At first, I felt like I was struck by lightning, and my mind went blank. It felt like I was abandoned by the world or thrown away into hell at one blow. I couldn’t do anything. I desperately wanted to get out of hell, but I didn’t know how.
I despaired having no one to ask for help. I searched for help on the internet, literally shaking all over. I watched videos and writings of KIP and decided to treat myself. I hesitated for some time because the expense was pretty high, but I chose to take the program since my whole life was at stake. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me if I had just ignored this program.
I felt much better shortly after I began the treatment, so I became conceited thinking treatment was quite easy. I focused on doing therapeutic tasks for the first year, and then spent the next one year neglecting self-check. Another year has passed neglecting even therapeutic tasks, and now I am trying to do my best again for my treatment. I deeply regret about the last one year when I didn’t do much for treatment.
It is obvious that I got better but I still have some degree of anger and pain. I used to be a person who cried a lot over small things, but somehow I didn’t cry much after I began the treatment program. I wish I could cry like hell once, just put everything behind, and start all over. I know I have to focus on my treatment instead of crying or anything else. I will keep going to restore my happiness back.