[Mother Therapy] Parents who put themselves first?

 

Most parents prioritize their children over themselves. Some parents may seem to put themselves first on the surface, but it is likely that they only seem so. They may just think that the most important role of parents is to support children by providing necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter and a safe environment. They may also think that children also have their role of doing well at school and staying healthy.

      When all family members accord with the basic premise and faithfully play their roles, parents don’t have to pay attention to children for every single matter of daily life. Then, parents may choose to focus on their own life or activities by themselves. They may seem to be neglecting their children but all family members are actually living happily without meddling unnecessarily.   

      There is a saying, ‘Too much is as bad as too little’. Children may develop psychological problems when parents pay attention to them and meddle excessively under the disguise of love and sacrifice out of their own fear and anxiety. Such parents tend to demand their children to follow parents’ standards and satisfy parents’ desire.   What appears to be normal or abnormal on the surface may not show the underlying mechanism that regulates the family structure. What we can be sure is that parents must be happy and healthy first for children to become happy and healthy.

                                       https://youtu.be/2C1BxK4COPA?si=zntBICZsDanIDrUE

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[Mother Therapy] The teacher’s role in the child’s psychological development

 

The presence of the teacher in the classroom at school is important. The absence of the teacher means that children do not have the standard to compare with and follow. Children under 12 years old are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They have to learn how to form and manage relationships not only with friends who are their own age but also with adults who can be good role models.

Children who are over 12 years old are in the phase of formation of self-identity. They have to learn how to establish self-identity and prepare themselves to be adults interacting with and being guided by adult role models.

      There are some classroom experiments where children study and interact among themselves with only a minimum level of teacher guidance as a facilitator. It doesn’t seem to be problematic from the perspective of knowledge learning in the sense that this type of learning system encourages students’ active participation.

      However, the teacher’s role cannot be emphasized too much in promoting healthy development of child psychology since the teacher becomes the standard with which children can look at the world they will experience as adults in the future. Teachers should be able to protect and guide children to freely make trials and errors and build their own thought standards making reference to the teacher as their role model. Interaction with friends and interaction with teachers are equally important in school life.

      Minimizing the role of the teacher in the classroom may negatively affect psychological development of children by limiting the opportunity to be engaged in interactions with teachers in the classroom. Then, children may have to learn anew how to adapt themselves to relationships and form self-identity as adults, which will be much more difficult than they do as children.

      Adults who fear new environments and new tasks tend to be the ones who were less interactive at school with friends and teachers even though they were good at accumulating knowledge. They can learn adapting themselves to new environments as adults making trials and errors but adults have to take full responsibility for each and every action they take. Please, remember that teachers are important people for children’s healthy psychological development.

                                  https://youtu.be/ASEmNHr42rA?si=ZHJ8tIJuCfVIhzBk

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[Sex & Xes] Do women need orgasm to be happy?

 

Many people show interest in women’s sexual happiness. They talk about sex techniques, orgasm, or surgeries for improving women’s sexual happiness. Unfortunately, all the conventional information and knowledge focus on the aspect of sexual pleasure itself.          

Especially, many people say women’s orgasm is important for sexual pleasure. They argue that orgasm lets women experience the utmost pleasure in sexual actions and every woman has to make effort to reach orgasm. They think women must have interest in sexual pleasure and be active and be leading in sexual actions. Women who do not pursue sexual pleasure and sexual happiness are considered to be passive in their life and old-fashioned.  

They think that the world of sexual pleasure is so good that women who do not pursue sexual pleasure are wasting their life. Of course, it is women themselves who must be the major agents in sexual actions to be in accordance with the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind. Also, it is absolutely true that sexual happiness reinforces happiness in mimind. However, sexual happiness is not a necessary condition for happiness in mimind.

Conventional concept of sexuality puts men at the center instead of women. Men centered sexuality focuses on pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. All the concepts that focus on physical aspects such as orgasm, ejaculation, and sex techniques are considered as men-centered concepts of sexuality. Women can transform such physical sensations and energy into feelings of happiness, but pleasurable sex gives you positive moods only temporarily and it is not sexual happiness in and of itself. It is only a small part of sexual happiness.

This mechanism explains why women in general don’t consider sexual actions to be important. Women put much more importance on positive feelings than on positive moods or pleasurable sensations. When women have great wounds and lack positive feelings in their mimind and feel unstable, they try to compensate for their negative feelings by having sexual pleasure. As they get themselves immersed into sexual pleasure more and more, they end up pursuing intense positive moods from sexual pleasure disregarding feelings of love and happiness. These women usually promote the importance of orgasm as well as women’s sexual pleasure as a necessary condition for happiness. In other words, such women are considered to have great wounds in their mimind.

When women feel happy and comfortable with stable psychology, they don’t think much about having sex or sexual pleasure. Women’s xesmind is activated when women have wounds to be treated. Xesmind doesn’t have to be activated when women have comfort and happiness. Women who do not show much interest in having sex are not necessarily passive, conservative, or boring people.  

It is also true that women can generate even greater happiness when they activate sexuality with woman-centeredness on top of the existing comfort and happiness. Woman-centered sex doesn’t mean that women have to lead men in having sex or pursue their own sexual pleasure for positive moods. It means that sexual actions should focus on women’s feelings instead of pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. Woman-centered sexual actions give greater happiness to both men and women then man-centered sexual actions.  

People who promote the importance of women’s orgasm and sex techniques don’t seem to understand the underlying mechanism of human sexuality. Every human being likes the pleasurable sensations and orgasm from having sex, but women don’t have to deliberately try to reach orgasm every time they have sex to feel happy. Adopting the concept of woman-centered sexuality will naturally lead to sexual pleasure.

Women can live happily without having sex if they don’t want to have sex. They can live happily without having a man partner. Happiness is not related with having sex at all. Women can generate great happiness through having sex if they activate sexuality in the right way and they can live happily without having sex at all. Please, remember that sexual actions are means but not ends.

https://youtu.be/6Q8stjg9baM?si=y6xJmt4XVvVe6QhN

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Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in and of themselves.

 

Having sex can be viewed and interpreted from many different perspectives with meanings put to it, but it is just one of many actions humans take. Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in themselves, but we put many different meanings to sexual actions associating them with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes. Sexual actions cannot be good or bad or right or wrong in and of themselves, but we humans put all kinds of meanings to sexual actions and create infinite number of categories of sexual actions. Contrasting and controversial positions about sexuality that lead to heated debates never seem to end in most societies.

     Meanings that are put to sexual actions can be different depending on individuals’ thoughts and emotions based on social customs and norms. We naturally think that sexual actions that don’t accord with our thoughts and emotions are wrong.

If there is a group of people who do not relate sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes, sexual actions including even the most perverted forms will not cause emotional, relational, or social problems in people within the group. On the other hand, there can be a group of people who try to promote or force certain sexual actions that accord with their own ideas. In this case, what they are trying to promote or force onto other people is not certain forms of sexual actions but meanings that are connected with the specific forms of sexual actions. Of course, their attempt to promote or force certain sexual actions related with certain ideas will cause controversy and conflicts in the society since it contradicts other people’s ideas on sexuality. They may still justify their idea thinking that only their idea about sexuality is the right one even when most other people disagree.

Diverse forms of sexual actions people are taking currently are given all different kinds of meanings and are associated with distorted ideas causing controversies and conflicts. Different positions are taken regarding sexuality from all different perspectives based on religious, philosophical, social, cultural, and individual stances.

Meanings put to sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes greatly affect individuals’ life and the society. As meanings of sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes are distorted, one’s life itself becomes distorted and destroyed as well as the life of people around the person.  

Sexual actions have us generate powerful energy and we use the energy to pursue meanings and values of life. You can accept or reject any sexual action with your own will as far as your sexual actions don’t damage yourself and other people psychologically, physically, or in any other possible way. Connecting sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes in distorted ways cause psychological problems in many people. The adverse effects keep being reinforced as the connection between distorted meanings and sexual actions gets stronger.

            https://youtu.be/-v3bBKUGW3Q?si=nMjcOqFmxa8fh2We

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Mother Therapy] Why would parents neglect or abuse children?

 

Many young people fall in love, get married, and have children. They feel so happy when their children are born. They do their best to raise their children with health and happiness. Then, why do so many parents ignore or abuse their own children? Why do so many children have behavioral problems and don’t like their parents and family and even try to leave home before they become adults?

Many parents justify their abusive behaviors saying that they are just disciplining children. Many parents justify their negligence saying that they are so busy with their career or with putting food on the table. They may complain that they are poor, they are tired, or they have difficult children. They are overwhelmed with all the work. They say they don’t know how else they can manage. It must be understood that they are just justifying their ideas and behaviors.

 As parents become happy inside themselves regardless of their external circumstances, they can feel happy raising children and share happiness with children. Then, children’s psychological or behavioral problems will disappear. When parents develop psychological problems and disorders, they cannot but ignore or abuse their children since they are affected by their distorted operation of perception, memory, and expression.

As parents take KIP treatment or psycho-education to restore their own psychological stability and adopt Mother Therapy to adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children will become happy and all the problems will disappear naturally.  

                          https://youtu.be/BaDNdvuzi6I?si=qJrEN3crw6dZTfqJ

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[Mother Therapy] Children’s problems caused by parents’ problems

 

Every parent feels pain and sorrow when their children suffer. Every parent does his or her best to solve problems their children face. In some cases, children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems, but not many parents think they are the ones that makes children experience difficulties. They just try to solve the apparent problems thinking that children’s problems are unrelated with parents themselves.

     Parents may blame themselves or other people for not being able to help children. They may consult professionals for children’s problems. No one, including professionals, seems to understand that many of children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems.

     When parents have psychological problems or disorders, they suffer from their own issues and cannot pay due attention to their children. They may pay attention to children but only in distorted ways.  Then, children cannot but form distorted self-identity and distorted relationships with other people. These children usually seek attention from other people than from their own parents.

     Children who are under the influence of parents who have psychological problems or disorders cannot build healthy habits of healing stress and treating wounds in mimind. These children tend to be neglected or abused by parents and suffer from physical and psychological problems. They can be easily taken advantage of by selfish people and become victims or perpetrators of crimes.

     Some children may rebel against parents and teachers and others may stay compliant and obedient. They end up developing psychological problems either way and keep aggravating problems developing psychological disorders when they become adults. Most parents who suffer from children’s problems are considered to have their own problems, which tend to be quite serious.

     Parents must treat their condition first before addressing their children’s problems. Then, they can adopt Mother Therapy to apply right parenting strategies to help children restore healthy psychology. This way and only this way, both parents and children become happy in a true sense. Please, remember that conventional approaches that directly address children’s problems without taking consideration of parents’ psychological problems and disorders cannot adequately solve any problem at the fundamental level.

                               https://youtu.be/e8oOe-t9n98?si=nq_5gvqV6at_hSBA

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[Mother Therapy] How to help your child make academic achievement

 

All parents want their children to learn basic skills and make academic achievement to a certain degree. You may not believe it but children also have great interest in making academic achievement. It is reported that teenagers are stressed by relational issues the most and by study the second most. Your children may seem to care only about playing games and playing sports, but they are actually being stressed burdened by school work.

Then, how could parents help children put more energy on study instead of just getting stressed by even thinking about studying? They know that they have to study but they end up avoiding studying because it is stressful. They may have liked studying out of curiosity and they many have had fun studying when they were younger. They may have studied hard because parents liked it. However, they feel more and more stress as school work becomes more difficult. They play games and hang out with friends for diversion, and now such activities take most of their time. 

      It is important to understand that making efforts is necessarily accompanied by stress. When you heal and overcome stress, you can advance further, but when you can’t you may stop and give up. Children don’t have many experiences of overcoming stress and making achievement and they may have a difficult time dealing with stress even when they want to make efforts to make academic achievement.

The prerequisite of making academic achievement is to build stress healing ability since academic achievement is necessarily accompanied by making plans and continuous efforts and taking challenges. Parents must help children develop the ability to heal stress in healthy ways by providing a safe environment where children can make trials and errors. The first thing parents can do is to develop and maintain a good relationship with children, on which children can build psychological stability. Parents must also understand psychological development of children and the different psychological operations of boys and girls to meet children’s needs accordingly.

                    https://youtu.be/M8T29RcYBKI?si=3Ob2nL89PXpZhm3P

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[Sex & Xes] A easy solution to couple’s sex problems

 

It is not uncommon for couples to experience diverse sex problems. They stay together without having sex at all, lose interest in having sex, or one partner wants active sex life but the other doesn’t. Conventional approaches that attempt to solve couple’s sex problems usually focus on analyzing the visible phenomena that are recognized in the conscious and suggesting solutions for apparent issues.

For example, when you are a sexless couple, you may be advised on how to get yourself engaged in having sex and so on. If you feel less interested in having sex than before, you may be introduced to diverse sex techniques that can enhance your sexual sensations. You may also be guided to form stronger bonds with the partner and try to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings to feel closer to each other. As you can see, they are all solutions and suggestions at the surface level that don’t address the fundamental cause of couple’s sex problems. Approaches that deal with only visible phenomena actually cause even more serious problems by distorting the couple’s ideas on human sexuality and leading them in the wrong direction in pursuing sexual happiness.

Then, what is the fundamental cause of couple’s all sex problems? It is distorted concepts and ideas on sexuality that prevail in many societies and cultures. Many people think that men are more active in having sex, must lead women, and should know more about sex than women. Many people think that women are naturally passive in having sex and have less information on sex.

Of course, there are women who are active in having sex and lead men these days. This situation still causes couple’s sex problems because both men and women still have distorted ideas on human sexuality. Problems cannot but keep growing unless couples have the right concept of sexuality and try to solve sex problems in accordance with the right concept.

Sex problems occur when we become overly conscious about sex. Mimind and xesmind operate in the opposite ways from each other and the operation of xesmind is not recognized in the conscious. When you follow your conscious recognition in your mimind to guide yourself in managing your sex life, you will only aggravate problems. You don’t have to understand how  xesmind operates in detail. You just need to apply a couple of basic principles in your sex life.  

You only have to remember two things to improve your sex life with your partner and solve sex problems. One is that men must not think about sex and must not try to be exposed to sexual information of any kind. They should try to perceive their partner as a woman they love and protect not as a sexual object for pleasure. They don’t need any sex technique. Then, their sexual functions will be restored.

The other is that women must know about how to have a good sex to satisfy themselves. It doesn’t mean that they need to learn any sex technique or they should look sexually attractive. They should discard all the conventional concepts. Women should only focus on ways to gratify themselves in having sex. They must try to figure out what stimulations they like and when they feel satisfied physically and psychologically in having sex.

When the couple can apply the two things in practice, women naturally lead men to comply with them. Then, men can naturally satisfy women in the way women like activating their sexual functions. Men generate passion looking at the woman partner being satisfied. Both men and women can enjoy having sex and achieve sexual happiness in the way they can accord with the operational mechanism of human sexuality.  

Neither men nor women must pay any attention to conventional concepts of sexuality and especially women must not pay attention to the partner. Men should stay away from any sexual information to maintain healthy sexual functions and women must focus only on their own sexual happiness. Please, remember that what you recognize in the conscious regarding sexuality is not the lighthouse that leads you in the right direction.

https://youtu.be/0olKsvgdygU?si=uBDGuEVO4MAcqbr0

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Why it is hard to restore sexual functions by adopting conventional methods.

 

     Many men adopt conventional methods for improving their sexual functions or treating sexual dysfunctions. The condition usually improves a little at first, but it usually keeps deteriorating in the long run. Then, they conclude that sexual dysfunction is a natural phenomenon that comes with aging, which is not the case at all.

     Humans have both the body and the mind. The mind has xesmind inside it for operating human sexuality. As men perceive sexual information, it is accumulated as xes wounds in xes memory. As xes wounds grow in men’s xesmind, negative energy is produced in mimind and affects men’s body and mind negatively, which results in sexual dysfunction eventually. Focusing on physical aspects of sexual dysfunction cannot improve or cure sexual dysfunction in any meaningful way.

     The body and the mind are inseparable from each other. Focusing only on the physical aspects of sexual dysfunction actually aggravates the condition by destroying the balance between the body and the mind. As you try to improve physical sexual functions, you necessarily perceive more and more sexual information and accumulate more and more xes wounds in xes memory since you become to think more about sexuality and relate general information with sexuality more and more. For example, you used to eat a certain food without any reason or thinking, but now you eat it because you think it helps your sexual function.

     As you lose balance by overly focusing on physical aspects of sexual functions disregarding mental and psychological aspects, psychogenic condition develops as a form of even more severe sexual dysfunction. If you feel that your sexual function has deteriorated, you must think that it is time to recover your mind as well as your body.

     Most conventional therapies that claim for treating sexual dysfunctions cannot remove xes wounds in men’s xesmind. They usually add xes wounds in xes memory and aggravate physical and psychological problems. Thus, sexual dysfunction is always accompanied by psychological problems or disorders such as panic disorder, neurotic disorder, or diverse types of addiction.

     Men who have addiction, which is an expression disorder, have strong energy of immersion for pleasure. They tend to be obsessive for sexual pleasure and develop strong sexual desire. They also develop consciousness disorder, which makes them justify all their distorted ideas and behaviors. They usually blame sex partners for their sexual dysfunction and keep looking for new partners or end up developing perversion.

     They feel their sexual function is restored when they meet a new sex partner and their distorted thinking becomes more solid aggravating their psychological disorders. Then, sexual dysfunction recurs soon and they need to find another new partner.

     Some men decide to change their sexual preference and pursue perverted sexual actions, which are likely to destroy relationships with other people and cause social problems. Types of sexual actions cannnot be good or bad in themselves, but these men are likely to take advantage of other people in the process.

     People tend to think that men who have strong sexual desire also have good sexual function. On the contrary, the more sexual desire men have, the more severe sexual dysfunction they have. Sexual desire is the conscious thought and it is the manifestation of deficiency. As men try to treat sexual dysfunction by adopting conventional methods, they enter the vicious cycle of worsening both sexual function and psychological condition. Men who have good sexual function are composed, do not think much about sexuality, and do not make as many sexual expressions as men who have sexual dysfunction.

                            https://youtu.be/I0AHTb976J8?si=MTKkqJ4es_fOPNyD

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Setting limits on sexual pleasure #2: What is a sexual action and what is not?

 

We usually think that sexual actions are specific set of actions such as having sex involving a man and a woman being naked and kissing and caressing, and involving penetration and ejaculation. People also think that certain sexual actions are perverted, and thus, more stimulating when they deviate from the prototypical form of sex.

For example, sexual actions in public places, with certain clothes on, with ejaculation without penetration, or with penetration without foreplay are all considered to be different and atypical. Such variations can be limitless and it also indicates that sexual actions don’t seem to have any criterion for defining what it is and what it is not. Actually, you can go to the limit of your imagination in having sex with your partner as far as it doesn’t hurt or damage anyone.

The fact that sexual actions don’t have criteria that define and limit what it is indicates that sexual actions may not have the beginning and end. Every action can be a sexual action when you and your partner perceive that what you are doing is a sexual action. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve penetration or ejaculation, which are only a very small part of having sex.

Thus, sexual actions that focus on penetration and ejaculation minimize the pleasure of sex. Masturbation accompanied by wild imagination may give you more pleasure and satisfaction than having sex with limited concepts and actions. In other words, you may not be able to have more pleasure through having sex with a partner than through masturbation unless you can enjoy the whole process before and after penetration and ejaculation. On the contrary, if you can enjoy the whole process of being together with the partner, you can live feeling as if you were having sex every moment of everyday.

Especially in case of women, they connect feelings they experience from sexual actions with feelings they have in daily life. Women can learn how to generate positive feelings they experience from having sex on their own whenever they want. Women are affected by feelings activated in having sex much more than by physical stimulations on sensory organs in having sex. Women feel completely different about sexual actions not depending on what stimulations they get on the body but depending on what feelings are activated by sexual actions. Women’s sexual actions are emotional instead of physical and the amplification of women’s feelings has no limit. Women-centered sexual actions have no limit and men can also enjoy limitless pleasure when they follow women-centered sexual actions.

We all make expressions in daily life through speech, actions, and facial expressions. We make all the above similar expressions in having sex, too, but daily expressions and expressions in having sex are recognized differently depending on whether we perceive the specific situation to be sexual or not. If you perceive a situation to be sexual even when it is supposed to be daily, you may recognize all the counterparty’s speech, actions, and facial expressions as sexual expressions. If both parties perceive the situation to be sexual, they are considered to be making sexual actions with each other. All their expressions can count as foreplay or afterplay as parts of sexual actions even without penetration and ejaculation.

When you confine the concept of having sex to penetration and ejaculation and focus on them in having sex, you may lose all the richness of sexuality by limiting the scope and depth of sexual pleasure with your own hands. On the other side of the coin, it must be clearly understood that any daily situation can be perceived as being sexual by someone, which can lead to a situation of sexual harassment and sex crime, you being a victim or a perpetrator.  

                                https://youtu.be/f08QRQDoyoc?si=5bYGUoj4_9K0GD3f

                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/