but it is obvious that she has had a good life managing family, children, and career. When she thinks that her whole life has been wasted, all her memories about her life are perceived as wounds, which are actually fake wounds.
When the wife's fake wounds are perceived as real wounds, she may begin to think, 'He has been lying to me and he doesn't love me. He must have been so happy to meet the adulteress. I was stupid enough to trust him and devoted my life to family and children. I must listen to the counselor and I must change from now on and find my own happiness again. I must do everything differently'.
Then, what kind of life will the wife live from then on? She thinks that devoting her life to family and children is wrong and her marriage is wrong, so she needs to get a divorce. She must change everything from her relationships with people and her ideas about love and happiness to her ideas about sexuality. She may begin to get involved with men she is not supposed to, give sexual responses to men in return for attention, and mistake having such a relationship for happiness.
The consequence of turning fake wounds into real wounds is absolutely disastrous. It completely destroys the life of the wife and children. Would anyone be willing to take psychology counseling that turns fake wounds into real wounds? When someone empathizes, consoles, encourages, and advises you about fake wounds, they are perceived as real wounds. You may feel comfortable temporarily, but it only leads you to dire consequences.
Psychology counselors must reflect on themselves for what they do to empathize, encourage, and console the wife suffering from pain, 99% of which is fake wounds. Korea Institute of Psycho-education does not provide psychology counseling that turns all fake wounds into real wounds. KIP Treatment Programs are designed to treat wounds effectively without psychology counseling and without short-term or long-term adverse effects.