Both the mother and the daughter-in-law are convinced that their own thought standards are right and then confrontations and clashes occur. They both have great interest in each other, and apply their thought standards to the other party. The daughter-in-law will be hurt by the imposition of the thought standards of the mother-in-law and vice versa. Repeated instances of hurting and being hurt will result in conflicts. The more they care about each other, the deeper conflicts they have.
Whose fault has caused the conflicts, the mother-in-law's or the daughter-in-law's? The only fault is that they have applied their thought standards, and conflicts have occurred only because they feel close to and are concerned with each other.
The mother-in-law has the thought standards as a mother of her son. The daughter-in-law has her own thought standards as the wife of her husband. Would the husband be able to mediate between the two people as a son and a husband? The attempts on the part of the husband to resolve the conflicts will only aggravate the situation, since the conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have nothing to do with the husband and son.
The mother-in-law imposes her thought standards on the daughter-in-law, and demands that the daughter-in-law treat her husband as a son. Of course, the daughter-in-law would treat her husband as a husband, and not as a son. The daughter-in-law might also impose her thought standards on the mother-in-law and expect the mother-in-law to treat her son as a husband and not as a son.
The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law must accept that they have different thought standards. The mother-in-law should accept that her son is the daughter-in-law's husband and, the daughter-in-law should accept that her husband is the mother-in-law's son. Accepting the differences in thought standards will resolve the conflicts and generate the feelings of happiness, but conflicts will continue and deepen when the causes of the conflicts are unknown.
Arguing about the truthfulness of the thought standards of the parties involved leads to blaming one of them for being wrong. However, it is no one's fault when they accept that everyone has different thought standards in the first place.
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