Korea Institute of Psycho-education

https://youtu.be/bp2wFgjYGls?si=9y99UMKh8KdjqtTS

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

4/24/2024

[Sex & Xes] The real reason women become sexless

It's common for women to lose their desire for sex after giving birth and during raising children. Many people say that this is because they're tired of parenting, or because sex is just not fun for them anymore. Of course, they are all legitimate reasons because that's how women feel in their conscious.

However, when you look at how xesmind works behind what the conscious recognizes, you'll find something interesting and surprising. Women make love and have sex to create meanings of life, which means that xesmind works to have mimind create meanings of life. That's why women are so active in having sex with men during the dating phase and even in the early days of marriage.

When a woman gives birth and raises a child, she develops the sense of fulfillment in her life: she has a husband who she believes will never be separated from her, and she has a child born out of that loving relationship. That's when she changes from being a woman to being a wife and a mother.

From this point on, a realm of which she is not aware begins to operate in her xesmind and the unconscious. In the operation of xesmind, a woman pursues the value of her sexuality. She tries to find a person who she can trust and share sexuality. When she can't find such a person, she feels lonely and wants to be in a relationship. Then, when she thinks she has found the person, she keeps confirming it through love and sex. Finally, when the person is confirmed and settled in her unconscious mind, her xesmind decides that she has achieved the value of sexuality and stops seeking it. Her mimind feels this as happiness and comfort in the conscious. This is the true cause of sexlessness in women.

On the other hand, the male xesmind works completely differently from the female xesmind: the male xesmind is focused on the present realization of sexuality. Men need to keep generating energy by activating sexuality in xesmind to be able to generate passion in mimind for the pursuit of future happiness and values of life. So when a man activates sexuality, it doesn't matter with whom he activates sexuality from the perspective of xesmind. It just matters to him that he activates sexuality at the present moment. It is like throwing coal into the stove to build up the energy of passion.

When the wife completes the value of sexuality and no longer needs sex, the husband may still seek to activate sexuality to be used as fuel for generating passion for life. Or, surprisingly, when the wife is no longer seeking the value of sexuality, that is, when she is in a relaxed state of mind, the husband may also stop thinking about activating sexuality with his wife. This is how human mimind and xesmind work, and this is why many couples end up living in sexlessness, which is only a natural phenomenon.

However, there is one thing that women should know. Happiness, once created, does not last forever until the day you die. Happiness may last for only a certain period of time, and it is fleeting and fades away as life's storms come and go, so you must constantly strive for your own happiness until the day you die.

When we feel stable and comfortable in the present, we think that this comfort will last forever. However, no one can guarantee that we will be comfortable and happy tomorrow because we are comfortable and happy today. This is why even women who have been living comfortably without having sex suddenly start to experience abnormal sexual desire when they experience traumatic stress, such as husband infidelity, bereavement, or other traumatic events. It's a phenomenon that occurs when a woman feels so much pain that she desperately wants to feel stable again, so her sexuality, which has been dormant, is strongly triggered to be activated again.

At some point, when sex becomes a distant or obligatory part of a couple's life, they have to start from scratch to rekindle their passion and love. So if you're still in a relationship in which you have passion, love, and sex, you both need to work to make sure you don't lose it. And if you're in a relationship where you've been sexless for a long time, you shouldn't rush into sex, but you should prepare little by little to have passion, love, and sex again. If you have sex before you're ready, and passion and love haven't been rekindled, it may not mean anything to you and may even serve to destroy your relationship.

Whatever the case may be, please, remember that a life with lasting love, passion, and sex in a couple creates the energy for overcoming adversity and, more importantly, the fuel for endless happiness.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] A good sex or a bad sex

If you were to be asked the question, “What is good sex and what is bad sex?”, you would probably come up with your own definition of good and bad based on your own needs. For example, if you think of sex as a means of pleasure, you might think that sex that is pleasurable is good sex and sex that is not pleasurable is bad sex. If you think of sex as a means of love, you might think that sex where love is present is good sex and sex where love is absent is bad sex. Of course, this presupposes that the sex is mutually consensual, and a more antecedent notion might be that sex that is mutually consensual is good sex, and sex that is one-sided and forced by one person is bad sex. All of these judgments are valid in their own right, but there is a concept that underlies them all, and we must first determine what is good sex and what is bad sex based on that concept.

When you have sex, you are always activating moods and feelings, and the sexual information activates the energy of xesmind, and the energy from the xesmind feeds into mimind to maximize moods and feelings, which are much more intense than the moods and feelings you experience in your everyday life. Then, sex becomes the greatest resource of emotional energy that you have, and depending on how to use it, it can be the most beneficial resource or the most destructive.

First, let’s look at good sex. For a man, sex is the source of the greatest passion in mimind. Compared with passion in general, passion created through sex is hundreds or thousands of times greater. It becomes a tremendous source that drives men to protect the people they love and to pursue their values in life. So for a man, good sex is sex that drives passion and the pursuit of values of life, and it is why some men are constantly looking for sex when their pursuit of values isn’t going well.

For women, sex is a source of amplifying feelings of love in mimind, so when a woman has sex that is physically and emotionally safe, feelings of wounds are repaired and feelings are enriched. These enriched feelings strengthen her love again, and she shares them with the people she loves. This is what makes relationships happy.

A man is happy when he is passionately pursuing values of life and keeping the people he loves safe, and a woman is happy when she feels secure in the present moment while her feelings of love are maximized. Sex that creates happiness for a man and a woman is good sex.

Then, what is bad sex? Whether we like it or not, sex is one of the most powerful emotional energies we have, and when it serves to reinforce stress and wounds, it can lead to psychological problems and psychological disorders. For example, if you use sex as a way to escape or cover up stress and wounds, or to seek pleasure or comfort, you are having sex out of need, and the powerful energy generated by sex fuels your need, and the inability to satisfy your need actually magnifies your stress and wounds.

Then, the powerful passion that sex creates in a man is directed toward the pursuit of sexual pleasure itself, which leads him to believe that nothing in his life is more important than having sex, and that if he doesn’t have sex, his life will fall apart. The same goes for a woman, who gets so caught up in the powerful feelings of love that sex creates in her that she attaches enormous significance to sex itself. She feels if she doesn’t have sex, she doesn’t love, and if she doesn’t have sex, her relationship with her partner is meaningless. If the mother in a family is in this state, the children are the ones who suffer the most from this. Since the children are not the object of sex for her, the mother feels that children don’t mean anything to her.

The deeper this problem goes, the more men and women alike turn away from what is not pleasurable and live only for what is. However, pleasure is not happiness. Happiness requires the coexistence of all emotions including pleasure, joy, pain, and sorrow, and it is accompanied by not only right but also responsibility for one’s emotions. People who only seek pleasure become self-righteous and destroy relationships with other people. Therefore, good sex is sex that is not for pleasure and love as you feel in the conscious, but for the sake of creating happiness as a human being in relationships with other people. Please, remember that when you have sex keeping this concept in mind, both pleasure and love will follow naturally.

https://youtu.be/WwKkQTsfZ6Q?si=WmFaJE-LZQAW1iNM

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

4/22/2024

[Mother Therapy] Making your child be interested in school work

First of all, parents must let children understand that happiness and having knowledge are not related. Children become to believe that they should be good at school work to be happy when they are pressed for studying hard by parents and teachers. Then, they can encourage children to work hard for school work because they need basic knowledge and ability to be able to do things they want when they become adults. It is also wrong that parents tell children they don’t have to study if they are not interested in.

Children learn many things in the process of working hard for school work. It is a firsthand experience for learning how to manage their time and effort, how to adapt themselves to different situations, and how to make use of their cognition and metacognition for doing tasks. Having knowledge and basic abilities is a necessary part in having a good life. Of course, happiness is more important than academic achievement.

As children connect being happy and being good at school work, they become to feel stressed and unhappy, and don’t like studying. When they understand that being happy and being good at school work are unrelated with each other, they may not feel stressed and begin to show interest in school work. When they feel too stressed about having to study to be happy, they may develop psychological problems. When children understand being happy is more important and they have stable psychology, they will naturally start studying subjects they like without feeling burdened or stressed.

https://youtu.be/APBD19d0Nvk?si=NK32nHDvwlzC3-Vt

https://youtu.be/ZPoVZ887Mug

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

4/19/2024

[Sex & Xes] Sex techniques

Diverse sex techniques that are supposed to improve physical sensations in having sex are promoted by many professionals. When you adopt such sex techniques in your sex life, you must aggregate and synthesize all the information and turn them into your own unique techniques since every individual has different preference and different physical and emotional conditions.

Knowledge is necessarily different from practice in having sex. You must learn the available and relevant information, and then, you must put it into practice to see if it suits you and your partner. Of course, you must talk about the issue with your partner freely and frankly. It is also natural that it takes time for you and your partner to find the right techniques for both of you. You can just keep making efforts to find right techniques without feeling ashamed.

Psychological factors are most important in having sex. Having sex excluding all psychological aspects is only boring and irksome toil. Then, you may become to endlessly wander about looking for new sex techniques and new partners to improve sexual sensations. It is not to say that new techniques and new partners are undesirable in any way, but having sex with a partner with whom you are in a stable and good relationship brings you the most sexual satisfaction with the highest level of efficiency.

You can maximize sexual sensations accompanied by psychological satisfaction by actively expressing what you like and putting it into actions in having sex. You can also freely express how you feel and can be imaginative in taking sexual actions. You can add expressions of love and care on top of sexual expressions to increase passion and feelings of love that will amplify and elevate the level of sexual sensations.

When you can make good use of psychological factors in having sex, you need to make only half of physical efforts to achieve sexual satisfaction compared with conventional sex. People who have true sex ability by adopting the right concept of sexual satisfaction and putting it into practice in the right way never boast about their sex ability. Every individual is different in sexual preference, and one of the most important sex techniques is to figure out what makes the partner psychologically satisfied in having sex.

An example related with psychological aspects of sex is the size of the man’s penis. Most men and women have the idea that a big sized penis makes women more satisfied than a small sized penis. This idea prevails and affects people psychologically, which in turn affects their sexual sensations in having sex. Women may reach orgasm more easily when they have sex with a man with a big penis not because a big penis helps orgasm but because they believe so and they feel more aroused psychologically. Focusing too much on the size of the penis will only interrupt with sexual pleasure and sexual happiness.

Ironically, men who have a big sized penis tend to be proud of themselves and may not make efforts to satisfy women adopting diverse sex techniques, which makes women partners less satisfied. Only those who continue making efforts for pleasurable sex regardless of the size of the penis or any specific sex technique can achieve sexual happiness in a true sense. The same applies to women who believe they have good physical appearance because they tend not to make efforts for sexual satisfaction for both themselves and their partners.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

4/16/2024

[Mother Therapy] Children grow making trials and errors

Children make many trials and errors since they don’t have many experiences in most things. They don’t have the ability to solve problems since they lack knowledge and information. They form their own standards about what is right and what is wrong by making many trials and errors. They can build basic abilities to solve problems as they keep trying to solve even small problems on their own. It is only natural that they experience failure from time to time.

However, when parents solve all the problems for children, or parents force their own standards in solving children’s problems, children cannot have opportunities to solve problems on their own, and they can’t form their own standards. Lacking experiences of trying to solve problems means lacking abilities to solve problems. Then, they experience difficulties with addressing stress and wounds and pursuing self-actualization when they become adults.

Children have only the right to grow with healthy body and mind in a safe environment, and they don’t have the responsibility for making trials and errors. When children try to do something on their own, adults must protect them and encourage them to go on with making trials and errors. They will naturally develop abilities to solve problems in this process.

https://youtu.be/TDfYQdYKo74?si=AU8IeKn4V8DhhNwi

https://youtu.be/4GEnGER4-EE?si=dzNYfwaF6y5y2BUm

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

4/10/2024

[Mother Therapy] I don’t have passion because my parents are too strict.

Some people argue that they don’t have passion for anything due to their parents who are too strict. They say that they lose their passion so easily because they are always monitored and interrupted by their parents. What can they do to develop and maintain their own passion?

They seem to justify themselves blaming their parents for their lack of passion. They blame their parents for their own difficult circumstance. The fact that they don’t have passion is only their own problem. Passion is formed in the process of making efforts to solve problems on their own.

When you don’t have any experience of solving problems on your own, you may try to avoid the problem or blame other people. Of course, you can’t develop passion in this way. You must make efforts with your own will power if you want to develop passion. You may develop stress when things don’t progress as you wish. As you keep making efforts with even stronger will power, you can overcome stress and develop passion in the process.

People who blame parents for lacking passion usually avoid the problems and try to stay where they are instead of making efforts. They blame other people and the society as well as their parents even when they become adults and pursue self-actualization for meanings and values of life. If you feel that you lack passion for your life, you can start thinking about what you want in life and what you are interested in. If you can’t find anything that interests you right now, you can take some time looking for what you are interested in.

You should never blame yourself or other people for lacking passion. You can just wait until you find passion looking for what you are interested in. As you keep making efforts with strong will power, you will definitely find what you want to do in life and naturally develop passion.

https://youtu.be/o8kYlW_8sMs

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Sex & Xes] What women can do for pleasurable sex

Many women put other people at the center in their life instead of themselves and they are conscious of what others think than what they think. Especially in having sex, many women simply follow the lead of men with the concept of other-centeredness. They try to look good to their sex partners, they want to make their partners satisfied, they even fake orgasm, and so on and so forth.

When women don’t understand how they can be satisfied in having sex, their partners naturally have no idea about how to satisfy their women. Women usually just assume that they are supposed to feel satisfied as they follow the lead of men. As men lead women in having sex, couples get stuck in a rut and having sex becomes a dull and boring routine.

There are several things women can do to make sex much more pleasurable for both themselves and their partners. 1. Women must not be worried about their physical appearance. Most women are overly conscious about their physical appearance when they have sex with their partners. They are worried that they have small busts, they are fat, or their partners should not like their appearance. As women think they don’t look good, men also perceive so, and as women are confident of the physical appearance, men also perceive that women look good enough. They perceive that even the chubby belly and tiny busts are pretty and sexy.

2. Women must focus only on their own satisfaction. They should not worry about men partners’ satisfaction. Men feel satisfied when women are satisfied. 95 % of men’s sexual satisfaction comes from women partners’ satisfaction and only 5 % of men’s satisfaction comes from ejaculation.

3. Women can have sexual pleasure in the whole process of sexual actions. Differently from men, women can feel orgasm like satisfaction from every sexual action they like. Thus, women should focus on their own sensations every moment during having sex. Many women are obsessive for reaching orgasm and they even fake orgasm. However, women have the ability to amplify physical sensations and turn them into feelings in mimind. Women can feel absolutely satisfied without reaching orgasm when the whole process of sexual actions is satisfactory. Being obsessive for orgasm and aiming for orgasm limits and diminishes women’s sexual satisfaction.

4. Women should express themselves as they please in having sex without feeling ashamed. As women focus on their own sensations, they naturally become to react and respond to their sensations. They should freely express as they please, and then, men can use women’s responses as signs that lead their actions. As couples adopt the same old techniques they learned from who knows where, sex becomes dull and boring for both men and women. Women don’t understand about their own body and men only think about ejaculation. All sexual actions must be women-centered instead of being men-centered. Women who feel fully satisfied and happy in having sex regardless of their physical appearance are perceived as the prettiest and sexiest woman by men.

5. Women should freely imagine about diverse sexual actions as they please. Then, they can accumulate sexual information in their memory and improve sexual functions and they can have greater sexual sensations during having sex. However, they should never express what they imagine outwardly through facial expressions, speech, or actions.

6. Women should try to find sexually sensitive parts in their body. They can touch and caress their own body and find body parts where they feel good. Then, they can lead men to caress and touch those parts during having sex. This lifts burden from men who try to satisfy women and lets both men and women feel satisfied and happy.

7. Women should talk about frankly what they like in having sex to men partners. They may be worried about how they will be perceived, but most men welcome listening to what women think about sex and try to apply women’s ideas in real sexual actions. As couples talk freely about their sex life in detail, they can maintain a healthy and happy relationship along with sexual happiness. This way, both men and women can generate healthy energy for daily life and generate passion and love for a happy life.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

4/03/2024

[Mother Therapy] Parents who put themselves first?

Most parents prioritize their children over themselves. Some parents may seem to put themselves first on the surface, but it is likely that they only seem so. They may just think that the most important role of parents is to support children by providing necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter and a safe environment. They may also think that children also have their role of doing well at school and staying healthy.

When all family members accord with the basic premise and faithfully play their roles, parents don’t have to pay attention to children for every single matter of daily life. Then, parents may choose to focus on their own life or activities by themselves. They may seem to be neglecting their children but all family members are actually living happily without meddling unnecessarily.

There is a saying, ‘Too much is as bad as too little’. Children may develop psychological problems when parents pay attention to them and meddle excessively under the disguise of love and sacrifice out of their own fear and anxiety. Such parents tend to demand their children to follow parents’ standards and satisfy parents’ desire. What appears to be normal or abnormal on the surface may not show the underlying mechanism that regulates the family structure. What we can be sure is that parents must be happy and healthy first for children to become happy and healthy.

https://youtu.be/2C1BxK4COPA?si=zntBICZsDanIDrUE

https://youtu.be/ASEmNHr42rA?si=ZHJ8tIJuCfVIhzBk

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Mother Therapy] The teacher’s role in the child’s psychological development

The presence of the teacher in the classroom at school is important. The absence of the teacher means that children do not have the standard to compare with and follow. Children under 12 years old are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They have to learn how to form and manage relationships not only with friends who are their own age but also with adults who can be good role models.

Children who are over 12 years old are in the phase of formation of self-identity. They have to learn how to establish self-identity and prepare themselves to be adults interacting with and being guided by adult role models.

There are some classroom experiments where children study and interact among themselves with only a minimum level of teacher guidance as a facilitator. It doesn’t seem to be problematic from the perspective of knowledge learning in the sense that this type of learning system encourages students’ active participation.

However, the teacher’s role cannot be emphasized too much in promoting healthy development of child psychology since the teacher becomes the standard with which children can look at the world they will experience as adults in the future. Teachers should be able to protect and guide children to freely make trials and errors and build their own thought standards making reference to the teacher as their role model. Interaction with friends and interaction with teachers are equally important in school life.

Minimizing the role of the teacher in the classroom may negatively affect psychological development of children by limiting the opportunity to be engaged in interactions with teachers in the classroom. Then, children may have to learn anew how to adapt themselves to relationships and form self-identity as adults, which will be much more difficult than they do as children.

Adults who fear new environments and new tasks tend to be the ones who were less interactive at school with friends and teachers even though they were good at accumulating knowledge. They can learn adapting themselves to new environments as adults making trials and errors but adults have to take full responsibility for each and every action they take. Please, remember that teachers are important people for children’s healthy psychological development.

https://youtu.be/6Q8stjg9baM?si=y6xJmt4XVvVe6QhN

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Sex & Xes] Do women need orgasm to be happy?

Many people show interest in women’s sexual happiness. They talk about sex techniques, orgasm, or surgeries for improving women’s sexual happiness. Unfortunately, all the conventional information and knowledge focus on the aspect of sexual pleasure itself.

Especially, many people say women’s orgasm is important for sexual pleasure. They argue that orgasm lets women experience the utmost pleasure in sexual actions and every woman has to make effort to reach orgasm. They think women must have interest in sexual pleasure and be active and be leading in sexual actions. Women who do not pursue sexual pleasure and sexual happiness are considered to be passive in their life and old-fashioned.

They think that the world of sexual pleasure is so good that women who do not pursue sexual pleasure are wasting their life. Of course, it is women themselves who must be the major agents in sexual actions to be in accordance with the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind. Also, it is absolutely true that sexual happiness reinforces happiness in mimind. However, sexual happiness is not a necessary condition for happiness in mimind.

Conventional concept of sexuality puts men at the center instead of women. Men centered sexuality focuses on pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. All the concepts that focus on physical aspects such as orgasm, ejaculation, and sex techniques are considered as men-centered concepts of sexuality. Women can transform such physical sensations and energy into feelings of happiness, but pleasurable sex gives you positive moods only temporarily and it is not sexual happiness in and of itself. It is only a small part of sexual happiness.

This mechanism explains why women in general don’t consider sexual actions to be important. Women put much more importance on positive feelings than on positive moods or pleasurable sensations. When women have great wounds and lack positive feelings in their mimind and feel unstable, they try to compensate for their negative feelings by having sexual pleasure. As they get themselves immersed into sexual pleasure more and more, they end up pursuing intense positive moods from sexual pleasure disregarding feelings of love and happiness. These women usually promote the importance of orgasm as well as women’s sexual pleasure as a necessary condition for happiness. In other words, such women are considered to have great wounds in their mimind.

When women feel happy and comfortable with stable psychology, they don’t think much about having sex or sexual pleasure. Women’s xesmind is activated when women have wounds to be treated. Xesmind doesn’t have to be activated when women have comfort and happiness. Women who do not show much interest in having sex are not necessarily passive, conservative, or boring people.

It is also true that women can generate even greater happiness when they activate sexuality with woman-centeredness on top of the existing comfort and happiness. Woman-centered sex doesn’t mean that women have to lead men in having sex or pursue their own sexual pleasure for positive moods. It means that sexual actions should focus on women’s feelings instead of pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. Woman-centered sexual actions give greater happiness to both men and women then man-centered sexual actions.

People who promote the importance of women’s orgasm and sex techniques don’t seem to understand the underlying mechanism of human sexuality. Every human being likes the pleasurable sensations and orgasm from having sex, but women don’t have to deliberately try to reach orgasm every time they have sex to feel happy. Adopting the concept of woman-centered sexuality will naturally lead to sexual pleasure.

Women can live happily without having sex if they don’t want to have sex. They can live happily without having a man partner. Happiness is not related with having sex at all. Women can generate great happiness through having sex if they activate sexuality in the right way and they can live happily without having sex at all. Please, remember that sexual actions are means but not ends.