Human
perception receives external information through five sensory organs of the
body and integrates the information with emotions and thoughts. When the mind
is expressed externally, it is expressed only through speech, actions, and
facial expressions. There are no other outlets. Here, the intentional
expression after conscious thinking takes up less than 10% of the total
expression, and the rest of the expression is mostly controlled by the
unconscious. Therefore, the expression of the mind is mostly the operation of
the unconscious. One’s speech, actions, and facial expressions are operated by
the unconscious. One’s perception of external information is operated by the
conscious.
So,
a PIR (person in relationships) experiences errors in perception and expression
and in the interaction with another person. Here, the error doesn’t mean that
it is a defect, but it simply refers to the distortion of reality. This applies
identically to all PIRs whether you are a man or a woman, older or younger. It
doesn’t mean that there is someone or something to blame. It simply means that
the perception of reality is distorted by an error.
People
often say “you can never judge a book by its cover” about humans. It is because
people do not understand the operation of PIR’s minds and psychology. If you
know PIR’s minds, it is not very difficult to read a person’s mind. But if you
don’t know PIR’s mind, you cannot read a person’s mind. Subsequently, you have
this error of being certain that your thought is correct although it is a
distortion of the reality. That is to say, misunderstanding happens.
In
order to understand the mind, you should accurately understand that 'the
unconscious expresses the mind externally whereas the conscious receives
external information into the mind.’ When a PIR (person in relationships)
expresses his mind, he himself remembers little of what he expressed through
speech, actions and facial expressions because he is not self-aware of most of
his expression. However, he remembers the partner’s words, actions, and facial
expressions because the mind perceives them consciously. Due to this, you
mostly remember the partner’s words, actions, and facial expressions as causes
of the emotional confrontation or conflicts between you and the partner. So,
you think that the partner caused all the problems.
The
probability of guessing someone else’s thoughts correctly is less than 10%.
When you are trying to guess what your partner is thinking, more than 90 % of
your guesses will be incorrect; however, you are 100% certain about what the
partner is thinking. The human mind distorts and interprets more than 90 % of
facts and recognizes the distorted facts as they are certain. Therefore, in
fact, most stress and wounds are created within oneself, but we blame others
for our stress and wounds. The cause of stress and wounds cannot be understood
unless the mind is understood. It is a natural phenomenon that happens to
everyone, but it causes conflicts and confrontation because no one understands
the principle behind the operation of the mind. This phenomenon happens
frequently to people around you regardless of age and gender.
You
are probably skeptical of this explanation of the operation of the conscious
and the unconscious as it is the first time you hear it. However, you found out
that the conscious and the unconscious operate differently in the mind. This
will become more apparent to you as you apply it to yourself or others.
Understanding the fact that the conscious of the mind perceives external
information and that the unconscious of the mind expresses externally, you will
realize that everyone is the same.
Now
you know that your assumptions about the partner’s thoughts are inaccurate most
of the time. It is the same for yourself, your children, spouse, parents, close
friends, and acquaintances. In fact, it applies the same to everyone in the
world.
To
sum up, the mind perceives external information using five sensory organs of
the body. This perception is transferred to the mind and consciously recognized
as thoughts. On the contrary, the mind is expressed externally through speech,
actions, and facial expressions. And this expression is the operation of the
unconscious. The conscious operates when the mind perceives, and the
unconscious operates when the mind is expressed.
As
you see in the diagram of the exchange between A and B’s mind, A expresses the
mind through speech, actions and facial expressions to B unconsciously. Then, B
perceives A’s words, actions, and facial expressions through the bodily sensory
organs and recognizes them as thoughts using the conscious. Later, when B
expresses his mind to A through words, actions, and facial expressions, B will
express unconsciously. But A will take B’s words, actions, and facial
expressions as the information of sensory organs and consciously recognize them
as thoughts. So, A and B expressed to each other unconsciously and perceived each
other’s expressions of words, actions, and facial expressions consciously. The
error that happens during the perception of the partner’s expression is called
'the error of perception’. The error in the memory of one’s own unconscious
expression is 'the error of expression’. The error that happens and causes
misunderstanding and conflicts during the interaction of two people’s
perceptions and expressions are called 'the error of psychological interactions’.
It happens to every PIR (person in relationships).
When
the external information is received by the mind, the conscious operates. When
the mind is externally expressed, the unconscious operates. However, the
operation of perception and expression are separately operated by the conscious
and the unconscious which readily causes problems in human relationships. That
is why humans misunderstand, destroy emotions, make positive emotions, and do
and live as one pleases. This is the same for everyone.
Let’s
look at the diagram again. When person A and person B exchange their minds, one
person will unconsciously express while the other will consciously perceive it.
From the person B’s perspective, person A’s expression is external information.
Although A expressed unconsciously without any intention, B will perceive A’s
expression consciously, recognize it as a thought and become certain that A
intentionally expressed those things.
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