[On Human Mind] I didn’t fall out of love. I was just stressed!

Men’s mind and women’s mind operate completely differently. Therefore, a man and a woman in a close relationship necessarily develop conflicts and disputes. This is all due to the fact that neither party understands that the counterparty's mind operates differently and both argue only for their own position.

Psychological manifestation changes depending on situations and environments. Many people think that the counterparty is a capricious person and develop misunderstanding based on arbitrary interpretation.

For example, suppose that a couple is on a vacation and has just arrived at the hotel room.

W : Ugh... This is quite different from what I expected.

M : At least, the view of the ocean is great. We can’t move to another place now. Let’s just relax and have fun.

W: I don’t care about the view. I planned to take a ton of pictures in the room. This is so old and dull. I just want to go home.

The man does his best to make the woman feel better but she keeps complaining. Then, the man makes diverse speech, actions, and facial expressions just to get out of the situation. He could try harder and take her out to enjoy other things, but he may display anger or just disappear. Then, the woman assumes that the man has changed and doesn’t love her anymore, feeling deeply hurt. The fact is that his feelings toward her have not changed even a bit but manifestations of his psychology change moment by moment.

Men’s mind operates to avoid or remove stress and women’s mind operates to accommodate stress and transforms it into wounds in memory. Men’s display of anger or avoidance is simply the result of attempting to get out of stress. Women cannot understand this mechanism and generate wounds on their own based on arbitrary interpretation.

The operation of human mind does not change from birth to death but the manifestation of psychology changes moment by moment in forms of speech, actions, and facial expressions. We are all to misunderstand others’ thoughts and emotions when we do not accurately understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology.

Different thoughts and emotions cause stress and wounds in relationships. In such cases, it is recommended that you stop interacting with each other and heal your own stress and wounds separately.

When stress and wounds continue and are neglected, psychological problems get aggravated and develop into psychological disorders.

Women’s mind decides to block memories of emotions when the amount of accumulated wounds exceeds the capacity for accommodation. This is manifested as the disorder of memory of emotions or depression. The root cause of depression is accumulated wounds and it can be treated by forming habits of wound treatment.

Men’s mind develops neurotic conditions not to perceive stress anymore when it cannot remove or avoid stress. This is manifested as perception disorder such as panic disorder, anxiety disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. The root cause of perception disorder is stress and it can be treated by forming habits of healing stress in healthy ways.

The disorder of memory of emotions in women and perception disorder in men occur in order to prevent psychology from being excessively activated in any one component among perception, memory, and expression losing balance.

Balanced psychology leads to stable emotions and losing balance in psychology leads to unstable emotions or psychological problems or disorders. Manifestations of psychology change moment by moment, so temporary change of psychology is not appropriate or applicable to treat psychological disorders. Adjustment at the level of mind, which consists of the conscious and the unconscious, does not change depending on situations, and fundamentally affect the manifestation of psychology, is necessary to treat psychological disorders. 

https://youtu.be/HkcwwMNu1GQ

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[Wife Infidelity] I am taking KIP treatment program due to my girlfriend's infidelity and I feel insecure about my future.

 

Q. I was in such pain due to my girl friend's infidelity and I decided to take KIP treatment program. As I was told, I feel better little by little and I can control myself better these days. The level of pain has subsided and the attack comes less often. My girlfriend is also considering taking the treatment. We are engaged to get married but I feel that I want to leave her as I feel better and better. Am I avoiding the situation or aggravating my condition? Of course, I plan to continue with the treatment. I think I will feel that I am providing some kind of service to her even when my girlfriend takes the treatment program. ​I would not leave her if we were already married, but I ask myself whether I have to go through this much for her even before I get married. 

A. It is your girlfriend's responsibility to treat her own condition through her own determination and effort. As they restore psychological stability in the process of treatment, most people feel comfortable and wish to avoid the nature of the stress in spite of yourself. 

Many people feel the desire to get a divorce and have a hard time generating positive emotions toward the spouse in infidelity. As your emotions go up and down, you also experience the middle point with comfort, in which you feel that you don't want to bother to save the relationship. It is a common phenomenon that appears in the process of treatment and it does not indicate that your condition is being aggravated. It is recommended that you stay in the relationship until you recover completely instead of leaving her now and focus on your treatment.

Your girlfriend may decide to treat her relationship addiction and build happiness ability. Then, she will reflect on her behaviors in the right perspective and understand what you have been through due to her infidelity. She will also treat her wounds from all her past life and stabilize her psychology. Each of you can focus on your own treatment and both of you will see whether it is better to stay together or break up for future happiness after complete cure. 

https://youtu.be/7Fv9m6WyguM

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

What to learn from successful people

When people achieve their goal in life, they are referred to as successful people. If you want to succeed, you must first know what your interests are and decide on the direction you want to take. Then, you can set the goal and pursue values of life. Values of life can be categorized into financial values, relational values, and social values. When you make efforts in the right direction without digression to achieve your goal, you will find yourself getting closer to success. Humans are designed to pursue happiness with self-actualization. They set goals and pursue values of life for self-actualization. In the pursuit of values of life, the process is more important than the result of success by giving you the sense of achievement through overcoming difficulties. The immersion into what you pursue with passion is more important than the achievement itself to make you feel the sense of fulfillment. 

You must continuously make efforts with the will power to pursue values of life. Success never comes from luck but from effort. If you are born with everything you can ask for in life, you don't have to make any effort and don't have to pursue self-actualization. Then, you may indulge yourself with only fun and pleasure but you cannot achieve happiness and success since you don't pursue self-actualization.

You must form habits of success to be able to achieve success. Habits are formed only through constant practice and any great idea is of no use unless it is put into actions. You must begin by setting a small and practical goal to form habits of success. You can set bigger and bigger goals gradually and you can form habits of success and abilities for great achievement. When you set too high a goal, you are more likely to give up and form habits of failure since it is too difficult. 

Everyone wants to become successful but only a small number of people end up being successful. Naturally, people try to learn about how to succeed from successful people's experiences. What you must learn from successful people is not how they have made the achievement in their field but their will power and effort in the process of the pursuit of their goal. The will power and efforts come from hope, and successful people acquire and accumulate knowledge and put their ideas into actions one by one. Putting your ideas into practice means that you build the will power and keep making efforts. Each practice is accumulated to make values of your life increase. Then, you will also grow confidence and ability to solve problems and cope with crises, which in turn charge you with more energy and passion for even further pursuit of values of life.           

One of the most important factor in achieving success is one's own experience. It is to put your ideas and knowledge into practice. Through first-hand experience, you go through trials and errors learning what more you need and building problem solving abilities. No one can succeed with only one try in an easy way. Every successful person has experienced trials and errors and continued to try without losing hope. They enjoy the process, overcome difficulties, and continue to generate passion for further challenge.      

Success in one area does not mean that your whole life is a successful one, and any life is to go through ups and downs. If you just focus on seeking pleasure thinking that you are in golden days of your life, you will soon fall into dark days in the near future. People who achieve success in a true sense never choose to stay in the present comfort and never stop pursuing self-actualization based on their experience of success. 

Many people give up right before reaching the summit not because it is impossible to climb the cliff but because they think it is impossible. One's thought results in one's action and negative thoughts will lead you to stop going forward. On the other hand, there are some people who achieve success with only one try. They may easily collapse since they lack experiences as well as habits and abilities of success. Therefore, there is not much to learn from people who have succeeded with good luck. Any path to success is long and rough and it is strange and scary to anyone. You will fall and get confused many times. People without strong will power for their goal will easily give up but people with strong will power will keep going making trials and errors until they find their own ways. 

The more experiences you have, the more abilities you can build for problem solving. People with abilities for success always focus on restoration and make efforts when they are faced with crises. You don't have to fear making mistakes since you are just building abilities through trials and errors. However, you cannot go closer to your goal if you avoid or give up.

To be able to achieve success in life, knowledge and experience are necessary elements. However, many people fail because they just try to follow the experiences of successful people without their own knowledge and experience. Some people even try to follow the successful people's life itself. Then, they are imitating other people's life instead of living their own life and their life becomes a clear failure. Life is to accumulate the whole range of facts and emotions through unique experiences and imitating other people's life without making efforts with your own knowledge and experience may simply lead you nowhere.

It would be ignorant of you to try to learn about the know-how of success from successful people since success is possible only when you make efforts with your own knowledge and experience. The only thing you can learn from successful people is their strong will power, efforts, and perseverance. No one can succeed without numerous trials and errors. Those who hold onto hope and make efforts even in the worst situation will find the way to success and those who do not will fail. You must find your own way to success. When you follow the path other people have taken, you may lose the way in spite of yourself. Other people's methods of success cannot be your method of success.

You may want to learn about how to succeed from successful people since you want to reach the destination in easy and comfortable ways. Then, you could take a shortcut and wouldn't have to make efforts with strong will power. However, the shortcut is what the successful people have found with their will power and effort not with yours. It must always be kept in mind that you must learn the successful people's will power and effort not the specific methods of success. 

https://youtu.be/IjeWnzmjksY

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How to get out of unhappiness

 

When someone dies, people evaluate the person's life as a happy life or an unhappy life. To be able to judge on a happy or an unhappy life, we must first accurately understand what life is and what happiness and unhappiness are. Life is one's journey from birth to death. No life journey is simple and easy. One day, life is comfortable, and the very next day, some problem makes you stay up all night. Sometimes, it is pleasurable enough to make you feel that you are in the golden days of your life, and other times, you develop suicidal ideation since life is too painful to endure. Life is the continuum of ups and downs with the whole range of emotions inside you including joy, pleasure, sorrow, and anger generating both happiness and unhappiness. 

You life is considered to be a happy one when you continuously pursue self-actualization. You feel the emotion of happiness when you overcome difficulties in life and regain the comfortable and positive condition. The ups and downs in life generate the emotion of happiness. Happiness is not given by other people and it is not placed far away. The emotion of happiness is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. The same applies to unhappiness. Your emotion of unhappiness is never given by other people. It is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. It is up to you to control your mind to become happy inside your mind. 

Your life is considered to be an unhappy one when you lose the balance in your mind. When people lose their pet, they put up posters in the whole neighborhood and even offer a reward to find it. However, not many people even recognize when they lose the balance in their mind. We must pay attention to and take care of our mind to prevent problems from occurring in our mind. We are supposed to feel deep positive emotions as we overcome difficulties in life and the deep positive emotions are emotions of happiness. When life is too comfortable or too pleasurable for some prolonged time, it indicates that unhappiness is to come soon. Happy life is a life where we enjoy what we have together with our loved ones in balance without excess or deficiency. 

Some people complain that they cannot get out of worries and problems even for a day and they keep grieving over their tough luck. They usually do not have the will power to solve their problems and just keep worrying and complaining. Some blame people around them or the society for their misfortune. They usually have the condition of dependency and inferiority complex and always try to find some easy way by taking advantage of other people. Still others get immersed into fun and pleasure and do not care about other people's pain and suffering. They destroy harmony and order in relationships and lack conscience. People described above end up living an unhappy life by causing the loss of balance in their life and lives of other people. 

Life experiences always change like weather. Being sunny today does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. It may be rainy or even stormy. The present situation does not represent your whole life whether you are happy or unhappy at present. You will be able to evaluate your life only on your death bed and we never know when we will face crisis in life. Being unhappy today does not mean that you will be unhappy tomorrow and vice versa. The important thing is to set the right direction for the future regardless of your current situation. 

The fact that you are suffering in mind indicates that your mind wants you to overcome difficulties and achieve happiness again. Thus, you must try to solve the current problem and go forward for happiness. Failures and trials and errors will only make you stronger by accumulating valuable first hand experiences. You must build your own ability to overcome the crisis instead of blaming yourself or other prople to be able to restore happiness. You must focus on recovery with happiness ability instead of giving up or avoiding. No matter how hard your life is at present, it does not represent your whole life since you still have the whole future in front of you. Whether you overcome or give up determines whether you will be happy or unhappy in the future. 

There can be three types of problems in life everyone is to experience. They are problems of human relationships, problems in the pursuit of values of life, and problems in the pursuit of meanings of life. Upon facing those problems in your life, you must think hard on how to solve the problems and put your ideas into practice instead of just giving up or avoiding. Then, you will build problem solving abilities, be able to overcome difficulties in life, and achieve happiness. Not thinking is equivalent to giving up on your life and avoiding problems will only lead you to failure. Also, knowledge and experience are useless unless they are put into practice. 

Human mind is designed to pursue happiness. When the pursuit of happiness is obstructed, you suffer from pain and difficulties, which is an indication that your mind wants you to overcome the difficulties and go back to happiness. Therefore, we must focus on regaining happiness whenever we face problems in life. If you do not have the ability to solve problems you can build basic abilities by accumulating small efforts and small achievements. Then you can free yourself from depending on other people and develop independence. 

You are to experience the whole range of emotions and it is only you yourself who can generate your emotions from within yourself based on your own thought standards. You may feel sorry for people who have lost their job but they may actually feel fine since they didn't like the job and they have a better plan for their life. Happiness or unhappiness is determined only by yourself. Your friend may look very happy to your eyes but it is only your thought and you can not know how he or she feels inside.

When you live only by yourself, you need to pursue only your own happiness for your freedom and right with your own standards. However, when you live with other people in human relationships, you must pursue being happy together with other people and maintain balance between right and duty and respect harmony and order. 

When you suffer from relational conflicts, you may develop victim mentality. You may feel angry and raged and perceive everything in negative ways. As you continue with victim mentality, your condition may advance and lead you to develop  perpetrator mentality in spite of yourself. You may inflict the same degree of damage as you have received onto other people, and it will make you feel comfortable by offsetting your suffering. You may mistake it for happiness and live an unhappy life with distorted ideas and behaviors.  

Some people develop compensation mentality to get out of negative emotions. They usually develop the sense of inferiority and shame, and try to compensate their negative emotions with behaviors that can provide them with the sense of satisfaction such as shopping or eating. Perpetrator mentality and compensation mentality are different in the sense that in the former you feel satisfied by damaging other people and in the latter you feel satisfied by damaging yourself.    

All people with conditions described above cannot but live unhappily since their ideas and behaviors are distorted and end up destroying their own life and lives of people around them. They also easily blame others, themselves, or develop dependency. They seek only comfort and pleasure without pursuing true happiness with meanings and values of life. They also become easy targets by people with selfish purposes and are taken advantage of, which aggravates their psychological conditions further.  

It is difficult to restore healthy psychology once it completely collapses. It is crucial for us to reflect upon conditions of our mind and find the cause of problems if there is any. You can get out of unhappiness only when you accurately understand why you are unhappy. Once you understand the root cause of problems, you can think about solutions and put your ideas into practice by making efforts. Many people stay in unhappiness because they do not think hard enough and give up, avoid, or depend on other people in face of crisis. You can get out of unhappiness and restore happiness only when you have your own will power and make efforts on your own. 

https://youtu.be/2wl4gZd5K00

 

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My husband seems to be truly in love with the adulteress.

 

Q. My husband has been having an affair with a young barmaid for 6 months. He is not just seeing her for fun but seems to be truly in love with her. He has a well-paid job and is a good person. He seems to have stopped seeing her for now and be making efforts to forget her, but has a difficult time doing it. He looks so depressed and almost like dying at home. Differently from the time his affair was first discovered, he says he will do his best to come back and restore family. He hardly talks and does not make any effort though. I wonder what psychological condition he is in now. It seems to me that he has not sever the relationship yet and is still in infidelity.

The concept of love does not apply to infidelity. Infidelity is the result of relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. The adulteress may have met your husband for her own purpose. She may have wanted pleasure, money, and other things but your husband can mistake it for love since he has the condition of relationship addiction. Your husband can be an ideal target to take advantage of since he has a well-paid job and is a good person. He is likely to give the woman more and more as the relationship progresses. The woman will simply change men when the relationship ends for some reason. Both of them can mistake the condition for love since they are both in relationship addiction, but the fact that you also think they are in a true love indicates that you are also in a serious condition. 

Your husband is depressed not because he has lost his love but because his pleasure has stopped. His relationship addiction will be easily reactivated when he finds another woman to pursue pleasure with. This is a common symptom of relationship addiction. He will display rage when things don't go his way and stay depressed when he cannot do anything as he pleases. He thinks that he wants to make efforts and restore family, but his pathological condition makes it difficult for him to put his ideas into actions. He will feel that the whole world has collapsed when the adulteress meets another man, which is actually caused by the operation of relationship addiction but mistaken for love. 

Please, keep in mind that your husband has a psychological disorder, which only he himself can treat. He will continue infidelity changing women and aggravating the condition unless he is properly treated. He may keep more than one adulteress not to lose his pleasure in case one adulteress leaves him. 

You cannot give your husband an opportunity to treat unless you treat your post traumatic stress first. It is crucial that you stop paying attention to your husband and treat post traumatic stress. Then, you will give him hope for recovery of marriage relationship based on the wife's happiness ability. 

You can tell him that you have started the treatment but don't have to force him to treat his condition. Things will only keep getting worse if you postpone your treatment and keep paying attention to your husband thinking that you will be OK only if he comes back to you. It is guaranteed that husband infidelity will recur with an advanced condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress will also keep getting aggravated, which will cause even more dire consequences in your life and your husband's life.

https://youtu.be/xz93i_C20is

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

[Review_Infidelity Therapy] Treat your wounds and get back your happiness

 

This happened with my husband when we came to the states. Ironically, he showed me the program creator’s YouTube videos first because he admitted it was not love. In the beginning, I refused to watch. I thought he was just trying to justify his cheating. But, it was unbearable so I started watching all of his video clips. Watching one clip comforted me temporarily. But, as he said in the video, he didn’t spill any hints about healing assignments. I felt like I was dying inside slowly. It was really expensive for online treatment. But I was desperate and it was a death wish only if I can get out of this endless pain/depression. 

I wanted to be happy so I flew to Korea and attended his Forum for two months. I was skeptical about counseling. I was rather a strong Christian. So, I dislike the thought of depending on a human (counselor). My trust has been always with God.  What I liked about this program as I didn’t have to talk about myself to anyone. I could heal on my own. In the beginning, I wanted to ask so many questions. I e-mailed all my questions. But as time went by, I could answer all the questions by myself. Not only that, I had the ability to solve problems. It has been 6 months now since I started this program. It was not easy and I wanted to give up many times. But even those moments were a part of the healing process. I am sure people who are in this program would understand why the mind training program, healing assignments, checking thru e-mails, and the forum videos are needed altogether. Most importantly, not giving up on myself. 

My mind is pulling out all of my wounds, not just the memory related to my husband’s cheating. I am building a new life by adjusting distorted memories. Honestly, I think now I know what the problem was with my husband. I just wanted to cover/suppress them. It was very painful to expose what was under the surface. I preferred getting divorced instead. But I feel very fortunate because finally, the chance landed on my lap to live happily. 

Starting this program was the best investment decision I have ever made. I am not done with this program yet knowing the basics of mind training with therapeutic tasks is enough. If he didn’t cheat on me, I would have not known about this program. So, I am thankful for that because I probably wasted all my life to just be comfortable. 

Lastly, for those who are relying on God, healing yourself is irrelevant to religion. If you get sick you go to the doctor, if your mind gets sick you need to seek an expert to heal. 

Next time, I will leave another one when my husband finishes his.

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

[Review] Unbelievable psychology treatment method

I am still in this program, making progress little by little but I would like to share my experience, hoping to help in decision making if you are still considering this program as an option. 

Before we got married he told me he was going to counseling, but he looked/behaved so normal and he also told me that his psychologist said there won't be any problem in marriage. I liked his honesty and we ended up getting married. But, I felt he was being odd, even on our wedding day. Even during our honeymoon, it made me think about a lot of other possibilities inside of my head. I felt emotional distance but didn't know what to do, so I ignored him and focused on my career.

However, the problem didn't go away but only got worse over time. It got so bad, he ended up quitting his job. I didn't know what was going on with him at all. He probably noticed my concerns about him so he opened up about his issues. I was in shock every time I learned about his problems. There is nothing I could do except listen. I just make sure he takes his medications every day. 

There were some peaceful moments but from time to time he went to this phase again. I kept thinking we were not a good match along with other problems we had. During that time, I think I tried to be a workaholic just to keep my mind off of it. 

I let the time go by. We always had this tension/anxiety between us but from time to time, he gave me some attention and showed affection towards me. So, I trusted him and let that go again. When he got really bad, I did think about getting a divorce but my work was too busy, thinking maybe next time.

One day, it hit me. There was something about him. I realized a couple of things. I started analyzing him objectively. I concluded it is not me and he is hopeless by himself as well. So, I started looking. 

When I started looking, I set my mind I would go anywhere to get this resolved. I would fly overseas, pay the price, and invest my time if I could solve this. Luckily I found a YouTube video about the program and It came to me "this is it". So I told my husband and asked if his problem was related to this. He admitted calmly and we finally started talking/sharing/communicating heart to heart. 

It was a strange experience, so I emailed the program creator immediately and we saw him. After the first session, my husband told me that he has never met anyone like the creator. He said he understood and knew about my husband so well. I started trusting the program and wanted to start. But, it was expensive for one person and the creator said that I needed to start as well. I hesitated. I know I was going to do anything to get this resolved but I hesitated. 

I thought about it over and over and people around us showed their concerns as if the program was a fraud/trick/cult to make money. But, they all ended up supporting us because they knew how stressful our marriage has been. 

When I first started, I thought it would be easy. My husband thought all of his problems would disappear overnight with the program. He knew his problem originated from suppressing his stress. He started expressing his stress little by little without any limit around me. Every day was a struggle. He was pulling his never-ending stress and needed to put a pause for a while. He blamed the creator and I was not allowed to talk about the program. 

I was shocked about his attitude change towards the program so I also blamed the program. I questioned if I made the right decision about this but I already paid too much money so I could not give up. 

I thought about how I started this program and set my mind in the right place, a reset. But this time, I started changing. I didn't cover my negative emotions with something positive. I didn't let my negative emotions grow inside of me either. 

We were separate during that time. As I was finding my standards, my mother-in-law and I started talking about the program to him. Whenever he had to do his homework assignment, to me it seemed he was getting worse. 

Honestly, I was losing my hope so I was focused on healing myself. Maybe this could be the only way I can help him. I concentrated on my homework assignments around my life. 

He visited me occasionally and saw that I was doing well. It probably made him motivated. He started again even if he kept quitting repeatedly. 

Now, he puts in more effort than I do on my homework assignments. He realized that is the key now, trying to assimilate with his daily routine. He always finds a way to solve his stress through the assignment. He used to shut me off and shut the whole world off in his little room when he gets stressed out. Now, he is trying to find his balance on his own. 

It isn't so hard to find someone who has a similar problem around me but I am hesitant to recommend the program because it is not my decision. But I hope one day someone will ask for my advice. I would be happy to let them know there is hope. It is still their decision.

We are still in the program. But, he has started working again with a goal and I also have my own goal. My mother-in-law always worried about him but now she seems to find her own life as well. 

I know it is expensive but consider it as a gift, a reward, and an investment. A gift to yourself for the life you lived well. A reward to yourself to realize how lucky you are. An investment in yourself for the life you will live happily for the next 10/20/30 years.

I sound like I am a salesman. but I am moved just looking at how my husband has changed over time. Seeing him motivates me as well. I am thankful to myself that I didn't give up mastering self-healing either.

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The psychology of people with fame and popularity

When you become popular and famous, you get a lot of attention from general public. Fame and popularity are determined by other people. You become more popular and more famous when people show more interest in you. People pay attention to all of your behaviors and your behaviors affect people in certain ways. 

At first, people will become interested in a specific part of you such as your knowledge, experience, or achievement. Then, they begin to show interest in every aspect of you, for which they may have different ideas and standards from yours. They may be constantly curious about what type of person you are and try to find out about you and your family. 

You have much more memories and experiences than the part that made you famous and popular and you are a human being with much more than your fame and popularity. You may think that it is unfair that people want to know everything about you, including your past, present, and future, but that's what general public expect from famous and popular people.

You may become famous and popular accidentally without any specific purpose, but you may develop purposes as your fame and popularity continue and grow. Then, from a certain point, everything about you becomes commercialized whether you like it or not, which can contribute to achieving your goal further and more easily feeding you with more desire for even more fame and popularity. 

On the other hand, as your fame and popularity subside and it becomes harder to achieve your goal, you may feel depressed and frustrated. Then, you may try to regain fame and popularity by not only reinforcing your original talent but also employing other knowledge and experience you have, commercializing everything you have into products for fame and popularity. Eventually, you may put the cart before the horse and everything about you exists only for your pursuit of fame and popularity. Then, you yourself become a means to an end. 

Of course, people will be interested in everything you do since everything about you has been commercialized. Your opinions on some other areas than your own expertise will draw attention from people, which may have a great influence on general public, provide distorted information, and cause psychological problems in many people. 

Some people may overtly express negative views on what you do, which also indicates that they are highly interested in you. People involve emotions in judging famous and popular people's behaviors, so they either like you or dislike you. People may make heated arguments over your behaviors, and people's opinions about you will be polarized. Some people may like or dislike everything about you because they agree or disagree on some small part of yours. 

When you become famous and popular, you cannot but get attention from many people and be judged for everything you do. Your life becomes limited and restrained and you are fervently welcomed or fiercely attacked in public places. Now, you have become to sacrifice a normal and comfortable life for fame, popularity, and achievement.

It is not that fame and popularity are good or bad, or right or wrong by nature. It is that you must accurately understand the nature and the mechanism of getting fame and popularity in order to prevent problematic situations and protect yourself and people around you from undesirable consequences. Some famous people do not prepare themselves for unexpected situations and end up losing all their fame, popularity, and achievement and ruining their life completely. They may try to restore their fame and popularity by starting fresh again but they will only repeat the vicious cycle as far as they do not understand why they failed at first and what to do in order not to repeat failure. 

https://youtu.be/Vr7mht0rJfU

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Taking practical measures does not lead to happiness.

It has been discovered through research and practice that infidelity must be approached as a pathological condition rather than as a practical problem of life, and psychology counseling is ineffective in treating the condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress caused by spouse infidelity. It has been also discovered that treatment of psychological disorders must be proceeded with reference to the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to achieve complete cure without short-term and long-term adverse effects. 

Many people in pain and with practical problems tend to focus on removing the present pain and solving practical issues addressing only visible phenomena. Such approach may seem to work at first but often leads to the aggravation of pathological conditions and practical situations. Issues related with infidelity must be approached by addressing the root cause and restoring healthy psychology before addressing practical issues. The spouse in infidelity must treat relationship addiction and the victimized spouse must treat post traumatic stress before they make any major decisions in life.

Taking only practical measures such as getting a divorce or filing a lawsuit to solve the problems of infidelity will cause the couple to aggravate their condition with repeated infidelity cases and continuous pain and suffering eventually destroying their life, whether they live together or separately.

You must prioritize restoring healthy psychology and regaining happiness ability over any practical matter. Taking practical measures to resolve the issue of infidelity is likened to taking cold medicine to treat cancer, which will only aggravate the condition. It is recommended that you make a wise decision to achieve true happiness by restoring healthy psychology and building happiness ability whether you are married or divorced.

https://youtu.be/gAW5yFLDXrY

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)  

[Review_Infidelity Therapy] I would like as many people to know.

 

I’ve been married for over 20 years. To tell you the truth the life after the treatment program is better than before even after the fact he did wrong.

I was angry at him and beat myself up in the beginning. After I started this online healing program, I was able to control my emotion on my own regardless of what happened to me. During my marriage, I had my own social life and he had his own. We both had a pretty good reputation but we always fought at home. 

I was suspicious of his odd behavior but I didn’t want to know. In fact, I didn’t want to waste my emotion so I ignored and avoided. It was neither happy nor comfortable, but a life full of wounds and scars.

I did go to counseling here and there. I felt better temporarily but went back to my normal suffocating life. I wasted years, going to psychologist. I got mental health medications along with counseling. Nothing worked. I could put all my hope into this program because I tried everything. I really hoped it would work for me because I wasted money, time, and effort. In returns, my condition only got worse. I thought I could trust expensive counseling sessions. 

I could not understand why I was getting worse. I read books, went on a vacation, made different hobby, searched online for methods. I think I did everything that he said not to. I had a friend who told me just to enjoy now. I am so glad I didn’t listen and I didn’t give up on my own life like that. 

As soon as I started the program, I knew instantly this is the answer I’ve been looking for. I understood why I had this suffocating/drowning feeling as long as I could remember. Also, I asked myself why people are not talking about this and let others know about this. 

Above all, his homework was insane. They are unique and are the solution where you can’t get anywhere else in this world. 

It is so sad that kids get hurt in the process. Only if you know, it could be so easy to heal your kids own your own and make happiness centered around you. It is the most unfortunate case, when kids get hurt in the process when they should be protected within the family. 

I hope this program will get announced further and further so our society could grow healthy together. 

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

 

[Review] I would like to announce there is a way.

 

Where can I share my experience with this treatment program? I feel like I could write a book about it. There were a couple of reasons why it was such a difficult decision for me to go with this program. First, the creator of this program was not famous at all. Second, there was no evident case report that this program has worked on anybody. I asked around and only response I got was it is a fraud, a cult, and hoax. Not only that, people commented that was too expensive, saying my life is already hard enough. Loosing money would only push further away from where I wanted to be. 

Basically, nothing positive about it. But, I was desperate; it was my last hope, thinking that nothing worth more than my life. I thought myself this is my last effort before I die. If I have read one case report I wouldn’t have not wasted four months, looking for some answers; lawyers, counselors, pastors, and psychic. Those four months were definitely the worst and darkest time in my life. 

We have a river by my house. I have attempted suicides repeatedly with my youngest one, who was only 3 months old. I wish there was someone who noted me about this program a little bit earlier. Someone who could told me that there is a hope to this pain/sorrow/darkness inside of me…  I would have not shared my pain/wounds with my love ones. That was the stupidest and dumbest thing I have ever done, talking to my sister about my pain everyday. Only if I could’ve known this a little bit earlier… 

It’s a long way to reach my goal, to heal completely, but I am not giving up. My endless effort will continue. Till the day I won’t look for his guidance anymore only because I found my own happiness without being lost ever again. 

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[Husband Infidelity] I cannot forget being insulted by the adulteress and I am considering filing a law suit against her.

 

Q. My husband had an affair one year ago and I cannot forget about the incident where I was insulted by the adulteress. I want to get even with the adulteress for my suffering and humiliation by filing a law suit against her. I have good evidence, her name, and her phone number. She doesn't have a job or a permanent address and doesn't seem to have any money. She also seems to be involved with many men. Will I be able to punish her by a lawsuit?

A. Women with a progressed condition of relationship addiction cannot live without getting men's attention constantly. They will do anything to get attention from men for their whole lifetime. Relationship addiction is divine retribution in and of itself. 

You are in pain and suffering since you have developed post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity. Post traumatic stress transforms all your memories of life into wounds causing excruciating psychological pain. You will continue to suffer from pain regardless of the fact that you were insulted by the adulteress. Post traumatic stress operates in you for your life time unless properly treated and you cannot just remove the painful memories unless you yourself develop relationship addiction, with which you will destroy your life and lives of others. 

You may develop the desire to revenge by filing a lawsuit against the adulteress since you are in such great pain. However, your condition of post traumatic stress gets aggravated more and more as you take practical measures to cope with the situation. You will get even more furious when the adulteress does not seem to be affected by the lawsuit. Moreover,what will be waiting for you after you feel better temporarily by winning a lawsuit? You will begin to attack people around you since you have aggravated your condition of post traumatic stress. 

The adulteress is already suffering from her misfortune since relationship addiction is ruining her life. She mistakes pleasure for happiness and cannot stand even a moment without getting men's attention. She may have started with normal psychology and may have experienced pain and suffering as you did. She ended up living as a human trash since she did not treat her condition and chose to destroy her life. Infidelity caused by relationship addiction has nothing to do with love and it is only a type of psychological disorder, which often times leads to dire consequences in life.

You must prioritize the treatment of your condition above anything. You can do anything to cope with the situation after you restore healthy psychology and build happiness ability. Filing a lawsuit when you are still in post traumatic stress only aggravates both practical situation and psychological condition. 

The painful memory of one year ago will not just disappear even in 10 or 20 years unless you treat yourself properly. Your pain is the signal that you want to recover and restore happiness, not the signal that you need to file a lawsuit.

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

How to get out of lethargy

 

You may lose the enthusiasm and vitality when things do not go as intended while you are pursuing values and meanings of life. Then, you may enter the state of lethargy in which you don't want to do anything. Then, you must first find the cause of your lethargy instead of just trying to address the problem in a practical way. Some people force themselves to restore vitality when they enter the state of lethargy, only looking for fun and pleasure, which may lead them to develop addiction in spite of themselves. It is recommended that you try to find the cause of your lethargy and adequately address the problem instead of just trying to get out of it by all means. 

You may enter the state of lethargy when you cannot find the direction in your life for some prolonged time. Or, you become lethargic when you are stopped from pursuing values and meanings of life by some external force. You may try to find a new direction of life and be able to get out of lethargy by thinking hard and restoring hope and vitality. Thinking is important as the initial action in regaining hope and vitality for setting a new direction of life and hope cannot exist without thinking. 

All humans live pursuing values and meanings of life for self-actualization. We feel emotions of happiness in the process of pursuing self-actualization when we achieve our goals and share happiness with loved ones. By design, humans are to pursue self-actualization in their own unique ways until the very moment they die. People who do not pursue self-actualization may pursue and have fun and pleasure but not happiness. On the contrary, when humans cannot pursue values and meanings for self-actualization for any reason, they may lose enthusiasm and vitality in life and enter the state of lethargy. Humans are designed to generate enthusiasm and vitality when they can pursue values and meanings of life and to enter the state of lethargy when they cannot.

We experience difficulties when we have problems with pursuing values of life. However, we do not stop pursuing values just because we face difficulties. We keep pursuing values trying to overcome difficulties for the whole life time. We gather up the will power and make efforts to achieve the goal. Then, we may solve problems and grow hope along with more hope, enthusiasm, and vitality.

On the contrary, we may lose hope when we find the problems are overwhelming and impossible to overcome. We may decide that there is no hope and stop pursuing values of life. When you have a firm idea that there is no hope, you lose enthusiasm and vitality and enter the state of lethargy. 

When you feel that there is no hope in what you have been doing, you must transfer to pursuing another value instead of giving up everything. You must start fresh by collecting new information and acquiring new knowledge to pursue a new value based on all the precious experiences you have accumulated so far. You must find a new value to pursue to get out of lethargy instead of being absorbed in the result of failure. You can bring back enthusiasm and vitality as you set a new goal and make efforts with strong will power. The period of lethargy continues from when you stop pursuing values until you find new hope and vitality to pursue a new value. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it since you become indolent. 

Even successful people can fall into lethargy. When you achieve the goal of life, you may stop pursuing values since you don't have values to pursue anymore. You may feel the sense of achievement and satisfaction and want to enjoy the fruit of your effort. However, you will feel the emptiness of life no matter how much fun and pleasure you have, and then, you may begin to ask yourself why you are living, falling into lethargy. Successful people may stay in the state of lethargy from the time they achieve their goal until they find a new goal of life. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it, and the more likely it is to get immersed into fun and pleasure without finding a new goal. 

There are people who pursue fun and pleasure in order to get out of lethargy and regain enthusiasm and vitality. They cannot maintain normal relationships since they prioritize their own fun and pleasure over being happy with other people. They take advantage of other people disregarding others' pain and damage. They live only as an individual rather than as a person in relationships. As time passes and their condition advances, they destroy themselves and others more and more disregarding the harmony and order of the society. 

The pursuit of fun and pleasure does not belong to the pursuit of values and meanings of life for self-actualization. The pursuit of values and meanings involve making efforts to be happy together in relationships. Pursuing fun and pleasure is a distorted way of getting out of lethargy whereas trying to set a new goal and make efforts is a healthy way of getting out of lethargy.

Women tend to focus more on meanings than values of life for self-actualization. Women usually enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings of life. Meanings come from emotions you feel at present, so the loss of meanings leads to the loss of feelings of love and happiness. Feelings of happiness comes from exchanging and sharing emotions in close relationships. Women achieve meanings of life through living happily with family members, getting married, or having children. 

Women may enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings toward the counterparty. They may suffer from pain and wounds caused by conflicts in the relationship. They feel that they will feel comfortable if they give up on the relationship but it is quite difficult since their feelings are involved deeply. Once women decide that the relationship is meaningless, they can change the object of meaning to another person and continue to pursue meanings, which often times leads to the distorted pursuit of meanings of life. They may give up their husband and children and attempt to pursue meanings with other people, which is usually accompanied by pleasure seeking. 

When you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing values of life, the most important thing is to restore hope since you will not attempt to do anything unless you have hope for the future. Hope will generate enthusiasm and vitality. On the other hand, when you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing meanings of life, you must treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology before anything. Then, you can make the right judgment and decision on how to proceed with the pursuit of meanings again with the current counterparty or with other people.

When you suddenly enter the state of lethargy, you must first find the cause of it and accurately understand the mechanism of falling into and getting out of it. Please, do not give up on the pursuit of meanings and values of life for happiness. Try to find a ray of light even in the darkest place and follow the light of hope to stabilize psychology and regain enthusiasm and vitality.

 https://youtu.be/924Snig0LYk  

   Apply for free consultation on psychological problems

                            http://www.uip.ac