The process of psychological development consists of 4 phases. The first is the phase of survival which usually lasts until the child is 5 years old. The goal of the child in this age range is to survive. They develop psychological problems when their condition of survival is threatened and they can be stabilized when the condition is restored. All parents know that they can soothe the baby by giving them food, changing diapers, or cuddling. From the baby's point of view, being fed and feeling comfortable is so important that they express their hunger and discomfort with all the strength it has.
The second is the phase of adaptation to relationship, which covers the age from 5 to 13 in general. They learn how to adapt themselves to human relationships. They learn how to form and manage relationships with people through interacting with parents, siblings, teachers, and friends. The psychology of boys and girls is operated differently in the phase of adaptation to relationship. Boys apply their own standard of right and wrong, and they generate positive moods in the right relationships and generate stress in the wrong relationships. Girls apply their own standard of like and dislike, and generate positive feelings in relationships with people they like and generate wounds in relationships with people they dislike. Children in this phase develop psychological problems when they have difficulties in relationships. The most important thing is to help them have a good relationship with the primary caregiver, and then, they can be led to learn how to manage other relationships.
The third is the phase of formation of self-identity, which covers the age from 13 to 19. Boys generate positive moods when the information they perceive suits their own thought standards and generate stress when it doesn't. Girls generate positive feelings when the information they perceive suits their own thought standards and generate wounds when it doesn't.
Children in this phase are in the process of forming thought standards. They try to understand every situation they encounter from their own point of view. They may develop problems and conflicts when the information they perceive doesn't suit their standards. Adults should help them to process the information in a rational way and help them build healthy thought standards.
The fourth is the phase of self-actualization, which covers from the age of 20 and on. They pursue self-actualization in diverse human relationships based on their thought standards they have formed during teenage years. They experience difficulties when they have problems in pursuing meanings and values of life.
Parents must accurately understand the process of psychological development of their children to help them grow with health and happiness. Children should learn how to manage relationships and form healthy thought standards through trials and errors. Since they are in the process of learning, which is their right, it is not right to have them take all the responsibility for their actions. Pursuing self-actualization as adults means pursuing meanings and values of life in harmony and order with other people. Adults make decisions on their own and take full responsibility for their actions.
Understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology helps parents to adopt right parenting strategies and enjoy parenting coming one step closer to the happiness of parents and children. Parents should neither take control of nor neglect children, but provide the safe environment for children to grow making trials and errors on their own.
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