8/25/2021

Psychological problems after divorce or remarriage

 


I host live sessions on Youtube for 'Free Consultation on Infidelity' and 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' every weekdays. Free Consultation on Infidelity has been held about 230 times and Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage has been held for a few weeks now.

 

There are many people who suffer from psychological pain before, during, and after divorce and remarriage. I also find that much information is being offered to people who go through divorce and remarriage but most of the contents are misleading and even dangerous sometimes.

 

So many reference materials lead people to live in pain and suffering after divorce and remarriage when they can actually become happy by accurately understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Many suggestions that are readily available and trusted without questioning guide you to wander about and aggravate the condition without addressing underlying issues.

 

You can prevent diverse difficulties when you understand the psychology of divorce and remarriage accurately. Moreover, you can always recover your psychological health and happiness no matter what difficulties you have experienced through divorce or remarriage.

 

It is crucial that you treat your psychological wounds and build happiness ability in order to live happily with your loved ones regardless of your circumstances. I hope that people who are thinking about divorce or remarriage will reflect on what true happiness is when before take advice from diverse sources and make important decisions.  


Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac

8/23/2021

Penny-wise and pound-foolish in addressing infidelity issues

 

     We all make mistakes and go through trial and error in the course of life. We are especially likely to make a wrong decision out of rage, despair, and anxiety facing a crisis in life due to spouse infidelity. However, it is more crucial than ever to make a right decision for your life in the time of pain and difficulty since you are at a major turning point in the journey of life. If you are suffering from spouse infidelity or seeking pleasure in relationship addiction, you must do your best not to become penny-wise and pound-foolish in making decisions and taking actions to cope with problems. 

     You may be taking diverse measures to solve infidelity issues in a practical way and get out of suffering. Your decisions and actions based on conventional wisdom and knowledge may or may not be the right ones that will lead you to true happiness. Among them, some may actually aggravate the practical situation and the psychological condition further and obstruct the restoration of your psychology and happiness. You may even end up blaming yourself for taking such and such measures out of desperation or misjudgment in the pathological condition of psychology. 

     You may want to do anything only if you can do away with the pain and suffering that you are experiencing now. However, decisions you make and actions you take now aiming only for practical and immediate solutions may inflict irrecoverable damage on you and your loved ones. Also, what you perceive as comfort and pleasure now may permanently damage your psychology and obstruct future happiness. 

     By adequately treating your psychology and building happiness ability before making any practical decisions, you can become a wise person who transforms the biggest crisis in your life into a great opportunity to become happier than ever. It is up to you to decide whether you will be penny-wise and pound-foolish or just wise in a true sense.

https://youtu.be/xz9Ez5m8xQo

Addressing infidelity issues: treatment or problem solving

 

Two different perspectives are possible on infidelity issues. One is viewing infidelity as a psychological disorder that requires treatment. The other is viewing infidelity as a result of diverse practical problems associated with marriage, love, sex, and so on. It is much more common to view infidelity as a result of diverse practical problems and try to address the issue by solving the specific problems. 

 If you find that a case of infidelity was caused by marriage problems, you will try to solve marriage problems. If it is considered to be related with sexual issues, you will try to address the infidelity case by finding solutions to sexual issues. Viewing infidelity as a result of diverse practical problems makes sense on the surface level, but it cannot deal with the root cause of the issues and will end up serving only as a symptomatic treatment. Also, viewing infidelity as a result of diverse practical problems necessarily leads to adopting an infinite number of practical solutions to an infinite number of infidelity cases. 

The root cause of infidelity is a psychological disorder accompanied by perception disorder and expression disorder that is manifested as relationship addiction. Relationship addiction manifested as infidelity is not a relational problem at all at its underlying level but the individual's psychological disorder.      The spouse in infidelity has developed relationship addiction and the victimized spouse usually has developed post traumatic stress. When the level of general psychological wounds is -10 in a metaphorical sense, the level of wounds incurred by post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity is sensed as -100,000. 

People try to analyze the phenomenon of infidelity based on what happened and what is seen and heard. They try to solve the problems they perceive have caused the case of infidelity. What is seen on the surface is only the manifestation of the fundamental psychological problems, and addressing only the manifested surface phenomena will lead to no where even if it seems to work at first. 

When infidelity is viewed as a psychological disorder, it is not problem solving but psychology treatment that is required to correct the situation and condition. It means that when relation addiction and post traumatic stress are adequately treated, the couple can restore healthy psychology, marriage relationship, and happiness, and naturally solve all other related practical problems. 

On the other hand, when infidelity is viewed as a result of diverse practical problems, not only will you adopt only symptomatic treatment, but also will you continue to face recurring problems of all types. Also, the problem solving approach to infidelity will greatly contribute to the aggravation of the psychological conditions of the couple eventually leading them to destroy their life.

 When both spouses restore healthy psychology by adopting adequate treatment methods, they will not have to experience the recurrence of problems or adverse side effects. They will actually become even happier than before infidelity occurred by understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and building happiness ability.


https://youtu.be/aARG4bgSMxM

Personality vs. character

 

Personality is strictly personal qualities of a person and character is personal qualities that are manifested in relationships with other people. The concept of personality applies in the situation when you exist all by yourself, and the concept of character applies in the situation when you interact with people in relationships. Human beings exist both as an individual and a person in relationships. Personality and character are clearly displayed when problems and conflicts occur and we try to solve problems and resolve conflicts. Personality is displayed when you address your own problems by yourself and character is displayed when you address problems in relationships with other people.

When you exist only as an individual without being connected with other people, you can pursue only your own happiness. You have only the right and not the responsibility since you do not interact psychologically with other people. You can operate only the mind of an individual for freedom and equality. Since you exist all by yourself, you do not give or take anything to or from other people. You may get immersed into positive moods to generate passion and positive feelings to generate love all by yourself. You can apply your personality when problems occur in the process of generating passion and love as an individual. 

On the other hand, we also exist as a person in relationships and interact psychologically with other people. Your happiness and others' happiness need to coexist in this case. We need to operate the mind of a person in relationships instead of the mind of an individual. People help each other and give and take things to be happy together maintaining harmony and order.

When problems occur in human relationships, we need to solve problems and resolve conflicts together. We also pursue happiness of being together generating passion and love as a person in relationships. We have the right to claim for freedom and equality, but we also must take responsibilities for harmony and order. Instead of applying personality, we need to apply character to solve problems including the concepts of concession, cooperation, consideration, devotion, and sacrifice. 

We exist as an individual before we exist as a person in relationships, and we naturally form personality before we form character. The formation of character must be based on the formation of personality and happiness in relationships must be based on the happiness of an individual. Since personality is applied only for an individual, it is not to be judged to be right or wrong. It just needs to suit individual needs since it does not affect other people in any way. Also, personality should not be applied to solve problems and conflicts in relationships since it is likely to damage harmony and order. 

Personality naturally develops as you accumulate unique experiences in life. No two people on the earth share the identical personality. We also naturally form character based on personality as we accumulate experiences in relationships. If you are forced to form personality and character by external intervention such education or training, stress and wounds are generated since they do not accord with your own standards and you may develop psychological problems. Both personality and character should be formed naturally through unique and diverse experiences and trial and error of your own making. 

Focusing only on character as a person in relationships disregarding personality as an individual cannot lead you to happiness in a true sense. It is the same as forcing yourself to accord with others' standards disregarding your own standards. On the contrary, focusing only on personality as an individual disregarding character as a person in relationships will lead to never ending conflicts in relationships and unhappiness of yours and others. It is important to maintain balance between applying personality and character depending on circumstances. 

https://youtu.be/TSlzkNUgakI

Apply for free consultation on psychological problems

                                       http://www.uip.ac  

Learning to be successful vs. learning to be happy

 

We continue to learn things from childhood through old age. We learn things to become successful and happy. When you achieve financial affluence, career goals, or social status, you are considered to be successful. When you achieve stability and happiness in mind, you are considered to be happy. We must think about what and how to learn things to be truly successful and happy. 

You need to accumulate knowledge and skills to become successful with financial, social, and relational values of life. When you try to obtain knowledge and skills, you must store information in memory and internalize it to turn it into your ability. As you accumulate more knowledge, skills, and experiences, you have a better chance to become successful. 

When you accumulate knowledge and skills to obtain abilities, you learn things from other people who already have knowledge and skills. Knowledge and skills can be transferred from the one who has them to the one who does not have them yet. Then, the learners must internalize what they have learned into their abilities by studying further or accumulating experiences. 

Problems may occur when you learn undesirable or distorted things in the process since you will have undesirable or distorted knowledge, skills, and abilities. Then, you will pursue success and values of life in undesirable and distorted ways. For example, if you learn and study knowledge and skills on committing crimes, you will build abilities for committing crimes and pursue success and values of life through committing crimes. Or you may learn and employ knowledge and skills to damage other people destroying harmony and order in the society. Thus, what and how you learn and study knowledge and skills is important to become truly successful. 

If you are in a position to teach or guide other people to develop abilities for success, you must consider carefully and make sure that your teaching leads people to pursue success in the righteous and desirable way. When learners accumulate distorted knowledge and skills, it is very hard for them to adopt righteous and desirable knowledge and skills. Learning of any type takes continuous thinking, recognizing, and experiencing and no one can readily realize that what they have thought and recognized is wrong. Unlearning and correcting what has already been learned is much more difficult than learning new things without any basis. 

When you achieve success with distorted knowledge and skills, many people will want to learn your knowledge and skills. Then, you can easily disseminate distorted knowledge and skills to many people accelerating the collapse of individuals and the society. Moreover, people with distorted knowledge and skills hardly realize or admit that their knowledge and skills are wrong since they are their abilities and values of life. It takes a much shorter time to accumulate and transfer distorted knowledge and skills to the next generation than to unlearn and correct them. We all know that learning is important in pursuing success, but it is less known that what and how to learn for future success is crucial. 

Another component of learning in life is learning to become happy. Differently from learning to become successful in life, learning to become happy requires only unique personal experiences of emotions, and you cannot learn to become happy at all through accumulating knowledge and skills other people transfer to you. Emotions can be formed and sensed only by yourself and learning all the knowledge and skills known to humanity on human emotions cannot form or generate your emotions. 

We learn about our emotions only through experiencing psychological interactions with other people in relationships. What you think and feel in psychological interactions is stored in your memory and with it, you gradually form your own unique standards of positive or negative emotions and standards of happiness. Emotions, differently from knowledge and skills for success, cannot be taught or transferred by other people who already have them. It is only you yourself who can teach yourself on what and how to feel through psychological interactions in relationships. 

When you learn about emotions and happiness in mind in the same way you learn knowledge and skills for success, your emotions necessarily become distorted since they are not what you actually feel. Distorted emotions are the main cause of destroying human relationships. When you learn how to promote positive emotions, how to become happy in relationships, and so on as knowledge and skills rather than through first-hand experiences, they are stored as factual information rather than as emotions in your memory. You may develop self-conviction that your knowledge about emotions is your emotions, and reinforce the distorted emotional condition being confused about what happiness is. You may even attempt to teach what happiness is as if you would transfer knowledge and skills to other people and promote distorted emotions here and there. 

When you learn about emotions as a type of knowledge education, you may experience the discrepancy between what you think and what you feel and develop psychological problems. When you learn about knowledge and skills for success, what and how to learn is important, but when you learn about emotions for happiness in mind, you don't have 'what' and 'how' of learning to start with. Emotions are supposed to be operated and recognized only within yourself, and they are not something to be taught or transferred from outside.  

One thing to be noted in developing your emotions for happiness in mind is that you need to at least understand how human mind and psychology operate. You need to know how to restore healthy psychology when you have stress and wounds in mind, which is inevitable in anyone's life. Also, you need to apply the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology in your daily life. 

With respect to learning to be happy, you should learn through experiencing and feeling based on accurate knowledge on the operation mechanism of mind and psychology. It is to avoid developing distorted self-conviction and being carried away by emotions out of ignorance. 


 https://youtu.be/7TuJFAqylM4


 Apply for free consultation on psychological problems

                                       http://www.uip.ac  

8/19/2021

[On Divorce] Reasons for hesitating to get a divorce

Are you hesitating to get a divorce? There may be 4 different reasons for hesitating to get a divorce. 

Firstly, you may not be independent psychologically. You may be dependent on your spouse and you are scared and nervous about living all by yourself. You may not have confidence on living without your spouse. 

Secondly, you may not be independent financially. You may be dependent on your spouse financially or you may not have confidence on managing financial matters alone. You may be thinking that you are better off staying in marriage.

Thirdly, you may be worried about problems with children after your divorce. You may be worried that children will not be happy due to parents' divorce, or you may not be competent enough to deal with children's problems alone in case they occur after your divorce. You may think that children need both parents until they become adults and decide to stay in marriage for a few years more. Some couples live together even after a divorce for the sake of children. 

Fourthly, you may be conscious of your reputation or people around you. You may be worried that people will judge you differently when you get a divorce. You may do your best not to get a divorce hiding your true thoughts and feelings. 

Most people who hesitate to get a divorce may fall under one or more of the above categories. These people are considered to have already been separated from their spouse psychologically. The cases are considered as psychological divorce. Then, you may grow psychological wounds more and more and end up living a very unhappy life. You cannot adequately prepare yourself for actual divorce or transfer to the psychology of divorce. You just suppress yourself and endure the circumstance. 

You may decide to get a divorce after your children grow, you get old, and you don't care much about your reputation any more, which is a case of a gray divorce. Many people who get a gray divorce are considered to have already been separated psychologically for some prolonged time. Since they have been living in unhappy marriage for so long, it is usually difficult to treat psychology and restore marriage relationship. It is also not easy to restore individual's happiness ability in such cases. 

You may think that you want to just live in comfort day in and day out and just get older like that, giving up becoming happy. However, it must be noted that there are ways to recover healthy psychology and happiness regardless of marital status. It is not humane to just give up on your happiness and spend time meaninglessly until death. If you are seriously thinking about a divorce, you must at least prepare yourself for future happiness and transfer to the psychology of divorce.

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce & Remarriage] The importance of free consultation on divorce & remarriage

You can become happy regardless of your marital status. It is not important what circumstance you are in at present. You may be at the lowest point of life now and it may be painful beyond description, but you can become happy again when you treat your psychological wounds and build happiness ability.

Divorce or remarriage itself does not guarantee happiness or unhappiness. You become unhappy because you avoid the underlying problems or try to solve only superficial problems. You yourself are the one who choose happiness or unhappiness, not your situation. Marital status is a neutral concept in and of itself. 

We all have different and unique life experiences, and therefore, different and unique psychological operations. We all have unique ways to maneuver our journey of life and pursue happiness. Only you yourself can determine what to do with your life, so contents of free consultation on divorce and remarriage are unique for each case. 

You may have access to different people's stories on divorce or remarriage and try to make reference to them to make a decision for your life. However, it is not recommended at all that you consider other people's cases in making an important decision in your life. Taking other people's cases to apply to your problems may only aggravate the situation. It is recommended that you take free consultation on divorce and remarriage in order to make a right judgment and analysis of your situation before making any major decision. You will be guided to make the right decision only for yourself with your own standard. 

  

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

  

8/17/2021

What is your major?

 



Many people ask me whether I have majored in psychology or medicine. I have not majored in either of them. I simply was interested in studying human mind and psychology and delved into studying the subject until I finally discovered the operational mechanism of mind and psychology and developed the Theory of Mimind and the Theory of Xesmind. I could also develop non-contact self-treatment methods of psychological disorders including post traumatic stress. Some people may think that my theories and treatment methods must not be reliable since I have no background in related fields of study, which I fully understand.  

 

I wonder if I could have been able to develop my theories and treatment methods if I had been trained in the related fields. I also wonder why people are suffering more and more psychological problems when so many theories and treatment methods are supposed to be available and effective.

 

I still plan to continue with my work to improve theories and treatment methods and do my best to help people suffering from psychological problems despite all the criticisms and doubts.


Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac

8/13/2021

Women's turning points in life in the pursuit of happiness


There are three turning points in women's life in the pursuit of happiness. The first is when they get married, the second is when they develop post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity, and the third is when they get a divorce or are bereaved of the husband. When they get remarried, they simply go back to when they were married instead of encountering a turning point of life. 

When women get married, they gain the object of love and when women get a divorce or are bereaved of the husband, they lose the object of love. In between marriage and divorce or bereavement, women may encounter post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity. When women experience post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity, they still have the object of love in reality but have lost the object of love in their mind. This condition puts women in the most excruciating psychological pain turning all her life experiences into psychological wounds and leaving no hope whatsoever for the future. 

However, women can take post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity as an opportunity to reflect upon her life. Then, they can decide whether they will stay in marriage or get a divorce. Whichever they choose between the two, they must first restore healthy psychology since they cannot become happy without treating post traumatic stress whether they stay in marriage or get a divorce. 

Without treating post traumatic stress, women may destroy their life and the lives of loves ones including their children regardless of marital status.       Post traumatic stress activates the unconscious to operate psychology in a distorted way and makes you think and act in the way that destroys yourself and people around you. When you adequately treat post traumatic stress and build the ability for happiness, you can become much happier than when you thought you had a perfect life before you experienced post traumatic stress. You can turn the biggest crisis into the biggest opportunity by treating post traumatic stress and building happiness ability. 

https://youtu.be/h6zjUYA2FWM

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)


The shock experienced upon the discovery of spouse infidelity after spending time of suspicion is beyond imagination

 

When the wife is suspicious of husband infidelity without evidence, she is usually accused of delusional jealousy by the husband. Then, when husband infidelity is discovered and turns out to be a fact, the wife develops a severe condition of rage and hysteria accompanied by the deep sense of despair and betrayal. 

The wife develops post traumatic stress the moment she begins to suspect husband infidelity. As she keeps being suspicious and attempts diverse actions to find evidence of infidelity, her condition gets more and more aggravated. When husband infidelity is confirmed by evidence, the wife may outwardly express all her intense negative feelings in spite of herself that she has grown inside her for the whole time of suspicion. She displays irrational and explosive behaviors by the influence of the unconscious sometimes literally losing the conscious. She becomes highly unpredictable and is put under the danger of revenge affair. 

Not many people know that the wife develops post traumatic stress only with suspicion even before husband infidelity is confirmed. In addition to that, the wife grows psychological wounds more and more as she stays nervous and anxious looking for evidence for the whole time of suspicion. The more stable and comfortable life the wife had before suspicion started, the more severe condition of post traumatic stress she develops upon confirming husband infidelity. Her psychology operates completely in the opposite way from the past when her life was stable, and she may display rage with explosion at its full blow without any reserve. 

The condition of post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity after spending time of suspicion must never be taken lightly. It is a pity that many people still adopt only practical solutions for conditions in which the treatment of the victimized spouse is urgent. Without the treatment of psychological condition of the victimized spouse, the couples' marriage relationship and psychological conditions of both the wife and the husband will only worsen as time passes no matter what other measures are taken. 

https://youtu.be/e5wv-7jPUXQ

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

8/12/2021

A friend of mine contacted me in 30 years

 


A friend of mine recently contacted me in 30 years. He said he was surprised to see me on the media and to learn that I was working in a completely different field from my major, which was computer science.

 

In addition, he mentioned that it would be nice for me to implement the treatment of less severe psychological conditions such as depression and addiction from which so many people are suffering. I explained to him that I definitely work for the treatment of diverse psychological conditions, but I am just more known for the treatment of conditions associated with infidelity. I also told him that people show so much interest in issues of infidelity since infidelity affects people's life in such a serious way and the extent of its negative influence is beyond anyone's imagination.

 

Upon developing the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind, I discovered that the cause of infidelity is relationship addiction and the victimized spouse develops post traumatic stress. Infidelity causes the destruction of individuals, family, and human relationships, thereby negatively affecting the whole society.

 

The treatment methods I developed can be adopted to treat most psychological conditions ranging from severe cases such as relationship addiction, post traumatic stress, bipolar disorder, and hysteria to milder cased such as depression and addiction.

 

Infidelity issues must be addressed in connection with relationship addiction and post traumatic stress. They are severe psychological disorders that destroy human relationships and keep progressing unless properly treated until one's life completely collapses.

 

When parents are involved in the issue of infidelity, children cannot help being negatively affected developing their own psychological problems and disorders. People in relationship addiction and post traumatic stress negatively affect all other people they interact with regardless of their intention.

 

Many experts attribute infidelity cases to problems of marriage relationship, sexual problems, problems of love and emotion, and social and environmental problems. Inaccurate interpretations and analyses lead to providing inadequate treatment and guidance for people in pain and suffering. We are in a sad situation where many people are paying for inadequate treatment and guidance with dire consequence in the life of themselves and their children.


Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac

[On Divorce] My husband left home and we have lived separately for 2 years now. What should I do?

Q. My husband left home 2 years ago and we have lived separately since then. I am getting tired of the situation. Should I maintain the current situation for the sake of children? Will he come back? Should I get a divorce?

A. Your husband left home for two reasons. One is because he is greatly stressed at home by staying with family. The other is he is having such fun outside home so he has no reason to come home. He left home because of his own serious condition with which his psychology operates in a distorted way. 

It must be very hard for you to just wait for him to come back. What you need to do is to analyze your own psychological condition rather than thinking about your husband. If it turns out that you have psychological wounds and problems, you must treat yourself and build happiness ability to be able to live happily with children regardless of your husband's condition. Healthy psychology must be the basis of your happiness even if you get a divorce later. When you have unhealthy psychology, children will also develop psychological problems and you and your children will live unhappily even after a divorce. You can live happily whether your husband comes back or not as far as you maintain healthy psychology. 

You can decide on divorce once you restore healthy psychology. Keeping or severing the marriage relationship is only an additional matter when you already have happiness ability. You are not recommended to decide on divorce before you restore healthy psychology since your decision is likely to be a distorted one. For example, you may not recognize your psychological wounds even when you have deep wounds inside. Then, you may feel quite comfortable when you get a divorce with the disappearance of the source of pain, that is, your husband. Psychological wounds disguised as comfort will keep worsening and display themselves in explosion someday destroying the life of yours and your loved ones.

You must restore your psychology and become independent psychologically and economically regardless of your husband's condition. It is not to sever the relationship with your husband but to pay no attention to him for now. You should not overly concentrate on earning money but do something minimal to become economically independent. 

Your husband will repeat leaving home since he is stressed at home unless you restore yourself and become a happy person. When you build your happiness ability, you will be the one who decides whether to keep him or not. 


  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/   

[On Divorce] My wife is demanding a divorce saying she does not even want custody of children.

Q. My wife had an affair with a man in a business relationship while we were proceeding for divorce due to the difference in personality. Then, my wife's business failed and we lived together after canceling the divorce process. Then again, my wife resumed her business and the relationship with the man. Upon the discovery of the second infidelity case, she begged me for forgiveness and wanted to be with children. 7 years has passed since then. Recently, her business began to go well and now, she is demanding a divorce saying she doesn't even want custody of children. Should I get a divorce?

A. Just covering up the wrongdoing and living together as if nothing had happened is not forgiveness. Your wife has had relationship addiction for a long time and she is in a serious psychological condition. You should never trust people who have relationship addiction since it will recur any time. 

You have not given your wife an opportunity to treat her relationship addiction so far. You trusted her, believed her words, and only have covered up the wrong situation for the whole time. Your wife's behavior is so typical of the behaviors of people with relationship addiction. As she recovers her business, she is willing to give up family and children only for her own pleasure. 

Your wife may have tried hard to recover herself and do her best for family, but it must have been impossible since her psychology operates in such a distorted way. On the surface, things may look fine still maintaining the family relationship, but it is far from true recovery of marriage relationship and family relationship. 

First, you must restore your own psychology and build happiness ability whether you decide to get a divorce or not. You can also give your wife an opportunity to restore her psychology if you decide to stay in marriage after you treat yourself. 


 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/   

8/11/2021

[On Marriage] I am in my 40's and have not yet found a person to be my significant other. It is hard to find one.

It does not have to be hard to find a person to marry. Age is not important, either. You seem to want to get married but have not found the right person just yet. 

As you maintain healthy and stable psychology and continue with what ever you are doing, it is for sure that you will meet the person you want to marry. However, if you are suffering from psychological problems and cannot manage your own life well, it is likely that you cannot meet the right person or just meet people who want to share only pleasure instead of making a commitment. Especially, if you yourself become a pleasure seeker, you will naturally get involved with people like you, who focus more on pleasure than happiness. 

It is essential to maintain healthy psychology if you want to marry and live a happy life with your spouse. If you already have many psychological problems, you must treat your psychology first. Then, you will naturally meet someone who wants to marry you regardless of your age. If you do not treat your psychology, it is likely that your psychological condition worsens as time passes and the probability to meet the right person decreases. 

Many people say that it is hard to find the right partner to marry, but it is far from the truth. It is hard because people try to find someone who can compensate for their psychological problems and develop dependency on the partner. Normal people would not do so, and people who are willing to do so must have some serious psychological condition to start with, which necessarily leads to the collapse of relationships. You may be in the vicious cycle where you keep meeting people with psychological disorders and aggravating your psychological wounds, making you feel that you cannot meet the right person to marry.

It is more important to build the environment for finding a partner than to find a partner. If you think that you are already surrounded by people with psychological disorders, you can keep some distance from them and focus on the treatment of your own psychology. After the treatment, you will find that people with psychological disorders disappear and people with healthy psychology come close to you.

Life is a continuum that continues until you die. You never know when you will meet the right person, get married, and live happily. Your current age is not important at all. The most important factor is your own psychological condition whether you marry, get a divorce, or remarry.


 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/    

[On Remarriage] I am a divorced man in 40s and I am raising 2 daughters. What type of women would be ideal for me to remarry?

Q. I am a divorced man in 40's who is raising 2 daughters. If I want to remarry, what type of women would be ideal for me: a woman who has never married, a divorced woman who is raising children, or a divorced woman without children? 

A. First, you must find out what kind of trauma you have by analyzing why you have got a divorce and how you have had the custody of children. You must first analyze your psychological condition before thinking about the type of your new spouse. Then you must analyze the psychological condition of the woman you want to remarry. 

When you are in a dating relationship, you usually try to show and develop positive emotions toward each other. Then, underlying psychological conditions are displayed after you marry or get used to each other and you develop relational conflicts. You and your partner may look happy and comfortable on the surface, but may have psychological problems deep inside, which will definitely manifest itself in a marriage relationship. 

It is hard to give you a specific answer at this stage because you have not met the prospective partner yet. You can analyze your own psychological conditions at present, but you cannot analyze your partner. What you can do now is to analyze your psychological conditions and build healthy psychology of a divorced man. Then, you can analyze your partner's psychology when you have met one.   


   Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/    

[Mother Therapy] Dependency in children and teenagers

  There's an old saying that goes, ‘Habits formed at age three stay with you to age eighty.’ This means that psychological habits formed...