Korea Institute of Psycho-education

12/22/2021

[Husband Infidelity] I am having an affair with two women at the same time and I can't get myself out of the relationships.

Q. I am seeing two women at the same time and I cannot get myself out of the relationships. They both know that I am seeing two women but they don't bother me as far as I see them. They get really angry and harass me when I don't. I drink a lot when I see them and my health is deteriorating. I promise myself that I will stop seeing them when I am sober but I can't control myself when they call me for a date.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You become addicted to any relationship in which the woman is highly responsive to you. The women who are seeing you are also in relationship addiction. They are addicted to attention that men give them. They would not really care how many women you see as far as you give them attention whenever they want. They will find their own way of justifying the situation and both relationships will continue with you getting response from them and them getting attention from you.

When you are in attention addiction and response addiction, the person you are involved with is not important since all you want is attention and response. Everything is fine as far as you exchange attention and response, but problems occur the moment you refuse to see them. They will harass you since they cannot stand without getting attention.

Your physical and psychological health will keep deteriorating paying doubly for the two relationships. You drink more and you get tired more when you see them so you think that you must stop seeing them. However, your response addiction is activated the moment they contact you and you are dragged to see them again and again not being able to get out of the vicious cycle. Relationship addiction makes you lose the power of conscious control so you cannot stop your addictive behavior with your conscious thought.

Men's relationship addiction is accompanied by perception disorder and expression disorder. Expression disorder is accompanied by consciousness disorder with which one loses the power of conscious control. People in relationship addiction always self-justify that they can stop the relationship easily when they want but they can never do so. By definition, addiction is a type of pathological condition in which you cannot control yourself. Men's relationship addiction may stop for some time when the situation does not allow the manifestation of addiction, but it recurs and continues until death as far as women with attention addiction are available.

Women's relationship addiction keeps being aggravated as time passes and an advanced condition is accompanied by hysteria. They lose their reason and display hysteria when they cannot get attention but they become extremely excited when they get what they want. They never consider the counterparty's situation and you never know what they will do upon their negative emotion being triggered. You have two women who are in critical condition by your side and hysterical and violent incidents may happen anytime.

You must thank them if they leave you but your relationship addiction will make you look for women who are responsive again. You must think really hard about what you can and must do to restore physical and psychological health beyond getting yourself out of the current relationships. It must be clearly understood that your relationship addiction is progressing even at this moment and you must treat your condition not to end up ruining your life completely.

[Husband Infidelity] The psychology of a husband who does not pay child support expense

Q. What is the psychology of a husband how does not pay child support expense after divorce?

A. Both parents have the responsibility for rearing children so when one parent lives with children and raises them, the other has the responsibility for child support expense. There can be two reasons for your ex-husband's not paying child support expense. One is that he really does not have money to pay for child support for diverse reasons. The other is that he forgets about his family and children getting immersed into other things, usually getting immersed into seeking his own pleasure. He vaguely assumes that the mother will take care of the children well and this symptom is more severe especially when he perceives the ex-wife as a source of his stress.

The ex-husband who does not pay for child support is likely to be in a conflictual relationship with the ex-wife. He would try to get rid of stress by not remembering the ex-wife and children and getting immersed into his own things since thinking about the ex-wife and children triggers intense stress in him. This is a symptom of relationship addiction, which is a pathological psychological condition that makes him have the distorted idea that his family is stopping him from doing what he needs.

Men with normal psychology tries to take good care of family even after they get a divorce. The two cases of not having money and not giving money when they have money must be clearly differentiated in analyzing the psychology of a divorced man. It is also affected by the level of stress that is induced by the ex-wife.

12/21/2021

Many counselors on infidelity have pathological psychological conditions themselves.

Not many so called experts on infidelity have healthy psychology. People who are psychologically healthy would not get involved in infidelity counseling since they know that it is not only ineffective but also harmful to people in relationship addiction and post traumatic stress. They are not even interested in providing counseling on infidelity issues.

When you have healthy psychology, you are not interested in the issue of infidelity and do not look for information or read or watch reference materials, movies, or dramas on infidelity let alone generate related contents, provide services, or make a living out of it. The fact that you become interested in infidelity enough to analyze it and provide services and advice on infidelity including relationship addiction and post traumatic stress indicates that your are psychologically ill or have some selfish purposes.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education used to provide counseling on infidelity in the past. However, we have found out that counseling on infidelity does not lead to treatment and the stabilization of healthy psychology and actually aggravate the counselee's psychological condition several years ago. Especially, it was found that forming rapport between the counselor and the counselee dramatically accelerates the aggravation of psychological condition.

It is highly likely that people in pain and difficulties are attracted to experts who provide counseling and listen to their story on and on since their wounds in the unconscious operates to express and exchange what they feel inside. Some counselors may even enjoy talking forming rapport and aggravate their own condition as well as the counselee's. Sharing thoughts and emotions with the counselors and depending on them for solving psychological and practical problems is likened to solely depend on a fortune teller for making major decisions in your life.

https://youtu.be/0OVTNpslEuM

12/20/2021

[Husband Infidelity] The woman I am having an affair with does not care about her husband at all.

Q. I am having a affair with a married woman. She does not care about her husband at all. She comes to see me whenever I ask her out. Would her husband still not know about his wife's affair after such a long time? I actually want to stop seeing her but I cannot refuse when she calls me for a date. I guess this relationship must end sooner or later but things are not going as I wish.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You can neither stop the distorted relationship nor treat relationship addiction with your conscious efforts without professional help. When a woman is in relationship addiction for a long enough time, she develop more and more advanced condition of relationship addiction, which causes her not to pay attention to her husband at all. Her husband may not pay attention to his wife either if he himself is also in infidelity with relationship addiction.

The adulteress is in attention addiction, which makes her come to see you anytime she perceives that she can get attention from you. She may even neglect her children to see you. Attention addiction makes women focus on getting attention by all means. As time passes and her condition progresses, she displays hysteria losing her reason upon the slightest trigger of wounds.

Her husband may or may not know about his wife's infidelity. However, it is certain that their marriage relationship is in a serious condition and they are just maintaining an empty shell marriage. Another possibility is that her husband is aware of his wife's infidelity but cannot do anything about it since he is extremely scared of her and the whole situation and does not know what to do.

It is not important anymore whether her husband knows about infidelity or not. Their marriage and family are considered to have already collapsed. You are the one who has destroyed the adulteress, her husband, and her children. You have become a criminal who has destroyed a family in the condition of response addiction. Many people mistake attention addiction and response addiction for love.

You and your adulteress are not capable of stopping seeing each other or stopping relationship addiction with conscious efforts no matter how hard you try. You cannot resist seeing each other when either of you contacts the other since both of you are in the pathological condition of addiction unless you are stopped by some external force.

You say this relationship must end sooner or later but relationship addiction only gets aggravated unless properly treated until you destroy your life completely or you die. By definition, psychological disorders are caused by two of the three psychological components losing balance and the ability to recover.

When you develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, all three psychological components are considered to have developed disorders. Then, you only seek fun and pleasure at the expense of all the relationships.

Psychological disorders must be treated before it gets too aggravated. The longer you have psychological disorders, the longer time it takes to treat. In your case, whether the adulteress' husband is aware of your infidelity or not is of no importance at all. The only way you can get out of relationship addiction and restore healthy psychology and happy life is to treat relationship addiction with professional help.

12/15/2021

It is dangerous to start a new romantic relationship with the condition of post traumatic stress.

Some people get separated from their spouse and start a new romantic relationship before they treat post traumatic stress caused by spouse infidelity. They may even marry the new partner. Rage and wounds of post traumatic stress are not triggered in the new relationship when the couple maintain the ideal condition in their relationship and everything goes well. However, once they develop conflicts and some troublesome situations occur, which is inevitable in every relationship, and rage and wounds of post traumatic stress are triggered over even the smallest incident, the relationship progresses to the worst and the most dangerous one you can imagine.

Rage and wounds of post traumatic stress operate for the whole life and usually get aggravated unless they are adequately treated. They are reactivated in relationships any time with the most destructive power ruining your own life and the lives of people around you. In the past, women used to be socialized to value suppressing their feelings and sacrificing their life for family and society. Women's rights were not adequately protected legally and socially, so many women just accepted their misfortune swallowing the pain of post traumatic stress for life, which contributed to less occurrences of violent and criminal incidents committed by women. However, these days, we see more and more violence and crimes committed by women as a result of women's rage and wounds of post traumatic stress being activated more easily than in the past in all age groups.

Post traumatic stress transforms all the past memories of life into painful memories, which causes difficulty with containing all the excruciating pain within oneself. The level of pain caused by post traumatic stress tends to be higher for older people since they have more memories of life than younger people. The person who suffers from post traumatic stress goes through the pain of death, but no one else can fathom how painful it is, let alone sensing the pain.

Not many people understand that post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity must be addressed as a pathological psychological condition that requires adequate treatment. Most people including so-called experts try to address post traumatic stress by adopting practical solutions such as getting a divorce, filing a lawsuit, and seeking pleasure mistaking it for the pursuit of individual happiness. Such practical approaches will only aggravate the condition of post traumatic stress and end up causing unhappiness in all people involved. It cannot be too emphasized that post traumatic stress must be adequately treated by all means to restore healthy psychology and true happiness.

https://youtu.be/yerYaPMkJ80

[Wife Infidelity] Should I let my ex-wife stay at my place when she comes to see children?

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago. My ex-wife often visits us saying that she wants to stay with children. I refused a few times but recently began to let her stay. We do not talk to each other but she stays with children for a couple of days and leaves. I am confused whether it is a right thing to let her stay in my place. How should I behave when she is around me?

A. Your wife has developed relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Women's relationship addiction gets aggravated as time passes. The husband develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of wife infidelity, which causes excruciating psychological pain.

Fortunately, the fact that your wife comes to see children and stays with them may indicate that her condition is not severe enugh to forget about children completely and she still keeps maternal love in her unconscious. Also, it may additionally indicate that the relationship with her adulterer has problems. However, her relationship addiction will keep being aggravated as time passes regardless of her circumstance.

Your wife is in relationship addiction and you are in post traumatic stress, which makes any interaction between the two people difficult and almost impossible. Neither of you may feel comfortable to be around each other. As the situation where your wife visits to see children and both of you feel awkward to be around each other repeats, your relationship gets harder and harder to be restored.

It is recommended that you keep allowing her to visit your place. She may have no other place to go to and she may end up getting involved with another man when she is rejected by you. It is also recommended that you calmly talk with your ex-wife. To be able to do so, you must treat post traumatic stress first and restore healthy psychology and happiness ability. Then, you can also talk about her treatment and even the restoration of family relationship.

Your ex-wife must treat relationship addiction. However, it is highly likely that she will reject the idea that she has a condition and will not show interest in treatment since she has the consciousness disorder. Women in relationship addiction only desire other people's attention instead of making efforts to recover and men in relationship addiction only desire others' response. You must treat yourself first and then decide whether you will restore the relationship with your ex-wife or choose otherwise.

When you restore you own healthy psychology, you will be able to calmly discuss what both of you can do to proceed with life. Your ex-wife may or may not decide on the treatment, which is solely her own right and responsibility. For now, do not try to do anything when your ex-wife visits your place since it will only aggravate the situation. It is recommended that you give her a chance to recover since she is still the mother of children and still has maternal love at least.

[Husband Infidelity] How would the psychology of the husband in infidelity operate when the wife becomes suspicious?

A. From the perspective of the husband, it is the wife that has the problem of suspecting, which he does not care about much anyway as far as he is not caught with clear evidence. He would blame the wife for delusional jealousy until his infidelity is disclosed.

People in infidelity and relationship addiction also have the consciousness disorder, which makes them think in the opposite way from normal people. He would think that everything is OK as far as infidelity is kept hidden from the wife. Upon the disclosure of his infidelity, he would self-justify his behaviors making excuses and thinking he was just unlucky to be caught.

Such distorted ideas are widely shared among people or through mass media. People in infidelity share their ideas on how to hide their behaviors, how to get away with accusation, how to make self-justification, and how to cope with the spouse's reaction. They are all considered to be generating distorted information in the condition of the consciousness disorder. Unfortunately, people in relationship addiction with the conscious disorder and the amount of distorted information are on the rise.

It must be clearly understood that the psychology of the husband in infidelity operates in the distorted way and in the completely opposite way from the psychology of normal people. It is meaningless to try to judge or fathom his words and behaviors from the perspective of normal people. He is likely to think that he is under suspicion but will not get caught. The husband's infidelity will definitely be disclosed sooner or later but for now, he is immersed into the distorted pleasure, has no intention to stop infidelity, and does not think about the future at all.

[Wife Infidelity] My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me.

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me. She says she wants to live with children but I cannot accept her. What should I do?

A. It is a lucky situation that your ex-wife has not abandoned children and keeps coming to see them. Of course, you must be going through pain and difficulty while you are raising children on your own after divorce, but mother showing attention to children must have a positive influence on children.

It is absolutely understandable that you are confused about the current situation and what to do about it. To be able to address the issue in the right way, it must be first noted that you have the condition of post traumatic stress, and the treatment of your condition must precede any other actions to be able to make a right judgment and decision for yourself and your children. Then, you will also give your ex-wife an opportunity to treat herself. When time comes, you will suggest that your ex-wife treat her psychological condition in order to restore family relationship.

Above all, it is impossible to restore family relationship and marriage relationship unless you treat post traumatic stress first. You and your ex-wife may decide to stay divorced after treatment, but then, you will be able to have a good relationship with children and build happiness separately with healthy psychology and happiness ability. Without proper treatment, both of you will keep aggravating your conditions and influence you children negatively no matter what practical measures you take.

The power of words

Words can be truly powerful. Words can destroy the tranquility of mind and drive to despair or heal the pain in mind and sow the seeds of hope. Human psychology consists of perception, memory, and expression, and the outward expression consists of speech, actions, and facial expressions, of which speech can express one's mind the best. We all exchange words when we communicate with other people in human relationships. Words can contain and generate the whole spectrum of emotions. Rude words generate pain, humble words generate respect, and arrogant words hurt pride. Words can have either positive or negative influence on human relationships. People who understand the power of words are careful with their words.

The power of words can be shown by the example of praise. Everyone feels good upon being praised since we all have the desire for recognition. However, you may not be able to judge whether the praise is true or false unless you have the wisdom of looking into the human mind. Both praising and being praised can be dangerous in some cases.

Psychology is always manifested with the principle of symmetry. Anything positive has the negative aspect on the other side. Someone who always and overly praises you may have a completely opposite idea inside him or her. Therefore, it is crucial to build the right values and maintain balanced mind to make right judgment. Otherwise, you may be taken advantage of by people who disguise themselves with selfish purposes.

On the contrary, some people say negative words when they actually care about the counterparty deeply and boundlessly, usually in a stressful situation. They may say things they don't really mean causing the relationship to be destroyed. However, once you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you will know that their venomous words are only the result of psychological operation rather than the truth of their heart.

Words always require someone who listens to them and we use words to be able to communicate with other people in human relationships. Different words are used depending on the type of relationships. They may be close relationships where both parties use mostly the unconscious in interactions, purposeful relationships where both parties use mostly the conscious, or abnormal relationships where one party takes advantage of the other. Understanding the nature of the given relationship must precede the interpretation of the words exchanged between or among the parties involved.

There are five points of reference to check in order to adequately analyze and interpret the power of words. Firstly, it should be known whether words are employed in a unidirectional or bidirectional way. Secondly, it should be known whether the relationship is a close, a purposeful, or an abnormal one. Thirdly, it should be known whether words accord with your or others' thought standards and purposes. Fourthly, it should be known how many people are involved in communication. Fifthly, it should be known whether words are used for positive influence or negative influence.

Your words are considered to have a negative influence when the counterparty is hurt by your words even if you were well intended. On the contrary, your words are considered to have a positive influence when they make the counterparty feel comfortable even if you intended to reproach him or her with your words. Thus, words can have different impacts depending on how they are perceived by people who listen to them not by people who say them. Everyone has different thought standards and purposes, which necessarily causes stress and wounds in relationships.

The key point to bear in mind is that you must properly judge whether your words result in healing and recovering the counterparty's psychology or damaging and destroying it. When one's words accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel comfortable. When one's words do not accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel uncomfortable. Stress and wounds are generated whenever one's standards and purposes do not accord with the others'. It is recommended that words be carefully employed not to cause unnecessary conflicts in relationships and you always consider the impact your words may have on the counterparty.

You must apologize to your counterparty if your well-intended or inadvertent words hurt his or her feelings. The presence of a conflict indicates that your standards and the other's standards are different, which is only natural, and your interpretation of the relationship is also different from the other's. You can apply the five reference points to adequately analyze and interpret the pattern of communication and maintain healthy relationships.

You can destroy or restore relationships with your words. It will be ideal for you to use words to help other people and build happiness together. When your counterparty uses destructive words when interacting with you, you must stop or avoid the conversation for the present. If you cannot stop or avoid, you must do your best not to be affected in order to prevent your negative response and the development of a conflict. Also, you must stop talking immediately when you find your counterparty is hurt by your words.

We form diverse relationships to pursue self-actualization and being happy together. In this process, stress and wounds naturally occur since everyone's thought standards and purposes are different. The level of stress and wounds is much higher in close relationships since people use the unconscious much more than the conscious. You may damage and destroy relationships with words or you may restore and consolidate them with words. Your words have the power of either thrusting at the other's heart with coldness and cruelty or warming and comforting the other's heart with sweetness and consideration.

https://youtu.be/lleP6d-4AmU

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[Husband Infidelity] My husband is openly seeing the adulteress after being caught for infidelity.

Q. Why is my husband openly seeing the adulteress even after infidelity was discovered by me? I am not responding at all to his words or behaviors after I watched your videos. We came across each other at home and he said he would come back in 10 days and make effort to restore marriage relationship. I felt quite despised. What should I do?

A. Your husband doesn't seem to take you seriously or be afraid of you at all even upon the revelation of his infidelity. He will become to take you seriously above anything when you treat post traumatic stress and build happiness ability and coping ability. Then, you will be able to calmly take all the practical measures you want including divorce, lawsuits, and other measures.

You husband is seeing the adulteress without even trying to hide it from you. It indicates that he knows that you are overwhelmed with your own pain and cannot take any action just keeping your heart in your mouth. You may look easy to his eyes since he has a psychological disorder, which makes him perceive things in the opposite ways and have the conviction in his thought. He would even try to get a divorce right away if you take any practical measures now. He would simply do and say all kinds of absurd things since he has a distorted consciousness.

You must not pay attention to him whatever he does and try to treat your condition of post traumatic stress. Then, you can give him an opportunity to treat himself and restore marriage relationship. It is not to say that you just let him do whatever he wants but to say that you wait until you restore healthy psychology. Otherwise, both you and your husband cannot but aggravate psychological conditions. Luckily, he at least seems to vaguely think that he needs and wants to recover. You can just tell him to make efforts and go ahead with your own treatment.

If your husband comes back and both of you just try to restore marriage relationship with practical measures without treatment, you may feel comfortable for some time at first but your husband's infidelity and your post traumatic stress are highly likely to recur in a more advanced form.

[Wife Infidelity] I am taking KIP treatment program due to my girlfriend's infidelity and I feel insecure about my future.

Q. I was in such pain due to my girl friend's infidelity and I decided to take KIP treatment program. As I was told, I feel better little by little and I can control myself better these days. The level of pain has subsided and the attack comes less often. My girlfriend is also considering taking the treatment. We are engaged to marry but I feel that I want to leave her as I feel better and better. Am I avoiding the situation or aggravating my condition? Of course, I plan to continue with the treatment. I feel that I am providing some kind of service even when my girlfriend takes the treatment program. I would not leave her if we were already married, but I ask myself whether I have to go through this much for her even before I get married.

A. It is your girlfriend's responsibility to treat her own condition through her own determination and effort. As you restore psychological stability in the process of treatment, most people feel comfortable and wish to avoid the nature of the stress in spite of yourself.

Many people feel the desire to get a divorce and have a hard time generating positive emotions toward the spouse in infidelity. As your emotions go up and down, you also experience the middle point with comfort, in which you feel that you don't want to bother to save the relationship. It is a common phenomena that appear in the process of treatment and it does not indicate that your condition is being aggravated. It is recommended that you stay in the relationship until you recover completely instead of leaving her now and focus on your treatment.

Your girlfriend may decide to treat her relationship addiction and build happiness ability. Then, she will reflect on her behaviors in the right perspective and understand what you have been through due to her infidelity. She will also treat her wounds from all her past life and stabilize her psychology. Each of you can focus on your own treatment and both of you will see whether it is better to stay together or break up for future happiness after complete cure.

[Husband Infidelity] My husband seems to be truly in love with the adulteress.

Q. My husband has been having an affair with a barmaid for 6 months. He is not just seeing her for fun but is truly in love with her. He has a well-paid job and is a good person. He seems to have stopped seeing her for now and be making efforts to forget her, but has a difficult time doing it. He looks so depressed and almost like dying at home. Differently from the time his affair was first discovered, he says he will do his best to come back and restore family. He hardly talks and does not make any effort. I wonder what psychological condition he is in now. It seems to me that he has not sever the relationship yet and is still in infidelity.

A. The concept of love does not apply to infidelity. Infidelity is the result of relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. The adulteress may have met your husband for her own purpose. She may have wanted pleasure, money, and other things but your husband can mistake it for love since he has the condition of relationship addiction. Your husband can be an ideal target to take advantage of since he has a well-paid job and is a good person. He is likely to give the woman more and more as the relationship progresses. The woman will simply change men when the relationship ends for some reason. Both of them can mistake the condition for love since they are both in relationship addiction, but the fact that you also think they are in a true love indicates that you are also in a serious condition.

Your husband is depressed not because he has lost his love but because his pleasure has stopped. His relationship addiction will be easily reactivated when he finds another women to pursue pleasure with. This is a common symptom of relationship addiction. He will display rage when things don't go his way and stay depressed when he cannot do anything as he wishes. He thinks that he wants to make efforts and restore family, but his pathological condition makes it difficult for him to put into actions. He will feel that the whole world has collapsed when the adulteress meets another man, which is actually caused by the operation of relationship addiction but mistaken for love.

Please, keep in mind that your husband has a psychological disorder, which only he himself can treat. He will continue infidelity changing women and aggravating the condition unless he is properly treated. He may keep more than one adulteress not to lose his pleasure in case one adulteress leaves him.

You cannot give your husband an opportunity to treat unless you treat your post traumatic stress first. It is crucial that you stop paying attention to your husband and treat post traumatic stress. Then, you will give him hope for recovery of marriage relationship based on the wife's happiness ability.

You can tell him that you have started the treatment but don't have to force him to treat his condition. Things will only keep getting worse if you postpone your treatment and keep paying attention to your husband thinking that you will be OK only if he comes back to you. It is guaranteed that husband infidelity will recur with an advanced condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress will also keep getting aggravated, which will cause even more dire consequences in your life and your husband's life.

12/10/2021

[Review_Infidelity Therapy] What my family have gone through for the last few years

My husband was in love with me absolutely passionately when we were dating before marriage. I was absolutely confident that he would never cheat on me. My life and my family simply collapsed at one blow after husband infidelity was discovered. I barely ate one meal a day and I was suffering from pain of death. Why would this happen to me? What went wrong? Why on earth? What more did he need? I casually attacked my husband out of rage and wounds.

I blamed my husband for everything and he left home and inflicted unbearable pain on me and my child. I collected all the proofs of infidelity to sue the adulteress and threatened her in the face. I did almost everything anyone could do upon the discovery of spouse infidelity to get my husband back.

Nothing worked. He only paused and resumed. I repeated every countermeasure and he evolved to become more clever, audacious, and shameless. He came back after one year and would report to the police whenever he was stressed. Finally, he became violent and got himself a suspended jail sentence.

Everything was meaningless so I decided to let him leave us and go his way. Still, I was constantly thinking about filing a lawsuit for divorce and adultery even during the treatment. However, I don't do anything anymore now. I only focus on the therapeutic tasks to get back my happy self smiling happily just for myself. Incidents that happened in my family for the last few years flash before my eyes. They don't evoke pain or rage anymore. I bet my life on doing therapeutic tasks since I know that I must stand firm and upright to protect myself and my family.

[Comment from KIP]

Most women who suffer from post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity go through similar process. They do things they should not do out of pain and desire for recovery. Many people including so-called experts encourage them to aggravate the condition out of ignorance or with selfish purposes. Many victimized spouses end up destroying their family and their own life following false advice.

Any effort made by the victimized spouse who is not treated and has a psychological disorder will aggravate the relationship addiction of the spouse in infidelity and his or her own pathological condition ruining everyone's life. You were wise enough to treat your condition in such a difficult situation.

It takes 3 to 6 months to stabilize psychology as the first phase of treatment and another couple of years to build prevention ability and happiness ability. In the process, you can not only restore your own psychology but also influence your children positively and give your husband an opportunity to treat himself.

It is crucial for you to continue with your will power and efforts to complete recovery without recurrence of severe symptoms or experiencing adverse effects. When you achieve complete cure, you can naturally decide on your marriage relationship. Please, remember where you started and don't forget what happened in the past. Focus on your treatment with hope for happy future and read your own reviews once in a while to reflect upon yourself continuing self-check on progress. You will soon find yourself living happily with your children.

12/08/2021

[Review] Happy life

I like where I am now. I don't have to say much. I have only a dim memory about how I have gone through the difficult time as if I had amnesia. Maybe I don't remember because I want to forget, or maybe I actually forgot. I am living a truly happier life compared with my past.

My husband, my children, and I all have changed and I live everyday seeing how beautiful the world is. I wish everyday to come would be just like today. I feel nervous out of the blue once in a while, but I know that it won't be too bad under any circumstance since I am not what I used to be.

I may have just treated myself or I may have improved since my husband has changed. Anyway, what is important is that both of us have changed for the better. I hope I will be able to live like this forever. I think I have made the wisest choice for myself. Anyone needs to make the biggest effort and investment for oneself at least once in their life not to regret afterwards.

[Comment from KIP]

Many people feel that it would be impossible to become happy again before they start the treatment program. You were wise enough to choose the treatment over staying in pain and suffering. Now, you seem to be recovering and recognizing the change in your body and mind. The most salient sign of recovery is that you remember the painful past memories as cherishable ones without understanding exactly why. Now, you seem to be enjoying the fruit of your efforts.

Avoidance in the face of crisis leads you to misfortune, but you have chosen confrontation and recovery to save your own life. You will know what to do without confusion in the face of the crisis in the future since you will have happiness ability and you will keep going with your happy life no matter what may happen.

Please, remember where you started and keep up with your will power and efforts. You will soon find yourself completely cured and living happily without much conscious effort.

[Review] I guess I did not know about myself at all.

I did dot know that men's mind and women's operate differently, but I thought that I knew all about everything and live in pride. Since I started the treatment program, I have been learning about new concepts and how precious human relationships are. Now, I also know that everyone's thought standards are different.

I was not able to fully focus on the training because I have been in quite a stressful situation. It is 7 months into my treatment starting on February the 20th and today being September the 22nd. I feel relieved that at least I know the treatment method even though I still have difficulties. I used to be overwhelmed by all different types of problems including panic disorder, eating disorder, sociophobia, amnesia, and claustrophobia. At first, my biggest wish was to be able to eat food. Now, I even have appetite and am gaining weight. I find that avoiding addiction and being cautious in relationships are important. I should be careful since I have not fully recovered yet. It is still confusing and painful, but I am determined to become intact and healthy.

I never imagined that treating my condition would be this painful. However, I feel that my head is getting clearer little by little. I want to thank Mr. Kim and all the staff at KIP. I am writing this review since I feel quite intact and healthy at this moment.

[Comment from KIP]

The treatment program consists of 1) Mind Training, 2) Therapeutic tasks, 3) Self-check on progress, and 4) Viewing reference materials. It takes 3 to 6 months to treat the condition to a substantial degree and another couple of years to build prevention ability and happiness ability, which is considered as complete cure.

As you learn about the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology through Mind Training, you will realize the importance of human relationships in one's life. When you internalize the contents of the mechanism as habits, you will be able to treat and prevent your psychological disorders. As you proceed with the treatment program, you will experience the surprising effects of treatment you have never imagined, both in your body and mind.

You have not reached the full recovery and you will repeatedly experience recurrence of symptoms on the way. Please, remember where you started and keep your hope for complete cure and happiness reading your own reviews once in a while. Also remember that the only way to reach true happiness is to keep up with the will power and efforts under any circumstance.

Your own happiness must be prioritized over anything else in your life. Only then, you can live happily with your loved ones and in other relationships.

How to solve problems wisely

We cannot but face many problems in life. Sometimes, it is not easy to solve problems in a wise and sensible way. To be able to solve problems wisely and sensibly, we must first accurately understand the concept of problems.

As problems occur in your life, you may feel anxious and frustrated indicating that you are in a difficult situation. Human beings are to experience ups and downs of emotions everyday. You may feel comfortable one moment, then delighted the next moment, and then sad, and then comfortable again. Happiness is formed as both positive and negative emotions circulate in life. In this process, we also encounter moments of crisis with major problems of life. The three areas where major problems can occur are survival, relationship, and sexuality.

When you encounter major problems of life, you can recover only when you have the will to solve the problem without giving up. To be able to solve the problem wisely, you must first accurately understand the root cause. If you keep trying to solve the problem only basing your judgment on visible phenomena, you will encounter more or even bigger problems.

If you depend on other people to solve problems of you life, you will also aggravate the situation. The anxiety and frustration you experience due to problems of life can never be recognized or understood by other people. Depending on other people for any matter of your life is likened to living other people's life. You must build the will power to be able to solve problems on your own. Problems will only grow as you blame others or yourself or develop dependency.

It is important to accurately understand the fundamental cause in solving the problem. Also, it is natural to go through trails and errors as you try to solve problems. However, trial and error will make you build problem solving abilities. Then, you will be able to solve even bigger problems without giving up or developing dependency.

Many people focus on only the visible phenomena instead of the nature and the root cause of the problem. The first thing you need to do is to reflect upon yourself and your condition and restore your healthy psychology. Then, you can find the root cause of the problem itself and solve the problem in a practical way. As you try to find the root cause and solve the problem without maintaining or restoring healthy psychology, you are automatically led to blame yourself or others and develop dependency, which will only aggravate your psychological condition and the situation.

When you do not have healthy psychology in pain with anxiety and frustration, you may view the situation negatively and lose right judgment. You may involve other people in solving the problem and make the error of self-justification. You need time for self-reflection when you experience emotional difficulty, which will lead you to see everything more clearly and make right judgment.

You will necessarily experience trials and errors trying to solve the problem even when you have healthy psychology. Trials and errors will make you build your own unique thought standards and your own problem solving ability. The more standards you have, the more abilities for judgment you will have. You must build the will power and keep making efforts to solve problems in the right way maintaining healthy psychology. When you try to solve the problem after finding the root cause, you first need the will power before anything to be able to keep making efforts without giving up or developing dependency.

A simple example of solving a problem is a case of an argument between two people. Suppose you went into an argument as you have a conversation with someone. You ended up becoming emotional and yelling at each other. You must first stop interacting to be able to reach reconciliation. Then, you must find the root cause of the problem. If it is judged that you had an argument because you had different ideas, you must stop arguing and keep silence until you find the underlying cause of having different ideas. Finding the underlying cause will make you find the solution wisely. After solving the problem by acknowledging the difference in ideas, you can restore positive emotions toward each other. You don't have to find the cause of the emotional conflict since it occurred just because you didn't know the root cause of the problem.

You must not let small problems pass by by avoidance or negligence since big problems will occur as a result of small problems being accumulated. As you try to solve small problems in the right way one by one as they occur, you will be able to prevent the occurrence of big problems and build problem solving abilities.

Many people do not try to solve problems on their own and choose to blame themselves or others and develop dependency. They can never develop problem solving abilities and enter the vicious cycle of experiencing problems, giving up or developing dependency, and having bigger problems. They also have difficulty in self-actualization since they don't have the will power to overcome stress and wounds. We can live a meaningful and valuable life only when you take charge of your own life and solve problems on your own.

People who do not live a life with healthy self-centeredness do not have basic problem solving abilities, and they are easily put in danger of being manipulated by other people. You must keep trying to solve your problems on your own even if you are clumsy and feel uncomfortable and unconfident. If you don't take actions fearing errors and failures, you will not be able to build problem solving abilities and live a life as you want.

https://youtu.be/s4P7zlmgvIo

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Self-justification of people in infidelity

Many people who commit infidelity justify themselves by attributing their infidelity to problems of love, sex, and marriage relationship. They never admit that infidelity is caused by relationship addiction, which is a type of psychological disorder and argue that there is nothing wrong with them. The victimized spouse and psychology experts believe their argument and try to solve the problem and cope with the situation accordingly.

This fallacy on the nature of infidelity causes diverse psychological and practical problems. The victimized spouse mistakenly thinks that the marriage relationship will improve when the spouse in infidelity corrects the conscious thoughts and behaviors, with neither party understanding the underlying mechanism of infidelity and psychological disorders. They may even be guided by experts to take practical actions such as getting a divorce or filing a lawsuit to solve the problem, which is to deal with only the surface phenomena aggravating the psychological conditions of both the victimized spouse and the spouse in infidelity and leading to even more dire consequences in their future life.

The accurate understanding of the nature and the underlying mechanism of relationship addiction instead of believing the argument of self-justification of the spouse in infidelity must precede any action for psychology treatment and recovery of happiness. The most basic concept to be understood in all cases of infidelity is that infidelity is a result of relationship addiction, which is a type of psychological disorder and the victimized spouse suffers from post traumatic stress that occurs acutely upon the discovery of spouse infidelity. Both cases require immediate and adequate psychology treatment before anything to prevent the complete collapse of the couple involved and their family members.

https://youtu.be/QmUxSU5IGCY