How can you tell if a man has an abnormal sexual desire?

 Q : My husband, who had an extramarital affair with another woman in the past, shows his sexual desire within less than every 3 days. Does it mean that he has an abnormal sexual desire? How do you distinguish that a man who has nothing to do with infidelity has sexual dysfunction from that a man who has an experience of infidelity has an abnormal sexual desire? Does my husband need more healing therapy? 

A : People talk about men's sexual desires a lot, but whether how big or small their sexual desires are is not an important matter. They have sex if they have someone to have sex with, and they don't if there are not. Also, an abnormal sexual desire is a term that is used not to men but to women. It talks about ups and downs in sexual desires like when they have a very strong sexual desire due to trauma or when their strong sexual desire disappears due to a specific incident. 

Basically, men have excessive sexual desires, which is why they just have sex when they have someone to have sex with if they have psychological disorders. If they have an extramarital relationship with another woman, that woman is just an object to release his sexual desires. If he does not meet her, he tries whatever to relieve his sexual desire.  

Therefore, abnormal sexual desire or excessive sexual desire are terms that are not supposed to be applied to the husband's infidelity. A husband's sexual desire is at work towards women other than his wife. Well, of course, it happens only in his thoughts. He is not like that from the beginning, but, after a certain period of having marital life, he considers his wife and children as if they are himself resulting in that his sexual desire does not appear toward the wife. The problem of your husband's infidelity has nothing to do with sex.  

https://youtu.be/YcryS6Egx0s

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I am surrounded with people who have extra marital affairs. What should I do?

Q : I have a close friend; her husband and my husband are friends too. She told me her story after she knew my husband's infidelity. When I told her about treatment, she said she wants to get treated too. In her case, both she and her husband are having extramarital affairs with each one's partner. How is she supposed to get the treatment? Is she possible to be treated?

Before I told her about the treatment, she said 'why don't you just enjoy your life? he (my husband) gives you living expenses anyway, doesn't he?' I think I need to keep myself away from my husband's friends. Hearing what they say seems to make my treatment delayed.

A : If you see your friend's situation, the couple has each one's partner having extramarital affair with. What you need to focus on at this point is that she told you about her infidelity. Her purpose of confessing her infidelity to you is either one of the following: first is that she really wants to get treated, or second is that she wants you to have infidelity too so that she can have and share the fun with you. Or, she might really feel the need for treatment. However, if she really wanted to get treated, she would have made contact and started her treatment. Of course, she can be treated if she really wants, but she doesn't seem like she wants to get the treatment when seeing her not asking you details about the treatment even if you told her about it. Also, what you need to keep in mind is that her problem is none of your business to care and give advice. Making own judgment and decision is up to her. Instead, you must focus on treating yourself and making the ability of happiness. Do not care about her. Her trauma will seep into you as soon as you listen to her story. Since your husband and her husband are friends, the trauma caused by infidelity will become doubled or tripled. Just make a reference to this. 

As mentioned above, your friend's case is either one or the other. She is trying to make you just like her by tempting you to have infidelity as she does. Especially, if she said to you 'enjoy your life,' she is not thinking of getting treatment at all. Thus, keep a distance from her until you get recovered. If you see her after having the ability of happiness, you will be able to notice how miserable her life is. 

 https://youtu.be/qcfcHuv7RkU

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I would like to know the standard of judging on infidelity.

 

Q : I would like to know the standard of judging on  infidelity.

A : When it comes to the husband's infidelity, there are cases of the husband saying that he only held hands or just had a little conversation, and so on. Problems occur because the standard whether he has an inappropriate relationship or not is looked for from these things. The standard must not be the husband who has had an inappropriate relationship with another woman but the wife who has figured out all of this. If she says it is infidelity, it is infidelity. The victim of the husband's infidelity, the wife, is the one who decides whether her spouse had infidelity or not.

https://youtu.be/4NQMjKgmFew

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Does it count as infidelity when two people contact without face-to-face interaction?

Q : My husband is saying that he didn't have an extramarital affair with another woman because he only exchanged pictures of sexual genitals and romantic text messages, but he has done it for 5 years with that woman. He keeps saying he never cheated on me because they did not meet each other. Is it really not counted as infidelity if they didn't meet in person? 

A : Your husband is addicted to relationships. It is a psychological disorder. Even if he did not meet her in person, he still has a psychological disorder; it is infidelity. However, men think, whatever they did, they did not have inappropriate relationships if there was no sexual relationship. 

Then, women are confused by that. What matters is not that relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder, is judged by whether there was a sexual relationship but that the woman whom your husband enjoyed over the phone was the object that he released his compulsion. 

He is out of mind, which is why he can exchange pictures of his naked body and text messages of romantic words. If he does not keep exchanging text messages and pictures like that, he knows that his relationship with that woman will break and that he can no more have fun. 

https://youtu.be/gvDvHVMZqL0

Just refer to the fact that the woman is just an object of having fun and that the relationship of your husband and that woman is a form of relationship addictions caused by compulsion that comes along with anxiety. You need to be wide-awake. They just did not meet in person, or maybe, they did. 

In this kind of situation, wounds, as deep as the wounds that a wife gets when her husband cheats on her, have already been generated in you. Text messages and pictures that your husband exchanged with that woman have become great wounds; thus, you must treat yourself first. If you do not form the ability of happiness for yourself, his psychological disorder will never be treated.

Don't mind about what your husband saying that he did not cheat on you. What is sure for now is that he is addicted to relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Do not make him mad by showing this video and telling him what you are told. To understand what you are just told and be wide-awake would be better for you now. 

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Relationship addiction may progress into more serious mental illnesses.

 

Q : The woman having an inappropriate relationship with my husband keeps sending me text messages full of abusive words and tells my husband to leave her. She says that she can meet another man who is much better than my husband, but she keeps contacting him. Now, she uploads pictures they took together by her name and my husband's name on her social media. She is a foreigner just for reference.

A : She has had many experiences of having inappropriate relationships with men. Whether she is a foreigner or not, the mind operates the same. Her psychological disorder is becoming more and more serious, which is why she is hysterical. Thus, just consider her as a potential criminal.

https://youtu.be/EbGgP6GkD_k

If she loses her mind because of the hysteria, no one knows what would happen. She is just a social evil; however, she was not like this in the beginning. Over five to ten years of experience as a stray woman (a woman having an inappropriate relationship with a married man), hysteria appears, which is a psychological psychosis. That is to say, relationship addiction becomes a psychological mental disease.

When her psychological status becomes serious, it leads to crimes. Therefore, the best is to avoid her. It is no more a psychological problem but a mental disease. Hysteria is very dangerous.

What is best for you is to block the woman's contact and avoid her, but, for now, it is better to stop reacting and treat yourself first to form the ability of happiness since your husband might be the one that could possibly be damaged in any way. It is better not to deal with her for now. 

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I'm trying to sue the adulteress and demand her for compensation for my treatment cost.

 

Q : I want to support my treatment cost by getting compensation from the woman having an extramarital relationship with my husband by a suit. 

A : You must not think of any of that. Treatment must be done only for your recovery and happiness. To sue the woman after you have the ability of happiness through treatment is a different matter. Therefore, you must not think of suing her and demanding her compensation for your treatment cost. If you do so, the sue is going to be nothing but for making money; it should be done with a smile and a relaxed mind after obtaining the ability of happiness. You can make a precise judgment only after you become treated with regard to all of these.

https://youtu.be/j7M_1RpKBe4

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Is it possible for a womanizer to be recovered?

 

Q : I knew my husband was a womanizer when we were dating before we got married, but our relationship was kept because he always came to me even if we had fights. Well...after we got married, I gave him stress by nagging at him before his infidelity; he had an extramarital affair with another woman. Can a womanizer like him also be recovered? 

A : Your husband's infidelity occurred not because he, a womanizer, had a fight with his wife. The cause of a spouse's infidelity is his psychological disorder, not conjugal problems or fights. 

https://youtu.be/grwcXHciwjk

A couple argues, fights, and makes up the relationship as they live together. They can't always have fun and enjoy every day. You and your husband have done living together well.  So, instead of thinking about how to recover your relationship, do not mind about your husband. Focus on your own recovery.  

Moreover, your husband is a womanizer because he has a psychological disorder. Among men, those who seem to be good-natured and do well to others definitely have psychological disorders. 

Thus, you must treat and recover yourself first. If you see your husband after you get treated, you will be able to see his true nature. You can give him a chance for treatment after you are treated. He won't have a chance to get treated if you are not treated.

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I live with a married man and I want to end the relationship with him.

 Q : I am in my mid-20s and currently live with a married man. I want to end this relationship but don't know how to get away from him. It has been 4 years already since we met. 

A : You have only become his plaything. Your situation can be seen as Stockholm syndrome.  You can't get away from him if he gives you a little bit of attention even though you know this is wrongdoing. He is keeping the relationship with you because your reactions and behaviors give him fun. He is not protecting you.

You must get away from him. Since it is difficult to provide you solutions through this online counseling, please send me an email. Then, I will let you know what to do to get away from him through email.

In this case, you will end up being an adulterous woman having an inappropriate relationship with a married man. You are young but addicted to attention; if you get attention from a married man, the only option you have is having an inappropriate relationship with him, which is too bad.

https://youtu.be/KMW4g-G7bcc

Generally, in this case, the man would probably say that he will divorce and come to you; however, you should never ever trust him. It is problematic even if he actually divorceㄴ and comes to you. Thus, you must return to the original psychological state regardless of him getting divorced or not. 

You think you are in love, but, in fact, you are not recognizing that you are addicted to his attention. So, your wounds will continually accumulate. There are women who were in inappropriate relationships like you and started getting treatment because of their psychological wounds. If you want to end your relationship with him, now is a good chance for you to get treatment. You will feel very painful as you get through the treatment process. It is so painful so much that you want to kill him. This phenomenon occurs when a wife who was in an inappropriate relationship with another man gets treatment as well. It is because you will be able to interpret and realize your current situation in the process of abnormal psychology becoming normal. 

You must stop and end your relationship with him immediately. Do not listen to whatever he says. Human beings can make mistakes and do wrong things because they don't know what they are doing. If you know that you are in the wrong situation, you should stop being in that situation, recover yourself and then pay for what you have done, which is the painful process during the treatment. If you don't give up and overcome this pain and difficult time, you will be able to recover and live a happy and healthy life. 

Relationship addiction is not able to be treated by oneself, but you can recover from it even if you get through the pain. Therefore, if you have realized something is wrong, please stop whatever you have been doing. Recover yourself if you want to live a happy life.

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The wife is the only woman that the husband never tries to see reactions from.

Q : I've learned about men's reaction addiction as I watch your lectures on videos. My husband tries to make jokes to other women when I am with him and tries to make them laugh and talk with them. Is it correct that he's trying to see their reactions?

A : Yes, of course. There is no reason for him to make other women laugh if he is not trying to see their reactions.

The reason why he keeps nagging on you is to see your reactions. Men do not care about meanings but care about reactions. The problem is that men get addicted to these reactions, which is called men's relationship addiction. They can't bear without seeing women's reactions.

https://youtu.be/uuTBHPA5ejc

At this point, whoever that is, he is not interested in whether the person he's trying to see reactions from is a good person or not. What is interesting is that he never gets addicted to his wife's reactions. Yes, it is ironical, but a man does not get addicted to the reactions of a woman that he really loves. This person is his wife; thus, she is the only one who can give him a chance to be treated.

Besides the wife, a man addicted to reactions keeps trying to see reactions from other women; if they show reactions in any way, he gets addicted to relationships right away. That is to say, there is no specific reason that causes a man to get addicted to relationships. So, don't try to find causes. 

One more thing to mention is that noticing your husband seeking reactions after watching videos means that wounds have already been formed within you. I strongly suggest you get treatment because you already have enough reason to get treated.

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You just need to restore your own happiness if your spouse is still into fun that destroys his life.

Q : My husband said he can't live like this anymore and asked for a divorce. He left home about a year ago; I guess he was having an affair with another woman around that time. I'm not sure if he is still in an extramarital relationship with the woman, but he keeps saying that he will only be the father of children and that there will be no reunion. Does a person left for his happiness have a psychological disorder too? Should I not ask him anything until I get treated? 

A : Your husband has a psychological disorder. He left not for his happiness; he is just into fun that destroys his life.

Do not speak about happiness when it comes to infidelity. The extramarital relationship is not happiness. If your husband left home already, he would not recognize that he's the one making his own life destroy. He is into fun without realizing his daily life is being destroyed and gone.

https://youtu.be/uuTBHPA5ejc

Also, he perceives whatever you say to him as nagging, which is, of course, not fun at all. His focus is only on having fun instead of overcoming difficulties. So, anybody who gives him stress becomes his enemy whereas who gives him fun becomes his ally. However, you and your children are not the objects to play and have fun with, which makes him think that there is no reason for him to either sacrifice himself or reunite with you. Moreover, he is not able to have proper conversations with you. Whatever you tell or try to tell him would be useless since his psychological condition is abnormal.

Therefore, you should not mind about him if he already left home. Treat yourself first and keep your household without your husband while protecting your children. As you form your happiness and live happily with your children, he will look back on himself one day; however, you must keep not minding about him. Just give him a chance if he wishes to return to you; if not, you can decide whether you will prepare for a divorce action or divorce by agreement then. Whatever decision you make, you will be happy.

Just always keep in mind that you must never think or expect to be happy through your husband. Whether you will be happy or not is totally up to you.

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Only very few people accept the evidence of infidelity immediately.

Q : My husband stubbornly denies his infidelity even though I know all about it. I want to show him the evidence and end this marriage, but the reality is that I would be in economic difficulties after divorce. Should I reveal his infidelity and treat myself? or should I just ignore and live just as now?

A : Everyone, of course, denies his or her infidelity stubbornly because they can have some time to retrieve their wrongdoing. So, if you show him evidence of his infidelity, he would ask you from where you have got the evidence instead of acknowledging his fault.

If your husband has infidelity, that means he has a psychological disorder. Those with psychological disorders tend to evade stress first when stress comes in. So, you must not think that they did wrongdoings but understand that these people with psychological disorders are always like that. You don't need to be wounded. Relationship addiction is not a mental disease but means errors occurred in thinking about human relationships. Thus, instead of distinguishing right and wrong, you need to make a judgment realistically what you would do in this current situation.

https://youtu.be/PRNXAHCBUkk

If the wife tries to get treatment, that is the same as the husband admits his infidelity; thus, he would pick on her. So, the treatment provided by KIP is considered as pseudo. Also, when it comes to the cost, lots of complaints arise, which causes the situation more difficult for getting the treatment.

There is one more thing that needs to be considered. It is the situation when the husband asks for divorce instead of asking for forgiveness after his infidelity was revealed. Since you would not want this to happen, just don't mind about him and just keep the evidence collected.

Therefore, whether your husband is in an inappropriate relationship with another woman or not, don't mind about it. Treat your rage and wounds first; you can make a decision on how to deal with this situation when you are no longer in pain even when you see him having infidelity.  

Do not try hard to have him back at this point. If there is still no change in his behavior and if you think you decide to end your relationship with him even after you are treated, you must cope with the situation cool-headedly.

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Is treatment of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity possible during pregnancy?

 

Q : Can I get treatment for trauma caused by the spouse's infidelity in pregnancy? I won't look good in a short skirt. 

A : Pregnancy and Infidelity Therapy are separate matters.

And there is no short skirt in therapeutic tasks. Most people say it is a short skirt, but it is H-line skirt (a pencil skirt). Depending on the length of this skirt, the wearer could be perceived either as a woman or as she looks like. So, the task of wearing a H-line skirt is only used as the means of treating the wearer's wounds regardless of how others perceive her. 

Also, therapeutic tasks are a little bit different during pregnancy. During the pregnancy, maternal love already exists, so the therapeutic tasks are partially excluded. Wearing a H-line skirt is one of the excluded tasks. Even if you are in your pregnancy, your rage and wounds must be treated.

Infidelity Therapy treats rage and wounds caused by a spouse's infidelity. Among psychological disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder is the most serious, which causes errors in all three kinds of psychology that are perception, memory, and expression; this occurs by a spouse's infidelity. 

https://youtu.be/Kb6aNG9z1_o

Whatever is perceived, remembered, and expressed operates as pain. That much so that all of yours acts as a powerful wound, so if you don't treat yourself immediately, you want to be as comfortable as deep as your wounds, you want to retaliate against someone, or powerful energy that causes you to become reckless to others will move.

You must face the matter squarely and treat it first immediately due to the reasons that are mentioned above. You must be treated and recovered so that you can make the right decision. In the condition where you have post-traumatic stress disorder, whatever you think and choose will be wounds and errors.

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Do not easily give up the recovery of relationship with the husband.

Q : Is there any case when the recovery of the relationship with the husband should be given up? I think there was a video saying that there is a case where preparing quietly for a divorce action is needed. Does it mean that preparation for a divorce action and treatment should be done together?

A : The answer is no. Your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with another woman is due to compulsion when stress operates and desire for relieving this compulsion through her. It is just an operation of temporary moods, so there is no reason for you to easily give up the recovery of your relationship with him. Therefore, forget about him now and treat and recover yourself first. You must recover yourself first to make a place where your husband can come back when he realizes his problem.

If you do not treat yourself and give up your husband, those who will like you are going to be only men addicted to relationships in the future. These men who are addicted to relationships recognize women with wounds so well, which is why psychologically wounded women easily become women having inappropriate relationships with these men. Your life could be ruined in an instant. Like this, wounds caused by a spouse's infidelity are dangerous.

https://youtu.be/FJTBeMHMe_I

Thus, you must not give up the situation but get treatment for yourself first; then, you need to give him at least a chance for his recovery.

There is a saying that broken pottery can never be back in its original form by simply gluing its pieces. However, human beings are not pottery. Human beings can obliviate things and change past incidents to memory. Based on this, we can make values of better happiness. Thus, you should not give up easily but do what you can do with your best. By doing so, lingering affection for your husband will not bother you.

The case when you are told to prepare a divorce action quietly from the beginning is a very special case. In the process of treatment, your situation is checked once a week through emails; some of you would get an email saying that you need to start collecting evidence quietly. These people are preparing to knock their spouses out at once because their wound treatment is almost over. 

Wound treatment and preparation for a divorce action must not be done at the same time. Treatment comes first, and then the right time for the preparation for the divorce action is decided.

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Happy marriage relationship can be restored again when the couple treat their mind and psychology.

Q : My wife has had an extramarital affair with another man for about 5 years; I found it out accidentally. She is saying she's sorry and asks for forgiveness. She said she feels unburdened and promises that she will do her best to recover our relationship. Should I just leave her like that? or Should I get treatment first? My wife says she's also willing to get treatment too.

A : Well, first of all, the wife has attention addiction, which is a psychological disorder. She promises you that she won't cheat on you anymore because her infidelity got caught, but you must consider how much attention you can give to your wife. You might be fine now, but as time passes, every single thing about your wife will be related to her infidelity, making it impossible for you to endure. If you cannot handle this situation, your wife's attention addiction will occur again because she won't receive enough attention from you. If she is willing to get treatment, of course, you two need to get treatment. Then, your relationship will be recovered very quickly.

https://youtu.be/rvlkc7SzXgY

Infidelity is not the right thing to do, but humans make mistakes and do the wrong things. Those with relationship addiction never wanted to have it and never knew that they would cheat on their spouses; one day, they would be shocked at themselves. If they realize that they've done the wrong things, all they need is a will to get punished for what they have done and to think that they want to recover. Then, making actions for the will is the effort. With the will, making efforts and trying best for recovery is to live a happy life.

If you and your wife get the treatment together, you can live happily again. The wife's infidelity can remain as just a memory; this is the effect of the treatment.

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After you divorce, you may be the mother and the father, but not the wife and the husband anymore.

 Q : It has been a year and 4 months since the divorce. I left home every weekend for 3 months in the process of divorce by agreement. Of course, I did my best to be a perfect mother on weekdays. Oh, I have three children to raise. My husband accuses me of having infidelity because of the 3 months that I left home every weekend. The youngest one is only 5 years old; the child keeps looking for the father. I asked him for a reunion because I cannot see my child missing the father anymore; however, he told me that our reunion is possible only if I can promise to be obedient to his family. He told me to come and beg for his and their forgiveness. Just for reference, his mother lives alone, and his two older brothers are divorced. 

A : Regardless of his suspicion, if you didn't have an extramarital affair, you are not guilty, but his suspicion on you having infidelity might be reasonable because you left home every weekend. Of course, you left home to get away from the difficulty, but your behavior might have been suspicious, making him thought that you were cheating on him.

https://youtu.be/fwlMQVtYHPM

However, it is also possible that your husband is the one having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. If it is true, there's no reason for him to reunite with you. He just needs you for raising children. 

The content needs to be organized, but whatever it is, if you are innocent, don't mind about him; his words saying that he will reunite with you if you become obedient to his family are all lie. It's just an excuse to avoid the reunion. He can make any excuses if he can avoid being with you. 

Moreover, if you divorced, his family is not your family-in-law anymore. When you and ex-husband meet, you two are just a man and a woman, not a husband and his wife. Because of children, you two can be a mother and a father but are not a husband and a wife anymore. You are trying to listen to him because you don't know how to deal with this situation. 

If a person's siblings have experiences of divorce, the person is more likely to divorce. It is highly contagious, stronger than you think. Also, your behavior of leaving home every weekend might have caused your husband to doubt your infidelity. If you treat yourself and recover, there is no reason for you to leave home every weekend anymore. You've lived well, rearing children; there is no reason for you to be accused like this. You must treat yourself and make the ability of happiness. If not, you will face more dangerous situations.

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Psychological independence is possible only when wounds are treated.

Q : I am still psychologically dependent on my husband even though I can stand independent economically. I don't know why I cannot tell him, who has an extramarital affair with another woman, that I want to go on a trip with children. I get mad at myself because I'm still living on my husband's schedule. He seems to want to grip on me and children while secretly keeping on his infidelity. 

A : The question holds lots of assumptions about your husband. The reason you cannot be psychologically independent of him is because of a hope that your relationship can possibly recover like 'he might end his relationship with her' or 'he might come back someday.' There is one thing that you must be clear about. Your husband has a psychological disorder, and this psychological disorder cannot be treated by himself. What you can do first in this situation is to make an environment where the husband can come back. In other words, you need to treat your wounds and make yourself happy.

Economical and psychological independence is important in the situation of a spouse's infidelity; the reason for being impossible to be independent psychologically is the emotion of love. No matter how much he harms you psychologically, you still like him and want to recover your relationship. Because of this, you try to fit yourself to his standard. It hinders psychological independence; if your wound is not treated, your psychological independence is even more difficult since wound needs someone’s attention.

https://youtu.be/65Xu8fKFXTg

So, you spend, or waste, time anticipating the possibility of relationship recovery, making yourself suffer from a more difficult time. In the end, you have to decide either to divorce or endure the difficulty.

If you do not want to face that situation, you must treat and recover yourself first so that you can become independent psychologically. Psychological independence does not mean to behave arbitrarily. If your husband is still in an extramarital relationship with another woman secretly, you must be able to tell him what you know. You should tell him that you have recovered yourself and become stabilized and then give him a chance to decide. Then, whether you give him some time or divorce, you can still be happy whatever the outcome is.

You are unhappy because you know that whatever you decide would make yourself unhappy. You must be able to live with children happily regardless of your husband's infidelity.

Therefore, the number one priority is to treat your wounds, be psychologically independent, and make yourself stabilized. Then, children will also be protected by their mother. Even if you divorce, you won't suffer from pain. It is the same if you just live as you do now. It's just that he needs to be noticed about your status after your wound treatment. That way, he can have a chance for recovery at least.

Those with psychological disorders are afraid of people with the ability of happiness. Whom they like the most are the women with lots of wounds. However, men with relationship addiction cannot approach women whose wounds are treated and who are able to be happy by themselves and knows how their psychology operates. If the husband wants to live with the wife who has become happy, he will realize that he also needs to be treated; this will become a chance for him to recover the relationship. Just make a reference to this.

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My ex-husband comes every weekend to see children without supporting child-rearing expenses.

Q : Unaware that my husband was having an affair with another woman, I got divorced because he suddenly left home and asked for a divorce. I found out that he is having an affair with another woman in the process of divorce. He doesn't pay child support but comes to see the children once every week. I cannot understand his behaviors and don't want to see him anymore, but my children like him. 

A : There are cases of having a divorce without knowing the spouse's infidelity. If your husband suddenly asks you a divorce, that is not because there is a problem but because he has found another woman to substitute your role and have fun with. There are some case that a man chooses to divorce to protect his wife and children from possible dangers after he failed his business too, but other than that, major cause of divorce is usually related to husband's infidelity. 

Who would have custody of the children was determined, and he also promised to support child-rearing expenses. However, he is not keeping his words; it is because people having extramarital affairs do not have the basic concept of human relationships. Due to this, when it comes to the children, he does whatever he wants in a way he feels comfortable. He won't do it if it stresses him out. He doesn't even remember whether he gave the child-rearing expenses or not because problems in his human relationships have become that serious due to his psychological disorder.

At this point, he comes to see his children for two possible reasons: first is because he likes his children, and second is to see his ex-wife. Or, it could possibly because he wants to monitor the ex-wife. Various reasons are possible, but what you are missing is that you are not thinking about treating yourself. You must treat your psychological wounds so that your ex-husband can see something has changed when he comes to see children. You will be different after being treated. The following results could vary depending on which role you play while your ex-husband is wondering what is going on.

 It is natural for you not wanting to see your ex-husband. You became aware of his inappropriate relationship with another woman in the process of divorce. It's even more annoying to see the ex-husband coming to meet children regularly without giving any child-rearing support. But if you are treated and have the ability to be happy, you won't have to face painful and difficult times no matter who comes to you. Then, you can talk calmly and comfortably to your ex-husband about why he keeps coming. Currently, you accept your ex-husband's attitude in worry that it will be a problem for children's liking about their father if you don't let him come; however, the relationship of children and father is not going to be a matter to you anymore if you are treated.

https://youtu.be/-J41c0FDXmc

However, if children cannot see their father forcibly, they will have a difficult time. Then, it is the mother's fault. If you live happily rearing children, they will understand their mother. In this case, the cause of their parents' divorce becomes their father.

 He is just an ex-husband. You lived with him before the divorce, but now he is just a person who is not related to you at all. He just comes as children's father. Thus, you won't have any problem if you recover yourself first and then decide how to cope with him without hurting yourself and children. 

 If he doesn't support child-rearing expenses, of course, he cannot meet the children, which is the right thing. He has been able to see the children just because he is the father. If you are not treated and don't know how to cope with it like this, this problem will continue. Your ex-husband considers and will consider his situation as if he is not divorced. He will keep on meeting and having fun with another woman and then coming back home to see children.

The woman your ex-husband has an affair with is more likely to be a married woman if he comes only on weekends to see children. If she is married, it is not easy to meet her on weekends because she also has her family. In this case, your ex-husband has nothing to do on weekends; maybe he uses this time to see children due to this reason. 

 You must treat your psychological wounds first even if you are already divorced. The trauma caused by spouse's infidelity lasts forever if it is not treated. Just be reminded that it is not late to think about the relationship with the ex-husband later after your wound treatment is done while protecting children.

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Do not pay attention to anything the straying spouse says or does.

Q :  I saw the entire records of my husband's relationship with another woman. I am so angry and feel betrayed. I found a notebook my husband wrote down everything about his infidelity. He wrote about the sex he had with her in detail; I would rather not be in this much pain if I didn't read it. I cannot hold my rage to my husband and cannot forgive him even though he asks me for my forgiveness. He's saying there won't be divorce, so I think living separately is the best for us. I am about to be mad and feel as if I'm dying. I don't know what to do. 

A : Even without reading the record of your husband's infidelity, you would probably feel so painful and betrayed. This is a post-traumatic stress disorder. This post traumatic stress has occurred from the moment you found and read your husband's notes. It occurs when you find out the truth; you become angry until you figure out everything if you don't know about your husband's infidelity clearly. Ultimately, rage occurs anyway.

Your husband would probably say he doesn't know if you ask him about the detail. He doesn't remember what he's done. From the wife's point of view, he still doesn't notice the seriousness of the situation, but your husband is addicted to having relationships, which is a psychological disorder. This is why he cannot remember the detail. Addiction occurs when a cycle of getting stress and relieving the stress is constantly repeated; men tend to forget the stress. So, when they are addicted to something, they only remember a fraction of the facts.

https://youtu.be/DOqmJt6MSzM

 Also, there is a difference between hearing his extramarital relationship from your husband and seeing it for yourself. Therefore, you must be treated first. It hurts even more because you are going to relate whatever your husband says to what you have seen.

 Moreover, divorce or separation is an option that you can easily choose to quickly forget the pain, but that doesn't mean your pain would be treated. Trauma caused by a spouse's infidelity remains until the day you die. Thus, you should not avoid or forget about it.

 And the reason why your husband keeps the record is to not forget it. He records because he's afraid of forgetting; to oppositely say, it means he keeps forgetting. Forgetting is what males with normal psychology do to relieve and remove stress; however, trying to relieve stress obsessively means stress keeps remaining. In other words, your husband's psychology is not operating normally. There are differences in relieving stress for men with normal psychology and men with abnormal psychology.

So, after all, knowing that it is impossible to treat relationship addiction by oneself, you, the wounded one, should be treated first.

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Do not look for treatment methods in reference videos.

 Q : I did as what video says, but it has made me suffer from more difficulties. The video says smile when talking, so I thought my relationship with my husband was getting better, but he was still having an affair with another woman. My rage is so great that I feel like I'm dying. Why am I still suffering?

A : There is no treatment method in videos. You must not look for treatment method from videos. The role of videos is to help those with post-traumatic stress disorder to make rational judgments by temporarily mitigating pain and agony they have, which is why treatment can never be made by watching thousands of videos uploaded. 

However, many people listen to only the parts they need; videos never mentioned what you said. You are saying that the video tells you to smile when talking, but you’re mistaking and misunderstanding a partial explanation of an example during the seminar as if it is the treatment task. 

Well, sadly, smiling when talking will make you suffer in more difficulty and make your husband have infidelity constantly because he is also not treated as well. Having inappropriate relationships with other women constantly is natural for him.

https://youtu.be/khkLjgEIDzo

Treatment must be done by self, but one cannot treat his or her addiction by self, which is why an expert who can actually help for the treatment to be done is needed. The process of having the principles of how the human mind and psychology operate settled in the mind, not as knowledge, is Mind Training; doing the treatment tasks without taking this Mind Training is dangerous and causes great damages. It will result in dissociation of wounds. Then, it is going to be used as a means to attack others. 

Also, smiling when talking must be done in specific ways. This treatment task is like a poison that treats another poison. When using poison to treat another poison, there must be a safety device. E-mails to check the entire treatment tasks and training contents and seminars are the parts of the safety device just mentioned.

Saying again, videos do not include treatment methods that you are looking for. If your mind becomes stable a little bit after watching videos, you must take treatment right away. This is the way you can save your time and cost and prevent from wasting them. Your trauma caused by your spouse's infidelity will last forever if it is not treated.

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Free Consultation on Infidelity Issues

 

Please, send us an e-mail providing the following information for free consultation on infidelity. You will receive a written report on the result of consultation in a few days. We will guide you to correctly address the problems of infidelity with adequate concepts and strategies based on accurate understanding of human mind and psychology.

* Send your e-mail to : kip@kip.ac

[Application form for free consultation on infidelity]

* Title of your e--mail : Application for free consultation on infidelity (Your name or a pseudonym, specify for either wife infidelity or husband infidelity)

1. Personal Information

   1) Name (Pseudonym) :

   2) E-mail address:

   3) Country / Area of Residence:

   4) Gender :

   5) Age of yours and your spouse's :

   6) Period of marriage or living together :

   7) Number of children/ their age & gender :

   8) Other personal information to be shared :

2. Points of inquiry :

3. Points of request :

4. Questions :

[Notes]

1. Please, include facts about you and your spouse in a simple way.

2. Include what happened, how you discovered, what you discovered, how things

progressed, how things are going now for '2. Points of inquiry'.

3. Include any requests for '3. Points of request'.

4. Include general questions you may have for '4. Questions'.

* You may be provided with a more detailed report when you provide more detailed facts.

* Send your e-mail to : kip@kip.ac

[About free consultation on infidelity]

Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides free consultation on infidelity based on the Theory of Minind and Xesmind. It analyzes caused of infidelity, psychology of infidelity, and nature of infidelity, and provide you with an important guideline for properly addressing the issue of spouse infidelity.

Psychological problems and psychological disorders are differentiated, and different solutions are suggested for individual cases. It also informs you of treatment and prevention methods of spouse infidelity and related psychological problems and disorders.

We aim for fundamental mechanism of spouse infidelity being known to as many people as possible and for guiding people in pain and suffering to restore healthy psychology and true happiness instead of getting lost in the midst of misguiding information and knowledge and ruining their life.

[Points to be included in the report of consultation]

- Analysis of fundamental causes of infidelity

- Causes of present pain and suffering

- Points to be noted when you attempt to resolve the issue

- Expected results when the issue is not resolved

- Expected results when the issue is resolved

- Directions and methods of resolving the issue

- Answers to questions you have provided

[Recepients of free consultation on infidelity]

- People who suffer from spouse infidelity

- People who suffer from repeated spouse infidelity

- People who think that they love the adulteress or the adulterer more than they love their spouses.

- People who suffer since the adulterer or the adulteress is not divorced yet

- People who think they are in love with married men or women

- People who suffer from pain caused by the adulter's or the adulteress's spouse

- People whose boyfriends or girlfriends have cheated on them

- People who repeat breaking up and making up with their partner due to partner's infidelity

- People who suffer after finding out that their partner is a married person

- People who suffer from their adulter or adulteress cheating on them

- People who suffer from pain related with other infidelity issues

Upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, most people suffer from excruciating pain. They simply do not know what to do, and take all possible measures to resolve the isuue. The easist way is to accuse the spouse of everything and get a divorce based on the idea that the spouse broke the trust. Many people decide to stay in marriage due to problems of economy, children, and other matters, and just live an unhappy life. Unfortunately, many of available information and knowledge guide you to unhappiness rather than to happiness.

Infidelity occurs due to relationship addiction and the victimized spouse develops post traumatic stress. Many people around the world attribute infidelity to problems of marriage, sex, and love making adequate resolutions difficult. In so many cases, both the spouse in infidelity and the victimized spouse live with psychological disorders and in unhappiness all their life.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides free consultation on infidelity based on the accurate analysis of human mind and psychology to guide you to find the right path to true happiness for yourself and your loved ones. It provides you with fundamental mechanism of infidelity as well as coping strategies, treatment methods, and practical measures.

It is most important that you yourself have the will power to overcome the predicament and achieve happiness. We are sure that you will be able to have an opportunity to find the root cause of infidelity issues and to be directed to the right path for recovery though the free consultation at KIP.

Thank you very much.

E-mail. uip@uip.ac

Infidelity Therapy : http://www.infidelitytherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/