[On Divorce] I feel that I am still tied to my previous marriage even after divorce.

      It seems that you have not freed yourself from the previous marriage psychologically even though you have got a divorce. You are still affected by the difficulties that you have experienced during the previous marriage life. You remain in the psychology of marriage and have not transferred to the psychology of divorce.

     First, you must transform your psychology from the psychology of a married person to that of a divorced person. You cannot have a happy life if you remain in the psychology of marriage after divorce. You must never think that divorce will make you unhappy in any way. You can become perfectly happy after divorce. You cannot achieve happiness after divorce if you stay in the psychology of marriage after divorce. It is highly likely that you have developed a psychological disorder during marriage but have not treated it yet. 

     You must first analyze you current psychological condition accurately with the help of a professional. Then, you must adequately address the fundamental issues and solve practical problems to break away from the previous marriage completely. You will be able to let the previous marriage pass as a past experience and redirect yourself into the new path for happiness.

     You psychological condition may worsen when you do not transfer to the psychology of divorce and force yourself to forget about the previous marriage consciously. Your psychology must change depending on your marital status such as married, divorced, or remarried. 

     For further inquiries, please apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education. We will kindly guide you to analyze your psychological condition to determine how to address fundamental issues and solve practical problems.

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/


Another way of looking at psychological wounds


Without having psychological wounds, you can experience neither pain and sorrow nor happiness. Without experiencing difficulties, you cannot experience comfort or happiness. Psychological wounds are the source of happiness.  


When you get out of pain, sorrow, and difficulties, you can easily feel comfort. However, you must not just stay in comfort but generate happiness. The time of difficulty is the time of opportunity for generating happiness.


You don't have to deliberately try to get psychological wounds, but you must not avoid wounds by seeking comfort and pleasure. Avoiding psychological wounds is the same as rejecting happiness since wounds are the source that makes you feel happiness. Habits of avoiding psychological wounds may seriously distort your life so that you cannot achieve happiness in a true sense.


If you are suffering from psychological wounds at present, please, try to look at the situation in a different way with a broader perspective.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


[On Divorce] I am divorced but still live with my ex-husband due to financial circumstances.

Q. I am divorced but still living with my ex-husband since I can't afford to get a place for myself. My ex-husband also gives me living expenses and pocket money. I just stay at home and take care of my children. I don't know how long we will live like this, but I feel comfortable since I am not married to him anymore and I don't interact with him much. I have comfortable daily lives and I don't regret getting a divorce. It is OK to live this way? Will I have problems in the future? I don't think it is likely for us to get back together. 

A. You say that you are comfortable, but are you truly happy? Is it happiness that you are satisfied with feeling comfort, taking care of children, and having no interest in your own love and happiness?

When you suffer from great pain and difficulties, you may feel as if comfort were happiness. You feel relatively more comfortable and happier when you are relieved from severe pain or difficulties to a certain degree. However, it is not happiness. Your present situation is that you are financially dependent on your ex-husband, who is not related with you any more. You seem to have got a divorce when you were not prepared for a divorce, so it is highly likely that you are not only financially but also psychologically dependent on you ex-husband.

Also, you seem to be self-justifying your actions by equating comfort with happiness. If you are not interested in happiness of your own life at all, you could live this way forever. You will be living only in comfort, which is the state of not feeling much of anything, all your lifetime. You are legally divorced but dependent on ex-husband for the most important components of your life : finance and psychology. It is also highly likely that you still have feelings toward your ex-husband, whether positive or negative  and have deep wounds still operating inside you. You may be denying your feelings in the conscious and trying to concentrate on child rearing as a way of avoidance and compromise.

Then, what happens to your life and happiness as a woman and wife? Giving up your happiness as a woman and wife and only pursuing happiness as a mother cannot but lead you to unhappiness eventually. Also, your children may have to get the burden of having to take the responsibility for their mother's happiness when they become adults. 

Belatedly but wisely, you must begin to get yourself prepared for a real divorce. You must transform your psychology into that of a divorced person and find ways to become independent financially and psychologically. You are the only person who can and must make efforts to achieve a happy life of yours. 

Please, apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' for further inquiries. 


  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

On analyzing the inner child and the growth process for psychology treatment


Many conventional methods of psychology treatment adopt the concepts of the inner child and the growth process. However, such approaches may be effective for solving psychological problems but not for treating psychological disorders. Solving psychological problems can take diverse healing methods including counseling, traveling, reading, and taking lectures, but treating psychological disorders takes more than healing and diversion. Analyzing the inner child and the growth process in counseling may contribute to solving psychological problems but only aggravate the condition when it is adopted for treating psychological disorders.


Problems may occur when methods of solving psychological problems are adopted to treat psychological disorders thereby addressing only the operations of psychology instead of the operations of mind. Treatment of psychological disorders must directly address the operations of mind, which consists of the conscious and the unconscious. One must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to adequately treat psychological disorders without long-term adverse effects.  


Analyzing the inner child, the growth process, and the source of trauma is unnecessary for treating psychological disorders, which may actually aggravate the condition by expanding psychological wounds. One must be able to adjust the operation of the unconscious, which is manifested as the operations of the conscious and psychology to treat psychological disorders.


It must be noted that solving psychological problems and treating psychological disorders are two separate components of psychology treatment.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac

Mother Therapy & Youth Mind Training


Different approaches to psychological problems and psychological disorders


Psychology is the manifestation of the result of the interaction between the mind and the body. Three components of psychology are perception, memory, and expression. In the process of psychological operation, facts and emotions are recognized in the conscious. Facts and emotions are recognized connected with each other in perception, memory, and expression. 

 Psychological operation is important since it involves emotions. The treatment of psychology attempts to normalize the recognition of emotions in perception, memory, and expression although facts always stay the same. It is important to understand where emotions come from to apply psychology treatment in an adequate way. We mistake that emotions that accompany facts in perception flow in from outside attached to the facts. However, emotions do not flow in or come in from outside. Emotions that are recognized in the conscious in the process of perception, retrieving memory, and expression are not to be directly considered as the operation of mind. 

 The mind consists of the unconscious and the conscious. The unconscious generates emotions and has them operate in the psychology of perception, memory, and expression. The unconscious generates emotions connected with perceived facts and combines emotions and facts, connects them in the process of storing in and retrieving from memory, and combines them for expression. Emotions are generated from within your unconscious. Emotions generated in the unconscious are combined with facts and are manifested in psychology and recognized only in your own conscious. 

Suppose that someone gets angry at you. You may think that he or she made you feel bad. However, it is your unconscious that generates your negative emotions upon your perception of the counterparty's speech, actions, and facial expressions. Then, your conscious makes you recognize the combination of the fact of the counterparty getting angry and your negative emotions, which makes you feel that facts and emotions are connected from the beginning. You may generate positive emotions upon the counterparty getting angry at you when your unconscious generates positive emotions upon the perception of the external fact and connect the two elements. 

The emotions that you feel is recognized only by yourself. Facts are objective but emotions attached to facts are absolutely individual and subjective. When you are convinced that facts and your emotions connected with the facts are inherently attached together, you become to have a distorted perception of facts and emotions. Then, you may apply your subjective emotions and ideas to view and judge all information that are perceived. When you perceive all the facts connecting them with negative emotions, you are considered to have developed perception disorder and you need to adjust the unconscious operation of generating emotions. 

When you express your emotions in relationships with other people, your emotions are generated only within yourself. When your counterparties express their emotions, their emotions are generated only within themselves. When each party perceives the counterparty's expression, it is common that they mistake their emotions generated by perceiving the counterparty's expression for being provided by the counterparty instead of being generated from within themselves. This phenomenon is referred to as the error of psychological interaction and it explains the fact that human relationships and psychological interactions naturally lead to conflicts and misunderstanding.      Thus, it is a complete misunderstanding that your counterparties' emotional state will become positive when you are nice to them and vice versa. Everyone's emotions are generated only from within themselves. 

Emotions are categorized into positive, negative, and void ones. Void emotions refer to the emotional state where you feel comfortable and your unconscious does not produce either positive or negative emotions upon psychological interactions. The processes of perception, memory, and expression do not lead the unconscious to generate any type of emotions but just operate facts. The emotional state of voidness is considered to have the value of zero whereas positive state of pleasure and joy has plus value and negative state of anger and sorrow has minus value. No one else but yourself can sense your emotional state. We keep adjusting our emotions to perceived facts in the process of pursuing happiness. When we sense negative emotions, our unconscious attempts to generate positive or void emotions by transforming negative emotions into positive or void emotions. 

When you have negative emotions and feel difficulties inside yourself, it is the problem of your emotions regardless of what happened as facts. People misunderstand that the change of facts or situations will make them feel better. You cannot change facts that have already happened, but when you change your emotions attached to facts to positive or void ones, you do not perceive the fact as a problem any more and feel as if the problem has been solved. This process is referred to as 'healing'.

Sometimes, other people help you feel better by being considerate, providing empathy and consolation, and building rapport. From the perspective of mind operation, empathy is impossible to build since emotions are sensed only by the person who generates them. Others cannot possibly recognize what you feel. With this respect, building rapport is also meaningless and impossible to help you since emotions are recognized only by yourself. When you really feel empathy for sad or happy emotions of others, it is not that you share and feel the same emotions as others but that you have generated your own sad or happy emotions based on your perception of the situation. 

When you develop psychological problems, you can restore your psychology by solving the specific problem through counseling, religion, getting advice or information. All of these activities are considered as types of consolation and diversion that employ external factors in attempts to transform your emotions into positive or void ones. They are all legitimate and necessary measures that help you restore psychology in the process of pursuing happiness in human relationships. 

However, there are cases where the activities for consolation and diversion do not help since you have developed some pathological psychological condition with fixated emotions regardless of external facts. Your unconscious may generate only negative emotions upon any perception, retrieval of memory, or expression. Then, consolation and diversion do not help improve the condition and actually aggravate the situation. 

When you have developed a psychological disorder in which the unconscious generates emotions in distorted ways, any operation of psychology results in distorted emotions. There can be perception disorder, the disorder of memory of emotions, and expression disorder depending on the component with distorted generation of emotions. As a psychological disorder progresses further, you may develop psychological disorders in two components of psychology. The condition actually deteriorates when you attempt to treat psychological disorders with measures that are used to solve milder conditions of psychological problems. 

Psychological disorders must be treated by adjusting the unconscious so that it can generate emotions in adequate ways. It must be noted that the operation of the unconscious and the generation of emotions are processed only within oneself. Therefore, it is only you yourself who can and must treat your psychological disorder. You cannot and must not have external factors at play including your most loved people and psychology experts to treat your psychological disorder. In this process, you also must suppress the operation of the conscious to activate the operation of unconscious exclusively. The conscious recognition is necessarily associated with facts and contributes to the continuous generation of distorted emotions. When you treat psychological disorders, you must repeat the therapeutic tasks without thinking consciously, and lead the unconscious to generate emotions in adequate ways. 

It is ineffective and sometimes even dangerous to adopt solutions to psychological problems for treating psychological disorders. Even experts get confused between solving psychological problems and treating psychological disorders. When pathological psychological conditions continue to progress without proper treatment, you may become permanently dependent on psychiatric treatment including medication. Also, people who have psychological disorders that make them pursue only positive emotions in distorted ways destroy their life without even realizing they have serious problems. 

Excessive generation of both positive and negative emotions requires psychology treatment. In both cases, you are considered to have lost the balance of emotions being unable to process the whole range of emotions in adequate ways. People who stay in negative emotions tend to look for treatment methods and make efforts to recover. People who pursue positive emotions do not consider themselves as having problems, so hardly look for treatment. They may seek treatment when they are put in the situation where they suffer from extreme negative emotions since they cannot pursue positive emotions. When they apply solutions to psychological problems such as consolation or diversion instead of adequate methods of psychology treatment, their condition gets aggravated even further, usually developing into bipolar disorder. 

Any attempt or treatment method that adopts providing positive sensory stimulation for the purpose of generating positive emotions that counteract negative emotions will lead to distorted operation of the unconscious and aggravate the psychological condition. Repeatedly producing temporary positive moods through positive sensory stimulation lets the conscious recognize positive moods and cover up the distorted operation of the unconscious. Then, your underlying condition keeps deteriorating without being recognized and properly being addressed, and you may become to pursue only positive moods from sensory stimulation at all costs. In extreme cases, the psychological condition causes serious relational conflicts or even crime cases destroying your life and the life of your loved ones. 

People in perception disorder and the disorder of memory of emotions suffer from negative emotions. On the other hand, people in expression disorder pursue only positive emotions and they suffer from excruciating pain and cannot stand it when they cannot achieve positive emotions. The level of positive moods they need to compensate their underlying negative emotions keeps getting higher and higher. They experience extreme stress and extreme positive moods at the same time toward the object of pleasure or addiction. 

We must accurately understand the operation of emotions for proper psychology treatment. When people in depression, which is the disorder of memory of emotions, keep activating positive moods through sensory stimulation, they easily transfer to expression disorder and then, symptoms of depression disappear. This can be mistaken for depression having been treated, but it actually has aggravated the pathological condition. Now, they have both the disorder of memory of emotions and expression disorder. Thus, the unconscious generating emotions and the sensory stimulation generating moods are completely different. Psychological problems can be solved by consolation and diversion but psychological disorders must be treated by normalizing the operation of the unconscious. 

Emotions are generated and sensed only by yourself. Your emotions have nothing to do with situations and other people. It is unwise and unhealthy to pursue positive moods through sensory stimulation from consolation and diversion. Also, it is not recommended that you provide empathy, advice, consolation, and rapport when you find people around you have psychological disorders. They must treat themselves on their own adopting proper psychology treatment methods. What looks good on the surface may not be necessarily good in a true sense.


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The miserable life of an adulteress

When husband infidelity is discovered by the wife, the wife experiences great suffering of post traumatic stress and develops extreme rage. She may develop a strong urge to get even with the husband and the adulteress. Her condition of post traumatic stress may lead her to want to commit infidelity and become an adulteress herself. Such dangerous desire is a signal that the wife is in post traumatic stress that requires treatment immediately. 

The adulteress is in relation addiction, which is a type of psychological disorder. When her relationship addiction is not treated and progresses, her mind takes the course of perishment. In the first stage, she is addicted to getting attention from the adulterer and develops wound dissociation. She provides the man with pleasure, usually including sexual pleasure, in return for getting attention and consolation and mistakes it for love and happiness.

In the second stage, she develops the conviction that she is truly in love with the adulterer. Now, she gives the adulterer not only pleasure but also everything she has in return for the adulterer's attention and consolation. Now, she cannot but proceed to the third stage unless proper intervention for treatment is implemented, which she would most likely refuse. 

In stage 3, she develops hysteria that is displayed when she cannot get attention and consolation from the adulterer or the adulterer's attention is directed to other people such as another woman or his own family members. She displays extreme rage upon hysteria being triggered by some negative stimulation, and then, reinforces her conviction of love by pursuing more intense pleasure and providing the man with more of what she has. Her hysteria displayed by extreme rage and irrational behaviors can become serious enough to ruin the adulterer's whole life along with his career, business, reputation, and family.

In stage 4, she may get other people involved to achieve her goal for pleasure and selfish purposes causing people around her to develop relationship addiction, too. Her display of rage and hysteria becomes extreme upon even the slightest trigger. She may even get involved in crime cases. 

When the victimized wife who is in post traumatic stress develops relationship addiction and becomes an adulteress, she is considered to have a psychological disorder in all three components of psychology, which are perception, memory, and expression. The time taken for women with relationship addiction to progress from stage 1 to stage 4 is usually years, but the time taken for women who develops relationship addiction on top of already existing post traumatic stress can be less than a year. 

The wife who does not treat her post traumatic stress is highly likely to develop relationship addiction since she carries such powerful negative energy inside her that operates for being compensated by the equivalent level of positive energy. Of course, women who have active social life are more likely to develop relationship addiction than women who mostly stay at home alone, since they have more opportunities to get attention and consolation from men. It is absolutely crucial for the wife who suffers from post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity to redirect her life path so that she can continue to pursue her own happiness in an adequate way regardless of her husband's psychological condition.


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[On Remarriage] My ex-husband asks me for remarriage in 10 years after divorce. Children and I do not want to get back together with him.

Q. I got a divorce 10 years ago. Recently, my ex-husband contacted me and asked for remarriage, which makes me quite perplexed. Children and I do not want remarriage but my ex-husband keeps pushing his idea. 

A. Your case is not an uncommon one. Your ex-husband has lived as he pleases for the last 10 years, and suddenly realized that you are raising children without seeing another man. Now, he may feel that you look like a new woman to him. Also, he has the habit as your husband from the previous marriage, which makes him feel as if he were still your husband. He may do things to earn your heart and ask you for forgiveness for his past wrongdoings. He will say that he is a different man now and he will be really nice to you and children. He may go further by visiting you if you respond to him in any positive way and even act like a real husband and father.

It is no wonder you are perplexed upon his unexpected and irrational behaviors. He is likely to take every action of yours as a positive response thinking in his own ways as he did before divorce. This phenomenon is caused by him not having transformed his psychology from that of marriage into that of divorce even in all these years. He is likely to show similar behavioral patterns that he showed during your marriage life now and after remarriage. 

He may actually think that you are willing to remarry anytime he wants. He wasn't thinking about remarriage when he was immersed into his own life after divorce, but somehow he does now. He may have some specific purpose of remarriage. It is almost guaranteed that you and your children will go back to the time you had all kinds of difficulties before divorce if you get back together with him. You are also considered to be in danger of going through diverse problems when you adamantly reject his suggestion of remarriage.

The fact that children oppose to your remarriage indicates that your ex-husband and your children have not had a good relationship so far. It is likely that your ex-husband did not contact children or took a good care of them as a father before and after divorce. Or, they may have negative perception of their father since you yourself did not transform your psychology of marriage into that of divorce and kept infusing his negative image into children all these years. 

Regardless of your children's opinions, you are likely to go back to unhappy marriage when you get back together with your ex-husband who seems to have distorted ideas and an unstable psychological state. You may experience even worse marriage relationship than your first one. As he continues pushing his ideas of remarriage onto you, he may display abusive language and even violence. The present situation also indicates that his psychological condition is so severe that he is desperately looking for a place for his rest disregarding your ideas and emotions.

It is certainly not a good time to remarry your ex-husband. Your husband may react with rage when you bluntly reject his suggestion, so you need to be strategic and soft in your expression of refusal. You can ask him for some time for thinking or make some plausible excuses for not being able to get back together right now. Then, you must treat your psychological wounds and transform your psychology into that of a divorced person. The fact that your husband is proposing remarriage indicates that you still remain to be in the same unhealthy psychological condition as you were during your first marriage, which gave him a signal that it might be OK for him to approach you. 

When you restore healthy psychology and live a happy life with your children, your ex-husband cannot even think about approaching you and propose remarriage. It does not mean that you should never remarry your ex-husband. It is just that it is not the right timing and neither of you are in the right psychological condition for remarriage. When you cannot deal with the present situation wisely, your ex-husband may keep pushing  for his ideas and even begin stalking you. It is crucial for you to restore healthy psychology not to be pushed around by your ex-husband and put yourself and children in danger. 

When you restore healthy psychology and build the psychology of a divorced person, you will be able to see clearly whether remarriage is good or not for you and your children. 

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 


The perpetrator cannot sense the victim's pain


There are many cases where people are hurt by abusive behaviors and physical violence in human relationships. However, the perpetrator cannot sense how much pain is inflicted upon the victim. When someone hits the other person with his or her hand, the person who hit cannot sense the pain. He or she can sense only the pain in his or her hand.


When you are hit by another person, you can sense the pain. You may assume that the perpetrator can also sense how painful it is. However, the perpetrator may say that he or she just did it inadvertently or unintentionally, which the victim may not even believe.


It must be kept in mind that any behavior has the possibility to hurt other people in a great deal. When you have the idea that only your happiness is important regardless of others, you will easily hurt other people thinking that you just behaved to suit your standard of thought and happiness.


People who have self-conviction are in great danger of inflicting damage on other people without realizing how much pain their behaviors can cause in the victims. They cannot see what is wrong with themselves since they are convinced that their thoughts and behaviors are right with reference to their own thought standards.


You may throw a stone inadvertently and a frog may be killed by the stone. Is the frog's death caused by your throwing the stone or by the frog's being there at the moment?

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


[On Divorce] A mother who is shocked at her 14 year-old-girl dating with men through SNS.

Q. I got a divorce 6 years ago to forget the past and start afresh. I have been working hard on my career and doing my best to raise my daughter. However, my daughter has been grumpy and irritable for quite a long time. Recently, I have found out that she is dating with men through SNS and I am completely shocked. I took her for psychology counseling to no avail. She says that she wants to leave home. I don't know what to do. 

A. Many people experience difficulties due to problems of children after divorce or remarriage. Many children of parents who are divorced or remarried have psychological problems, but they are not recognized until they get serious and manifested as apparent behavioral problems. 

You may have thought that you are doing well both with your career and parenting and just thought that your daughter is going through normal period of adolescence with small problems here and there. Diverse problems of adolescence occur when children and teenagers begin to think for themselves and form their own thought standards. They find their own thought standards and adults' thought standards do not accord with each other and experience conflicts and discordance. Teenagers with unstable psychology may experience more difficulties in the process. Your daughter seems to have had psychological problems for quite a long time but they have not been detected and been aggravated. 

Psychology counseling may not be very effective in this case. Your daughter had to talk about her negative emotions and experiences during counseling. Unfortunately, females including children grow psychological wounds when they retrieve negative emotions in the absence of safe types of attention and consolation. They may even generate new wounds or transform fake wounds into real wounds during the process. When parents find that psychology counseling is not effective, they may even refer their child's case to professional psychiatrists for a more robust treatment including medication, which may put the child into the vicious cycle of worsening the condition and applying more powerful treatment. 

It is very dangerous for a 14 year-old-girl to be dating with men through SNS, but from your daughter's point of view, she is doing it since it provides her with comfort and pleasure, and makes her feel good from getting attention and consolation. Your daughter's psychology seems to be getting aggravated judging from the fact that  counseling did not work and she wants to leave home. She feels more comfortable with attention and consolation from dating with men through SNS than with counselors or her mother. 

It is essential to accurately understand the root cause of the child's psychological problems. When females have negative emotions and unstable psychology, their mind operates to have them try to treat psychological wounds by getting attention and consolation. In case of girls, attention and consolation must be provided by their mother, and otherwise, their psychological condition deteriorates even further. When attention and consolation are not provided by their mother, girls may seek them from other people feeling comfortable and loved in their conscious. 

When the mother herself has psychological wounds in herself, it is harder for her to provide her daughter with adequate attention and consolation. Even if the mother consciously tries to connect with her daughter psychologically, her psychological condition makes it hard to implement the adequate parenting method.

Your daughter's psychological problems are likely to have started when you first sensed that your daughter is going through the phase of adolescence and have been worsening for the whole time. The problem cannot be solved by viewing it as the child's problem, which can actually expedite the advancement of the condition. It must be viewed as having stemmed from the mother's psychological problems and problems of parenting. The root cause of your daughter's psychological problems is your inability or failure to provide adequate attention and consolation and adequate parenting when she first developed negative emotions and psychological wounds. 

First and foremost, you must treat your own psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology. Then, both you and your daughter will feel more stabilized and comfortable to interact and connect with each other. You must first analyze your present psychological condition and find ways to restore healthy psychology. When you interact with your daughter with healthy psychology, your daughter will also experience the improvement in her condition and naturally stay away from behaviors that used to worry you since she has no reason to get attention and consolation from undesirable or inappropriate relationships. 

You may want to apply for Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage to be guided for the restoration of your healthy psychology. You will learn exactly what to do for yourself and your daughter through the consultation. It won't take long for your daughter to recover once you become a happy mother.

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

The Psychology of Donation

      We all make donations and get the benefit of donations at some time during life. We tend to relate donations with good deeds collectively but cases of donations can be analyzed differently applying the concept of psychology of donation. Some donations are made purely out of good intentions only with the purpose of helping the recipients but some are taken advantage of by people with selfish purposes. 

     There are two types of donations : direct donation and indirect donation. Direct donation is made by directly giving what you have to people who are in need. You may provide what is necessary for survival or what can promote self-actualization depending on the recipients' situations and needs. Indirect donation is made by entrusting the donation to organizations that are operated to support people in need for survival or self-actualization. 

     From the donator's point of view, both direct and indirect donation may look identical, but characteristics of indirect donation can be different among individual cases depending on different manifestations of psychology of donation. Donators must understand the mechanism of psychology of donation and choose appropriate ways to share what you have with people in need. When you make a direct donation, you must find recipients for yourself, make relationships with them, and manage the whole process of donation by yourself. You can freely decide on everything but types and magnitudes of donation are limited.      

      Many people choose to make donations indirectly for convenience and effectiveness. You can donate to organizations that are operated to help people in need. They have better systems of finding recipients and managing the donation process making the whole process more efficient and effective. They can help people in more diverse ways and in greater magnitudes. 

    All you provide for donation is received by the recipients in case of direct donation, but in case of indirect donation, some of the donated materials must be used to operate the organizations operated for donations. When donators cannot trust the organizations with what they provide, they may decide to establish an organization for donation themselves. In some cases, the donators lose their good intention and damage the noble cause of helping people in need by focusing more on the operation of the organization itself than on donation itself putting the cart before the horse.

     It is important to understand the true meaning of donation. Donation means giving what you have to people in need for survival or self-actualization without any condition or your own selfish purposes. Donation is different from the concept of support, in which you provide what you have to people in need to achieve your own goals. It is only legitimate that organizations that are operated for donation must have their own goals of managing the organization. It is also crucial that organizations for donation must establish the system of transparent operation to prevent distortion and corruption.

     Some organizations operated for donation become distorted and focus more and more on their own selfish purposes. As the distortion advances, the whole process of donation operated by the organization may also be distorted. It is recommended that organizations operated for donation be kept under surveillance for transparency and people involved in the work of donation learn about the psychology of donation. Some corrupt workers may develop distorted psychology and use donated materials for their own selfish purposes and act as if they themselves were the donators. 

      Donation is a good deed that provides people in need with opportunities to pursue happiness, so it is an important component of a healthy society. However, the distorted process of donation caused by distorted psychology of people involved leads general public to develop negative perception toward donation itself. We are not to judge the phenomena based on what is seen on the surface but understand the underlying mechanism and must raise the awareness of the adequate practice of donation.


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Introduction to Youth Mind Training


Apply for free consultation for Teenagers' Psychological Problems

Youth Mind Training : http://www.youthmindtraining.com/
Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac


The process of developing relationship addiction


     Both the cause of husband infidelity and the cause of wife infidelity are relationship addiction. Accurately understanding the cause of infidelity prevents you from destroying your life and allows you to pursue happiness in the right direction. Without accurately understanding the cause of infidelity, you cannot either solve practical problems or restore healthy psychology and happiness. 

     Many people think that infidelity is caused by problems of love, sex, and marriage and therefore, they try to solve those problems to resolve the issue of infidelity. Even so-called experts attribute infidelity to problems of love, sex, and marriage and guide many innocent people to develop even worse conditions of psychology and life. It is crucial to understand that the real cause of infidelity is relationship addiction, which is an acute psychological disorder. 

     In many cases, infidelity does not occur with careful plans or deliberate intention. For men, they develop an acute case of relationship addiction upon the counterparty's response. Men's relationship addiction is a manifestation of perception disorder and expression disorder combined. For women, they develop an acute case of relationship addiction upon the counterparty's attention and consolation. Women's relationship addiction is a manifestation of the disorder of memory of emotion and expression disorder combined. Then, both women and men in relationship addiction easily change partners depending on circumstances since they are addicted to women's response and men's attention and consolation respectively.          

     Most psychological disorders take a long time and go through stages to develop. They proceed from psychological problems to a psychological disorder in 1 component of psychology and then, to a psychological disorder in 2 components of psychology. It usually takes years for psychological problems to develop into a psychological disorder in 2 components of psychology. However, relationship addiction develops acutely in a short time. 

     People in infidelity hardly realize that they have developed relationship addiction. Their thoughts and their conscious are distorted, so they perceive what used to be perceived as positive as negative and vice versa. They cannot tolerate and properly deal with even the smallest stress or wounds. Many women in relationship addiction are considered to have allowed themselves to be taken advantage of mistaking the distorted relationship for love. Relationship addiction accompanied by stress and wounds keeps operating inside them, and it is hard for them to break away from the vicious cycle of getting stress and wounds and seeking response and attention in distorted ways repeatedly committing infidelity. 

     The victimized spouse must treat post traumatic stress and the spouse in infidelity must treat relationship addiction. Then, you will be able to restore your healthy psychology and pursue happiness in a true sense instead of destroying the life of yourself and your loved ones.


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[The Psychology of Dating] Different operations of mind in men and women

      Some people always get hurt in a romantic relationship. They may have great abilities in their career and other areas, but not so in dating. They can succeed in romantic relationships when they learn how human mind and psychology operate. When they understand how psychological interactions operate in a dating relationship, they can prevent their own and their partner's moods and feelings from getting ruined and hurt. 

     There is nothing more attractive than two people's minds being connected, and trust must precede for minds to be connected. However, these days, women seem to prefer men who actively approach them to shy and passive men. Men also prefer women who readily respond to shy and reserved women. People in these days seem to prefer falling in love at first sight rather than achieving a romantic relationship as a result of a long and hard process of courtship to earn the partner's heart and trust.       

     Men like women who readily respond to their attention, but most men know that they need to make efforts and wait for women's positive response. On the othr hand, there are some extreme cases where women may not budge an inch even when men pour all their passion into them. These women may actually be in self-love in a distorted way. Women who grew up being loved a lot tend to be positive toward everything and have humble character. They are considered to have self-love in a true sense. Women who think that they are too good for any man tend to have high standards but be empty inside. They are unlikely to meet men with healthy psychology and usually regret their behavior after men leave them even if they meet good men. 

     Men do not date to satisfy women from the psychological perspective. They take time and make efforts only for their own fun and pleasure. Men can not get immersed into women when they cannot have fun and pleasure from being with them. It is because men can generate passion from fun and pleasure only when women respond to their actions. 

     Women's psychology of dating operates completely differently from men's psychology of dating. They may pretend to be not interested in men when they actually like them. They often hide their feelings. For example, the woman finds the man especially handsome today, so she really wants to spend a long time with him until late at night. However, she is worried that he may read her mind and acts completely in the opposite way from her intention by repeatedly checking the time. The man thinks that she needs to go home early and helps her get a taxi early in the evening. She is disappointed and blames him for not reading her mind.

     Dating is a two way interaction. Love and passion are formed when two people's minds are connected. When the woman receives attention without giving any response to the man, the man loses interest in the woman. Hiding your feelings and waiting for the man to do everything for you will lead nowhere in a romantic relationship. You cannot but confront with courage, get hurt, and suffer from pain to build feelings of love. 

     Some women let the man they like leave them because they do not want to get hurt. Not wanting to get hurt means they are calculating. You must exchange thoughts and emotions frankly to understand each other in a dating relationship. Stress and wounds necessarily accompany the process since everyone has different thought standards. 

     If you are afraid of getting hurt from the relationship with the man you like, you can give up forming human relationships and raise a pet. Pets cannot hurt your emotions since they do not interact psychologically as humans do. Minds cannot be connected between humans and pets in a true sense. When the woman keeps her mind closed, the man will give up and leave to find another woman to pour his passion into.

     Suppose that a woman has liked a man for a long time without telling him about her feelings. One day, the man confesses that he likes her. Very strangely, the woman stops liking him as soon as she learns about his feelings. This happens when the woman has psychological wounds from past experiences. She may have negative experiences from past relationships or traumatic experiences related with men. Her anxiety and fear can override her positive emotions toward the man. If so, she needs psychological treatment to restore healthy psychology before seeing men for dating. 

     Women can either reject or accept when men suggest dating. Women's operational mechanism of feelings makes all of the man's actions of giving attention be stored in memory whether they like the man or not. When the woman's psychological wounds are treated by the man's attention in one incident, she becomes to like the man in her mind saying, “I don't like him at all.” This indicates that the man's attention affects the woman's unconscious by repeated interactions but activates negative emotions in the woman's conscious. 

     Women form feelings of love in two ways. One is when the attention that the man gives them accords with their thought standards and the other is when the attention does not accord with their thought standards. Women perceive men's attention itself as love whether it is negative or positive. Emotions can be positive or negative. Positive emotions can develop into feelings of love but negative emotions result in psychological wounds in women. Women generate feelings of love and happiness when they treat wounds, which are negative emotions. This explains how women generate feelings of love from negative emotions as well as from positive emotions. 

     When the woman displays anger and irritation at the man, it indicates that she likes the man and wants the man to pour more passion into the woman. Also, when the man continues to give attention to the woman even when the woman doesn't like the man, the woman gradually becomes to like the man since she has been storing many things related with the man in her memory. Here, attention and obsession must be clearly differentiated. Attention comes from the desire for giving but obsession comes from the desire for one's own satisfaction. 

     Suppose that a man who works at the same office keeps asking the woman for a date and follows her everywhere for months. At first, she feels uncomfortable and even a little scared, but soon, she becomes indifferent to him thinking that he will stop someday. Then, he really stops following her and she feels worried and anxious since he is not seen around. His unconditional attention giving has generated feelings of love in her. Women accommodate stress and accumulate it as wounds in the memory. When men's attention to women continues, women's unconscious perceives men's attention as love and treats wounds. However, men's attention with selfish purpose only grows wounds in women.

     The operation of women's wounds makes them recognize psychological pain and difficulties, which are signals for treating wounds. Women's expressions of irritation and anger are also signals for treating wounds. When the man provides the woman with attention and consolation in this situation, the woman's wounds are treated and feelings of love and happiness are generated in her unconscious. Whether women like the attention or not in the conscious does not matter here and indifference does not produce any emotion in women. 

     Men carry moods and women carry feelings. Men automatically develop positive moods when positive stimulation is sensed through sensory organs. That is, they perceive the counterparty's response in a positive way. Then, they can generate passion when they get immersed into positive moods. The woman feels happiness when she is convinced that the man truly loves her. However, the man does not know about the woman's mechanism of mind and thinks that all he needs to do for her is to make her have fun and pleasure. Women, who consider feelings important, usually do not trust men who pursue only fun and pleasure of the moment. 

     Women evaluate men by their speech and actions. They look for manners, honesty, considerateness, and wisdom in men. They get disappointed and hurt when they cannot trust men for their love. Women trust men who listen to them carefully. Women are sensitive to men's attitude when they are listening to women's talk. They will stop talking when men look distracted or do not focus.

     Women get hurt when men provide less attention to them. Suppose that the woman and the man decide to spend their vacation separately with their own friends. The man and his friends go to the beach and the woman and her friends go to the mountain. The man has an absolutely wonderful time, but the woman does not enjoy the vacation at all since she actually wanted to spend time with the man instead of her own friends. Upon returning from the separate vacation, the woman expresses her negative feelings to the man, but the man does not understand the woman's emotions at all. She keeps expressing her negative feelings and he does not even want to talk about it and explodes. Now, their talk develops into an argument and the woman walks out on him.

     Both men and women have high expectation for each other in a dating relationship. However, men do not understand women's mind operation and tend to follow their moods moment by moment. This leads women to feel both feelings of love and happiness and feelings of wounds alternately. The woman stops talking when she feels hurt for some reason which the man has provided but usually cannot fathom. The man thinks that the woman is a capricious type. The woman develops inner conflict on whether she should continue or stop this relationship.

     Men's and women's minds operate differently so they think and act differently. Men get stressed when being with women is not fun or pleasurable. Women feel hurt when their desire for love is not fulfilled by men. When they cannot heal stress and treat wounds for some prolonged time, they may decide to break up thinking that dating is difficult. Men automatically block the inflow of stress or eliminate stress as soon as it flows in. Women automatically accommodate stress and store it in memory after transforming it into wounds. Stress and wounds are generated when information that flows in for perception does not accord with their thought standards. When both parties adhere to their own standards without being considerate of the counterparty's perspective, men lose passion and women lose love in the relationship. You must always consider your partner's position, emotions, and ideas and try to understand each other to build trust with open mind.

     Love and wounds, and passion and stress are in an inseparable relation. Pursuing only one's own pleasure or happiness necessarily leads to relational conflicts. Suppressing or avoiding conflicts will only grow stress and wounds aggravating problems. Looking for causes of conflicts and trying to be considerate and understanding are crucial in building healthy dating relationships. Neglecting conflicts will result in additional conflicts and misunderstanding, which in turn will pull down trust and eventually end the relationship.


About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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