Korea Institute of Psycho-education

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

8/07/2024

[Mother Therapy] Mom's facial expressions and words

Mothers say things like: “You need to wash your hands when you get back from going out” “Stop playing video games.”“Did you do your homework? You should do it.” “Brush your teeth, it's time to go to bed.” “Get up early, you can't stay up too late.” “No, you can't do that. You should do this.” “Stop looking at your phone and study.”

As a mom, you say these things to help your kids, but what about your children? They hear it as a nag, not as a confirmation or as a routine, but why? It's because you're not looking happy and you're talking from a mom's perspective.

Have you ever thought about the facial expressions you have when you're talking to someone? When you're talking to other people, you don't really know what you're looking like, but they know very well because they're looking at you. In other words, they know how you look but you don't.

If your children feel they are nagged all the time no matter what you say, you probably don't usually have a smile on your face. Of course, if you're talking to them repeatedly from your point of view, you're going to sound even more nagging and they're likely to close their ears. Even if you're talking to them in a way that makes sense from their point of view, if you're talking to them at length, they're likely to say, “Okay, okay, stop nagging me,” and you're left feeling hurt by the child's expression.

If you treat a middle schooler the same way you treat a kindergartner, you're going to run into trouble. But there is one thing that doesn't change regardless of the age or developmental phase of a child. It is the mother’s happy and smiling face. Even if you're saying the same thing, your facial expression can make all the difference in the world to your child. Studies have shown that a mom's facial expressions have a huge impact on her child's emotions, especially the younger the child, and that her facial expressions alone can change their emotions.

Even if you're feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted today, try talking to your child with a smile on your face. Your child may be confused at first because you don't look as usual but just smile anyway. Before you know it, your child will be smiling back.

https://youtu.be/lL01DfyVsb8?si=oWnUBjyA_hG8S_0J

https://youtu.be/U-xrNaLR83Q?si=NT05arU6RAe4Y041

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Sex & Xes] Sex men want vs. sex women want

Today we're going to talk about the kind of sex men and women want to have. Xesmind activates xes energy to generate moods and feelings in mimind. Having sex creates the most powerful energy and generates moods of pleasure and feelings of love, which are much stronger than general moods and feelings.

Men and women view sex differently. Men generally think of sex as pleasure because it generates moods of passion in men, not feelings of love. Of course, there are some men who assume strong connection between sex and love, or that love is what drives sex, but essentially, healthy male psychology makes men think of sex as something that is just pleasurable.

When a man first sees a woman, he develops passion for her that centers around the pleasure of sex. Then, after a long period of time together and after marriage, the man's subconscious creates love for the woman, and he no longer perceives her as an object of pleasure.

Women, on the other hand, typically think of sex as love. Women don't think of sex itself as something pleasant or pleasurable. Not only that, but when a woman first sees a man, she's not interested in sex per se, nor does she perceive him as a sexual object. When a woman with normal psychology develops a crush on a man, it takes quite some time for this to evolve into love, and only when she's sure she's in love, does she decide to engage in sexual activity.

In a woman's xes psychology, feelings of attraction, love, and sexual actions are connected together as a sequence, and in a man’s xes psychology, passion, sexual actions, and love are separate from one another. The process of developing a relationship must be adapted to the development of a woman's feelings instead of men’s moods.

Sometimes women adapt themselves to men in order to be loved, and these relationships cannot last long. Men can wait until a woman is ready to engage in sexual actions because they can maintain their passion for the woman with or without sexual actions. However, if a woman is unsure of her love but still engages in having sex because she wants to be loved by the man or because she wants to fit in, it becomes a relationship that focuses on the man's pleasure. A relationship that is all about pleasure without love and passion for the partner will quickly wither away.

If mimind is not functioning normally and is disturbed, distortion of sexuality occurs, resulting in psychological disorders. When xesmind is working on mimind, a normal man is supposed to think about sex and pleasure but he does not equate it with love, but a man with a psychological disorder may mistake it for love for the partner. As he equates the moods of pleasure triggered by the woman's responses from talking to eating to touching with love, he becomes more and more immersed in them, and sexual actions are naturally intensified. Seeing themselves immersed in the woman's responses, they become more and more convinced that they are in love.

In women, on the other hand, when xesmind works on mimind, the feelings of attraction and love should have been created first, but when their mimind is disturbed and psychological disorders develop, they may chase the positive moods of pleasure to cap their psychological wounds. Their mimind has already lost its ability to treat wounds, and as xesmind directly works only on the body without being screened through mimind, it seeks only pleasure. Women who insist that women also should focus on sexual enjoyment are considered to be suffering from the psychological disorder of wound dissociation.

Passion and love are both perceived and felt in the consciousness in mimind. When this goes further and becomes a habit in each other's unconscious minds, love and passion are not felt in the conscious anymore, so you may feel like you're not even the opposite sex, but you are unconsciously in love without even realizing it. It is important to know what kind of sex men and women want and to have clear standards so that there will be no misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

8/05/2024

[Mother Therapy] Working mom's strategies for school vacation

It's summer vacation season. While kids are excited to be out of school, for working parents, this time of year can be even more stressful than during the school season. As kids are home for longer periods of time, working parents have more things to keep track of, from meals to activities to safety, which can be stressful and intimidating. Here are a few ways to make the most of this time.

First, get kids involved in programs offered by their school or community. It's great for them to know they're in a safe space so they can focus on their work, and it's great for them to make new friends and experience different activities. There are many different programs for different age groups, so take advantage of them.

Second, you can enlist the help of family and friends. You can share your child's schedule with family and friends and coordinate with them to help with childcare, or you can share childcare with neighbors or other parents, which can really help during the school holidays.

Third, it's also a good idea to give kids opportunities to develop skills that will allow them to do things for themselves when parents are not around. This may include packing a prepared lunch, cleaning up after themselves, or doing chore missions around the house. If they do a good job, you can reward them with a small allowance or other rewards.

Fourth, we all know that keeping your body and mind healthy is a key factor in balancing work and parenting. In fact, when moms are psychologically stable, their children feel loved and cared for, which strengthens the bond between mothers and children, and positively impacts their children, even if they don't have much time to spend with children due to busy work schedule. Do your best to take time to take care of your body and mind by exercising regularly, eating well, and taking time for yourself every now and then even when you are busy with everything. Don't wait until you're really drained, but recharge yourself beforehand.

You may think of many other things that will work for your situation and environment during school vacation, and remember that the most important thing is your own physical and mental health. When you're healthy and happy, you're better able to balance work and parenting and still keep yourself and your family happy.

https://youtu.be/Wv_6yNqEsEM?si=d18A4IvPa8yKP-_y

https://youtu.be/GsZDVNkOeJ4?si=g0lki0SO-rJHmKmf

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

7/31/2024

[Sex & Xes] Excess sexual desire

If you're a woman who's ever experienced excess sexual desire, you know what it's like: you're thinking about sex all day long, your body feels sexually aroused all day long, and you can't get enough relief even after you have sex. You're so overwhelmed by sexual desire that it's hard to maintain a normal life. Some people equate excess sexual desire with paraphilia or psychosis. This is because they've never actually experienced it and do not accurately understand how human mind and sexuality work. The tragic result is that many people misunderstand excess sexual desire as something perverted and obscene.

Let's start by looking at why excess sexual desire occurs. When the human mind experiences wounds and stress, it develops a desire to repair itself, and its energy is activated to do so. For ordinary wounds and stresses, the mind can handle this sufficiently, but when the wounds become too deep and powerful, xesmind begins to be activated strongly to repair it. Xesmind creates the energy to make the mind work.

We disperse our xes energy evenly to work, raise children, and live with love and passion, but we experience excess sexual desire when all this dispersed energy is focused on sex to heal a big wound. It's an overwhelming sexual desire, which is essentially an intense desire to heal wounds and restore healthy mind.

What would happen when you accurately understand the concept of excess sexual desire and create the ability to control your energy? You could channel all that energy toward happiness, not sex. In order to do so, you must first heal your wounds and return to a neutral state of mind instead of a negative state, so that you can direct the energy of your xesmind to where you want it to go. If the wound is not healed first, then you will go straight to some kind of addiction with powerful energy of immersion. If you love with a lot of wounds in mimind, it becomes an obsession, not love. Normal love is about feeling additional feelings of happiness on top of a neutral state of emotion, but obsession is about constantly craving love from the other person in order to recover from a negative state of emotion.

What happens if you raise a child in a state of excess sexual desire? You'll either become a helicopter mom or you'll abuse your child. When you pour all the energy you can’t even handle into your child, how could the child bear it?

Men's excess sexual desire is a little different from women's. By women's standards, all normal men are in a state of excess sexual desire. They always have a certain degree of sexual desire and use it as energy of passion to pursue values of life. However, there are times when a man's sexual desire is just too much even by men’s standards. This happens when a cause they are passionate about and immersed in stops working, when a business fails, when there's a major crisis at home, or in extreme situations such as wife infidelity. All of these may cause in men an over-activation of xesmind in order to get back on track and pursue happiness normally.

Excess sexual desire can occur in young men too, usually when they lose enthusiasm about their studies, their career, or their future. They're at an age where they're supposed to be very enthusiastic about the future, but when that's not happening, all their energy may go into their sex drive. If these men are able to channel their passion for pursuing values smoothly, their excess sexual desire will disappear. People who don't know the mechanism of mimind and xesmind call it a mental illness, and some people advise them to exhaust their body by working out, but the problem is that exhausting your physical strength has nothing to do with sexual desire because desire is a thought.

Please, remember that even if you are struggling with energy that you can't handle at the moment, you can learn to use imcomparably great energy for your happiness by understanding the mechanism of human mind and sexuality and by building the ability to control it.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

7/24/2024

[Mother Therapy] Is this the same son I knew?

Does your adolescent son make no sense to you? Do you wonder what's in his head? Don't know what the heck is wrong with him? Then, just stand by him, trust him, and he'll go through it on his own. Adolescence is an inevitable and necessary part of growing up. He has been learning how to relate to people in a sheltered environment so far, and now he is creating his own thought standards, which is naturally accompanied by anxiety and confusion, and then, there's the physical changes called secondary sex characteristics, and you are having a very disconcerting experience with your son who's not the same as before.

As a mom, it's hard to accept the unfamiliarity of your son, and you try to talk to him, soothe him, and argue with him to get him back to the way he used to be. It's unnerving to think that he's becoming less and less like the child you once knew.

Of course, you went through puberty yourself, so you often look at your child through the lens of your own experience, but you are looking at the situation from the perspective of the mother but not the child, and his circumstances and environment are completely different from yours. You are a woman, so it is hard for you to know about the changes in boys during that period. If you look at your son through the lens of your own experience, you are bound to make a lot of errors.

So you send an SOS to your husband and tell him to do something about it, but he says, “Leave him alone,” which can make you feel like he's not interested in parenting and that only you are freaking out, but that's not the case. He's actually offering a good solution, and you're just feeling frustrated and upset that he didn't say it the way you thought he would.

Your son needs time to himself while he's still developing his own thought standards. This doesn't mean you shouldn’t care whatever he does. It means you should care but not interfere. Sometimes the mother has limited thought standards, so she cannot see him from a lot of different perspectives. He may be doing something wrong, but if he's not hurting anyone or getting into legal problems, share your experiences and information with him, but don't push it. If you're consistent and trusting, he'll form his own healthy thought standards through trial and error, and the day will come when you'll look at each other and smile as if you never had had this conflict.

We're all different, but we make the mistake of assuming that others will be like us, especially in intimate relationships. If you recognize your son as an independent person and support his growth, he'll find his own way. It may not make sense by your standards, but just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's all wrong. You can use your son's adolescence as an opportunity not only for him but also for you to grow.

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https://youtu.be/Qmzsdt31050?si=RAcln2tZ-k-RMWg3

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Sex & Xes] Sex for happiness vs. sex for pleasure

Sex can have either positive or negative effects on humans. The effects of sex are so powerful that they are more extreme than others. When we have sex, our xes psychology comes into play, and it always works in conjunction with our psychology. It's actually psychology that's felt in conscious, and xes psychology operates without being recognized in the conscious.

When a man's psychology is positively affected by his xes psychology, it becomes a source of passion for him. Compared with the passion generated by positive moods in everyday life, the passion generated through having sex is very powerful, so if you pursue values for happiness based on the passion generated through sex, you will be able to immerse yourself in the pursuit of values more powerfully. This is the case where sex works positively in a man’s life.

Also, when a woman's psychology is positively affected by sex, her feelings of love grow. Even if she fights and struggles with her man, when the xes psychology is activated through having sex with him, xes energy is transformed into feelings of happiness as it heals her wounds, and the feelings of love for her partner grow. When the feelings of love grow, the woman feels that she has a meaningful life and happiness. The love and meanings of life that sex creates for a woman in a positive way is the happiness she feels. When sex works positively for men, activating strong passions and values, men also feel happiness.

However, when sex works in a negative way in men, with xes psychology being distorted, psychological disorders occur. In this case, xes energy, which is much greater than general energy, acts as a destructive force. Although men's passion and value pursuits are increased through sex, they become passion and value pursuits for sex and pleasure, not for happiness in life. Then, they perceive sex as the most important thing in life, and they think that without sex, they are not happy.

The same applies to women. They feel so much love and so much meanings of life through sex, and sex becomes the object of their love. Then, they think that if they don't have sex, they can’t love, and if they don't have sex, their partner doesn't mean anything to them. Their children, who cannot be the object of sex, become nothing. Psychologically disturbed women with distorted concepts of sexuality don't take good care of their children because without sex, there is no love and no meaning of life for them.

Men and women with healthy psychology activate passion and pursue values for true happiness, They have a clear understanding of true love and meanings of life. Normally, men are passionate about their work and feel relaxed and happy when they come home from work. However, men with psychological disorders don't want to come home from work since they always pursue pleasure. Women also live their lives thinking that the love they feel from sex is what makes them happy. This is something that is actually recognized by them, so they can't accept the other way no matter how many people around them tell otherwise.

Having sex can be the best thing in human life when it works in a positive way, but the worst thing when it works in a negative way. Worse yet, in the case of psychological disorders, the perception of good and bad is reversed, so that sex that destroys lives is perceived as being very good and exciting, and sex that creates happiness is perceived as being boring and pathetic. This is usually the case with people who emphasize sex techniques and pleasure of sex, and tell us that we should all enjoy this good thing.

Psychological disorders can occur to anyone at any time, so it's important to accurately understand how human sexuality and mind work and prevent the distortion of sexuality and psychology. Please, take a look at whether you are living your life for the pleasure of sex sacrificing other values and meanings of life, or using sex as a means to an end to achieve true happiness.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

7/17/2024

[Mother Therapy] A quiet Child

Your child may start talking about something and then shut up. You may wonder what's wrong with him or her and feel frustrated. Why are some children so quiet? There can be many different reasons, depending on the environment and situation, so there's no "one answer" to why children are quiet. However, children often choose to remain quiet when parents insist on their own opinions.

Many parents mistakenly believe that they are having a conversation with their children when they assert or persuade them of their opinions. A conversation is an exchange of feelings, and if it's a one-way street, it's coercion or informing, not a conversation. For example, "Mom, I'm going to go to a study cafe" "What study cafe?" "My friends are going to the study café tomorrow, and I think I will go too because it has a good atmosphere for study" "You don’t study even at home." "That's why I'm going to try it this time" "No, You can just study in your room. Why do you have to spend money to go there?" "Mom, I'm not doing anything else, I'm just saying I'm going to study..." "Why do you stop talking? What is it?"

If you were talking to someone and they kept interrupting you with objections to your opinion, would you be able to continue the conversation? If you feel that you're being questioned and judged, you will stop talking because you don't want to hear what they have to say, no matter how right they are.

When your child expresses their thoughts or feelings, and you respond by arguing with them about whether they're right or wrong, or trying to convince them that your opinion is the only one that applies to them, they're more likely to stop talking because they don't feel the need to continue the conversation. Taking it a step further, if the parent is unable to control his or her emotions and spills over into a harsh outburst, the child will not have the opportunity to speak further, and silence may be the child's choice, either because he or she doesn't know what to say or because he or she wants to avoid making things worse.

This can lead to misunderstandings, as parents freak out and don't think about their own attitude and only see the child's silence as a problem, which leads to a buildup of negative emotions on both parents and children. The conflict is bound to escalate as the parent sees the child's silence as the child's problem. Then, what can you do about it?

Here's what we all know. We know that listening is the first step in having a healthy conversation, but when it comes to the relationship between parents and their children, instead of thinking and expecting them to listen to you, why not try to listen to them first?

For healthy communication between parents and children, it is very important to listen to your child's thoughts and opinions without judgment, even if they are different from your own knowledge and experience. It's also important to note that your child may need time to process and recover from their silence. However, if you notice that a period of silence is getting too long, try changing the subject to get the conversation going again. This may even give you a chance to open up about previous conflicts.

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Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net

[Sex & Xes] The Duality of Sex in Women

Having sex generates a lot of emotional energy for women, and it's important to know whether that energy is positive or negative. There are two things that women perceive in their minds when it comes to sex: One is pleasure and the other is the opposite emotion, which is psychological wounds. Both pleasure and wounds are felt as the mind processes information about sexuality, and the xesmind uses the information about sexuality as a vehicle to ensure that the emotions felt in the mind are in pursuit of happiness. If a woman's mind is happy, having sex serves to make her happier, and if she has wounds in mimind, it works to repair the wounds.

So when a woman is suffering from wounds in her mimind, she feels she needs attention and consolation: she feels lonely, she wants to be loved, she wants to meet with someone and talk about her frustrations. This is what moves mimind to engage xesmind, or more precisely, to engage xesmind to heal the wounds. If she receives attention and consolation from a man, she will feel attracted to him by activating her xesmind. If a woman's wound is really big, her xesmind will work even harder, and she will love the person who gives her attention and consolation.

In this way, a woman's xesmind energizes her mimind to heal her wounds, and if she has no wounds, it enhances her happiness. So in essence, a woman doesn't need sex just to enjoy sex; it's rather that pleasure comes through sex as a side effect of healing her wounds and enhancing her happiness. This is the state of mind of a woman with a healthy xesmind. The attention and consolation of saying, "I see you're hurting," a simple hug, a pat on the back, or holding her hand, all activates xesmind in women.

Women with healthy psychological condition don't always have a sex drive, or are physically ready for sex all the time. For them, sometimes sex is good, sometimes it's not. But what happens when a woman is trying to heal wounds and the person who gives her attention and consolation changes? The object of her feelings of love and happiness also changes. If a husband is only hurting his wife and not healing her wounds, and a man who isn't her husband is giving her attention and consolation, she may develop distorted psychological condition. Women need to understand why their minds work the way they do so that they don't think, "I finally found true love," or "I finally found a man who truly cares about me," or "This is the man I was meant to be with," when they are actually taken advantage of sexually.

Men see these women as nothing more than sexual playthings, and if a woman continues to think that the sexual attention she receives from a man is healing her wounds, the wounds actually grow bigger and bigger, and the moment the wounds cross a threshold, she no longer feels them. In a distorted relationship, the wounds don't heal, they get bigger and bigger, and the wounds are covered up by being sexually attended to and experiencing sensory pleasure. The pleasure of sex then feels like the happiness of life, and a woman's sexuality becomes overly activated for the pleasure of sex, so that no matter who she has sex with, her body is always ready, and her sexuality is always activated, so she can have pleasurable sex with anyone.

Women are designed to live for their own happiness through activating sexuality by the workings of her mimind and xesmind. However, when her sexuality is overly activated, dissociation occurs, and she is unable to control the pleasure of sex with mimind, and the workings of her xesmind are directed to the partner, not to her own mimind, turning her into a sexual plaything. At this point, since the woman is already psychologically disturbed, she mistakes this for happiness, and because she has a tremendous amount of wounds that she doesn't recognize, sometimes the slightest stress triggers all of her wounds to come out at once, causing her to lose her reason and lash out. This is hysteria.

Nowadays, many women are exposed to tons of information about sex from a young age, and the age at which hysteria occurs has become much younger. Normally, a woman's healthy mind takes in stress, converts it into wounds, keeps them in mimind until it is healed, and when the wounds are healed, the emotion of happiness is created. However, when a psychological disorder occurs and the woman becomes hysterical, her mimind cannot work to protect her anymore.

Women need to know how xesmind works, how it relates to the workings of mimind, and how sexuality works in duality in women. Without knowing the mechanism behind it, they can unwittingly lead themselves to their own destruction, driven by feelings and thoughts that they recognize as they perceive them in their consciousness. Knowing these basic concepts can help women protect themselves.

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

7/16/2024

[Mother Therapy] Am I doing a good job raising my child?

A few days ago, a young mother asked me for advice about parenting. She, said, “I have a child in kindergarten, and I'm getting help from my parents for child rearing because I'm working and studying at the same time. Recently, my mom said to me, "You feel too sorry for your child when you don't have to. It's not good to coddle children and accept everything they want." Hearing this from the person closest to me made me think seriously about my parenting.”

She said that she looked up the parenting methods of famous people and tried to apply them, and ended up doing the opposite of what she had done before. But the problem was that she didn't know if this was the right way either, and she began to ask herself if she should even continue to work and study, and she was struggling with the question of whether her parenting was having a bad effect on her child, and whether the parenting she was doing now was the right way. I think this is an issue every working mother with young children has. What should we do in this situation?

The first thing to do is to recognize that it's natural to have confusion and difficulties when you're raising your child. Raising a child is naturally difficult and challenging because you're responsible for making sure your child grow up healthy in body and mind, and even if you're experienced in raising children, it's not the same every time. Therefore, it's best to think of it as trial and error because you're new to motherhood and want to do a good job. It's only when you go through this process of thinking about parenting and trying to figure things out that you can and will find and create a parenting style that works for you and your child. It's not something that just "clicks" into place. So it's important to recognize when you're struggling with parenting that you want to do a good job of parenting, and then you can take a step back and look at yourself objectively.

Number two. Take care of your own body and mind before you look for information about parenting. The mind and body are connected, and if your body is struggling, your mind is struggling, and if your mind is struggling, your body is struggling. We've all been there, you're juggling work, studying, and parenting, and sometimes it's hard on your body, which may cause your mind to suffer too. When you feel depressed or frustrated, you are more likely to interpret the same situation in a distorted way. In other words, your perspective changes depending on your current state of mind. Therefore, the most important thing is to have a healthy body and mind.

There's a lot of information out there about parenting. It's not hard to get information about parenting through various media. If you have a healthy body and stable mind, you're more likely to look at things objectively, and you'll be able to separate the good from the bad. Remembering these two points are crucial when you're having doubts or anxiety about your parenting.

You should understand that you feel anxious and worried not because you're doing something wrong with your parenting. Every mother goes through this phase, and you're going to keep having all kinds of parenting concerns until your child becomes an adult. If you keep these two points in mind, you will be able to solve the problems one by one without worrying too much.

https://youtu.be/2bC1Hoa_jcg?si=RdU1jUbfh_WEFOxF