How to solve problems wisely

 

We cannot but face many problems in life. Sometimes, it is not easy to solve problems in a wise and sensible way. To be able to solve problems wisely and sensibly, we must first accurately understand the concept of problems. 

As problems occur in your life, you may feel anxious and frustrated indicating that you are in a difficult situation. Human beings are to experience ups and downs of emotions everyday. You may feel comfortable one moment, then delighted the next moment, and then sad, and then comfortable again. Happiness is formed as both positive and negative emotions circulate in life. In this process, we also encounter moments of crisis with major problems of life. The three areas where major problems can occur are survival, relationship, and sexuality. 

When you encounter major problems of life, you can recover only when you have the will to solve the problem without giving up. To be able to solve the problem wisely, you must first accurately understand the root cause. If you keep trying to solve the problem only basing your judgment on visible phenomena, you will encounter more or even bigger problems. 

If you depend on other people to solve problems of you life, you will also aggravate the situation. The anxiety and frustration you experience due to problems of life can never be recognized or understood by other people. Depending on other people for any matter of your life is likened to living other people's life. You must build the will power to be able to solve problems on your own. Problems will only grow as you blame others or yourself or develop dependency.

It is important to accurately understand the fundamental cause in solving the problem. Also, it is natural to go through trails and errors as you try to solve problems. However, trial and error will make you build problem solving abilities. Then, you will be able to solve even bigger problems without giving up or developing dependency. 

Many people focus on only the visible phenomena instead of the nature and the root cause of the problem. The first thing you need to do is to reflect upon yourself and your condition and restore your healthy psychology. Then, you can find the root cause of the problem itself and solve the problem in a practical way. As you try to find the root cause and solve the problem without maintaining or restoring healthy psychology, you are automatically led to blame yourself or others and develop dependency, which will only aggravate your psychological condition and the situation.

When you do not have healthy psychology in pain with anxiety and frustration, you may view the situation negatively and lose right judgment. You may involve other people in solving the problem and make the error of self-justification. You need time for self-reflection when you experience emotional difficulty, which will lead you to see everything more clearly and make right judgment. 

You will necessarily experience trials and errors trying to solve the problem even when you have healthy psychology. Trials and errors will make you build your own unique thought standards and your own problem solving ability. The more standards you have, the more abilities for judgment you will have. You must build the will power and keep making efforts to solve problems in the right way maintaining healthy psychology. When you try to solve the problem after finding the root cause, you first need the will power before anything to be able to keep making efforts without giving up or developing dependency. 

A simple example of solving a problem is a case of an argument between two people. Suppose you went into an argument as you have a conversation with someone. You ended up becoming emotional and yelling at each other. You must first stop interacting to be able to reach reconciliation. Then, you must find the root cause of the problem. If it is judged that you had an argument because you had different ideas, you must stop arguing and keep silence until you find the underlying cause of having different ideas. Finding the underlying cause will make you find the solution wisely. After solving the problem by acknowledging the difference in ideas, you can restore positive emotions toward each other. You don't have to find the cause of the emotional conflict since it occurred just because you didn't know the root cause of the problem. 

You must not let small problems pass by by avoidance or negligence since big problems will occur as a result of small problems being accumulated. As you try to solve small problems in the right way one by one as they occur, you will be able to prevent the occurrence of big problems and build problem solving abilities. 

Many people do not try to solve problems on their own and choose to blame themselves or others and develop dependency. They can never develop problem solving abilities and enter the vicious cycle of experiencing problems, giving up or developing dependency, and having bigger problems. They also have difficulty in self-actualization since they don't have the will power to overcome stress and wounds. We can live a meaningful and valuable life only when you take charge of your own life and solve problems on your own. 

People who do not live a life with healthy self-centeredness do not have basic problem solving abilities, and they are easily put in danger of being manipulated by other people. You must keep trying to solve your problems on your own even if you are clumsy and feel uncomfortable and unconfident. If you don't take actions fearing errors and failures, you will not be able to build problem solving abilities and live a life as you want. 

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How to build your own ability

Ability is the power to solve problems on your own. You are not born with abilities but you must build them with will power and efforts of your own. When you have abilities, you will do your best to solve problems by motivating yourself without giving up or avoiding. You must start by building basic abilities to solve small problems on your own to build greater abilities.

A baby who crawls will try to stand up and walk when time comes. When the mother keeps helping the baby with standing up every time he or she falls, the baby will not be able to build the ability to stand up on his or her own. The mother may help the baby a few times at first, but should let the baby control on his or her own just by watching. The baby will build confidence as he or she repeats falling and standing. When the baby has fully built confidence, he or she has built the ability to stand up. Knowing that he or she can stand up on his or her own, the baby will try to walk as the next stage. The baby has set the goal, made efforts continuously, built the ability, and achieved the goal. 

You need a specific and feasible goal to build the ability be it standing up, walking, or running. You may give up easily when the goal is too high and keeping will power and making efforts are too difficult. Also, memory plays an important part in building abilities. Knowledge, information, and experiences are combined in memory. You will acquire and accumulate knowledge and information that accord with your goal, which will be stored in your memory. Then, you will think about how to make use of your knowledge and information to achieve the goal. As you repeat this whole process, you will build habits of creativity, which is the core component that allows you to achieve the goal.        

When you have your own ideas based on acquired knowledge and information, you are to pursue your goal and take actions. You cannot achieve anything if you just think and worry without taking actions, whether they bring about good or bad results. Abilities are built in the process of trial and error taking actions, experiencing failures, and correcting strategies. You should also build the power to overcome failures through experiencing trial and error. You will accumulate experiences by analyzing the past trials and errors and complimenting strategies. 

You must believe in your own thought and go for it rather than just staying in the fear of failure. No success comes without trial and error. If you get lucky and succeed from only one trial, you will also collapse easily since you do not actually have the ability. You don't have to despair upon failure since it will serve as nutrients for the future success. Abilities are built when you make continuous efforts towards the goal with will power and habits of success. 

As you pursue self-actualization in human relationships, you are to face small and big problems repeatedly. When you confront and solve relational problems instead of giving up or avoiding, you will also build your own ability to solve problems. As you experience many trials and errors, you will have more thought standards and adequately deal with stress and psychological wounds. You will become confident and positive upon facing problems maintaining strong driving force.

Teenagers, who are in the phase of the formation of self-identity, must be allowed to take as many trials and errors as possible to be able to build their own thought standards and values through experiences. As parents keep protecting teenagers overly and decide for them, they will be deprived of opportunities to build their own abilities and end up developing dependency. 

Stress and psychological wounds are necessary in the pursuit of self-actualization in human relationships. You will develop psychological problems when you do not have the ability for recovery upon experiencing stress and wounds. This ability must also be built through your own experiences. You should learn what negative and positive situations can happen, how to deal with them, and how to read and judge others' expressions and behaviors. As you accumulate experiences in human relationships, you will build the ability to adequately address and overcome relational problems, raising the probability of success in both relationships and work and social life. 

Abilities are not inborn talent. Abilities are built through making continuous efforts toward the goal keeping the will power. Success will follow as you set your own goal, accumulate knowledge and information that accord with the goal, and keep making efforts experiencing trials and errors. Then, one day, you will be smiling at your past life looking back on every path you took. This is self-actualization and happiness of human life. 

All successful people have their own habits of success. That is, the habits of success result in the ability of success. However, the ability of success in one area should not be considered as the ability in other areas. When you set a new goal in a new area after succeeding in one area, you must start from the bottom by accumulating knowledge and information, building habits of success, and experiencing trials and errors as you already did in the area of your success. 

Different attitudes and values will determine different types of abilities even with identical knowledge and experiences. Some people will work hard in one area to achieve the expertise itself. Others will work hard in the same area to pursue financial success. The former will build the ability to become an expert, and the latter will build the ability to make money through the expertise. 

No great knowledge will lead you to success unless you take actions. No great experiences will lead you to creativity without knowledge and information. If you are already in your 40's and you don't have any basic ability, you can just start today by setting your own goal, acquiring knowledge and information, building habits of success by taking actions and correcting strategies based on trials and errors. You will naturally build abilities as you keep making efforts and one day you will find you are a successful person in your own way and you will smile at yourself and your life. 

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A mind crisis in life

We are to experience good times and bad times in life. When you look back on your life facing death in front of you, you will realize that life is a continuum with both uphill and downhill roads. The ups and downs of life experiences generate the whole range of human emotions such as joy, sorrow, pleasure, and anger. Emotions and feelings of happiness are generated in the process of the pursuit of self-actualization. Without the pursuit of self-actualization, there cannot exist emotions or feelings of happiness. When you face adversity while you are working hard for self-actualization and for happiness, you will necessarily feel that you are in a crisis situation. Some people who have never experienced a life crisis may panic and run about in confusion missing the safe spot and falling into an even more dangerous place. 

When you are prepared against crisis situations, you will stand strong in face of a crisis situation. You will stay firm and try to figure out the root cause and the nature of the problem. When you know the nature of the problem, you will know where to go and what to do to adequately cope with the situation. When you do not know the nature of the problem, you will only cling to the surface phenomena and even aggravate the condition. We are all to experience the crisis situation in life and we can never know when it will occur. It would be ideal to prepare for a mind crisis to overcome it wisely. Having sunny days for the whole month in a row does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. You never know whether you will have pouring rain or hail and it is wise to prepare a large umbrella just in case.

Most people want to live a peaceful and comfortable life, but it is impossible for you to pursue self-actualization and happiness in human relationships without any turbulence. You will experience both crises and opportunities depending on circumstances. It is easy to lose opportunities and it is hard to avoid crises. We experience many different situations and emotions in life. Three major emotions we feel with respect to the operation of psychology are emotions of comfort, pleasure, and frustration. Most people prefer the emotion of comfort, in which you have neither pleasure nor frustration and you are satisfied with what you have in life. Another type of emotion people like is pleasure, in which you enjoy what you are doing and what you have. When you experience the emotion of frustration, which no one wants, you will make efforts to solve the problem and when you solve the problem, you come back to comfort feeling happy. 

Humans are designed to live in the cycle of comfort, frustration, and pleasure. Human happiness is generated from experiencing the whole range of emotions in the cycle. You will naturally experience psychological frustration when you face a mind crisis in the midst of living in comfort. Then, you need to overcome the crisis and transfer to comfort or pleasure to maintain healthy psychology. When you stay in negative emotions for some prolonged time, you will develop psychological and other practical problems.      

You are considered to be in a crisis situation if you feel that life is painful and difficult. It is recognized only by yourself and people have different thought standards on what is a crisis since everyone has unique life experiences. A situation that is perceived as being a matter of little importance for one person may be perceived as being the biggest crisis ever causing frustration and despair for another person. 

Women feel that they are in a mind crisis when they lose meanings of life by losing feelings of love or the counterparty's passion toward them. Emotions of crisis are generated from within oneself rather than being given by other people and others cannot feel the identical emotions that you feel. Men feel that they are in a mind crisis when they cannot pursue values of life for future happiness. They experience emotions of crisis when they cannot find values to pursue or the pursuit of values is blocked by some external factors. Any crisis in life is either the crisis of meanings of life or that of values of life. 

Women are considered to have achieved meanings of life when they find a person toward whom they can have feelings of love and happiness. Men are considered to be happily working for future success when they are pursuing self-actualization. When women lose present happiness and when men lose future happiness, they feel they are in a crisis situation. Also, men experience emotions of crisis in their mind when they have achieved their life goal and cannot find another goal they can pursue. 

A mind crisis can occur when you are living in comfort. You may have thought that your life would just go as usual for the rest of your life, but one day, a typhoon hits and you are blown away helplessly. It is more dangerous to fall from the top to the bottom than from the middle to the bottom since the size of the fall is twice larger. Thus, people who consider themselves to be the best in many ways are more susceptible to experiencing more severe psychological difficulties than other people when they face a crisis situation. They may give up on overcoming the difficulties if they have never experienced or imagined such situations.         

You must gather your will power to overcome the crisis and also try to find the root cause of the problem to solve the current problem and prevent the recurrence. Then, you must make continuous efforts to restore and normalize the situation. Many great people have turned the failure into the source of nourishment for a greater success. The first hand experiences of trial and error are the most valuable resources in the pursuit of self-actualization and happiness. 

When you experience a mind crisis, you may panic and get confused but you yourself must find the way out for yourself, and then, you will be able to live a healthier and happier life than before you experienced the crisis. When you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, you cannot judge with reason and are likely to make mistakes falling down even further. You must try hard to get out of negative emotions and find the right way to restore healthy psychology and life by accurately understanding the nature of the phenomena. Comfortable life and pleasurable life can be achieved and maintained when you can adequately heal stress and treat wounds. When you cannot heal stress and treat wounds for a prolonged period of time, you will develop psychological disorders and eventually experience a crisis situation. When you try hard and overcome the crisis, you will achieve the feelings of happiness again. 

In order to build the ability to prevent crises, you can form habits of restoring positive moods and feelings in the cycle of comfort, pleasure, and frustration in daily life. When you are prepared for crises before you face them in reality, you will know what to do when a crisis comes. If you have achieved what you aimed for in life, now is the exact time to prepare for a mind crisis and set a new goal to pursue for further self-actualization and happiness. The same applies to people who are living in comfort at present. Children also must be trained to prepare for crises they cannot but experience in the course of life. They should be allowed to make mistakes and overcome difficulties on their own. They will learn and form habits on how to restore healthy psychology and advance with a new goal when they achieve one. 

It is crucial for a person in a mind crisis to build up will power and make efforts to restore healthy psychology and life. The crisis situation does not offer you any other choice than recovery or renunciation. Once you experience and overcome a mind crisis, you will not fear facing a crisis again since you know you can overcome and you also know how to. There is nothing more valuable than your own experiences in life. 

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The danger of materialism in the pursuit of happiness

Humans are designed to pursue happiness in relationships with other people. We must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology in order to pursue happiness in the right way instead of judging based on only visible phenomena. When you accurately understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology, you can analyze your own and other people's psychology and find the right way to pursue self-actualization and maintain healthy relationships. 

These days, many people put importance on making financial success in pursuing happiness. They think that the more money you have, the happier you become, so never stop making efforts to accumulate wealth by all means. We also see the phenomenon of 'the rich getting richer, and the poor getting poorer' adopting the concept of relativistic view on wealth. 

As an individual who lives in the world of materialism, you cannot just blame others or the society for the prevalence of materialism. You must first calmly reflect on whether financial success can be equated with happy life or whether you put more importance on other things in the pursuit of self-actualization. People who get used to the convenience of materialism tend to equate wealth with happiness. Some may employ immoral or illegal ways to accumulate wealth losing integrity as a human being. The society with many people who prioritize wealth over many other important matters will experience the polarization of wealth and other diverse social problems.

Happiness is not determined by the amount of money you have. You will become unhappy if you constantly compare yourself with someone who has more money than you no matter how much you already have. You can become absolutely happy with only basic necessities when you are satisfied with what you have. Happiness comes from inside yourself based on your own standards. Everyone has different standards for how much money you need to be rich and happy. If you live with the idea that the richer, the happier, you will not be able to be satisfied with your life forever. You will be anxious and nervous to get one more sheep when you already have 99 sheep. 

There are two ways to achieve financial success. One is to make efforts on your own and the other is to take others' achievement. The latter is easier than the former. The society is considered healthy when most people choose to make efforts on their own to achieve financial or other types of success. Some people focus on what they are interested in instead of financial success itself. They can develop their own ability in the area they are interested in with passion, will power, and constant efforts. They are highly likely to achieve success that is often accompanied by financial success. They may experience many incidents of trial and error in the process, but they do not stop pursuing their goal keeping pure passion. 

Many people try to succeed on their own for financial or other types of success. In the process, many people make efforts only to fail and despair. If you give up pursuing self-actualization thinking that you are unlucky or incapable, all the efforts you have made so far become nothing. You must think that you are not unlucky or incapable but  the opportunity has not come just yet, and must keep going. Also, you must not give up just because you are not recognized by other people. We all have the desire for recognition, but it should not be the major factor that stops you from making efforts with passion for your own goal of success. 

When you are satisfied with what you have now adopting only your own standards, you don't even have to apply the concept of financial success or 'the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer' in the pursuit of happiness. You must decide for yourself whether you really want to become richer than now or you are satisfied with the financial situation you are in now. If you decide that you want to become richer, you must examine whether you are building skills and abilities to become richer, or watching for an opportunity to take others' wealth. In the society where materialism prevails over other values, rich people are susceptible to losing their wealth any time since many people try to take their wealth at all costs, and distrust and corruption also prevail.

When you get immersed into what you like with pure passion, you become happy and generate even more passion, which may eventually be accompanied by financial success. When you pursue only financial success in your life with the concept of materialism neglecting other important values, it is unlikely that you become happy and you will be easily damaged by stress and wounds. Humans are designed to feel happy when they are in the process of pursuing self-actualization. As you connect and equate self-actualization with the accumulation of wealth more and more, you will become greedier and greedier discarding all other values. 

If you really want to achieve financial success keeping other important values, you should first build your own skills and abilities to achieve your goal. People who want to become rich but do not want to make efforts are considered to be not pursuing self-actualization of any type for happiness and have psychological problems. Make sure that you examine what your standard of happiness is and your psychological condition. You cannot become happy until you die when money becomes the only standard for happiness. Wealth itself is not anything wrong or improper, but adopting materialism in the pursuit of happiness is.

The most dangerous thing in the pursuit of human happiness is not poverty but despair. When you keep hope and keep making efforts to cultivate the wasteland, you will find the land full of fruitful plants and lively animals someday. Rich people will lose happiness when they become greedy enough to be anxious and nervous to gain one last sheep to have 100 sheep by all means. Not only despair but also greed are unnecessary elements in the pursuit of self-actualization for true happiness.

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People who truly pursue self-actualization keep simple and limited human relationships.

 

All human beings desire living happily with people they love and pursue happiness. Human mind also operates to pursue happiness of life. In the process, we not only pursue individual right and freedom but also acknowledge others' right and freedom maintaining harmony and order. Humans pursue self-actualization for meanings and values of life to achieve happiness in relationships. Women tend to focus more on meanings and men on values. 

Values to be pursued in self-actualization can be categorized into relational values, social values, and economic values. You can decide on one of the values, set specific goals, and pursue achievement in the area. When one goal is achieved, you must set another goal and continue to pursue self-actualization for future happiness. When you stop pursuing values of life after you become successful, you are considered to have stopped the pursuit of values and be susceptible to developing psychological problems. 

The pursuit of values makes humans happy less by getting the fruit of achievement but more by being engaged in the activities of pursuing. It makes you happy only when it is an ongoing process in your life. When you stop pursuing values of life because you have made a success or because you have failed in one endeavor, you cannot become happy. It is setting the goal and overcoming the difficulties to achieve the goal instead of staying in comfort or despair that produces and reinforces energy and passion. Continuing to pursue values for the whole life is success in a true sense. 

When you set a goal and begin to pursue values of life, you become to keep only necessary human relationships since you must focus more on what you pursue. Engaging yourself in all kinds of diverse relationships and activities may be fun and pleasurable but becomes less valuable. Some people get confused between the pursuit of values and that of meanings or focus on the activities of fun and pleasure more than on self-actualization. Then, their self-actualization is likely to be distorted and eventually fail. 

The same mechanism applies to the pursuit of meanings. You may meet as many people as you can until you find someone who is special in your life. Once you find your partner with whom you can pursue meanings of life, you will find yourself mingling with friends less than before. When a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, the woman pursues meanings and the man pursues values more intensely. The wife transforms her feelings of love into meanings of life and the husband transforms his passion toward her into energy for pursuing values more and more. 

When women form a relationship in which they can achieve meanings of life, they tend to get immersed into the relationship. Now that the wife has already achieved meanings of life in the relationship with the husband and children, she doesn't feel the desire to maintain or newly make other relationships. It is common for women to exclusively focus on the husband and children with happy mind. They don't have the desire to go out and see other people since they already have achieved love and happiness with meanings of life. 

A married woman with children seeking fun and pleasure outside her family indicates that her husband and children are not her objects of meanings of life. Such women keep diverse human relationships and spend a lot of time outside home. Women's feelings do not change easily, but those women are considered to have gone through the change of emotions and to be seeking feelings of love and happiness in relationships with people other than their husband and children. They become to focus more and more on moods than on feelings. 

Humans are designed to pursue meanings and values of life for self-actualization and happiness in relationships. Stress and wounds necessarily occur in this process. Happiness is achieved when you overcome stress and wounds in the process of pursuing self-actualization. A life with all emotions including joy, anger, pleasure, and sorrow is considered to be more fulfilling than a life with only comfort. Positive energy is produced when stress and wounds are properly managed as they occur, but problems occur in human relationships when stress and wounds are not adequately managed. Managing stress and wounds is crucial to pursue self-actualization in a healthy way.          

People who do not pursue self-actualization in human relationships will someday reflect on their life and realize that their life has been quite empty. They have not experienced the full range of emotions with ups and downs in adventures of life. The saying, 'Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet' accords well with this concept. 

When you pursue self-actualization in human relationships, all people involved have both right and responsibility. Therefore, balance with harmony and order in human relationships is required. One should not be overly self-centered or overly other-centered. People with overly other-centered psychology do not make efforts for self-actualization on their own. They try to pursue self-actualization through other people. They develop dependency on other people, so always rely on other people when problems occur. They lack the sense of self-respect and are easily taken advantage of by other people. Their life is likely to become a sand castle. 

On the contrary, people with overly self-centered psychology strongly believe that their own ideas are always right and try to have their own way in everything. They cannot stand when others go against their will and overreact to stress. They cause relational conflicts and experience difficulty in self-actualization since they cannot get along with other people. 

As the social structure becomes complex and competition fierce, many people get lost and despair in the process of self-actualization. It is recommended that you keep human relationships simple and limited so that you can focus on important matters in your life and achieve meanings and pursue values in a true sense. 

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Problems of publicizing individuals' experiences of sexuality and infidelity issues.

Many people openly share and discuss their own experiences regarding sexual issues and infidelity issues with other people. It attracts many other people's attention since they find other people's private experiences very interesting. However, sharing experiences of sexuality and infidelity with people in general is harmful for everyone involved in the activity. 

The issues of sexuality and infidelity are highly important and highly private areas of life in everyone, which must be kept to the person who experiences them directly. Any activity regarding the issues have great impacts on people's psychology. Any activity that publicizes one's sexuality and infidelity issues has great negative impacts on everyone involved. People who are exposed to other people's experiences indirectly, usually through mass media, become to go through the process of emotional assimilation and develop psychological problems as if they were exposed to traumatic incidents for themselves. 

Publicizing your experiences of sexuality and infidelity leads people to get involved in thinking and talking about the matter. People compare, contrast, and juxtapose the incident with their own situation and become assimilated to the psychology of the person who directly experienced the incidents thereby developing or aggravating their own psychological problems. They begin to mix their experiences and other people's experiences in their thought regarding sexuality and infidelity issues, and get vicarious satisfaction, which guides their life into a wrong direction. 

You may also develop the psychology of compensation out of the sense of defeat by being exposed to other people's experiences of sexuality and infidelity issues and identifying yourself with them. You may look for more sensational and more dramatic incidents to enjoy the excitement of looking into other people's private life. Then, you may develop the consciousness disorder as you argue and self-justify.

Experiences of sexuality and infidelity issues must stay private and are not to be shared with other people let alone being publicized for everyone to see. It is a pity that mass media and social media are leading people to publicize their private life easily and freely view others' private life. Learning about sexuality and infidelity without relating them to a specific person can become valuable information and knowledge, but when they are connected to a specific person, they have negative impacts on psychology of everyone exposed to them. 

Some people even take advantage of people's enthusiasm for looking into other people's private life by openly promoting the publicity of private matters and making it into a profitable business. People who promote the publicity of private matters are perpetrators and people who are exposed to and enjoy looking into others' experiences of sexuality and infidelity issues are victims. 

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Understanding your counterparty's psychology

 

You may wonder what the other person is feeling and thinking when he or she keeps silence and does not express feelings and thoughts. You may be stressed and wounded when the other person is so sweet to you when he or she feels good but completely changes to a different person when he or she is in negative emotions. All of us get stressed and wounded when our thoughts and other people's thoughts are different. You won't have problems when you can manage your emotions properly on your own, but you experience psychological difficulties when you cannot. 

You must understand how the other's mind and psychology operate in order to understand what he or she feels and thinks. We usually judge other people based on their speech and actions. However, judging other people's psychology based only on what is visible is likely to be erroneous. Rather, we should be able to understand the underlying mechanism, which is unseen on the surface. 

The occurrence of emotions of feeling good or bad is the signal that psychology is in operation. However, we cannot know the state of other people's emotions if they do not express their moods or feelings. Even if they express their moods or feelings, it is not guaranteed that the expression is true to their real emotions. There are two ways to analyze the other's psychology. One is to analyze the other's speech and actions. The other is to analyze the other's psychology based on your own emotions that develop in the interactions with the person. You can apply the first way only when the person and you are in a close relationship where both of you feel comfortable to be together. 

You can take into account three types of people to understand your counterparty's psychology. The first type is people who blame other people when problems occur. They are also good at self-justification. They consider only their own emotions important and disregard other people's emotions. They think in self-centered ways, so they are happy when things go as they want but they cannot stand when things do not go as they want causing relational conflicts and problems. They may readily attack anyone who disagrees on their thoughts and actions. They see everything only from their own perspective, so they are easily stressed and wounded when there is discrepancy between their thoughts and opinions and those of other people. 

The second type is people who blame themselves. They always suppress their moods and feelings. They would jump into the conclusion that the problem is in themselves without attempting to probe into the cause of problems. They are other-centered, so they consider others' feelings and opinions more important than their own. When they are stressed and wounded, they consider it as coming from themselves. They blame themselves even when they are obviously betrayed by other people. They lack both the sense of self-confidence and that of self-respect. They are usually depressed and experience psychological difficulties. 

The third type is people who become dependent on other people when problems and conflicts occur in relationships. They do not attempt to solve problems on their own, but they depend on the counterparty or avoid problems by taking distractions such as hobbies, study, or work. They are susceptible to developing addiction since they keep seeking consolation and attention from people or activities. 

People who blame others will try to do everything as they please. They are also susceptible to addiction since they easily fall for whatever they like without thinking rationally. They are also prone to developing the consciousness disorder since they are absolutely convinced that their own ideas are right. People who blame themselves are not good at expressing themselves, so they are susceptible to developing depression or panic disorder. People who are dependent on people or activities are susceptible to developing addiction and depression simultaneously, so their psychological conditions are likely to be more severe.           

You will not develop psychological problems if you properly manage stress and wounds in relationships. However, when you cannot manage stress and wounds properly for a long enough time, you may develop psychological disorders in spite of yourself. Psychological problems can be solved by taking activities of diversion, but psychological disorders require proper psychology treatment. You must control and take care of your moods and feelings in order to maintain healthy psychology. 

If you are curious about other people's psychology, you must be able to observe and analyze your own psychological condition. If you feel uncomfortable to interact with someone, it indicates that you have different psychological operation with him or her. On the contrary, if you feel comfortable to interact with someone, it indicates that you have identical psychological operation with him or her. If you have judged that you have psychological problems and you find being with someone comfortable, you can assume that person also has a similar type of psychological problems. 

When you have developed psychological disorders due to accumulated stress and wounds, you cannot get along well with people with normal psychology. When you develop psychological disorders, you think and feel in the opposite way from normal people, so interactions and communications with them become difficult and uncomfortable. You will find interacting with people with similar types of psychological conditions pleasurable and comfortable.          

Self-centered people would try to take advantage of other people to suit their needs. They do not care about damage inflicted upon others by their actions and blame other people when they are not satisfied. Other-centered people are prone to being taken advantage of by self-centered people. They are credulous and blame themselves for being deceived. Dependent people can be said to be living not their own life but other people's life. They are easily approached by people with selfish purposes. They keep changing people who they can depend on after being used and abandoned without even realizing that they were used and abandoned since they do not have the ability to judge on their own. 

You will not get stressed or wounded much in a relationship if you accurately understand your own and the other's psychological condition. Also, since moods and feelings are operated and recognized only within yourself and you are the only one who can manage your emotions and psychology, you can reduce stress and wounds in relationships if you can control your own moods and feelings in daily life. 

You can judge whether people are self-centered, other-centered, or dependent by observing their reactions when they are stressed and wounded in relational interactions. The mechanism explained above applies to both you and your counterparty. In order to understand your counterparty's psychology, you must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology.

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The underlying cause of surface phenomena in human psychology

 

Any surface phenomenon results from the underlying cause. If a woman falls in love with a man, it may be because she finds him charming, humorous, or warm-hearted. If you fail in a business, it may be because you miscalculated the prospect of the market, or expanded the business beyond your capability. The result or the surface phenomenon tells where you are now, and there is always the root cause that brought about the current situation. 

Human mind is designed to pursue happiness. Your psychological pain and difficulties indicate that your mind is operating to find the cause of misfortune and restore healthy psychology and happiness. The first and foremost thing to do to restore happiness is self-reflection. When we live in comfort and pleasure, we hardly self-reflect and just think that this state will last forever. Life without self-reflection is susceptible to developing into problems and conflicts. 

The surface phenomena can be of two types with respect to human happiness. One is when you have positive moods and feelings and the other is when you have negative moods and feelings. Moods and feelings are viewed as surface phenomena that are sensed in the conscious. Positivity or negativity sensed in the conscious does not necessarily directly reflect the underlying cause or mechanism of mind and psychology.

All humans are born with mind and psychology. Mind simply operates following the operational mechanism and never stops or changes its operation from birth till death. Mind protects psychology and psychology manifests the operation of mind in the conscious. Knowledge and past experiences are accumulated to be activated onto the operation of perception, memory, and expression. That is, psychology is the end result of the operation of mind based on all the past experiences from birth to the present. You recognize positive or negative moods or feelings at present by the operation of the conscious, and the unconscious is operating to activate the memory from the past experiences to allow the conscious to operate. 

It does not imply that specific facts that happened in the past are directly relevant to the present psychological condition. It is rather the current operation of the unconscious and the conscious that is manifested as psychology and directly affects the current psychological condition. Many people including so-called psychology experts depend on the operation of the conscious to analyze the current manifestation of psychology neglecting the operation of the unconscious as the underlying cause of the surface phenomena. Solutions to the current issues cannot be found without understanding the underlying cause of the problem.      

People who experience both positive and negative emotions must reflect upon their psychological conditions and exactly how their life is going. Unfortunately, the current trend is that people with negative emotions keep clinging to the negative surface phenomena and aggravate stress and wounds, and people with positive emotions are busy getting immersed into positive emotions and hardly reflect upon their current condition. Not many people reflect upon the underlying cause of their psychological condition asking where such excruciating pain or such exciting sensation comes from in the first place and why their life is unfolding the way it is. Analyses and actions taken based on the surface phenomena necessarily lead to the aggravation of matters in psychological and practical perspectives.

You may feel comfortable temporarily when you address surface phenomena, but the condition actually gets aggravated growing the underlying problem. You must address the underlying cause in order to completely break free from pain and difficulties. You must restore healthy psychology instead of resorting to diversion to feel better every time you experience stress and wounds from relational conflicts. You need to accurately understand how the unconscious and the conscious work in mind to be manifested in psychology.

People who are satisfied with the current life hardly try to find out how they have reached the current condition of satisfaction. They must look around to judge whether they are inflicting any damage onto other people in pursuing their own fun and pleasure. When you form habits of pursuing fun and pleasure at the expense of others' pain and damage, you will never adopt self-reflection to maneuver your life for true happiness. People who pursue fun and pleasure are considered to have more severe psychological problems than people in pain and difficulties. People in pain and difficulties tend to adopt self-reflection in pursuit of recovery and happiness. People in fun and pleasure hardly think that they have problems and fall for fun and pleasure more and more. They will follow the conscious and positive sensory stimulations by all means making it almost impossible to restore normal psychology. When people in negative emotions suddenly seek diversion and pursue fun and pleasure, it indicates that their psychology has been aggravated even more. 

The most common measures people take to address surface phenomena are self-blame, other-blame, and dependency. They self-justify and give up restoring healthy psychology and happiness by adopting one of the above measures. Such measures also aggravate the condition and deprive them of opportunities to resolve the issue in the right way. 

You must adopt self-reflection whether you are in positive or negative emotions to restore or maintain healthy psychology. If you find that problems in your life tend to repeat, it is also an indicator that you need to actively look for the root cause of the problem through self-reflection. When you cannot find the underlying cause of the surface phenomena through self-reflection, you can seek professional help with the matter. We must always reflect on our psychological conditions and bear in mind that surface phenomena are only the manifestation of the underlying operation of mind and psychology. 

    

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Birth, growth, aging, and death of the body and the mind

 

     Human beings go through the process of birth, growth, aging, and death of both the body and the mind. The body and the mind are inter-connected, so      the well-being of one affects the well-being of the other. When your body is sick, your mind can become weak, and vice versa. As children's body must be nourished for healthy growth, children's mind also need proper nourishment and protection for healthy development. 

     For the body and the mind grow and stay healthy, survival must be guaranteed first, so the development of child psychology focuses on survival until they become about 5 years old. Children under the age 5 hardly develop psychological problems when they are physically protected and well fed with tender loving care. When children are guaranteed for survival for the first 5 years or so, their psychological development begins to focus on adapting to human relationships. Children can maintain healthy psychology as far as they form good relationships with people around them until they become about 12 years old. 

     Then, children's psychological development focuses on the formation of self-identity during teenage years. They must be able to form their own thought standards and experience as many trials and errors as possible. Finally, when they become adults, they begin to pursue self-actualization in relationships with other people. They pursue values and meanings in life and being happy together with other people, and this process continues until they die. 

     Some people die when they are young, and others maintain health and live long. The physical conditions are different for every individual and individuals experience different physical conditions during their life, but we all wish for a healthy and long life. The same applies to the life of the mind. Everyone experiences unique and different psychological conditions during life, and we all wish for healthy and long life of our mind. 

     When children are not taken good care of during the growth period, they may have not only physical but also psychological problems even when they become adults. Children who do not receive proper care from parents during the phase of adaptation to relationships may suffer from difficulties with forming and maintaining good relationships with people. Teenagers who are deprived of opportunities to form their own thought standards may suffer from lack of confidence and tendency of dependency. They are more likely to develop psychological problems and relational conflicts when they become adults.          

     Psychological problems may be aggravated and developed into psychological disorders. Psychological disorders may be aggravated to the point where one's mind and psychology completely collapse unless they are properly treated. Then, the mind is considered to be dead even if the person's body is living. 

     Human beings are designed to pursue happiness with healthy mind in relationships with other people. However, when you have psychological disorders, you cannot maintain healthy relationships with other people and cannot achieve happiness in a true sense. People with psychological disorders inflict damage upon others and destroy human relationships with distorted self-conviction and irrational behaviors. 

     When your body is sick, you must provide the body with proper care and treatment. The same applies to the care of mind. When your child is sick, you would take all measures within your power to help him or her recover. It is also parents' responsibility to provide good care for children's mind and psychology. They must provide children with proper nourishment for each developmental phase of psychology until children become adults. 

     People show less concern about their mind having problems compared with their body having problems. Many people just take measures of diversion such as talking with friends or doing fun things. Some may try to forget and suppress their emotions or just ignore since they do not consider it as a serious matter. All of these approaches contribute to the aggravation of the condition forecasting more problems and more pain in the future. 

     The body becomes weak as you get older, and the mind gets weak as you stop pursuing self-actualization. Human beings need to experience a wide range of emotions to achieve emotions of happiness in the process of self-actualization. No one can do without ups and downs of emotions as sources of happiness in the course of life. When you stop pursuing self-actualization, you cannot experience the whole range of emotions and cannot generate emotions of happiness. Then, your mind is considered to have got old and weak. The aging of the mind has nothing to do with the aging of the body. The concept of happiness is lost when you decide to retire from self-actualization and you exist only as an individual without human relationships.     

     When you retire and decide to live as you please focusing only on survival, human relationships are not important in your life any more. You don't have to learn new things or adapt yourself to new environments and may develop more and more self-conviction and self-justification. It also happens when young people decide to retire early and just enjoy personal life without pursuing self-actualization. Their mind is considered to be old even when their biological age is young. 

       We must do our best to maintain psychological health as well as physical health throughout the life time. We cannot choose when to be born and when to die, but we can choose other matters. Our body is designed to pursue physical health and our mind is designed to pursue happiness, which is achieved through experiencing both positive and negative emotions in human relationships instead of pursuing comfort and pleasure. It is crucial to accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and maintain the psychological balance to live happily through the journey of life.

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People you should avoid

 

There are people who you should avoid interacting with. Many people do not know about this concept and do not know how to avoid those people, so they experience difficulties in relationships. When you are in a good relationship having fun and comfort together, you cannot tell whether they are people you should avoid or not. You can tell what kind of people they are by looking at their speech and actions they take when they experience difficulties from stress and wounds. 

People display three types of responses when they experience pain or crisis. The first is to become dependent on other people, religion, study, or hobbies to break away from pain and crisis and achieve comfort. The second is to blame themselves for their pain and crisis. The third is to blame other people or the society. Many people fall for dependency, self-blame, or other-blame upon experiencing difficulties in life.        

In the first type, you don't have to avoid them if you can and want to take responsibility for the person who wants to become dependent on you. It not, you will only aggravate the person's condition by letting them become dependent on you. When they become dependent on you, they may even perceive that the damage you inflict upon them as benefits for them. As the relationship progresses, you may end up being a perpetrator without intention. It may look cold to refuse to help and sever the relationship, but it actually benefits both you and them when you cannot take full responsibility to take care of them. 

In the second type, they keep blaming themselves for their pain and crisis and they usually do not harm other people. They will try to take full responsibility for their pain and crisis, and find causes in themselves. They may not be able to break away from pain and crisis even when others offer help or consolation. It is recommended that you provide them with encouragement and consolation to help them overcome pain and crisis. When no one offers help, they keep blaming themselves more and more and may end up destroying their life in many ways. You can form a good relationship with them when you offer help to them, so they do not belong to people who you should avoid. 

In the third type, you can be damaged by their behaviors so you need to avoid them by all means. You should not provide them with help or consolation when they are suffering from pain and crisis since they are highly likely to blame you for their misfortune in the future. 

People who become dependent, blame themselves, or blame others can develop psychological disorders. There are two types of psychological disorders. One is the disorder of positivity and the other is the disorder of negativity. People with the disorder of negativity live in pain and difficulties whereas people with the disorder of positivity take advantage of other people to pursue their own fun and pleasure. The disorder of negativity usually occurs in people with the issue of dependency or self-blame. They suffer from depression and panic disorder and hardly inflict damage on other people.

On the other hand, the disorder of positivity occurs in people with the issue of other-blame. They develop addiction and the consciousness disorder and pursue fun and pleasure at all costs. They are convinced that others rather than themselves cause problems, and do not hesitate to bother other people to pursue their own fun and pleasure. They cannot stand the slightest stress and wounds when things do not turn out as they want, blaming other people. They are active and good at pursuing fun and pleasure with others, but they start blaming others the moment they cannot have their own way. You don't have to avoid people with the disorder of negativity, but you should avoid people with the disorder of positivity by all means.

When you do not avoid people with the disorder of positivity and keep interacting with them, you also may end up developing the disorder of positivity and ruin your own life and lives of others. People with the disorder of positivity will invite you to live like them prioritizing having fun and pleasure over everything else. They contribute to turning more and more people into people with the disorder of positivity.

You may decide on avoidance by keeping a certain distance with people who belong to the three types and wait until they recover instead of completely severing the relationship. When you are convinced that it is impossible for them to recover, you can sever the relationship with them. Any one can experience pain and crisis and display one of the three characteristics in the process. Anyone can develop the psychological disorder of negativity or positivity. When you experience pain and crisis, it also indicates that the chance has come for you to restore healthy psychology. When you do not restore healthy psychology but develop psychological disorders, you are highly likely to live unhappily and damage other people. 

By understanding the mechanism of dependency, self-blame, and other blame, you can manage your relationships with other people adequately in a way that benefits both you and your counterparty. 

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Qualifications for psychology counseling

When you experience psychological difficulties and cannot solve the problem on  your own, you may seek help from psychology counseling.  The counselor has professional knowledge and abilities to help solve  psychological problems. 

Counselors must have professional knowledge on psychology treatment and abilities to induce the counselee's underlying problems to be expressed for proper treatment. However, there are more important abilities and qualifications a competent counselor needs to have to provide the counselee with proper guidance regarding the restoration of healthy psychology. 

The first and foremost is the ability to distinguish among psychological problems, psychological disorders, and severe mental conditions that require medical intervention. Psychological problems can be improved and solved by psychology counseling, but psychological disorders need to be treated with proper treatment methods other than psychology counseling. Applying psychology counseling to treat psychological disorders may only aggravate the pathological condition. 

Many people mistake symptoms of psychological disorders for those of psychological problems, which leads to applying psychology counseling to treat psychological disorders. It is as if you prescribed cold medicine to a patient of cancer. When the condition is diagnosed as a psychological disorder, the counselor should apply a psychology treatment method that is designed for the specific condition instead of providing psychology counseling. The case may have to be referred for a medical consultation when the condition is even more serious. 

The second is the ability to heal and treat their own stress and wounds.        Counselors are stressed and wounded a lot through counseling practices since they have to keep perceiving negative information during counseling sessions. They are in a situation where they can easily develop psychological problems. Counselors can also build up stress and wounds through study, work, and other life matters. They need to establish the psychology healing system for themselves, and be able to treat their own psychological problems and disorders. 

When the counselor does not have the healing system for themselves, the counselee's psychological condition keeps being aggravated as well as the counselor's condition. Then, the counseling itself gets distorted in procedures and results. Improper counseling may contribute to aggravating a mild case of psychological problem to a severe psychological disorder. 

The third is the ability to provide the counselee with a comfortable enough atmosphere but to prevent the counselor and the counselee from building rapport at the same time. The counselor must be able to communicate with the counselee effectively and let the counselee freely express his or her thoughts and feelings employing diverse counseling techniques. However, they must not form rapport to the extent that they develop some personal relationship or the counselee becomes dependent on the counseling or the counselor. 

Competent counselors must have the three qualifications described above, on top of which they can build professional knowledge and counseling skills. Professional knowledge and counseling skills without the three fundamental qualifications will only lead to the advancement of the counselee's pathological condition. 

Psychology counseling has been prevailing as a way to solve psychological problems and treat psychological disorders. Many people misunderstand that psychology counseling is a proper treatment method not only for psychological problems but also for psychological disorders, which is not the case at all. Incorrect application of psychology counseling only produces more and more severe cases of psychological disorders in the society. This mechanism also applies to lay people's giving advice to people who have psychological problems. Mentoring and sharing thoughts and emotions for psychological issues must be approached with great care and caution. Some people even take advantage of vulnerable people in disguise of philanthropic intention and professional knowledge. 

Anyone who suffers from psychological difficulties easily falls for attention, consolation, and encouragement from other people especially from so-called experts. A truly competent and benevolent counselor would never neglect any of the three important qualifications in practicing psychology counseling. 

 

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