The causes of conflicts come from the concern with the other party. Conflicts do not occur when people are not concerned about each other. The concern comes from the desire to be happy together in a relationship. Conflicts can be resolved when we remind ourselves that the other party has his or her own thought standards, and they are different from ours. The other party can be also freed from stress and wounds when they are informed of the differences of thought standards.
People care more about others when conflicts are resolved. Wounds heal and the feelings of happiness are generated for women. Positive moods are generated for men, and they show more concern for women. Conflicts should not be avoided since avoidance will lead to indifference and suppression of feelings. Conflicts can be resolved by reflecting on the causes of conflicts, and informing the other party of the causes of conflicts will also heal their wounds.
The ideal way of resolving conflicts is to make the awareness of the differences in thought standards into a pattern of unconsciousness. Then, one will unconsciously perceive that the other party has different thought standards at the moment of confrontations and clashes leading to conflict situations. Forming the concept into a pattern of unconsciousness will take time and effort.
Another method is to write a journal to reflect on whether or not we have judged the other party's behavior based on our own thought standards, and have concluded that the other party is wrong. Through this reflection, we can analyze whether we have contributed to the other party's stress and wounds. This method helps heal the stress and wounds of both parties.
Most of all, the resolution of conflicts begins from first knowing that people have different thought standards, and that they are concerned with and care about each other. We can let others know this to help them heal themselves. These methods of resolving conflicts can be applied in all conflict situations occurring in all human relationships including married couples, mothers and daughters-in-law, family members, parents and children, friends, and coworkers.
Those involved in conflicts should know that no one is at fault. We remember what the other party has expressed and the other party remembers what we have expressed. Thus, we can learn how both parties have perceived the other party and have expressed themselves by recording what each party has expressed.
The scale and the size of the conflicts indicate that they have the same scale and the same size of the concern about each other. It means they are healthy human beings in a healthy and loving relationship. They have conflicts only because they do not know that everyone has different thought standards. Knowing that no one is at fault makes the conflicts disappear. In other words, accepting that the other party has different thought standards from ours resolves conflicts.
Being right or wrong should not be argued about in a conflict situation. The point is not that others' thought standards are right or wrong, but that people have different thought standards, and arguing about being right or wrong will never lead to resolving conflicts. Making mistakes should not be blamed for doing something wrong. The concept of being right or wrong divides those involved into an assailant and a victim, and accuses either party of being wrong. Arguing about being right or wrong in a mother-daughter conflict situation means that the mother wants her daughter to be wrong, and the daughter wants her mother to be wrong. The same logic applies to all other relationships. Conflicts are not to be considered something undesirable, but rather the root for generating happiness, in the sense that resolving conflicts applying the principles of the working of human mind and psychology can have healing effects in human relationships.
All humans are under the same principles of the operation of the mind and psychology, but only the psychology of perception and expression are different. People have different and unique thought standards, and no one is wrong for having his or her own thought standards. Humans only make mistakes and do not do wrong.
We have done nothing wrong when conflicts have occurred. Everyone does their best for self-realization in life. No one aims for second-best, but one should take the responsibility when their doing their best violates the harmony and order of society. Living a life is to keep the balance between rights and duties. If we were to pursue only our own happiness without either rights or duties, we may live and exist as a person not forming any relationships. When a person pursues only his or her own freedom, the balance for harmony and order is breached, making self-realization impossible to be pursued. Then, the meaning of self-realization will be completely lost, since self-realization without harmony and order is already one distorted and morbid. This is called psychological disorder.
Everyone has the same principles of the operation of the mind and psychology. Even famed intellectuals and experts in all fields suffer from conflicts. When the principles of the operation of the mind and psychology are accurately understood, these principles can be applied in conflict situations to heal stress and wounds of both ourselves and theirs, thereby resolving conflicts.
We hope that you will apply the principles introduced in this guidebook when a conflict situation makes you feel angry and annoyed. You will find that stress and wounds will heal by themselves. Now you know the principles of the operation of the mind and psychology, and how to resolve conflicts. You can apply these to your loved ones, close friends, and acquaintances and then, the feelings of happiness will be generated.
Apply for free consultation on psychological problems
No comments:
Post a Comment