Psychological
interactions are inevitable in human relationships; errors of human
relationships could occur to anybody. About 80% of emotional confrontations
occur very often because we do not understand each other as these psychological
interactions are not understood.
When having psychological
interactions, one expresses his or her emotions by habits, which are the
unconscious whereas the counterparty accepts the expressed emotions by the
conscious. The counterparty also perceives his or her counterparty's expression
by the conscious whereas he or she expresses his or her emotions by his or her
own habits. These are called psychological interactions and happen more
obviously in loving and close human relationships.
When one expresses his or
her emotions in forms of speech, actions, and facial expressions through habits
of the unconscious, his or her counterparty will accept the expressed emotions
through thoughts of the conscious and think that the expression are made on
purpose. This applies in both directions.
Therefore, we blame each
other when problems occur in human relationships. Although the counterparty did
not intentionally make expression, one thinks that the expression is made on
purpose. It is because one remembers less than 10% of the speech, actions, and
facial expressions that he or she has made, but remembers more than 90% of the
speech, actions, and facial expressions made by the counterparty.
Close human relationships
can be relationships with the person one loves, close friends, people who have
made oneself feel comfortable for a long time, etc. The parent-child
relationship, husband-wife relationship, family relationships, and
relationships among friends can be examples of close human relationships.
In close human
relationships, psychological expression is made in forms of speech, actions,
and facial expressions unconsciously by habits. Then, the counterparty integrates
the expressed psychology and perceives it by the conscious. The counterparty
then expresses his or herself in forms of speech, actions, and facial
expressions by habits of the unconscious as well, which makes oneself integrate
and perceive the expression by the conscious. Expressing and perceiving made by
each other in psychological interactions circulate in this way.
One and his or her
counterparty use the unconscious, which is habits, when making psychological
expression; whereas they use the conscious, which is thoughts, for
psychological perception. When looking into the memory of emotions at this
point, men cannot remember negative emotions but remember positive ones whereas
women remember negative emotions but cannot remember positive ones. This is why
men and women have different psychological operations.
These phenomena occur for
sure in loving relationships and old and close relationships. When looking into
circulation structures of close human relationships, positive psychological
expression is not that problematic but negative expression of psychology cause
problems. Since the expression is made by the unconscious and perceived by the
conscious, expression made by the counterparty unconsciously are perceived by
the conscious making them misunderstand that they were made on purpose. These
phenomena occur to both parties causing them to blame each other. That is to
say, it happens because they are in a close human relationship. They oppose
each other emotionally since they do not understand this process clearly and
are certain that all of these are caused by their counterparty respectively.
Simply saying, misunderstandings are unavoidable.
The errors of this type
occur since expression and perception are different. One perceives expression
made by his or her counterparty distortedly and misunderstands them due to the
thoughts that recognize the expression. One can think his or her thoughts are
certain, but it is, in fact, the same as misunderstanding the counterparty's
expression since the fact that the expression is made by the unconscious, not
by the conscious is not known.
Therefore, more than 99%
of the thoughts about counterparties in close relationships are distorted and
wrong. Regardless of the truthfulness of counterparties, the possibility that
one could think distortedly about and misunderstand them is about 99 %.
In a relationship with either
a new person or a person related to work, you could think 'what would happen if
I say something wrong?' or 'what would happen to this?' When you contemplate a
lot like this, stress is generated; thus, the reason why you become talkative
when meeting your close friends is that you can express unconsciously to each
other. It is because you can relax and relieve stress through expression that is
unconsciously made. If you unconsciously express to your counterparty or if
your counterparty makes expression unconsciously, it means you and your
counterparty are in a loving relationship or a close relationship.
You get angry and
irritated by your counterparty because you and your counterparty are in either
a close relationship or a loving relationship. You are not irritated by others
who are in neither a close relationship nor a loving relationship with you
because you are not interested in them unless you get damaged by them. You do
not mind about them and try not to get involved in their false doing even if
they do not give you any damage. However, if your spouse or children do
something wrong, you become angry and get irritated even if their doings are
not related to you because you and your husband and/or children are in a loving
relationship.
Then, why do you think
you become angry at your spouse or children? It is because you love them. Well
then, what would you answer if they ask, 'aren't you supposed to say good
things to me and hug me if you love me? and why do you always get mad and
irritated at me?'
This is the error that
occurs in loving relationships. Errors generated when each other's minds
operate together are errors of perception and errors of expression.
That is to say, that
people in human relationships strengthen unconscious operations when expressing
their minds to each other and conscious operations when perceiving other's
expressions. At this point, the principles of the operation of the conscious
and those of the unconscious are different, resulting in the thoughts of a
person who expresses and the thoughts of a person who perceives the expression
are different. This is the phenomenon that only occurs in close relationships
or loving relationships.
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