Conventional concepts of sexuality set limits on the
scope and depth of sexual pleasure. Today, the most typical factors are
discussed, which are men’s standards for sexual pleasure in having
sex and women’s feelings regarding sexuality and having sex.
All
men have their own standards regarding sexuality. These standards are formed
and maintained in order to satisfy men’s sexual desire. For example, if a man
has a strong idea that a full bust arouses him sexually, he is likely to be
aroused and satisfied only when a woman has a full bust. Then, this man may have
less sexual pleasure from having sex with a woman who doesn’t have a full
bust, or he may exclude women who don’t have a full bust from his prospective
sex partners. Having strong preferences or standards about sexuality leads men
to develop sexual dysfunctions.
Men’s standards
regarding sexuality based on their own sexual desire are the biggest
contributor to setting limits on their sex ability and sexual pleasure. In
other words, men can enter the world of limitless sexual pleasure only when
they discard their own standards based on sexual desire.
Men’s sexual
functions can also be maximized only when they are free from sexual desire and specific
standards regarding sexuality. It means that men can comply with any woman who
they choose to love and protect to achieve sexual happiness in the relationship.
In this condition, men’s sexual functions are controlled not by
themselves but by the woman partner in the way the woman wants.
Many men and women misunderstand that
women’s sexual pleasure is less than men’s sexual
pleasure in its scope and depth. It is because the distorted concept of
sexuality has been formed and maintained for such a long time in history, with
men at the center instead of women. The most basic distortion is the belief
that men’s sexual pleasure starts from sexual desire.
Women’s sexual pleasure is greater in its scope and depth than men’s sexual
pleasure by nature. Women’s sexual pleasure doesn’t even end
with reaching orgasm. To put it more accurately, the idea of ending doesn’t apply to
women’s sexual pleasure. The idea that having sex ends with men’s ejaculation
is completely men-centered and absolutely limiting. The idea that penetration
and ejaculation are major parts of having sex also sets limits on the scope and
depth of sexual pleasure and on men’s sexual functions. Men’s sexual
pleasure and sexual functions can become limitless only when women’s sexual
pleasure becomes the standard in having sex.
Then, what about women’s feelings
regarding sexuality as an important factor that sets limits on sexual pleasure.
Women’s feelings regarding sexuality sets limits on sexual pleasure even
more than men’s standards regarding sexuality based on sexual desire. Women’s feelings
regarding sexuality and having sex plays the role of protecting women by
limiting the sex partner to a man toward whom women have positive feelings,
that is, a man who they can have sex without damaging their emotions. However,
women often activate this safety measures against men who love and protect
them.
Women usually
block the activation of sexuality against the counterparty toward whom they
have negative feelings. Or they activate sexuality to compensate for their
negative feelings. It indicates that for women, sexuality is only a means for
managing their feelings. Women feel that
they don’t need to activate sexuality when their desire for attention is
satisfied, or they cannot proceed naturally in having sex by the operation of
the sense of shame or repulsion.
As a result,
having sex may actually make women’s feelings even more negative, the whole
situation may lead women to limit their sexual actions making it hard for men
sex partners to find women’s responses for them to act upon. Then,
men cannot but lead the whole situation and their sex life becomes
men-centered. Now, men cannot but adopt and follow their own standards and
knowledge on sexuality, which naturally focuses on penetration and ejaculation,
entering the vicious cycle. It is as if women lead men to set limits on the
scope and depth of sexual pleasure.
It doesn’t mean that women need to have sex with
any man without involving feelings. The sex partner must be someone who has
healthy body and mind, and someone with whom you can have sex in a safe
environment, and this applies to both men and women. Especially in case of
women, they should be safe physically when having sex, and their sex partners
must be men who protect their body, mind, sexuality, human relationships, and even
financial values. When all the above conditions are met, women must separate all
her feelings from sexuality and having sex, and must enjoy making sexual
expressions as much as possible. Women should focus only on themselves when
having sex and should never try to comply with men or limit themselves.
Thus, when men’s standards
and women’s feelings on sexuality as well as selfish purposes are excluded in
having sex, couples can experience a new and much higher level of sexual
pleasure that is completely different from what is known. To be able to do
that, men must discard sexual desire to erase standards on sexuality, and women
must build habits for separating sexuality and feelings to erase feelings on
sexuality. It may not be easy but you can definitely achieve the goal by
adopting the right method and making efforts.
https://youtu.be/OV3oIc1CDg8?si=90bl40_ogPpg_oCO
About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)