Adulterers and adulteresses are people who have extra-marital affairs. From the perspective of the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, they are considered to have a condition of psychological disorder : relationship addiction. They get immersed into the object of infidelity out of compulsion caused by stress and they cannot stand being exposed to stress and wounds responding irrationally.
They will express extreme resistance against anything that hinders or objects their ideas or behaviors regarding relationship addiction. On the other hand, they will express extreme liking toward anything that promotes or supports their relationship addiction.
When you develop relationship addiction, you may develop positive emotions toward a wrong person, which may also change your thoughts and behaviors. Then, you may fall for distorted human relationships and destroy normal and happy relationships. Some people may argue that they just had some fun and it is nothing serious. Then, why would they try to hide the fact of infidelity, which is just for a little fun? They try to hide the fact of infidelity since they have developed emotions toward the object of infidelity, which they themselves have taken quite seriously. People with relationship addiction have developed distorted habits of perception and expression, so they think and behave in the opposite ways from people with normal psychology. They like what normal people dislike and dislike what normal people like.
Adulterers and adulteresses are people who have extra-marital affairs. From the perspective of the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, they are considered to have a condition of psychological disorder : relationship addiction. They get immersed into the object of infidelity out of compulsion caused by stress and they cannot stand being exposed to stress and wounds responding irrationally.
They will express extreme resistance against anything that hinders or objects their ideas or behaviors regarding relationship addiction. On the other hand, they will express extreme liking toward anything that promotes or supports their relationship addiction.
When you develop relationship addiction, you may develop positive emotions toward a wrong person, which may also change your thoughts and behaviors. Then, you may fall for distorted human relationships and destroy normal and happy relationships. Some people may argue that they just had some fun and it is nothing serious. Then, why would they try to hide the fact of infidelity, which is just for a little fun? They try to hide the fact of infidelity since they have developed emotions toward the object of infidelity, which they themselves have taken quite seriously. People with relationship addiction have developed distorted habits of perception and expression, so they think and behave in the opposite ways from people with normal psychology. They like what normal people dislike and dislike what normal people like.
First, you must accurately understand the concept of work life to be able to know how to be happy and successful in work life. Without accurate understanding, you may not be able to address the root cause of problems and may continue to have problems or even aggravate the situation.
There can be two essential components to consider for work life. One is the financial component and the other is the component of the pursuit of values. Most of us work to earn a living and to pursue values of life. If you think that you are happy and successful in work life, it means that you are paid enough or you are pursuing certain values or both.
Some people focus more on financial component and others more on the component of the pursuit of values. Of course, you may change your focus as you progress at work. Whichever your focus is, you need to build experience and knowledge to achieve more at work in your future. Experience and knowledge may vary depending on what you and your employer pursue at work.
As you build and accumulate new knowledge and experience at work, you necessarily experience stress. When you have a clear goal regarding either of the two components, you can easily heal stress each time it occurs. When you do not, your stress may continue and be accumulated. You may feel that you have problems of relationships, work environment, or work itself, but the root cause is the psychological condition in which you cannot heal stress generated from work.
One important aspect of your perception of problems at work is relationships at the work place. People you meet at work pursue their own goals of financial achievement or pursuit of life values. It must be clearly understood that you do not interact with them to share emotions or personal happiness. You are interacting with people at work for practical purposes, which may vary for every individual. You should not get your emotions involved in relationships at work, be it positive or negative. You may lose your goals at work and develop psychological problems when you are confused between work relationships and personal relationships.
When you aim for financial achievement at work but feel that you are seriously underpaid for your work, you necessarily develop problems since your major goal for working cannot be achieved. In such cases, you must find some ways to raise your pay such as negotiating for a raise or persuading the employer regarding the value of your work. Some people may decide to keep the job thinking that the pay supports and promotes happiness of family and this idea may provide the basis for healing.
When you feel that you are treated unfairly at work and decide to make efforts to change the situation, you are considered to be pursuing the value of equality at the work place instead of financial achievement. People may think that you are not fit to stay at the work place since you do not like the current situation, but you are actually pursuing your value at work, which is to change the work environment. However, problems may occur when your pursuit of value contradicts the pursuit of value of other people at your work place.
Some people work for both the financial achievement and the pursuit of values of life simultaneously. Then, it is more likely to cause problems since meeting both goals is less feasible, and then, more stress may be generated. On the other hand, when you work for only one component of the two, you are likely to get less stress and the other is likely to follow as you progress. Therefore, it is recommended that you aim for achievement in only one component.
Above all, perceiving human relationships at work as relationships for practical purposes is the most important aspect from the perspective of psychology. This perception will let you focus on achieving your goal at work without accumulating stress and protect you from unnecessary conflicts and difficulties.
Analyzing purposes for divorce or remarriage are important since it is directly connected with your pursuit of happiness after divorce or remarriage. Some people may just get a divorce out of emotional disturbance and do not reflect deeply about the matter objectively and regret their actions later. Any one who plans for divorce or remarriage needs to accurately analyze purposes for divorce or remarriage.
There are three types of purposes for divorce or remarriage. One is to live a better life than now. They vaguely think that life after divorce or remarriage will be at least better than the present life. Another is to avoid the present situation since it is so painful and difficult for them to keep going. The other is to become happy in the future with specific life plans after divorce or remarriage.
Whatever the purpose of divorce or remarriage is, you may confront diverse problems since life may not unfold as you have thought or planned. This is because you have not adequately addressed your psychological problems in the past and at present. No matter how hard you try after divorce or remarriage with or without specific plans, you may not be able to achieve happiness after divorce or remarriage since you had and still have pathological psychological conditions. then, the practical situation and your psychological condition may be aggravated as you proceed with life after divorce and remarriage and you may end up confronting more and more serious and diverse psychological and practical problems.
First, you must analyze your psychological condition before and after divorce or remarriage. Accurate analysis will guide you to solve problems that hinder you from adequately pursuing happiness. If you are diagnosed as having psychological problems or disorders in the past or at present, addressing psychological problems is the first and foremost thing to do before anything for your present and future happiness.
If you are suffering form diverse practical or psychological problems after divorce or remarriage, it is strongly recommended that you find the root cause of problems and adequately address the issue. You should never give up on finding the root cause and resolving the issue regardless of your circumstance. It may be a major turning point for putting your life back on track and living happily with your loved ones.
A person and a person in relationships are different.
A person focuses on survival and pursues only individual's happiness. A person exists alone without the concept of having relationships with other people. A person exists, survives, and thinks. The psychology of perception, memory, and expression of a person operates focused on individual happiness rather than on relationships, so everyone has the right for freedom and equality when they exist as a person.
Human beings are unique species with their own value and dignity. They cannot be objects of comparison with any other plant or animal. Also, a person cannot be compared with another person since every individual has unique thoughts based on unique life experiences.
When two or more people exist in relationships, they are referred to as 'a person in relationships'. A person aims only for survival and individual's happiness, but a person in relationships exists as a person and pursue self-actualization with meanings and values of life in relationships at the same time. A person in relationships exists with other people and thinks about relationships. The psychology of perception, memory, and expression of a person in relationships operates associated with human relationships. To exist as a person in relationships, people need to suppress individual's right of freedom and equality to a certain degree and maintain harmony and order with other people.
A person in relationships pursues individual's happiness and happiness in relationships simultaneously, and pursues self-actualization with social, relational, and economic values in the society and with meanings in the family.
Q. I got a divorce due to financial problems after my husband failed in business. After the divorce, I lived with children and my husband's mother for 10 years. My husband never contacted me all those years. We got back together after his mother passed away due to financial problems again. I am still in financial difficulties and I do not have any feelings toward my husband, which causes psychological pain in me. Should I get separated or divorced again?
A. Some people get a divorce solely due to financial reasons to protect family. You got a divorce and never contacted each other for 10 years, so it could be a real divorce or a divorce due to financial reasons. You were strong enough to take care of children and your husband's mother for those years. Then, you got back together due to financial problems again.
Your husband lived by himself without even contacting you for 10 years. He has developed habits of living alone for 10 years. You have also developed habits of living without a husband for 10 years. It is likely that your husband wants only comfort whether you are together or separate. It is also likely that you and your husband have different psychology now after 10 years of separation.
You must focus on your own situation and your own life for now. Do you think you can become happy only if your husband becomes successful financially? Do you think you can bring back feelings toward your husband and how?
The first and foremost thing to do is to treat your psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology. In the process, your husband must try to rebuild economic ability and build feelings toward each other. If your husband cannot rebuild economic ability and you cannot rebuild feelings toward each other even after you have restored healthy psychology, you are recommended to get a divorce rather than a separation. After a divorce, you still need to find a way to live happily by building the psychology of divorce.
Difficulties will continue and your husband will not be given the opportunity to restore his economic ability and psychology unless you are treated and change to be a happy woman you used to be. Without treatment of wounds and psychology, you will have to life in unhappiness regardless of your marital status.
There are two contradictory sayings : 'knowledge is power' and 'ignorance is bliss'. Both knowledge and ignorance can be beneficial or detrimental depending on circumstances. Knowledge is obtained by accumulating and internalizing information and experiences. When you have accumulated and internalized knowledge inside you, whether your knowledge is an accurate one or a distorted one is crucial. Having accurate knowledge contributes to promoting happiness in life for yourself and for people around you. On the other hand, having distorted knowledge negatively affects not only your life but also lives of people around you.
The above argument also applies to understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Understanding in distorted ways how emotions work in yourself and other people negatively affects your life as much as distorted knowledge about other matters does. When you accurately understand how your mind operates and how stress and psychological wounds develop, you can prevent and solve problems related with not only your own psychology but also human relationships. Distorted knowledge on mind and psychology may aggravate your psychological conditions and relationships with people as time passes or as you take wrong measures. Accurate knowledge on mind and psychology can be power, with which you can build happiness in life.
When we believe and implement the saying, 'knowledge is power', it is essential to build accurate knowledge instead of distorted knowledge. Distorted knowledge will lead you to a distorted life and 'ignorance may actually be bliss' if your knowledge is a distorted one. It is better not to know at all than having distorted knowledge. Not having either accurate or distorted knowledge may neither promote nor destroy happiness in life of yours and other people's. People who have distorted knowledge may destroy not only their life but also lives of many innocent and ignorant people. They may even denounce people who have accurate knowledge being falsely convinced that only their knowledge is an accurate one. When you yourself have accurate knowledge, you will not be affected by people who disseminate distorted knowledge and will build happiness in life on your own.
When you do not experience stress and psychological wounds, it may be a case of the saying, 'ignorance is bliss'. Then, you have neither knowledge nor power, and you have neither happiness nor unhappiness. Such a psychological condition is almost impossible in most people who live in human relationships, but it may be possible when you live all by yourself in a deep forest. You don't have to think, feel, or suffer, and have no ability to prevent or solve diverse problems in life.
When humans experience difficulties in life, they develop the desire for understanding and overcoming difficulties and make efforts to have knowledge and correct the situation. You may have thought that 'ignorance is bliss' so far, but once you experience difficulties, you may change to think that 'knowledge is power'. When you build accurate knowledge and make efforts to correct the situation and build happiness, you can contribute to happiness of yours and other people's.
On the other hand, when you decide to live without difficulties including stress and psychological wounds, you may think that 'ignorance is bliss'. The only way to achieve such a life style is to live all by yourself without forming any human relationship. You don't have to know anything about human mind and psychology, since all you need is survival as a biological human being. If you decide to go to a desert island and live all by yourself, you must erase all you memories about past human relationships since your knowledge and experiences that were accumulated and internalized based on human relationships makes it impossible for you to live as a person without any human relationship.
When you believe that 'ignorance is bliss' and act accordingly still living in human relationships, it is highly likely that you will be taken advantage of by other people without even realizing it and live an unhappy life. The saying, 'knowledge is power' is more appropriate and valuable than the saying, 'ignorance is bliss' in order to build happiness in life, but we must always be vigilant on whether our knowledge is an accurate one or a distorted one.
Many people worry about their future without taking care of the present psychological conditions. When you have an unstable and unbalanced psychological condition at present, it is unlikely that you will become happy in the future. You need to stabilize your present psychology in order to have a positive perspective on the future and do the right things to achieve future happiness. Unhealthy psychology at present necessarily affects you future negatively.
First, you must diagnose for your psychological condition to decide whether you have healthy psychology or not. If you have healthy psychology, you can just proceed with making efforts for your future happiness maintaining good relationships with people around you. If it is judged that your psychology is not healthy enough at present, you must first stabilize your psychology before you can pursue future happiness.
Here, addressing psychological problems and psychological disorders must be approached differently. When you have psychological problems, you yourself can adopt different activities for healing and diversion and recover on your own. When you have psychological disorders, you need professional help to adjust psychology by activating the operation of the unconscious. When you proceed without knowing that you have psychological problems or simply ignore them, they get aggravated as time passes and develop into psychological disorders. Psychological disorders cause your relationships to be destroyed and your effort for future happiness to fail.
When you have psychological problems, you must build the healing system to restore and maintain healthy psychology, and when you have psychological disorders, you must treat psychological disorders first and then build the healing system. When you treat psychological disorders and internalize the healing system, you can overcome any predicament you may encounter in the future and achieve happiness in life.
We all live as a person in relationships with other people rather than as an absolute individual all by ourselves. Maintaining good relationships with other people is directly connected with your happiness in life. When you do not treat psychological disorders and do not have the healing system of psychology, not only yourself but also people around you must live in unhappiness. Likewise, when people around you have psychological problems or psychological disorders, both you and the people around you necessarily become unhappy. The first step is to treat your psychological disorders and build the healing system inside you. Then, you may have positive influences on others, and may not be negatively affected by people with psychological problems and disorders.
Happiness in life consists of two components. One is happiness achieved in human relationships that gives meanings to your life, and the other is happiness achieved through achievements that gives values to your life. Once you build healthy psychology, you may decide on your current relationships. You may want to continue or sever the relationship, or even wait for your counterparties to treat and heal their psychology. In any case, your future happiness will not be affected by people around you since you already have happiness ability established inside you.
Achievements can be pursued by setting goals and making efforts with the will power. Making efforts does not guarantee success, but when you have the healing system of psychology inside yourself, you will not despair or give up, but gather up the will power and continue with your efforts raising the probability for success in a great deal.
Some people may be lucky enough to achieve worldly success without the healing system of psychology. However, those people are highly likely to collapse at a certain point in the near future. Future happiness is determined by the present psychological condition and by whether you have the healing system of psychology or not. Making efforts for happiness with meanings and values without the healing system of psychology can be compared to building a house of cards.
We must always prepare for the future since the future will become the present in some time. You must treat your psychological disorders and build the healing system of psychology to become happy in the future with meanings and values of life. Many people mistake their psychological problems for problems of relationships and social achievements. The truth is that relational problems and problems in your career are only the results of your psychological problems. Addressing the root cause of problems by stabilizing your psychology will guarantee your future happiness no matter what happens in the course, and even failure will not be able to stop you from pursing future happiness with healthy psychology.
You may be interested in the psychology of divorce since you are thinking about getting a divorce. You may feel that life after divorce will be better than life with unhappy marriage. However, people who are still in marriage relationship should not and do not have to learn about the psychology of divorce. It is hard to understand the psychology of divorce without experiencing divorce, and you may fall for arbitrary interpretation and distorted ideas destroying your psychology.
When you maintain your marriage relationship having a divorce in mind, difficulties in marriage may be felt as being greater since you are only thinking about the divorce without having the psychology of divorce. It is more important to form the psychology of divorce inside you after a divorce rather than simply understanding what the psychology of divorce is without experiencing it.
You definitely need to learn about and form the psychology of divorce if you are already divorced. However, learning about the psychology of divorce while staying in marriage will only aggravate your psychology and marriage relationship. Also, if you get a divorce just as a way of avoiding the present difficult situation, you will definitely experience psychological difficulties since you do not know about how to live happily after divorce.
There are two ways to approach the problem. One is to decide to stay in marriage and find ways to live happily in marriage relationship without thinking about divorce, and the other is to decide to get a divorce. Most people who keep thinking about divorce during marriage end up getting a divorce since it is very painful to keep thinking about divorce without forming the psychology of divorce.
It must be kept in mind that the psychology of divorce is formed only after getting a divorce. If you are suffering from the current marriage relationship, you must first decide whether you want to maintain marriage after solving current problems or you definitely want to get a divorce. After you decide to get a divorce, you must transfer to the psychology of divorce. It is difficult and undesirable to discuss the psychology of divorce while you are staying in a marriage relationship.
It is recommended that you stop being curious about the psychology of divorce for now. You may first consult on marriage problems and then decide whether you want to keep this marriage or get a divorce. If you decide to get a divorce for sure, then you can transfer to the psychology of divorce.
Q. I am in my late 40's and my husband passed away 10 years ago. I feel comfortable now and everything is fine in my life, but my parents and children recommend remarriage. I have not even seen any man in years now, but my family think that I need a marriage relationship for my later years. Will I feel lonely when I get old without a husband?
A. It is not true that everyone becomes lonely as they get older without a spouse. You can live a perfectly happy life by yourself. When people experience the bereavement of their spouse, many of them live getting immersed into their children and career. You may have suffered from the bereavement in the past, but feel comfortable now after 10 years, which is a very natural phenomenon. If you feel that everything is fine in your life, there is nothing much to worry about.
From children's point of view, they may feel that you look lonely and need more for your own life. They may think that you have sacrificed your life for them and for career. They may be worried that you will become lonely when you retire and children leave home. They may even try to introduce men to you.
The point to be noted here is that you have the psychology of bereavement, with which you have kept your husband in your mind and memories as the basis of your life even after he passed away. When children grow and leave you, you may naturally feel lonely, but you can find other things to do and it does not necessarily have to be remarriage or meeting men.
You need to prepare for your later years when you will be alone, though. Otherwise, you will definitely feel lonely and empty, which may lead to psychological difficulties. Your family will not recommend remarriage anymore when they know that you are making plans for later years and preparing for a happy life in the future.
It is also possible that you will become lonely in the future and become interested in remarriage. Then, it is important that you meet and remarry the right man whose psychology is healthy without pathological conditions such as psychological disorders or post traumatic stress. Getting involved with men who have unstable psychology will damage your life greatly. Also, you yourself must transfer from the psychology of bereavement to the psychology of remarriage when you decide to remarry. Staying in the psychology of bereavement even after remarriage will also damage your life and your new husband's life.
When people become parents, they naturally develop maternal or paternal love toward their children. They do not consciously intend or think about maternal or paternal love, but they just become happy as they give everything to children. They will do their best to protect children and give unconditional love by the operation of the unconscious.
Humans have the body and the mind. All humans including children need to protect and nurture both their body and mind. Parents will do their best to protect and nurture children's body and mind. Parents themselves do not know why they protect and provide for children at all costs. They will sacrifice their life to provide children with the best things for the development of the body and the mind.
As parents try to protect and nurture children, they will focus on nurturing the mind as well as the body. Nurturing the mind can be divided into two components. One is to protect and nurture children so that they can maintain the emotions of comfort and happiness. Even when parents themselves are in psychological pain, they will do their best to protect and nurture children's emotions of comfort and happiness. The other component is to help children develop basic abilities to pursue self-actualization when they become adults. Parents will try to educate and support children for successful future life.
Maternal love and paternal love operate together for protecting and nurturing children's body by providing good foods and a safe shelter. However, the mother and the father usually divide their roles for nurturing happy emotions and preparing for future success. One parent may focus more on nurturing healthy psychology and the other may focus more on developing basic abilities for the future. Usually, protecting the emotions of comfort and happiness is associated with maternal love and developing abilities for the future success is associated with paternal love, but not necessarily so. In some families, the mother and the father may change their roles or share both roles. Human beings pursue more than physical health and safety and they all pursue happiness and self-actualization with meanings and values of life. Most parents will do their best to protect and nurture children's happiness with respect to both the body and the mind.
The concept of 'sacrifice' is important in the discussion of parental love. Children may naturally think that their parents have sacrificed themselves for their happiness. However, most parents do not consider what they do for children as sacrifice since protecting and nurturing children make parents themselves happy. Maternal love and paternal love are activated from the unconscious without even being recognized in the conscious.
There are cases where parents recognize that they are sacrificing themselves for children's happiness. Then, it is considered that they have already lost parental love in a true sense. Now, they have developed the distorted psychology with which they expect reward for their service to children. The relationship between such parents and children are similar to some kind of a business relationship. Such parents may demand what they think they deserve when children become adults, and children may develop the sense of resistance against parents.
The concept of maternal and paternal love is not applicable anymore to parents who consciously think that they have sacrificed. It is more like they have provided service and now they want reward for what they have done, in other words, for their sacrifice. They may want to be rewarded economically or emotionally or in some other ways they see fit. Of course, problems may occur when children refuse to or have no ability to live up to parents' expectations. Then, parents' love degenerates into negative emotions such as disappointment, sorrow, anger, or even hatred.
When you have true parental love, you may give children whatever you can since giving makes you happy. You may even feel sorry for not providing and nurturing more. You may even accept criticism and blame from children or other people after all you have done for your children. On the other hand, parents who recognize their sacrifice in the conscious may stop giving to children as soon as their sacrifice is denied thinking they may not be rewarded or they are treated unfairly.
Parents' love is noble and sublime. Parents take what others consider to be sacrifice as happiness. When parents recognize their sacrifice toward children in the conscious, it indicates that their parental love has degenerated. Then, many psychological and practical problems may occur in the family. The difference between true love and degenerated love is determined by the absence or the presence of recognition by parents themselves.
Some children may comply with demands of parents whose love has degenerated without causing any problems on the surface. Then, these children may follow their parents' example when they become parents, which raises the probability for problems to be manifested in the next generation. Parents must not manipulate children and distort parent-child relationship under the pretext of maternal or paternal love. Accurate understanding of the mechanism of parental love may help you adopt adequate parenting strategies and build a healthy relationship with your children.
You had a divorce but you haven't got out of marriage psychologically. The difficulties you have experienced during marriage life continue to affect you even after divorce. That is, your present life and past marriage life are still connected in your psychology. When you continue to stay in the same psychological condition as you did during marriage life regarding relationships, children, family, and sexuality, you can never break away from the past. Then, you may feel that you are still tied and restricted to marriage life against your will. You have not transferred to the psychology of a person who got a divorce.
It is essential to transfer to the psychology of divorce once you get a divorce. When you do not transfer to the psychology of divorce even after divorce, you cannot live a happy life afterwards. You must never think that a life with a divorce is something wrong. Life after divorce can be as happy one as any other happy life. However, when you stay in the psychology of marriage even after divorce, you cannot achieve happiness. You may have an untreated psychological disorder or post traumatic stress from marriage experience. Your psychological condition may deteriorate when you forcefully block or suppress the condition in order to break free from it.
You must first figure out exactly what you are tied to and restricted by and what the root cause is, for which you may need professional help. Then, you must find ways to solve present practical problems. Now, you can get out of the psychology of marriage after resolving the above two components of issues. You can leave the past experience of marriage behind and put your life back in the right track for happiness in the new life.
When people complete the treatment program of psychological disorders at KIP, they say that everything looks different and they feel they are living in a completely new world. Of course, they go through ups and downs as they proceed with daily life and diverse life experiences but now they have the ability to control their own mind and psychology.
People who finish the treatment program need to self-check once in a while to maintain the balance in psychology. At first, they self-check once a week and then, once every two weeks, and then once every month until their psychology is completely stabilized. Some people say that they feel deeply in love with their spouse in years and understand that they have been loving each other in their unconscious all those years of pain and suffering.
You can correct your erroneous thoughts by accurately understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Then, you can recover the relationships with your loved ones through understanding and consideration. You just need to activate the operation of mind in a balanced way to treat psychological disorders. Your mind itself is the source of treating psychological disorders. All human beings are born with the ability to treat psychological disorders on their own, but we keep destroying ourselves and others since we do not understand how mind and psychology operate.
You can leave pain and suffering behind and start living happily with your loved ones again by adopting KIP psychology treatment programs.
It happens sometimes that a woman gets a divorce due to husband infidelity and remarries a man being convinced that her second husband will never cheat on her only to experience her second husband's infidelity. It is no wonder that the woman will get utterly shocked and suffer greatly from psychological wounds. Many of such women may choose to stay in the second marriage since they don't want to get a divorce the second time, or some of them may choose another divorce. In both cases, they are to live with extreme psychological pain all their life. It is imperative and urgent that they treat post traumatic stress caused by repeated experiences of husband infidelity regardless of their marital status in order to restore healthy psychology and happiness.
Taking any other practical measures to address the issues than adequate treatment or making any conscious efforts will only result in the aggravation of the psychological condition let alone improvement. The problems actually started when they did not treat their post traumatic stress when they experienced husband infidelity in their first marriage. When you get a divorce without treating post traumatic stress, you may feel comfort and forget about your pain temporarily, but your psychological wounds keep operating. Then, all men you meet after divorce perceive your behaviors as responses to their attention and consolation, and relationship addiction develops in both you and men who get involved with you. You may remarry one of those men, which indicates that both you and your second husband have relationship addiction. This mechanism explains the phenomenon where people who remarry are more susceptible to getting involved in infidelity than others.
When post traumatic stress operates inside you, the unconscious attempts to regain psychological balance, which is manifested as intense rage and pain. Then, nothing else can restore balance of psychology than adequate adjustment of the operation of the unconscious. Post traumatic stress worsens no matter what practical measures are taken or what conscious efforts are made unless adequate treatment methods are adopted. Eventually, you may end up living in severe depression or become a pleasure seeker getting immersed into addictive relationships. Whether you divorce and remarry the second or the third time, you may either live in severe depression or seeking pleasure.
It is not too late to decide whether to get another divorce or restore the second marriage after you treat post traumatic stress and build happiness ability. If you are suffering from psychological pain due to infidelity issues or others related with divorce and remarriage, do not hesitate to apply for Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education. You will be accurately informed of how to overcome the present difficulties and restore a happy life with your loved ones.
Q. I know a man who had an affair and got a divorce. His ex-wife, ex-adulteress, ex-partner, present wife all resemble his mother in their appearance. They always wear a big smile showing all their teeth, always wear skirts, and have straight medium-length hair. Does it mean that he misses his deceased mother so much? He looks pretty weird to me.
A. There is nothing weird about him. It could be just coincidence or his habits that even he may not realize. If he had had an affair in hid first marriage, he is considered to have the condition of relationship addiction, which is supposed to operate in all his relationships including his second marriage. He is not missing his mother or ex-wife at all, but he can get addicted to any relationship where women, including the ex-adulteress and the present wife, respond to his attention and consolation. Relationship addiction is to progress as time passes and he repeats relationships with women.
He may find that even his ex-wife looks like a new woman if they meet again, which may lead to another infidelity case with his ex-wife. Now, every woman who has the relationship with him can be considered as his adulteress. He may just happen to like women who always wear a big smile showing all their teeth, always wear skirts, and have straight medium-length hair.
Many people suffer from problems with children after divorce or remarriage. Usually, these problems could be expected even before divorce or remarriage, but you did not know about them and just proceeded with divorce or remarriage. It is almost certain that parents develop psychological problems during their first marriage and divorce process. It is also highly likely that children develop psychological problems during parents' unhappy first marriage and the process of divorce or remarriage.
When you get a divorce or remarry, you usually regain comfort and forget about your psychological wounds. You also think that your children are doing fine as you are, and ignore small problems here and there. However, when your psychological wounds that have been accumulated during the first marriage and the divorce process are not treated, they continue to operate even after divorce or remarriage inside you, affecting yourself and children in negative ways.
You may not realize it, but you are to raise your children with psychological wounds inside you continuously operating day in and day out. Your psychological wounds are manifested in your behaviors when you interact with children. Also, children may develop psychological problems adapting themselves to new environments and new relationships resulting from parents' divorce or remarriage.
Under this circumstance, children may either suppress or express their emotions. They may endure and suppress their emotions seeing that parents have difficulties in the process of divorce or remarriage and wanting to lessen the burden upon parents. Then, problems may not occur on the surface but children may grow psychological problems inside themselves. Children doing well even in the process of parents' divorce or remarriage are usually considered to be highly self-conscious and blocking expression of their emotions.
On the other hand, some children may freely express their emotions, which is usually viewed as negative by people around them. They may express anger and become rebellious, which clearly shows that they have developed psychological problems. Here, children developing psychological problems does not stem from children themselves but from parents' psychological problems affecting them. Children develop problems since parent's psychology necessarily affects children's psychology.
When problems occur with children in the process of divorce or remarriage, they must be viewed as originating from parents' psychological problems not from children's problems. The first step to deal with children's psychological problems is to treat parents' psychology, only after which, you can address children's problems.
Many people focus only on children's problems without understanding that they are caused by parents' psychological problems. Then, children's condition keeps getting aggravated since the fundamental issues are not addressed adequately. When your children show psychological problems in the process of divorce or remarriage, you must think that it is time to treat your own psychological condition and you must take it as an opportunity to restore healthy psychology of all family members and build happiness again.
Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides Mother Therapy that informs you of adequate parenting strategies and treatment methods of child psychology along with treatment programs for adults since parents' psychological problems almost always cause problems in child psychology. When you apply for Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage or Free Consultation on Child Psychology, you will be informed of accurate analysis and treatment methods that address the root cause of children's psychological problems.
