Korea Institute of Psycho-education

12/29/2021

[Review] Unbelievable psychology treatment method

I am still in this program, making progress little by little but I would like to share my experience, hoping to help in decision making if you are still considering this program as an option.

Before we got married he told me he was going to counseling, but he looked/behaved so normal and he also told me that his psychologist said there won't be any problem in marriage. I liked his honesty and we ended up getting married. But, I felt he was being odd, even on our wedding day. Even during our honeymoon, it made me think about a lot of other possibilities inside of my head. I felt emotional distance but didn't know what to do, so I ignored him and focused on my career.

However, the problem didn't go away but only got worse over time. It got so bad, he ended up quitting his job. I didn't know what was going on with him at all. He probably noticed my concerns about him so he opened up about his issues. I was in shock every time I learned about his problems. There is nothing I could do except listen. I just make sure he takes his medications every day.

There were some peaceful moments but from time to time he went to this phase again. I kept thinking we were not a good match along with other problems we had. During that time, I think I tried to be a workaholic just to keep my mind off of it.

I let the time go by. We always had this tension/anxiety between us but from time to time, he gave me some attention and showed affection towards me. So, I trusted him and let that go again. When he got really bad, I did think about getting a divorce but my work was too busy, thinking maybe next time.

One day, it hit me. There was something about him. I realized a couple of things. I started analyzing him objectively. I concluded it is not me and he is hopeless by himself as well. So, I started looking.

When I started looking, I set my mind I would go anywhere to get this resolved. I would fly overseas, pay the price, and invest my time if I could solve this. Luckily I found a YouTube video about the program and It came to me "this is it". So I told my husband and asked if his problem was related to this. He admitted calmly and we finally started talking/sharing/communicating heart to heart.

It was a strange experience, so I emailed the program creator immediately and we saw him. After the first session, my husband told me that he has never met anyone like the creator. He said he understood and knew about my husband so well. I started trusting the program and wanted to start. But, it was expensive for one person and the creator said that I needed to start as well. I hesitated. I know I was going to do anything to get this resolved but I hesitated.

I thought about it over and over and people around us showed their concerns as if the program was a fraud/trick/cult to make money. But, they all ended up supporting us because they knew how stressful our marriage has been.

When I first started, I thought it would be easy. My husband thought all of his problems would disappear overnight with the program. He knew his problem originated from suppressing his stress. He started expressing his stress little by little without any limit around me. Every day was a struggle. He was pulling his never-ending stress and needed to put a pause for a while. He blamed the creator and I was not allowed to talk about the program.

I was shocked about his attitude change towards the program so I also blamed the program. I questioned if I made the right decision about this but I already paid too much money so I could not give up.

I thought about how I started this program and set my mind in the right place, a reset. But this time, I started changing. I didn't cover my negative emotions with something positive. I didn't let my negative emotions grow inside of me either.

We were separate during that time. As I was finding my standards, my mother-in-law and I started talking about the program to him. Whenever he had to do his homework assignment, to me it seemed he was getting worse.

Honestly, I was losing my hope so I was focused on healing myself. Maybe this could be the only way I can help him. I concentrated on my homework assignments around my life.

He visited me occasionally and saw that I was doing well. It probably made him motivated. He started again even if he kept quitting repeatedly.

Now, he puts in more effort than I do on my homework assignments. He realized that is the key now, trying to assimilate with his daily routine. He always finds a way to solve his stress through the assignment. He used to shut me off and shut the whole world off in his little room when he gets stressed out. Now, he is trying to find his balance on his own.

It isn't so hard to find someone who has a similar problem around me but I am hesitant to recommend the program because it is not my decision. But I hope one day someone will ask for my advice. I would be happy to let them know there is hope. It is still their decision.

We are still in the program. But, he has started working again with a goal and I also have my own goal. My mother-in-law always worried about him but now she seems to find her own life as well.

I know it is expensive but consider it as a gift, a reward, and an investment. A gift to yourself for the life you lived well. A reward to yourself to realize how lucky you are. An investment in yourself for the life you will live happily for the next 10/20/30 years.

I sound like I am a salesman. but I am moved just looking at how my husband has changed over time. Seeing him motivates me as well. I am thankful to myself that I didn't give up mastering self-healing either.

The psychology of people with fame and popularity

When you become popular and famous, you get a lot of attention from general public. Fame and popularity are determined by other people. You become more popular and more famous when people show more interest in you. People pay attention to all of your behaviors and your behaviors affect people in certain ways.

At first, people will become interested in a specific part of you such as your knowledge, experience, or achievement. Then, they begin to show interest in every aspect of you, for which they may have different ideas and standards from yours. They may be constantly curious about what type of person you are and try to find out about you and your family.

You have much more memories and experiences than the part that made you famous and popular and you are a human being with much more than your fame and popularity. You may think that it is unfair that people want to know everything about you, including your past, present, and future, but that's what general public expect from famous and popular people.

You may become famous and popular accidentally without any specific purpose, but you may develop purposes as your fame and popularity continue and grow. Then, from a certain point, everything about you becomes commercialized whether you like it or not, which can contribute to achieving your goal further and more easily feeding you with more desire for even more fame and popularity.

On the other hand, as your fame and popularity subside and it becomes harder to achieve your goal, you may feel depressed and frustrated. Then, you may try to regain fame and popularity by not only reinforcing your original talent but also employing other knowledge and experience you have, commercializing everything you have into products for fame and popularity. Eventually, you may put the cart before the horse and everything about you exists only for your pursuit of fame and popularity. Then, you yourself become a means to an end.

Of course, people will be interested in everything you do since everything about you has been commercialized. Your opinions on some other areas than your own expertise will draw attention from people, which may have a great influence on general public, provide distorted information, and cause psychological problems in many people.

Some people may overtly express negative views on what you do, which also indicates that they are highly interested in you. People involve emotions in judging famous and popular people's behaviors, so they either like you or dislike you. People may make heated arguments over your behaviors, and people's opinions about you will be polarized. Some people may like or dislike everything about you because they agree or disagree on some small part of yours.

When you become famous and popular, you cannot but get attention from many people and be judged for everything you do. Your life becomes limited and restrained and you are fervently welcomed or fiercely attacked in public places. Now, you have become to sacrifice a normal and comfortable life for fame, popularity, and achievement.

It is not that fame and popularity are good or bad, or right or wrong by nature. It is that you must accurately understand the nature and the mechanism of getting fame and popularity in order to prevent problematic situations and protect yourself and people around you from undesirable consequences. Some famous people do not prepare themselves for unexpected situations and end up losing all their fame, popularity, and achievement and ruining their life completely. They may try to restore their fame and popularity by starting fresh again but they will only repeat the vicious cycle as far as they do not understand why they failed at first and what to do in order not to repeat failure.

https://youtu.be/Vr7mht0rJfU

Apply for free consultation on psychological problems

12/27/2021

Taking practical measures does not lead to happiness.

It has been discovered through research and practice that infidelity must be approached as a pathological condition rather than as a practical problem of life, and psychology counseling is ineffective in treating the condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress caused by spouse infidelity. It has been also discovered that treatment of psychological disorders must be proceeded with reference to the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to achieve complete cure without short-term and long-term adverse effects.

Many people in pain and with practical problems tend to focus on removing the present pain and solving practical issues addressing only visible phenomena. Such approach may seem to work at first but often leads to the aggravation of pathological conditions and practical situations. Issues related with infidelity must be approached by addressing the root cause and restoring healthy psychology before addressing practical issues. The spouse in infidelity must treat relationship addiction and the victimized spouse must treat post traumatic stress before they make any major decisions in life.

Taking only practical measures such as getting a divorce or filing a lawsuit to solve the problems of infidelity will cause the couple to aggravate their condition with repeated infidelity cases and continuous pain and suffering eventually destroying their life, whether they live together or separately.

You must prioritize restoring healthy psychology and regaining happiness ability over any practical matter. Taking practical measures to resolve the issue of infidelity is likened to taking cold medicine to treat cancer, which will only aggravate the condition. It is recommended that you make a wise decision to achieve true happiness by restoring healthy psychology and building happiness ability whether you are married or divorced.

https://youtu.be/gAW5yFLDXrY

12/26/2021

[Review_Infidelity Therapy] I would like as many people to know.

I’ve been married for over 20 years. To tell you the truth the life after the treatment program is better than before even after the fact he did wrong.

I was angry at him and beat myself up in the beginning. After I started this online healing program, I was able to control my emotion on my own regardless of what happened to me. During my marriage, I had my own social life and he had his own. We both had a pretty good reputation but we always fought at home.

I was suspicious of his odd behavior but I didn’t want to know. In fact, I didn’t want to waste my emotion so I ignored and avoided. It was neither happy nor comfortable, but a life full of wounds and scars.

I did go to counseling here and there. I felt better temporarily but went back to my normal suffocating life. I wasted years, going to psychologist. I got mental health medications along with counseling. Nothing worked. I could put all my hope into this program because I tried everything. I really hoped it would work for me because I wasted money, time, and effort. In returns, my condition only got worse. I thought I could trust expensive counseling sessions.

I could not understand why I was getting worse. I read books, went on a vacation, made different hobby, searched online for methods. I think I did everything that he said not to. I had a friend who told me just to enjoy now. I am so glad I didn’t listen and I didn’t give up on my own life like that.

As soon as I started the program, I knew instantly this is the answer I’ve been looking for. I understood why I had this suffocating/drowning feeling as long as I could remember. Also, I asked myself why people are not talking about this and let others know about this.

Above all, his homework was insane. They are unique and are the solution where you can’t get anywhere else in this world.

It is so sad that kids get hurt in the process. Only if you know, it could be so easy to heal your kids own your own and make happiness centered around you. It is the most unfortunate case, when kids get hurt in the process when they should be protected within the family.

I hope this program will get announced further and further so our society could grow healthy together.

[Review] I would like to announce there is a way.

Where can I share my experience with this treatment program? I feel like I could write a book about it. There were a couple of reasons why it was such a difficult decision for me to go with this program. First, the creator of this program was not famous at all. Second, there was no evident case report that this program has worked on anybody. I asked around and only response I got was it is a fraud, a cult, and hoax. Not only that, people commented that was too expensive, saying my life is already hard enough. Loosing money would only push further away from where I wanted to be.

Basically, nothing positive about it. But, I was desperate; it was my last hope, thinking that nothing worth more than my life. I thought myself this is my last effort before I die. If I have read one case report I wouldn’t have not wasted four months, looking for some answers; lawyers, counselors, pastors, and psychic. Those four months were definitely the worst and darkest time in my life.

We have a river by my house. I have attempted suicides repeatedly with my youngest one, who was only 3 months old. I wish there was someone who noted me about this program a little bit earlier. Someone who could told me that there is a hope to this pain/sorrow/darkness inside of me… I would have not shared my pain/wounds with my love ones. That was the stupidest and dumbest thing I have ever done, talking to my sister about my pain everyday. Only if I could’ve known this a little bit earlier…

It’s a long way to reach my goal, to heal completely, but I am not giving up. My endless effort will continue. Till the day I won’t look for his guidance anymore only because I found my own happiness without being lost ever again.

12/22/2021

[Husband Infidelity] I cannot forget being insulted by the adulteress and I am considering filing a law suit against her.

Q. My husband had an affair one year ago and I cannot forget about the incident where I was insulted by the adulteress. I want to get even with the adulteress for my suffering and humiliation by filing a law suit against her. I have good evidence, her name, and her phone number. She doesn't have a job or a permanent address and doesn't seem to have any money. She also seems to be involved with many men. Will I be able to punish her by a lawsuit?

A. Women with a progressed condition of relationship addiction cannot live without getting men's attention constantly. They will do anything to get attention from men for their whole lifetime. Relationship addiction is divine retribution in and of itself.

You are in pain and suffering since you have developed post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity. Post traumatic stress transforms all your memories of life into wounds causing excruciating psychological pain. You will continue to suffer from pain regardless of the fact that you were insulted by the adulteress. Post traumatic stress operates in you for your life time unless properly treated and you cannot just remove the painful memories unless you yourself develop relationship addiction, with which you will destroy your life and lives of others.

You may develop the desire to revenge by filing a lawsuit against the adulteress since you are in such great pain. However, your condition of post traumatic stress gets aggravated more and more as you take practical measures to cope with the situation. You will get even more furious when the adulteress does not seem to be affected by the lawsuit. Moreover,what will be waiting for you after you feel better temporarily by winning a lawsuit? You will begin to attack people around you since you have aggravated your condition of post traumatic stress.

The adulteress is already suffering from her misfortune since relationship addiction is ruining her life. She mistakes pleasure for happiness and cannot stand even a moment without getting men's attention. She may have started with normal psychology and may have experienced pain and suffering as you did. She ended up living as a human trash since she did not treat her condition and chose to destroy her life. Infidelity caused by relationship addiction has nothing to do with love and it is only a type of psychological disorder, which often times leads to dire consequences in life.

You must prioritize the treatment of your condition above anything. You can do anything to cope with the situation after you restore healthy psychology and build happiness ability. Filing a lawsuit when you are still in post traumatic stress only aggravates both practical situation and psychological condition.

The painful memory of one year ago will not just disappear even in 10 or 20 years unless you treat yourself properly. Your pain is the signal that you want to recover and restore happiness, not the signal that you need to file a lawsuit.

How to get out of lethargy

You may lose the enthusiasm and vitality when things do not go as intended while you are pursuing values and meanings of life. Then, you may enter the state of lethargy in which you don't want to do anything. Then, you must first find the cause of your lethargy instead of just trying to address the problem in a practical way. Some people force themselves to restore vitality when they enter the state of lethargy, only looking for fun and pleasure, which may lead them to develop addiction in spite of themselves. It is recommended that you try to find the cause of your lethargy and adequately address the problem instead of just trying to get out of it by all means.

You may enter the state of lethargy when you cannot find the direction in your life for some prolonged time. Or, you become lethargic when you are stopped from pursuing values and meanings of life by some external force. You may try to find a new direction of life and be able to get out of lethargy by thinking hard and restoring hope and vitality. Thinking is important as the initial action in regaining hope and vitality for setting a new direction of life and hope cannot exist without thinking.

All humans live pursuing values and meanings of life for self-actualization. We feel emotions of happiness in the process of pursuing self-actualization when we achieve our goals and share happiness with loved ones. By design, humans are to pursue self-actualization in their own unique ways until the very moment they die. People who do not pursue self-actualization may pursue and have fun and pleasure but not happiness. On the contrary, when humans cannot pursue values and meanings for self-actualization for any reason, they may lose enthusiasm and vitality in life and enter the state of lethargy. Humans are designed to generate enthusiasm and vitality when they can pursue values and meanings of life and to enter the state of lethargy when they cannot.

We experience difficulties when we have problems with pursuing values of life. However, we do not stop pursuing values just because we face difficulties. We keep pursuing values trying to overcome difficulties for the whole life time. We gather up the will power and make efforts to achieve the goal. Then, we may solve problems and grow hope along with more hope, enthusiasm, and vitality.

On the contrary, we may lose hope when we find the problems are overwhelming and impossible to overcome. We may decide that there is no hope and stop pursuing values of life. When you have a firm idea that there is no hope, you lose enthusiasm and vitality and enter the state of lethargy.

When you feel that there is no hope in what you have been doing, you must transfer to pursuing another value instead of giving up everything. You must start fresh by collecting new information and acquiring new knowledge to pursue a new value based on all the precious experiences you have accumulated so far. You must find a new value to pursue to get out of lethargy instead of being absorbed in the result of failure. You can bring back enthusiasm and vitality as you set a new goal and make efforts with strong will power. The period of lethargy continues from when you stop pursuing values until you find new hope and vitality to pursue a new value. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it since you become indolent.

Even successful people can fall into lethargy. When you achieve the goal of life, you may stop pursuing values since you don't have values to pursue anymore. You may feel the sense of achievement and satisfaction and want to enjoy the fruit of your effort. However, you will feel the emptiness of life no matter how much fun and pleasure you have, and then, you may begin to ask yourself why you are living, falling into lethargy. Successful people may stay in the state of lethargy from the time they achieve their goal until they find a new goal of life. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it, and the more likely it is to get immersed into fun and pleasure without finding a new goal.

There are people who pursue fun and pleasure in order to get out of lethargy and regain enthusiasm and vitality. They cannot maintain normal relationships since they prioritize their own fun and pleasure over being happy with other people. They take advantage of other people disregarding others' pain and damage. They live only as an individual rather than as a person in relationships. As time passes and their condition advances, they destroy themselves and others more and more disregarding the harmony and order of the society.

The pursuit of fun and pleasure does not belong to the pursuit of values and meanings of life for self-actualization. The pursuit of values and meanings involve making efforts to be happy together in relationships. Pursuing fun and pleasure is a distorted way of getting out of lethargy whereas trying to set a new goal and make efforts is a healthy way of getting out of lethargy.

Women tend to focus more on meanings than values of life for self-actualization. Women usually enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings of life. Meanings come from emotions you feel at present, so the loss of meanings leads to the loss of feelings of love and happiness. Feelings of happiness comes from exchanging and sharing emotions in close relationships. Women achieve meanings of life through living happily with family members, getting married, or having children.

Women may enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings toward the counterparty. They may suffer from pain and wounds caused by conflicts in the relationship. They feel that they will feel comfortable if they give up on the relationship but it is quite difficult since their feelings are involved deeply. Once women decide that the relationship is meaningless, they can change the object of meaning to another person and continue to pursue meanings, which often times leads to the distorted pursuit of meanings of life. They may give up their husband and children and attempt to pursue meanings with other people, which is usually accompanied by pleasure seeking.

When you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing values of life, the most important thing is to restore hope since you will not attempt to do anything unless you have hope for the future. Hope will generate enthusiasm and vitality. On the other hand, when you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing meanings of life, you must treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology before anything. Then, you can make the right judgment and decision on how to proceed with the pursuit of meanings again with the current counterparty or with other people.

When you suddenly enter the state of lethargy, you must first find the cause of it and accurately understand the mechanism of falling into and getting out of it. Please, do not give up on the pursuit of meanings and values of life for happiness. Try to find a ray of light even in the darkest place and follow the light of hope to stabilize psychology and regain enthusiasm and vitality.

https://youtu.be/924Snig0LYk

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[Husband Infidelity] I am having an affair with two women at the same time and I can't get myself out of the relationships.

Q. I am seeing two women at the same time and I cannot get myself out of the relationships. They both know that I am seeing two women but they don't bother me as far as I see them. They get really angry and harass me when I don't. I drink a lot when I see them and my health is deteriorating. I promise myself that I will stop seeing them when I am sober but I can't control myself when they call me for a date.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You become addicted to any relationship in which the woman is highly responsive to you. The women who are seeing you are also in relationship addiction. They are addicted to attention that men give them. They would not really care how many women you see as far as you give them attention whenever they want. They will find their own way of justifying the situation and both relationships will continue with you getting response from them and them getting attention from you.

When you are in attention addiction and response addiction, the person you are involved with is not important since all you want is attention and response. Everything is fine as far as you exchange attention and response, but problems occur the moment you refuse to see them. They will harass you since they cannot stand without getting attention.

Your physical and psychological health will keep deteriorating paying doubly for the two relationships. You drink more and you get tired more when you see them so you think that you must stop seeing them. However, your response addiction is activated the moment they contact you and you are dragged to see them again and again not being able to get out of the vicious cycle. Relationship addiction makes you lose the power of conscious control so you cannot stop your addictive behavior with your conscious thought.

Men's relationship addiction is accompanied by perception disorder and expression disorder. Expression disorder is accompanied by consciousness disorder with which one loses the power of conscious control. People in relationship addiction always self-justify that they can stop the relationship easily when they want but they can never do so. By definition, addiction is a type of pathological condition in which you cannot control yourself. Men's relationship addiction may stop for some time when the situation does not allow the manifestation of addiction, but it recurs and continues until death as far as women with attention addiction are available.

Women's relationship addiction keeps being aggravated as time passes and an advanced condition is accompanied by hysteria. They lose their reason and display hysteria when they cannot get attention but they become extremely excited when they get what they want. They never consider the counterparty's situation and you never know what they will do upon their negative emotion being triggered. You have two women who are in critical condition by your side and hysterical and violent incidents may happen anytime.

You must thank them if they leave you but your relationship addiction will make you look for women who are responsive again. You must think really hard about what you can and must do to restore physical and psychological health beyond getting yourself out of the current relationships. It must be clearly understood that your relationship addiction is progressing even at this moment and you must treat your condition not to end up ruining your life completely.

[Husband Infidelity] The psychology of a husband who does not pay child support expense

Q. What is the psychology of a husband how does not pay child support expense after divorce?

A. Both parents have the responsibility for rearing children so when one parent lives with children and raises them, the other has the responsibility for child support expense. There can be two reasons for your ex-husband's not paying child support expense. One is that he really does not have money to pay for child support for diverse reasons. The other is that he forgets about his family and children getting immersed into other things, usually getting immersed into seeking his own pleasure. He vaguely assumes that the mother will take care of the children well and this symptom is more severe especially when he perceives the ex-wife as a source of his stress.

The ex-husband who does not pay for child support is likely to be in a conflictual relationship with the ex-wife. He would try to get rid of stress by not remembering the ex-wife and children and getting immersed into his own things since thinking about the ex-wife and children triggers intense stress in him. This is a symptom of relationship addiction, which is a pathological psychological condition that makes him have the distorted idea that his family is stopping him from doing what he needs.

Men with normal psychology tries to take good care of family even after they get a divorce. The two cases of not having money and not giving money when they have money must be clearly differentiated in analyzing the psychology of a divorced man. It is also affected by the level of stress that is induced by the ex-wife.

12/21/2021

Many counselors on infidelity have pathological psychological conditions themselves.

Not many so called experts on infidelity have healthy psychology. People who are psychologically healthy would not get involved in infidelity counseling since they know that it is not only ineffective but also harmful to people in relationship addiction and post traumatic stress. They are not even interested in providing counseling on infidelity issues.

When you have healthy psychology, you are not interested in the issue of infidelity and do not look for information or read or watch reference materials, movies, or dramas on infidelity let alone generate related contents, provide services, or make a living out of it. The fact that you become interested in infidelity enough to analyze it and provide services and advice on infidelity including relationship addiction and post traumatic stress indicates that your are psychologically ill or have some selfish purposes.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education used to provide counseling on infidelity in the past. However, we have found out that counseling on infidelity does not lead to treatment and the stabilization of healthy psychology and actually aggravate the counselee's psychological condition several years ago. Especially, it was found that forming rapport between the counselor and the counselee dramatically accelerates the aggravation of psychological condition.

It is highly likely that people in pain and difficulties are attracted to experts who provide counseling and listen to their story on and on since their wounds in the unconscious operates to express and exchange what they feel inside. Some counselors may even enjoy talking forming rapport and aggravate their own condition as well as the counselee's. Sharing thoughts and emotions with the counselors and depending on them for solving psychological and practical problems is likened to solely depend on a fortune teller for making major decisions in your life.

https://youtu.be/0OVTNpslEuM

12/20/2021

[Husband Infidelity] The woman I am having an affair with does not care about her husband at all.

Q. I am having a affair with a married woman. She does not care about her husband at all. She comes to see me whenever I ask her out. Would her husband still not know about his wife's affair after such a long time? I actually want to stop seeing her but I cannot refuse when she calls me for a date. I guess this relationship must end sooner or later but things are not going as I wish.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You can neither stop the distorted relationship nor treat relationship addiction with your conscious efforts without professional help. When a woman is in relationship addiction for a long enough time, she develop more and more advanced condition of relationship addiction, which causes her not to pay attention to her husband at all. Her husband may not pay attention to his wife either if he himself is also in infidelity with relationship addiction.

The adulteress is in attention addiction, which makes her come to see you anytime she perceives that she can get attention from you. She may even neglect her children to see you. Attention addiction makes women focus on getting attention by all means. As time passes and her condition progresses, she displays hysteria losing her reason upon the slightest trigger of wounds.

Her husband may or may not know about his wife's infidelity. However, it is certain that their marriage relationship is in a serious condition and they are just maintaining an empty shell marriage. Another possibility is that her husband is aware of his wife's infidelity but cannot do anything about it since he is extremely scared of her and the whole situation and does not know what to do.

It is not important anymore whether her husband knows about infidelity or not. Their marriage and family are considered to have already collapsed. You are the one who has destroyed the adulteress, her husband, and her children. You have become a criminal who has destroyed a family in the condition of response addiction. Many people mistake attention addiction and response addiction for love.

You and your adulteress are not capable of stopping seeing each other or stopping relationship addiction with conscious efforts no matter how hard you try. You cannot resist seeing each other when either of you contacts the other since both of you are in the pathological condition of addiction unless you are stopped by some external force.

You say this relationship must end sooner or later but relationship addiction only gets aggravated unless properly treated until you destroy your life completely or you die. By definition, psychological disorders are caused by two of the three psychological components losing balance and the ability to recover.

When you develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, all three psychological components are considered to have developed disorders. Then, you only seek fun and pleasure at the expense of all the relationships.

Psychological disorders must be treated before it gets too aggravated. The longer you have psychological disorders, the longer time it takes to treat. In your case, whether the adulteress' husband is aware of your infidelity or not is of no importance at all. The only way you can get out of relationship addiction and restore healthy psychology and happy life is to treat relationship addiction with professional help.

12/15/2021

It is dangerous to start a new romantic relationship with the condition of post traumatic stress.

Some people get separated from their spouse and start a new romantic relationship before they treat post traumatic stress caused by spouse infidelity. They may even marry the new partner. Rage and wounds of post traumatic stress are not triggered in the new relationship when the couple maintain the ideal condition in their relationship and everything goes well. However, once they develop conflicts and some troublesome situations occur, which is inevitable in every relationship, and rage and wounds of post traumatic stress are triggered over even the smallest incident, the relationship progresses to the worst and the most dangerous one you can imagine.

Rage and wounds of post traumatic stress operate for the whole life and usually get aggravated unless they are adequately treated. They are reactivated in relationships any time with the most destructive power ruining your own life and the lives of people around you. In the past, women used to be socialized to value suppressing their feelings and sacrificing their life for family and society. Women's rights were not adequately protected legally and socially, so many women just accepted their misfortune swallowing the pain of post traumatic stress for life, which contributed to less occurrences of violent and criminal incidents committed by women. However, these days, we see more and more violence and crimes committed by women as a result of women's rage and wounds of post traumatic stress being activated more easily than in the past in all age groups.

Post traumatic stress transforms all the past memories of life into painful memories, which causes difficulty with containing all the excruciating pain within oneself. The level of pain caused by post traumatic stress tends to be higher for older people since they have more memories of life than younger people. The person who suffers from post traumatic stress goes through the pain of death, but no one else can fathom how painful it is, let alone sensing the pain.

Not many people understand that post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity must be addressed as a pathological psychological condition that requires adequate treatment. Most people including so-called experts try to address post traumatic stress by adopting practical solutions such as getting a divorce, filing a lawsuit, and seeking pleasure mistaking it for the pursuit of individual happiness. Such practical approaches will only aggravate the condition of post traumatic stress and end up causing unhappiness in all people involved. It cannot be too emphasized that post traumatic stress must be adequately treated by all means to restore healthy psychology and true happiness.

https://youtu.be/yerYaPMkJ80

[Wife Infidelity] Should I let my ex-wife stay at my place when she comes to see children?

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago. My ex-wife often visits us saying that she wants to stay with children. I refused a few times but recently began to let her stay. We do not talk to each other but she stays with children for a couple of days and leaves. I am confused whether it is a right thing to let her stay in my place. How should I behave when she is around me?

A. Your wife has developed relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Women's relationship addiction gets aggravated as time passes. The husband develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of wife infidelity, which causes excruciating psychological pain.

Fortunately, the fact that your wife comes to see children and stays with them may indicate that her condition is not severe enugh to forget about children completely and she still keeps maternal love in her unconscious. Also, it may additionally indicate that the relationship with her adulterer has problems. However, her relationship addiction will keep being aggravated as time passes regardless of her circumstance.

Your wife is in relationship addiction and you are in post traumatic stress, which makes any interaction between the two people difficult and almost impossible. Neither of you may feel comfortable to be around each other. As the situation where your wife visits to see children and both of you feel awkward to be around each other repeats, your relationship gets harder and harder to be restored.

It is recommended that you keep allowing her to visit your place. She may have no other place to go to and she may end up getting involved with another man when she is rejected by you. It is also recommended that you calmly talk with your ex-wife. To be able to do so, you must treat post traumatic stress first and restore healthy psychology and happiness ability. Then, you can also talk about her treatment and even the restoration of family relationship.

Your ex-wife must treat relationship addiction. However, it is highly likely that she will reject the idea that she has a condition and will not show interest in treatment since she has the consciousness disorder. Women in relationship addiction only desire other people's attention instead of making efforts to recover and men in relationship addiction only desire others' response. You must treat yourself first and then decide whether you will restore the relationship with your ex-wife or choose otherwise.

When you restore you own healthy psychology, you will be able to calmly discuss what both of you can do to proceed with life. Your ex-wife may or may not decide on the treatment, which is solely her own right and responsibility. For now, do not try to do anything when your ex-wife visits your place since it will only aggravate the situation. It is recommended that you give her a chance to recover since she is still the mother of children and still has maternal love at least.

[Husband Infidelity] How would the psychology of the husband in infidelity operate when the wife becomes suspicious?

A. From the perspective of the husband, it is the wife that has the problem of suspecting, which he does not care about much anyway as far as he is not caught with clear evidence. He would blame the wife for delusional jealousy until his infidelity is disclosed.

People in infidelity and relationship addiction also have the consciousness disorder, which makes them think in the opposite way from normal people. He would think that everything is OK as far as infidelity is kept hidden from the wife. Upon the disclosure of his infidelity, he would self-justify his behaviors making excuses and thinking he was just unlucky to be caught.

Such distorted ideas are widely shared among people or through mass media. People in infidelity share their ideas on how to hide their behaviors, how to get away with accusation, how to make self-justification, and how to cope with the spouse's reaction. They are all considered to be generating distorted information in the condition of the consciousness disorder. Unfortunately, people in relationship addiction with the conscious disorder and the amount of distorted information are on the rise.

It must be clearly understood that the psychology of the husband in infidelity operates in the distorted way and in the completely opposite way from the psychology of normal people. It is meaningless to try to judge or fathom his words and behaviors from the perspective of normal people. He is likely to think that he is under suspicion but will not get caught. The husband's infidelity will definitely be disclosed sooner or later but for now, he is immersed into the distorted pleasure, has no intention to stop infidelity, and does not think about the future at all.

[Wife Infidelity] My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me.

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me. She says she wants to live with children but I cannot accept her. What should I do?

A. It is a lucky situation that your ex-wife has not abandoned children and keeps coming to see them. Of course, you must be going through pain and difficulty while you are raising children on your own after divorce, but mother showing attention to children must have a positive influence on children.

It is absolutely understandable that you are confused about the current situation and what to do about it. To be able to address the issue in the right way, it must be first noted that you have the condition of post traumatic stress, and the treatment of your condition must precede any other actions to be able to make a right judgment and decision for yourself and your children. Then, you will also give your ex-wife an opportunity to treat herself. When time comes, you will suggest that your ex-wife treat her psychological condition in order to restore family relationship.

Above all, it is impossible to restore family relationship and marriage relationship unless you treat post traumatic stress first. You and your ex-wife may decide to stay divorced after treatment, but then, you will be able to have a good relationship with children and build happiness separately with healthy psychology and happiness ability. Without proper treatment, both of you will keep aggravating your conditions and influence you children negatively no matter what practical measures you take.

The power of words

Words can be truly powerful. Words can destroy the tranquility of mind and drive to despair or heal the pain in mind and sow the seeds of hope. Human psychology consists of perception, memory, and expression, and the outward expression consists of speech, actions, and facial expressions, of which speech can express one's mind the best. We all exchange words when we communicate with other people in human relationships. Words can contain and generate the whole spectrum of emotions. Rude words generate pain, humble words generate respect, and arrogant words hurt pride. Words can have either positive or negative influence on human relationships. People who understand the power of words are careful with their words.

The power of words can be shown by the example of praise. Everyone feels good upon being praised since we all have the desire for recognition. However, you may not be able to judge whether the praise is true or false unless you have the wisdom of looking into the human mind. Both praising and being praised can be dangerous in some cases.

Psychology is always manifested with the principle of symmetry. Anything positive has the negative aspect on the other side. Someone who always and overly praises you may have a completely opposite idea inside him or her. Therefore, it is crucial to build the right values and maintain balanced mind to make right judgment. Otherwise, you may be taken advantage of by people who disguise themselves with selfish purposes.

On the contrary, some people say negative words when they actually care about the counterparty deeply and boundlessly, usually in a stressful situation. They may say things they don't really mean causing the relationship to be destroyed. However, once you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you will know that their venomous words are only the result of psychological operation rather than the truth of their heart.

Words always require someone who listens to them and we use words to be able to communicate with other people in human relationships. Different words are used depending on the type of relationships. They may be close relationships where both parties use mostly the unconscious in interactions, purposeful relationships where both parties use mostly the conscious, or abnormal relationships where one party takes advantage of the other. Understanding the nature of the given relationship must precede the interpretation of the words exchanged between or among the parties involved.

There are five points of reference to check in order to adequately analyze and interpret the power of words. Firstly, it should be known whether words are employed in a unidirectional or bidirectional way. Secondly, it should be known whether the relationship is a close, a purposeful, or an abnormal one. Thirdly, it should be known whether words accord with your or others' thought standards and purposes. Fourthly, it should be known how many people are involved in communication. Fifthly, it should be known whether words are used for positive influence or negative influence.

Your words are considered to have a negative influence when the counterparty is hurt by your words even if you were well intended. On the contrary, your words are considered to have a positive influence when they make the counterparty feel comfortable even if you intended to reproach him or her with your words. Thus, words can have different impacts depending on how they are perceived by people who listen to them not by people who say them. Everyone has different thought standards and purposes, which necessarily causes stress and wounds in relationships.

The key point to bear in mind is that you must properly judge whether your words result in healing and recovering the counterparty's psychology or damaging and destroying it. When one's words accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel comfortable. When one's words do not accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel uncomfortable. Stress and wounds are generated whenever one's standards and purposes do not accord with the others'. It is recommended that words be carefully employed not to cause unnecessary conflicts in relationships and you always consider the impact your words may have on the counterparty.

You must apologize to your counterparty if your well-intended or inadvertent words hurt his or her feelings. The presence of a conflict indicates that your standards and the other's standards are different, which is only natural, and your interpretation of the relationship is also different from the other's. You can apply the five reference points to adequately analyze and interpret the pattern of communication and maintain healthy relationships.

You can destroy or restore relationships with your words. It will be ideal for you to use words to help other people and build happiness together. When your counterparty uses destructive words when interacting with you, you must stop or avoid the conversation for the present. If you cannot stop or avoid, you must do your best not to be affected in order to prevent your negative response and the development of a conflict. Also, you must stop talking immediately when you find your counterparty is hurt by your words.

We form diverse relationships to pursue self-actualization and being happy together. In this process, stress and wounds naturally occur since everyone's thought standards and purposes are different. The level of stress and wounds is much higher in close relationships since people use the unconscious much more than the conscious. You may damage and destroy relationships with words or you may restore and consolidate them with words. Your words have the power of either thrusting at the other's heart with coldness and cruelty or warming and comforting the other's heart with sweetness and consideration.

https://youtu.be/lleP6d-4AmU

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