3/06/2024

[Sex & Xes] My friend and my girlfriend are seeing each other.


 

Hello, everyone. Today I will fact-check on the situation where a man’s friend and the man’s girlfriend have developed a romantic relationship. The three of them would hang out together often, but the man never doubted his friend and his girlfriend would develop a relationship. One day, he had an argument with his girlfriend and she began to avoid seeing him since then. After some time, he finds out that his friend and his girlfriend have been seeing each other.

The man can’t figure out how it has happened. He thinks that he shouldn’t have introduced them to each other in the first place. However, the problem started not when they were introduced to each other, but when the man and his girlfriend had an argument. They didn’t fall in love when they first met as the man’s friend and his girlfriend. It is nothing like they were meant for each other or anything like that. It is more about how human psychology and sexuality work. This kind of phenomenon happens often around us.

Firstly, a man perceives his friend’s girlfriend as xes information as he does all other unrelated women. It doesn’t mean that he would think about going out with the woman betraying his friend at all. Men who have psychological problems would do so, but a normal man respects the relationship between his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. However, his xes psychology is activated when they hang out together with them, which makes him feel good.  

The woman also perceives her boyfriend’s friend as xes information and feels uncomfortable and awkward at first. Normal women refuse to accept new xes information. She keeps her boyfriend at the center of her emotions and she doesn’t think much of her boyfriend’s friend. However, as the three people get together often, the woman perceives her boyfriend’s friend as familiar xes information more and more. Moreover, she thinks that he is just her boyfriend’s friend and lowers her guard against him and become defenseless.

When she has arguments with her boyfriend, she may talk with his friend about the matters. In this process, the woman makes expressions of her wounds and, surprisingly, the man begins to activate sexuality upon her expressions of wounds. He may begin to provide her with attention and consolation and try to solve problems for her. There are not many things he can do to solve problems in this situation. She is his friend’s girlfriend after all.  

As the woman gets attention and consolation from the man repeatedly, she also begins to activate sexuality in the relationship with her boyfriend’s friend. It must be clearly understood that women’s expressions of wounds and men’s attention and consolation lead to the activation of sexuality. What would happen when women’s expressions of wounds and men’s attention and consolation are repeated? Yes, they develop feelings toward each other without even understanding why they feel that way.  

Suppose that one day the couple had an argument and the woman and the man friend had a talk and a drink together, with the woman expressing her wounds from her argument with her boyfriend and the man providing her with sincere attention and consolation. They usually end up having sex with each other that night.

You may feel sorry for her boyfriend and think that you will never introduce your girlfriend to any of your friend. You don’t have to worry about it at all. It is only natural couples have arguments and friends hang out with couples. You just have to keep in mind that the woman must express her wounds only to her boyfriend and the boyfriend has to provide her with attention and consolation as much as possible. Then, their relationship becomes more solid.  

The operation of human xesmind and sexuality lies beyond the realm of human consciousness. You must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind to avoid undesirable or dangerous circumstances in relationships with other people. Then, you can protect yourself and other people and establish healthy and happy relationships.

                        https://youtu.be/HFZa4PdwDxM?si=B_NKyOz-fpLL7NXB

           About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

3/04/2024

[Mother Therapy] A necessary phase of development: Adolescence

 

Many parents experience difficulties in raising teenagers. They may feel as if every day were like a battle, as if they were stepping on thin ice or they were swimming in a chaotic sea. Parents who have younger children may fear the future when their own children will become teenagers listening to other parents who have teenage children. The teenage years are even called the stormy period of adolescence.

      It is understandable that parents of teenage children go through a difficult time, but you should also understand that teenagers go through a difficult time making trials and errors and figuring out about their identity and their own thought standards. Teenage years can be difficult time for both parents and children but it is a necessary and crucial phase of psychological development of children. Both parents and children can take advantage of this period as an opportunity to work for growth and development.

You may feel bewildered or lost upon facing your children’s unexpected responses and behaviors. However, you can change your perspective on the period of adolescence and provide support and safe environment for teenagers to explore and grow in. Teenagers usually want attention from parents but they don’t want parents to meddle with what they do since they are trying to build their own thought standards through their own experience and knowledge.

When parents accurately understand the psychological development of children and adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children can become happy, sharing every moment of children’s growth period without developing conflicts. Such parents know that teenage children’s trials and errors are necessary part of their psychological development, and can provide the right kind of help and advice without being worried or anxious. Then, teenagers can also become happy and grow and flourish in the safe environment.

                                  https://youtu.be/l2_1LUFzM3w?si=rAyNzGwfIEeqJHsv

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[Sex & Xes] Setting limits on sexual pleasure #1 : Men’s standards & women’s feelings

 

Conventional concepts of sexuality set limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure. Today, the most typical factors are discussed, which are mens standards for sexual pleasure in having sex and womens feelings regarding sexuality and having sex.  

       All men have their own standards regarding sexuality. These standards are formed and maintained in order to satisfy mens sexual desire. For example, if a man has a strong idea that a full bust arouses him sexually, he is likely to be aroused and satisfied only when a woman has a full bust. Then, this man may have less sexual pleasure from having sex with a woman who doesnt have a full bust, or he may exclude women who dont have a full bust from his prospective sex partners. Having strong preferences or standards about sexuality leads men to develop sexual dysfunctions.

       Mens standards regarding sexuality based on their own sexual desire are the biggest contributor to setting limits on their sex ability and sexual pleasure. In other words, men can enter the world of limitless sexual pleasure only when they discard their own standards based on sexual desire. 

     Mens sexual functions can also be maximized only when they are free from sexual desire and specific standards regarding sexuality. It means that men can comply with any woman who they choose to love and protect to achieve sexual happiness in the relationship. In this condition, mens sexual functions are controlled not by themselves but by the woman partner in the way the woman wants.  

     Many men and women misunderstand that womens sexual pleasure is less than mens sexual pleasure in its scope and depth. It is because the distorted concept of sexuality has been formed and maintained for such a long time in history, with men at the center instead of women. The most basic distortion is the belief that mens sexual pleasure starts from sexual desire.

     Womens sexual pleasure is greater in its scope and depth than mens sexual pleasure by nature. Womens sexual pleasure doesnt even end with reaching orgasm. To put it more accurately, the idea of ending doesnt apply to womens sexual pleasure. The idea that having sex ends with mens ejaculation is completely men-centered and absolutely limiting. The idea that penetration and ejaculation are major parts of having sex also sets limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure and on mens sexual functions. Mens sexual pleasure and sexual functions can become limitless only when womens sexual pleasure becomes the standard in having sex.

Then, what about womens feelings regarding sexuality as an important factor that sets limits on sexual pleasure. Womens feelings regarding sexuality sets limits on sexual pleasure even more than mens standards regarding sexuality based on sexual desire. Womens feelings regarding sexuality and having sex plays the role of protecting women by limiting the sex partner to a man toward whom women have positive feelings, that is, a man who they can have sex without damaging their emotions. However, women often activate this safety measures against men who love and protect them.

 Women usually block the activation of sexuality against the counterparty toward whom they have negative feelings. Or they activate sexuality to compensate for their negative feelings. It indicates that for women, sexuality is only a means for managing their feelings.  Women feel that they dont need to activate sexuality when their desire for attention is satisfied, or they cannot proceed naturally in having sex by the operation of the sense of shame or repulsion.

As a result, having sex may actually make womens feelings even more negative, the whole situation may lead women to limit their sexual actions making it hard for men sex partners to find womens responses for them to act upon. Then, men cannot but lead the whole situation and their sex life becomes men-centered. Now, men cannot but adopt and follow their own standards and knowledge on sexuality, which naturally focuses on penetration and ejaculation, entering the vicious cycle. It is as if women lead men to set limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure.

       It doesnt mean that women need to have sex with any man without involving feelings. The sex partner must be someone who has healthy body and mind, and someone with whom you can have sex in a safe environment, and this applies to both men and women. Especially in case of women, they should be safe physically when having sex, and their sex partners must be men who protect their body, mind, sexuality, human relationships, and even financial values. When all the above conditions are met, women must separate all her feelings from sexuality and having sex, and must enjoy making sexual expressions as much as possible. Women should focus only on themselves when having sex and should never try to comply with men or limit themselves.

Thus, when mens standards and womens feelings on sexuality as well as selfish purposes are excluded in having sex, couples can experience a new and much higher level of sexual pleasure that is completely different from what is known. To be able to do that, men must discard sexual desire to erase standards on sexuality, and women must build habits for separating sexuality and feelings to erase feelings on sexuality. It may not be easy but you can definitely achieve the goal by adopting the right method and making efforts.

                              https://youtu.be/OV3oIc1CDg8?si=90bl40_ogPpg_oCO

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2/28/2024

[Mother Therapy] Different positions of adults and teenagers

 

      Many teenagers think that adults don’t understand them and adults say that they can’t understand teenagers. Why would adults and teenagers have different positions in so many matters? The biggest difference between adults and teenagers is that adults have already established their thought standards and self-identity and teenagers are still in the process of forming thought standards and self-identity. Their psychology is developing and their habits are being formed. They have to go through diverse trials and errors before they fully establish their thought standards and self-identity.

     A 15 year-old boy has the experience and knowledge he has accumulated for 15 years. He is forming his self-identity and thought standards through each direct and indirect experience making what he likes and what he doesn’t and what is right and what is wrong clear every day. On the other hand, adults have more experience and knowledge and have already established self-identity and clear thoughts standards. They have their own way of thinking and what they accept as common sense as well as their own rules of life. They may take many things for granted with established thought standards and it is hard to think differently from their thought standards. They are likely to try to stick to their standards in interacting with other people.

     Both teenagers and adults get stress and wounds when their thought standards are not met and equally feel they can’t understand the counterparty. Adults may think that they are guiding teenagers with earnest and caring mind, but teenagers may feel that they are forced to think and act differently from their own thought standards, which may lead to conflicts between adults and teenagers.

     Adults must understand that teenagers are still in the process of development and they are forming self-identity and thought standards making trials and errors, which may look clumsy and irrational to adults’ eyes. Adults must try to provide teenagers with safe environments where they can explore and try as many things as possible to build healthy psychology. Teenagers must understand that adults and teenagers are different and anyone can have stress and wounds when their thought standards are violated.

                                https://youtu.be/0vdSH13kTWY?si=DaQcYowwygP63Xie

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[Sex & Xes] Living in the animal world

 

When you learn about the operational mechanism of human sexuality and build true sex ability, you will see the fundamental factors that lie underneath the visible phenomena regarding sexuality. You will see how naive and destructive people can be activating sexuality in distorted ways. You will also see how people end up paying for their ignorance and distorted ideas.

      In a world where sexuality is viewed from the perspective of sexual pleasure and where sexuality is considered to be closely connected with love at the same time, men are likely to generate negative xes energy and reinforce stress and sexual desire and women are likely to generate negative xes energy and reinforce the desire for love and attention.     

They may live with psychological problems or psychological disorders depending on levels of wounds and stress and the degree of distortion of ideas. Men and women who dont have true sex ability only aggravate their physical and psychological conditions as they continue activating sexuality. They cannot but keep going away from generating pure passion, love, and happiness by generating positive xes energy and their body and mind keep deteriorating.

Then, women try to appeal their sexual attractiveness and do their best to become mens sexual objects based on their desire to get attention and consolation. They never imagine that such behaviors induce wounds in their mind and destroy their body. Men encourage women to appeal sexual attractiveness and look for women who activate sexuality based on wounds in mimind. Then men develop sexual dysfunctions and lose true sex ability in spite of themselves. Both men and women falsely believe that they are going in the right direction because they recognize pleasure and love in the conscious when activating sexuality in distorted ways.

Sadly enough, most conventional knowledge and information lead us to generate negative xes energy and destroy our body and mind. Our mind will try to compensate for what we have destroyed and lost, but all our expressions and actions based on wounds and stress in mimind, which is manifested as sexual desire, activate sexuality in distorted ways. 

Having a small talk with men and women who have strong negative xes energy can be compared to having sex with them. The operations of xesmind and mimnd in actual sexual actions and in having a small talk based on strong sexual desire are the same. This phenomenon occurs in our daily life, so men and women who know about the operational mechanism of human sexuality and have true sex ability may feel that they are in the animal world instead of the human world.  

You may have to live as an animal who only follows sexual desire instead of a human being as you keep activating sexuality based on stress and wounds and the desire for attention and consolation, not even knowing what is wrong and what is right. Your level of education or intelligence may not be a factor in this condition since you have already developed a psychological disorder with which you justify all your thoughts and behaviors. Furthermore, xesmind cannot be controlled by the conscious after all.  

Men can build true sex ability through Sex Therapy for Men, and women can build true sex ability through Sex Ability Training for Women. It is hoped that you will leave the animal world as soon as possible, protect yourself, and generate pure passion, love and happiness as well as sexual happiness by building true sex ability.

                     https://youtu.be/d2lB0KLSn14?si=D5cxQHYnP7vqtngw

       About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

2/21/2024

[Mother Therapy] Young children who refuse to go to school

 

What can you do when your seven or eight year-old child plays well at home, but refuses to go to school saying school is no fun. You sure must feel worried and anxious not knowing what to do. If you ask her why she doesn’t go to school, she may say she doesn’t like her teacher or friends, or say it’s just no fun.  

      Children in the ages from 5 to 12 are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They act and react differently based on their perception of individual relationships. They feel the most difficulty when they find adapting themselves to relationships. Especially, younger children from the age of 5 to 8 may feel that school life is difficult because they don’t have good relationships with teachers and friends. In this situation, parents must try to help children form and maintain good relationships with teachers and friends instead of trying to find problems elsewhere, such as the child’s psychological condition itself or the teacher’s personality.

      You should never approach the issue in the same way as you deal with problems of teenagers or adults, who act and react based on their own thought standards in a rational way. You should never say to a 7 year-old boy, “You must understand that home and school are different. You must follow the rules at school and listen to your teacher.” The boy may vaguely understand what the parent says, but he will keep feeling nervous and anxious at school since he doesn’t have good relationships with people at school.

        You must never blame the teachers or other people, either. When your child says, “My teacher doesn’t like me. He always scolds me,” you shouldn’t say, “You teacher is weird. Why does he always scold you? He is not a good teacher.” You must figure out exactly what is going on instead of responding only based on your child’s argument. You may first contact the teacher and learn what the problem can be. Parents and teachers must work together to help children form and maintain healthy relationships with people they meet until they fully develop skills to manage relationships with diverse types of people on their own.  

      The prerequisite condition is for parents to have healthy and stable psychology in this process. Then, they must accurately understand the psychological development of children and adopt the right parenting strategies. As children are guided in the right direction at home and at school, children will find school fun in no time and enjoy meeting teachers and friends at school every day.  

                               https://youtu.be/ObUcQrPAvPo?si=WbkBlywhOSM95-Do

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[Sex & Xes] Men who claim they know everything about sex

 

Today, we will fact-check on men who claim they know everything about sex. Many men have a great deal of information and knowledge on sex. They may feel proud of themselves for knowing much about sex. However, their knowledge and information about sex is usually superficial and distorted one and they don’t understand what is really important in human sexuality. Especially, they usually don’t know much about how women’s sexuality is operated, so they may be unskilled in actual sex.

Even men who are good at leading women to reach orgasm may not accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind that enables women to reach orgasm, and just focus on physical stimulation and sex techniques. Also, many men focus on information and knowledge on sex that deals with only physical aspects.

     This is the typical image of men who don’t have true sex ability. Learning and accumulating such superficial and distorted knowledge and information on sex causes their negative xes energy to destroy their body and mind. Then, they end up developing psychological problems and psychological disorders and pursue their own sexual pleasure using women as sexual objects. As their psychological disorder advances, they justify themselves believing that what they know is truth and keep destroying self and others.

Men in this condition cannot enjoy staying in a relationship with a single partner for a long time, and they cannot enjoy having sex with women who are passive. They can maintain their sexual pleasure only when they keep changing methods and partners for having sex. They may blame external factors such as women’s appearance or responses, but it actually indicates that they don’t have true sex ability.

Negative xes energy produced in this process damages not only men’s psychology but also their health, so they necessarily develop sexual dysfunction. They become to keep seeking new methods and new partners to activate their sexual functions. Then, they cannot but accumulate information and knowledge on sex and feel that they know everything about sex.

On the other hand, men who have true sex ability and generate positive xes energy never make any expressions about sex or their sex ability. They know that making any expression related with sex generates negative xes energy and destroys their body and mind as well as the partner’s body and mind. However, they can comply with women in every aspect in having sex regardless of the woman partner’s appearance, character, and style. They are considerate and understanding, and they protect their women. Also, they are always composed in having sex since they know that sex ability does not come from sex techniques or physical ability.

     Men who have true sex ability never have or express the sense of superiority, but they are actually superior to all the men who boast their knowledge and information on sex in front of other people. Please, remember that empty vessels make the most sound and men who claim they know everything about sex are empty vessels here.

                                      https://youtu.be/0jGPHro02rg?si=0vZOHwj1QVoLFgzx

                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

2/19/2024

[Mother Therapy] Healthy standards of parenting

 

Are you swayed in parenting by paying attention to other people’s opinions and advice or blaming some external situations or other people for difficulties in parenting? It is easy to be swayed by other people’s words or advice even when you are doing so well in parenting when you don’t accurately understand what is important in parenting. You may also keep changing parenting strategies losing consistency and causing problems in children.

      Other people’s words or advice come from their own life experiences, which are all different and unique for everyone. They may apply their own thought standards instead of the fundamental operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and of children’s psychological development.  

     Of course, you can ask others for advice during parenting but you should be able to make your own judgment based on your own thought standards and take full responsibility for your decision. You should never be swayed by other people’s opinions or advice.  

     Many parents refer to information they learn through other parents’ examples or social or mass media for parenting strategies. When they have healthy standards on parenting, they will base their own standards for adopting and applying whatever they and their children need.  However, when you don’t have your own standards for parenting, you will keep following others’ examples disregarding your and your children’s circumstance and keep being swayed by every external information you encounter on the way. You may end up blaming other people or some external sources when problems occur.

      Every parent and every child are different and unique. Their circumstances and environments are all different. It is only natural that you will end up experiencing difficulties in parenting when you adopt this and that famous or fancy looking strategies without your own standards. It is crucial for parents to accurately understand how children develop psychologically until they become adults and adopt the right parenting strategies that suit their situation. When you have healthy standards of parenting, you will be able to discern specific parenting strategies that you can successfully adopt and help your children flourish.  

                         https://youtu.be/YM7EStBD4D8?si=GPvRyoqxlh_whnck

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2/14/2024

[Mother Therapy] Choosing their own path and finding their own way

 

When do you get yourself immersed into tasks and do your best? Is it when you are told to do so or when you are expected to do so by other people? Probably not. We usually get ourselves readily immersed into the tasks when we do something because we really like it. Then, we can naturally develop abilities and become good at it.

Most parents want their teenage children to build skills and abilities they can use in their career when they become adults. Some parents may want their children to study hard for academic achievement for better future. Parents usually understand that skills and abilities they build in the teenage years may not lead them to succeed in the adulthood, but they still want their children to be good at what they do. Parents want children to build basic abilities at least, out of their own fear and the sense of uncertainty.

When children feel that they are forced or pressured to do something against their own will, they are naturally stressed and their performance level only goes down. They also become to relate the specific activity with stress as such incidents are repeated. On the other hand, when they get immersed into something because they like it, they may spend hours without realizing the pass of time and reinforce passion and happiness. They will relate the specific activity with happy feelings and achieve good results.

You may think that such positive cases are rare and we just have to do what we have to do to achieve things in reality. However, the fact is that children will naturally look for what they want and what they are good at when they have healthy and stable psychology under the protection and support of parents who also have healthy and stable psychology. They will make efforts to achieve their own goals without having to be forced or pressured. Of course, they will be active and do their best in whatever they choose to do and they can build good habits that can last for their whole life time by repeating this process throughout the teenage years. They will not be disappointed that much even when the result is not good enough since they did it because they liked it. Please, remember that parents’ role is to provide a safe and healthy environment where children can choose their own path and find their own way making trials and errors.

              https://youtu.be/vdvul0DuYMY?si=LvOV_1DMaySqv9X2

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[Mother Therapy] When your child has conflicts with the teacher

 

Hello, everyone. Children in the phase of adaptation to relationships and the phase of formation of self-identity are supposed to be under the protection of family and build basic abilities and healthy psychology going through the teenage years. They also acquire knowledge and skills, learn right characters, and learn how to manage human relationships at school. Parents are in charge of taking care of children at home and teachers are in charge at home. Sometimes, children develop conflicts in the relationship with teachers at school.

When children are in the phase of adaptation to relationships, which generally covers from the age 5 to 13, their psychological development is centered around human relationships. They may dislike school and refuse to go to school just because they don’t like their teachers. On the other hand, children in the phase of formation of self, which covers from the age 13 to 19, they are building their own thought standards, so they try to figure out what is right and wrong and specifically and logically express their ideas about conflicts with their teachers. They may become rebellious when they are asked to do what seems irrational or absurd from their point of view even though teachers have authority at school. Understanding why things are the way they are based on their own thought standards is important for children in this phase.

      For example, a teacher who is 30 years old thinks and acts based on the unique experience and knowledge of 30 years. A teenager who is 15 years old thinks and acts based on the unique experience and knowledge of 15 years. It is unlikely that adult teachers and teenagers have similar thought standards. It would be ideal if teachers are understanding and considerate enough to manage the relationship with teenagers well, but what can parents do when children already have developed conflicts with their teachers?

When your teenage daughter says, “I can’t understand my teacher, and you say,” You just have to listen to your teacher. She should know better than you do,” your daughter may think that she cannot understand both you and her teacher and decides to stop talking to you about the matter. On the other hand, if you listen to your daughter’s thought in detail first and say, ”Your idea is right from your point of view,” and discuss further in a rational way why the teacher would have talked and acted that way from the teacher’s point of view, your daughter understand the matter better and will not be stressed any more when she meets her teacher the next day.

      Parents can guide children to understand that teachers can have different view points and opinions based on their unique life experiences and knowledge. Many children will feel better and deal with conflictual situations better when they understand what is going on from their own perspective. Mother’s role is especially important for healthy growth of children. Mothers should accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology including developmental phases of child psychology and adopt right parenting strategies for their children to help them build healthy habits of psychology.  

                                 https://youtu.be/W5lRvOg-biA?si=ZB2IpzUS93mrfEOd

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[Mother Therapy] I don’t have passion because my parents are too strict.

  Some people argue that they don’t have passion for anything due to their parents who are too strict. They say that they lose their passi...