[Sex & Xes] Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in and of themselves.

 

Having sex can be viewed and interpreted from many different perspectives with meanings put to it, but it is just one of many actions humans take. Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in themselves, but we put many different meanings to sexual actions associating them with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes. Sexual actions cannot be good or bad or right or wrong in and of themselves, but we humans put all kinds of meanings to sexual actions and create infinite number of categories of sexual actions. Contrasting and controversial positions about sexuality that lead to heated debates never seem to end in most societies.

     Meanings that are put to sexual actions can be different depending on individuals’ thoughts and emotions based on social customs and norms. We naturally think that sexual actions that don’t accord with our thoughts and emotions are wrong.

If there is a group of people who do not relate sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes, sexual actions including even the most perverted forms will not cause emotional, relational, or social problems in people within the group. On the other hand, there can be a group of people who try to promote or force certain sexual actions that accord with their own ideas. In this case, what they are trying to promote or force onto other people is not certain forms of sexual actions but meanings that are connected with the specific forms of sexual actions. Of course, their attempt to promote or force certain sexual actions related with certain ideas will cause controversy and conflicts in the society since it contradicts other people’s ideas on sexuality. They may still justify their idea thinking that only their idea about sexuality is the right one even when most other people disagree.

Diverse forms of sexual actions people are taking currently are given all different kinds of meanings and are associated with distorted ideas causing controversies and conflicts. Different positions are taken regarding sexuality from all different perspectives based on religious, philosophical, social, cultural, and individual stances.

Meanings put to sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes greatly affect individuals’ life and the society. As meanings of sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes are distorted, one’s life itself becomes distorted and destroyed as well as the life of people around the person.  

Sexual actions have us generate powerful energy and we use the energy to pursue meanings and values of life. You can accept or reject any sexual action with your own will as far as your sexual actions don’t damage yourself and other people psychologically, physically, or in any other possible way. Connecting sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes in distorted ways cause psychological problems in many people. The adverse effects keep being reinforced as the connection between distorted meanings and sexual actions gets stronger.

            https://youtu.be/-v3bBKUGW3Q?si=nMjcOqFmxa8fh2We

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Mother Therapy] Why would parents neglect or abuse children?

 

Many young people fall in love, get married, and have children. They feel so happy when their children are born. They do their best to raise their children with health and happiness. Then, why do so many parents ignore or abuse their own children? Why do so many children have behavioral problems and don’t like their parents and family and even try to leave home before they become adults?

Many parents justify their abusive behaviors saying that they are just disciplining children. Many parents justify their negligence saying that they are so busy with their career or with putting food on the table. They may complain that they are poor, they are tired, or they have difficult children. They are overwhelmed with all the work. They say they don’t know how else they can manage. It must be understood that they are just justifying their ideas and behaviors.

 As parents become happy inside themselves regardless of their external circumstances, they can feel happy raising children and share happiness with children. Then, children’s psychological or behavioral problems will disappear. When parents develop psychological problems and disorders, they cannot but ignore or abuse their children since they are affected by their distorted operation of perception, memory, and expression.

As parents take KIP treatment or psycho-education to restore their own psychological stability and adopt Mother Therapy to adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children will become happy and all the problems will disappear naturally.  

                          https://youtu.be/BaDNdvuzi6I?si=qJrEN3crw6dZTfqJ

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[Mother Therapy] Children’s problems caused by parents’ problems

 

Every parent feels pain and sorrow when their children suffer. Every parent does his or her best to solve problems their children face. In some cases, children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems, but not many parents think they are the ones that makes children experience difficulties. They just try to solve the apparent problems thinking that children’s problems are unrelated with parents themselves.

     Parents may blame themselves or other people for not being able to help children. They may consult professionals for children’s problems. No one, including professionals, seems to understand that many of children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems.

     When parents have psychological problems or disorders, they suffer from their own issues and cannot pay due attention to their children. They may pay attention to children but only in distorted ways.  Then, children cannot but form distorted self-identity and distorted relationships with other people. These children usually seek attention from other people than from their own parents.

     Children who are under the influence of parents who have psychological problems or disorders cannot build healthy habits of healing stress and treating wounds in mimind. These children tend to be neglected or abused by parents and suffer from physical and psychological problems. They can be easily taken advantage of by selfish people and become victims or perpetrators of crimes.

     Some children may rebel against parents and teachers and others may stay compliant and obedient. They end up developing psychological problems either way and keep aggravating problems developing psychological disorders when they become adults. Most parents who suffer from children’s problems are considered to have their own problems, which tend to be quite serious.

     Parents must treat their condition first before addressing their children’s problems. Then, they can adopt Mother Therapy to apply right parenting strategies to help children restore healthy psychology. This way and only this way, both parents and children become happy in a true sense. Please, remember that conventional approaches that directly address children’s problems without taking consideration of parents’ psychological problems and disorders cannot adequately solve any problem at the fundamental level.

                               https://youtu.be/e8oOe-t9n98?si=nq_5gvqV6at_hSBA

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[Mother Therapy] How to help your child make academic achievement

 

All parents want their children to learn basic skills and make academic achievement to a certain degree. You may not believe it but children also have great interest in making academic achievement. It is reported that teenagers are stressed by relational issues the most and by study the second most. Your children may seem to care only about playing games and playing sports, but they are actually being stressed burdened by school work.

Then, how could parents help children put more energy on study instead of just getting stressed by even thinking about studying? They know that they have to study but they end up avoiding studying because it is stressful. They may have liked studying out of curiosity and they many have had fun studying when they were younger. They may have studied hard because parents liked it. However, they feel more and more stress as school work becomes more difficult. They play games and hang out with friends for diversion, and now such activities take most of their time. 

      It is important to understand that making efforts is necessarily accompanied by stress. When you heal and overcome stress, you can advance further, but when you can’t you may stop and give up. Children don’t have many experiences of overcoming stress and making achievement and they may have a difficult time dealing with stress even when they want to make efforts to make academic achievement.

The prerequisite of making academic achievement is to build stress healing ability since academic achievement is necessarily accompanied by making plans and continuous efforts and taking challenges. Parents must help children develop the ability to heal stress in healthy ways by providing a safe environment where children can make trials and errors. The first thing parents can do is to develop and maintain a good relationship with children, on which children can build psychological stability. Parents must also understand psychological development of children and the different psychological operations of boys and girls to meet children’s needs accordingly.

                    https://youtu.be/M8T29RcYBKI?si=3Ob2nL89PXpZhm3P

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[Sex & Xes] A easy solution to couple’s sex problems

 

It is not uncommon for couples to experience diverse sex problems. They stay together without having sex at all, lose interest in having sex, or one partner wants active sex life but the other doesn’t. Conventional approaches that attempt to solve couple’s sex problems usually focus on analyzing the visible phenomena that are recognized in the conscious and suggesting solutions for apparent issues.

For example, when you are a sexless couple, you may be advised on how to get yourself engaged in having sex and so on. If you feel less interested in having sex than before, you may be introduced to diverse sex techniques that can enhance your sexual sensations. You may also be guided to form stronger bonds with the partner and try to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings to feel closer to each other. As you can see, they are all solutions and suggestions at the surface level that don’t address the fundamental cause of couple’s sex problems. Approaches that deal with only visible phenomena actually cause even more serious problems by distorting the couple’s ideas on human sexuality and leading them in the wrong direction in pursuing sexual happiness.

Then, what is the fundamental cause of couple’s all sex problems? It is distorted concepts and ideas on sexuality that prevail in many societies and cultures. Many people think that men are more active in having sex, must lead women, and should know more about sex than women. Many people think that women are naturally passive in having sex and have less information on sex.

Of course, there are women who are active in having sex and lead men these days. This situation still causes couple’s sex problems because both men and women still have distorted ideas on human sexuality. Problems cannot but keep growing unless couples have the right concept of sexuality and try to solve sex problems in accordance with the right concept.

Sex problems occur when we become overly conscious about sex. Mimind and xesmind operate in the opposite ways from each other and the operation of xesmind is not recognized in the conscious. When you follow your conscious recognition in your mimind to guide yourself in managing your sex life, you will only aggravate problems. You don’t have to understand how  xesmind operates in detail. You just need to apply a couple of basic principles in your sex life.  

You only have to remember two things to improve your sex life with your partner and solve sex problems. One is that men must not think about sex and must not try to be exposed to sexual information of any kind. They should try to perceive their partner as a woman they love and protect not as a sexual object for pleasure. They don’t need any sex technique. Then, their sexual functions will be restored.

The other is that women must know about how to have a good sex to satisfy themselves. It doesn’t mean that they need to learn any sex technique or they should look sexually attractive. They should discard all the conventional concepts. Women should only focus on ways to gratify themselves in having sex. They must try to figure out what stimulations they like and when they feel satisfied physically and psychologically in having sex.

When the couple can apply the two things in practice, women naturally lead men to comply with them. Then, men can naturally satisfy women in the way women like activating their sexual functions. Men generate passion looking at the woman partner being satisfied. Both men and women can enjoy having sex and achieve sexual happiness in the way they can accord with the operational mechanism of human sexuality.  

Neither men nor women must pay any attention to conventional concepts of sexuality and especially women must not pay attention to the partner. Men should stay away from any sexual information to maintain healthy sexual functions and women must focus only on their own sexual happiness. Please, remember that what you recognize in the conscious regarding sexuality is not the lighthouse that leads you in the right direction.

https://youtu.be/0olKsvgdygU?si=uBDGuEVO4MAcqbr0

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Why it is hard to restore sexual functions by adopting conventional methods.

 

     Many men adopt conventional methods for improving their sexual functions or treating sexual dysfunctions. The condition usually improves a little at first, but it usually keeps deteriorating in the long run. Then, they conclude that sexual dysfunction is a natural phenomenon that comes with aging, which is not the case at all.

     Humans have both the body and the mind. The mind has xesmind inside it for operating human sexuality. As men perceive sexual information, it is accumulated as xes wounds in xes memory. As xes wounds grow in men’s xesmind, negative energy is produced in mimind and affects men’s body and mind negatively, which results in sexual dysfunction eventually. Focusing on physical aspects of sexual dysfunction cannot improve or cure sexual dysfunction in any meaningful way.

     The body and the mind are inseparable from each other. Focusing only on the physical aspects of sexual dysfunction actually aggravates the condition by destroying the balance between the body and the mind. As you try to improve physical sexual functions, you necessarily perceive more and more sexual information and accumulate more and more xes wounds in xes memory since you become to think more about sexuality and relate general information with sexuality more and more. For example, you used to eat a certain food without any reason or thinking, but now you eat it because you think it helps your sexual function.

     As you lose balance by overly focusing on physical aspects of sexual functions disregarding mental and psychological aspects, psychogenic condition develops as a form of even more severe sexual dysfunction. If you feel that your sexual function has deteriorated, you must think that it is time to recover your mind as well as your body.

     Most conventional therapies that claim for treating sexual dysfunctions cannot remove xes wounds in men’s xesmind. They usually add xes wounds in xes memory and aggravate physical and psychological problems. Thus, sexual dysfunction is always accompanied by psychological problems or disorders such as panic disorder, neurotic disorder, or diverse types of addiction.

     Men who have addiction, which is an expression disorder, have strong energy of immersion for pleasure. They tend to be obsessive for sexual pleasure and develop strong sexual desire. They also develop consciousness disorder, which makes them justify all their distorted ideas and behaviors. They usually blame sex partners for their sexual dysfunction and keep looking for new partners or end up developing perversion.

     They feel their sexual function is restored when they meet a new sex partner and their distorted thinking becomes more solid aggravating their psychological disorders. Then, sexual dysfunction recurs soon and they need to find another new partner.

     Some men decide to change their sexual preference and pursue perverted sexual actions, which are likely to destroy relationships with other people and cause social problems. Types of sexual actions cannnot be good or bad in themselves, but these men are likely to take advantage of other people in the process.

     People tend to think that men who have strong sexual desire also have good sexual function. On the contrary, the more sexual desire men have, the more severe sexual dysfunction they have. Sexual desire is the conscious thought and it is the manifestation of deficiency. As men try to treat sexual dysfunction by adopting conventional methods, they enter the vicious cycle of worsening both sexual function and psychological condition. Men who have good sexual function are composed, do not think much about sexuality, and do not make as many sexual expressions as men who have sexual dysfunction.

                            https://youtu.be/I0AHTb976J8?si=MTKkqJ4es_fOPNyD

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Setting limits on sexual pleasure #2: What is a sexual action and what is not?

 

We usually think that sexual actions are specific set of actions such as having sex involving a man and a woman being naked and kissing and caressing, and involving penetration and ejaculation. People also think that certain sexual actions are perverted, and thus, more stimulating when they deviate from the prototypical form of sex.

For example, sexual actions in public places, with certain clothes on, with ejaculation without penetration, or with penetration without foreplay are all considered to be different and atypical. Such variations can be limitless and it also indicates that sexual actions don’t seem to have any criterion for defining what it is and what it is not. Actually, you can go to the limit of your imagination in having sex with your partner as far as it doesn’t hurt or damage anyone.

The fact that sexual actions don’t have criteria that define and limit what it is indicates that sexual actions may not have the beginning and end. Every action can be a sexual action when you and your partner perceive that what you are doing is a sexual action. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve penetration or ejaculation, which are only a very small part of having sex.

Thus, sexual actions that focus on penetration and ejaculation minimize the pleasure of sex. Masturbation accompanied by wild imagination may give you more pleasure and satisfaction than having sex with limited concepts and actions. In other words, you may not be able to have more pleasure through having sex with a partner than through masturbation unless you can enjoy the whole process before and after penetration and ejaculation. On the contrary, if you can enjoy the whole process of being together with the partner, you can live feeling as if you were having sex every moment of everyday.

Especially in case of women, they connect feelings they experience from sexual actions with feelings they have in daily life. Women can learn how to generate positive feelings they experience from having sex on their own whenever they want. Women are affected by feelings activated in having sex much more than by physical stimulations on sensory organs in having sex. Women feel completely different about sexual actions not depending on what stimulations they get on the body but depending on what feelings are activated by sexual actions. Women’s sexual actions are emotional instead of physical and the amplification of women’s feelings has no limit. Women-centered sexual actions have no limit and men can also enjoy limitless pleasure when they follow women-centered sexual actions.

We all make expressions in daily life through speech, actions, and facial expressions. We make all the above similar expressions in having sex, too, but daily expressions and expressions in having sex are recognized differently depending on whether we perceive the specific situation to be sexual or not. If you perceive a situation to be sexual even when it is supposed to be daily, you may recognize all the counterparty’s speech, actions, and facial expressions as sexual expressions. If both parties perceive the situation to be sexual, they are considered to be making sexual actions with each other. All their expressions can count as foreplay or afterplay as parts of sexual actions even without penetration and ejaculation.

When you confine the concept of having sex to penetration and ejaculation and focus on them in having sex, you may lose all the richness of sexuality by limiting the scope and depth of sexual pleasure with your own hands. On the other side of the coin, it must be clearly understood that any daily situation can be perceived as being sexual by someone, which can lead to a situation of sexual harassment and sex crime, you being a victim or a perpetrator.  

                                https://youtu.be/f08QRQDoyoc?si=5bYGUoj4_9K0GD3f

                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Having extramarital intercourse indicates you have a psychological disorder.

 

Most modern societies consider infidelity, prostitution, swapping, threesome or group sex of married people as immoral or illegal. Why would the society regulate individuals’ sexual activities if sexuality is personal and instinctual by nature?

In case of men, their instinct doesn’t restrict sex partners only to the spouse since men do not connect sexuality with the operation of mind. Men learn to think that they have to restrict sex partners only to women they love and protect in the socialization process. Men also accept only new sexual information in their xesmind without conscious recognition. They are automatically and instantly attracted to unfamiliar and pretty women passing by in the street even when they are with women who they are truly in love with.

On the other hand, women feel uncomfortable when they perceive new and unfamiliar sexual information. They are also much slower than men in perceiving information of men they see for the first time. Thus, as a couple stay together for a long time, the man perceives less and less sexual information from the woman partner, but the woman perceives more and more sexual information from the man partner. The man becomes so poor at recognizing any change in the woman and the woman becomes so good at detecting even a small change in the man.

We are born into a certain culture and custom that is regulated by the society. We learn to pursue harmony and order of the society as well as individual’s freedom and right. Our psychology develops in accordance with the social norm, custom, and law. People who have normal psychology naturally accord with social, moral, and cultural standards. If extramarital intercourse is considered as a norm in a society, thinking that it is no problem is also considered to be normal psychologically, since they are born and raised in accordance with the specific social custom and culture.

In other societies where extramarital intercourse is unacceptable socially and culturally, such as a society that takes monogamy as a norm, thinking extramarital intercourse is abnormal is considered to be psychologically normal. If you start thinking you can ignore social norm to achieve sexual pleasure, or having sex with someone who is not your spouse is OK, it indicates that you are developing a psychological disorder. Furthermore, if you actually have extramarital intercourse, it indicates that you are in an advanced condition of a psychological disorder. 

When you have a psychological disorder, you have a strong conviction of your own ideas, and you justify your thoughts and behaviors. You ignore or strongly disagree on socially accepted customs and laws that exist for harmony and order. You may become good at using sophistry and blame the society for your problems.

Many people think that infidelity, prostitution, swapping, and group sex are all different, but all of them are based on and caused by psychological disorders. Sexual actions of any kind don’t carry value judgment in themselves. We cannot say one sexual action is right and another is wrong in itself. However, human societies and human relationships put meanings on sexual actions. That is, sexual actions are strongly connected with human mind and activating sexuality generates powerful energy in human mind. Humans produce the sense of ownership, feelings of love, and the desire for happiness, which becomes the basis of the most important constituent of the society, family.  

Sexuality itself is personal and instinctual, but you must not activate sexuality out of the context of your society, culture, and circumstance. Sexuality must not be activated only as a means of getting pleasure. The issue of extramarital intercourse also must be discussed not from the perspective of individuals and instincts but from the perspective of humans who live together and human mind that is intertwined with the operation of sexuality. Sexuality is only one of many human instincts that we yield and restrain for living together with others in harmony and order. Justifying extramarital intercourse in the society where it is not accepted is a clear sign of a psychological disorder.

                       https://youtu.be/Bo2Pzi1WHuI?si=ziuCdIkS5IfltC5o

   About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Mother Therapy] The role of social media in parenting

 

Social media can provide sources of information in many different matters, one of which is parenting. Many parents refer to information provided in social media to adopt right parenting methods. In the past, parents had to seek most advice on parenting from other people, books, or lectures, but these days, social media offer easier and quicker ways of getting ideas and advice. You can simply search social media for any topic you are interested in to get diverse and detailed information.

     One thing to keep in mind in this process is that information you get from social media is only a piece of information, which may or may not suit you and your child. Actually, it is highly unlikely for such information to offer effective and suitable parenting method for you. To make matters worse, it may lead you to think that your child has some problems when you don’t get the result you wanted by adopting some parenting methods you found in social media. This happens especially when parents don’t have their own healthy standards in parenting.

     You will have healthy standards of parenting when you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychological development of children. Then, you can build your own parenting methods referring to all the information available in social media. Adopting the available information and advice as it is without adjusting it to the situation you and your child are in can be compared to trying to put on clothes you can’t fit into. Every parent and every child are unique and every situation is different. Adopting information and advice in social media without considering individual differences will only cause or aggravate problems.

You must be the composer and the conductor who has a clear standard on rearing your child. Of course, you can refer to information available in social media, but you must customize them to suit you and your child. You must never focus on addressing the visible individual problems in parenting. You must always have a broad perspective with the right standards and build your own parenting strategies.

                           https://youtu.be/Dtc3a5x1AzE?si=kN4hcjevFSnU00lU

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[Mother Therapy] Finding aptitude and choosing career path

 

 

Have you had your children take the aptitude test to help them choose their career path? Many parents want to help their teenage children to find their aptitude, potentials, and choose their career path by having them taking the aptitude test. However, there can be many different ways to interpret the result of the aptitude test and both parents and children may feel they are still confused about what to do with the result of the test.

Teenagers are in the process of forming their identity and their own thought standards. It is only natural that they don’t know what they like and what they are good at. They don’t know what type of self-actualization they will pursue as adults, and they need to keep experiencing many things and keep making trials and errors to find their aptitude.

 

It takes time and diverse experiences to find aptitude. They may need several years to find it and eventually decide on what they want to do as adults. They are in the process of preparing for the phase of self-actualization. Some adults wander about still not knowing what they like and what they are good at and go over the process of looking for their aptitude all over again.
As teenagers are encouraged to keep trying different things and making trials and errors under the protection of the society and the family, they will be naturally guided to something they like and are good at. Taking the aptitude test may help you understand your child’s current state, but you cannot find your aptitude and choose the career path based on one test.

      Teenagers need to take charge of finding their aptitude and choosing their career path. They can follow parents’ and teachers’ guidance but any decision should be based on their own will. Making reference to adults’ opinions will help them think more broadly since adults have much more experiences in life. 

      Teenagers are in the preparation stage for the phase of self-actualization they will enter in the future as adults. They should keep looking for what they like and what they are good at. Parents should also know what their children like and what they are good at. Parents can guide their children by providing resources and knowledge instead of finding aptitude and choosing the career path for them. To be able to do that, parents must accurately understand children’s psychological development and adopt right parenting strategies.  

                   https://youtu.be/aDB-Z3A5xdI?si=qlWfPAkjgWlNzJwN

 

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