[Review_Infidelity Therapy] The excruciating pain beyond imagination

My husband and I began to date when we were in high school and we have been married for 10 years. I always thought that I was the one how knew about my husband better than anyone. He was a family man and had reserved personality. I trusted him and never thought he would have an affair. 

However, husband infidelity happened in our marriage and I had suicidal ideation from shock and despair. I consulted renowned counselors but I felt hurt more and more. I even thought taking my children with me to leave this world. 

One day, I happened to see reference videos provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education and continued to watch the videos for a few months. Then, I decided to take Infidelity Therapy out of desperation. I followed the guideline by not filing a lawsuit against the adulteress even though it was hard for me to do nothing to revenge.

After I took Infidelity Therapy, I restored healthy psychology and then filed a lawsuit against the adulteress. Rage has disappeared and I can recognize that my body and mind have recovered. I have begun to see my children and felt loving and caring toward my children. 

Children seem to sense that their mother has changed for better and I can see that children have become happier. I still have a long way to go in the treatment but I really feel alive and sometimes feel very happy. I intend to keep making efforts to treat my condition. 

I hesitated for a few months before I began Infidelity Therapy since I was not convinced about the treatment method and it seemed quite expensive. Actually, I started the program because I felt I would die without doing something. I thought it should be better than dying. 

I dare to say that taking Infidelity Therapy is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Spouse infidelity makes you simply become living dead and put your children in the worst situation. I hope people who are considering Infidelity Therapy can refer to my experience.

  

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[Review_Infidelity Therapy] It is quite surprising to see myself and children change.

I found out about my husband's infidelity in September, 2018. I had never imagined that he would even like other women let alone having an affair. I thought no woman would like a man like him. 

My children found out about his affair before I did. They worried their parents would get a divorce, so kept it to themselves. My daughter consulted her teacher for the matter and her teacher guided her to keep it to herself since it would be too hard for me to learn about the fact. The teacher also said I would just have to swallow the pain when I found out as her own mother did, which made my daughter cry a lot. 

My husband was egocentric and self-centered. He used to have delusional jealousy,

which made me go through difficulties. It turned out that he was not interested in my whereabouts and did not explode out of anger during the time he had an affair. I felt comfortable and never doubted about his behaviors. 

He lost interest in me but he was overly concerned about my daughter seeing boys after she entered high school. My daughter was greatly hurt by his scolding and swearing, and she told me about his infidelity. 

I wanted to get a divorce as soon as I found out about his affair. However, I didn't have any financial support for myself, so I decided to stay in marriage only until children become adults. He said that he had broken up with the adulteress and I was stupid enough to believe him. 

Then, I found that he was still having a affair, only with another woman this time. I couldn't hold my rage no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't understand anything and felt completely lost. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and just stayed in pain twenty-four-seven.

I learned about this program, 'Infidelity Therapy' while I was searching for what I could do through the Internet. I read the book “Infidelity is a psychological disorder. There is no love in infidelity.” published by Korea Institute of Psycho-education. I read it 3 times. I had never read a book with such concentration. 

I also watched YouTube videos provided by KIP and finally contacted the therapy center by phone. I just talked about a few things and hung up because the expense was too high for me.

Some time passed. My husband's behaviors were proceeded exactly in the same way that was described in the reference materials provided by KIP. He would deny his irrational behaviors and became more and more difficult to even talk to. I felt I was being suffocated to death, and had to start Infidelity Therapy just to save my life. 

I had to stay alive to protect my children at all costs. It had been 3 months since I found out about my husband's affair. He threatened that he would get a divorce if I took Infidelity Therapy, so I had to keep it to myself. 

As I proceeded with Infidelity Therapy, my rage and pain began to subside and I began to see my children in 3 weeks after starting the treatment. I was guided on parenting strategies on boys and girls and applied them for 2 weeks. The change was not obvious at first, but my daughter began to bring her friends to our place, smiled a lot, and studied hard. My son was also doing well. 

I questioned myself why I had to go through this predicament and why I had to make efforts to do therapeutic tasks when it was my husband who was at fault. I wanted to give up many times, but tried to gather up my will power seeing children becoming stabilized and I felt better little by little. It is still hard but I am keeping going and doing my best. Now I understand how the process of treatment is self- initiated and self-implemented based on self-will. 

Now that my psychology is stabilized and children have become happier, I can understand my husband's irrational behaviors and be considerate of him. I desperately wanted to get a divorce but now, I am trying to give him an opportunity to change. I am absolutely grateful for having the opportunity to treat my condition through Infidelity Therapy. 

I don't even want to imagine what would have happened to myself and my family unless I chose to take Infidelity Therapy. I would like to recommend Infidelity Therapy to anyone who is suffering from infidelity issues. 

  

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

The cause of infidelity is relationship addiction.

 

The cause of infidelity is relationship addiction. Many people including even so-called experts misunderstand that infidelity is caused by problems of love, sex, or marriage. The idea that infidelity is caused by problems of love, sex, and marriage is used to justify the act of infidelity and leads you to adopt incorrect solutions to the problem. 

It is important to understand that the root cause of infidelity is a psychological disorder, which is relationship addiction, and the symptoms and the surface phenomena are presented as being problems of sex, love, and marriage. When people develop relationship addiction, men are addicted to the adulteress's response and women to the adulterer's attention and consolation. No one would intend to develop relationship addiction consciously. You may develop the condition acutely in some stressful situation in spite of themselves.

When spouse infidelity is discovered by the victimized spouse, he or she develops post traumatic stress. Post traumatic stress keeps being aggravated unless it is treated properly. The spouse with post traumatic stress experiences the most excruciating psychological pain no one can imagine including the spouse in infidelity. Attempts to solve the problem of post traumatic stress by taking practical measures or by suppression or diversion will only aggravate the condition leading to a complete collapse in the end.

In relationship addiction, men develop perception disorder and expression disorder simultaneously, and women develop the disorder of memory of emotion and expression disorder simultaneously. People in relationship addiction also have the consciousness disorder that makes them think in distorted ways, so they perceive normal behaviors of normal people as stress and wounds. As the condition of relationship addiction progresses, they may develop intermittent explosive disorder or hysteria. They would simply explode upon the smallest trigger of stress and wounds. Both the spouse in relationship addiction and the spouse in post traumatic stress need to treat their condition before anything to restore healthy psychology and happy life.

https://youtu.be/kPTClY0Mq1E

 

  

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Relationship addiction and post traumatic stress can occur acutely.

 

Many cases of relationship addiction occur acutely differently from other cases of addiction such as alcohol addiction or game addiction. Many cases of post traumatic stress also can occur acutely. They may just happen to you as if you were involved in an accident. Thus, no one can be assured that he or she will never develop relationship addiction or post traumatic stress. You may do all things possible to prevent a car accident, but it is possible to happen to any body. The same logic applies to relationship addiction and post traumatic stress. 

However, you can adopt adequate treatment methods when they happen to you and restore healthy psychology and happiness ability. You can also build the ability to prevent the recurrence when you treat relationship addiction and post traumatic stress in a proper way. 

It must also be noted that relationship addiction that develops in a person who already has post traumatic stress is considered as one of the most severe psychological disorders. It is common that people in both relationship addiction and post traumatic stress have a strong tendency for self-justification rather than choose to treat their conditions. It is strongly recommended that they start treating their conditions as soon as possible before they are aggravated further and cause their whole life to be destroyed.

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[On Remarriage] I am a 47-year-old divorced man. I have been seeing a 35-year-old divorced woman for a year. I am seriously thinking about breaking up with her since she persists on getting married.

I am a 47-year-old divorced man. I have been seeing a 35-year-old divorced woman for a year. At first, we agreed that we would postpone talking about getting married since both of us experienced pain and difficulties in the first marriage and divorce. However, she has recently been asking me for getting married and she is quite tenacious. I am thinking about breaking up with her since we tend to argue over remarriage every time we meet each other. I am also worried about her tendency of attachment even after we get married in the future. 

Many people want only a dating relationship without getting married again after a divorce since they experienced pain and difficulties during their first marriage and the divorce process. Stress and wounds that you had in the past do not just disappear as time passes but stay continuously operating inside you even after divorce. You must accurately analyze psychological conditions of yours and your partners if you experience conflicts and difficulties in relationships after divorce. 

Many people think that their past is over by getting a divorce and they can just start fresh for future happiness. When you remarry without treating psychological disorders and preparing yourself for remarriage, you will live with distorted psychology in your new relationship developing dependency and demanding compensation. 

Your partner has already developed the desire for remarriage, and her desire grows more and more as she grows her wounds by being rejected by you. On the other hand, her demanding remarriage only adds stress on you making you want to avoid her. She may begin to think that only remarriage will make her happy reinforcing the idea for remarriage and you may begin to think that only break-up will resolve the issue reinforcing the idea against remarriage. 

Neither of you understands why your partner has such a strong desire for remarriage. For one part, her desire is the manifestation of her deep wounds stored in her memory through years of negative experiences before, during, and after divorce. For another, it is the manifestation of her lack of preparation for life after divorce from psychological and practical perspectives. She may be identifying remarriage with happiness and want comfort and compensation through remarriage, which are all based on the operation of wounds in her memory. 

You have to analyze your psychological conditions they may have been affected by your past experiences as well as your partner's psychology. You must also understand that the root cause of relational conflicts is the man's stress and the woman's wounds. You may be able to reach a wise conclusion if you two discuss the issue sincerely and calmly and cooperate to overcome difficulties together. Both of you may have to compromise on your positions for dating and remarriage. It is not a good idea to decide on a break-up just because you don't want to get stressed from the conflict with your partner since avoidance can be habituated in your unconscious. 

 You can talk to your partner about this consultation with open mind. She may feel loved that you are trying hard to maintain a good relationship with her. Her wanting to marry you indicates that she loves you unless she has some selfish purpose. Your worrying and agonizing indicate that you love her and don't want to break up with her. It is much better to overcome difficulties together and prepare yourself for the future than to jump into remarriage thinking that it will always be fun to be together without any preparation and then to repeat conflicts and divorce.

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[On Divorce] Infidelity is a major cause of divorce in many cases.

Infidelity is a major cause of divorce in many cases. When infidelity occurs during marriage, it is almost guaranteed that a situation may occur sometime in the future where a serious incident occurs that leads to a divorce. Other causes such as difference in personalities, financial situations, and sex problems also contribute to divorce, but almost all divorce cases are related with infidelity in the first place. 

You must treat relationship addiction and post traumatic stress upon the discovery of spouse infidelity and restore healthy psychology and happy marriage. Otherwise, the pathological conditions of both spouses necessarily get aggravated as time passes and the couple usually end up getting a divorce since both parties become to want to avoid psychological and practical difficulties by all means. 

80% of all divorce cases are considered to be related with infidelity. When wounds and stress keep operating inside you, you necessarily become to want to avoid them and achieve comfort. However, it is recommended that you should not try to avoid difficulties or achieve comfort just by getting a divorce. Getting a divorce without treating psychological disorders and preparing yourself for life after divorce will result in unhappy life of yours and your loved ones.

No one wants to live unhappily after divorce. No one intends to inflict damage upon other people in order to pursue their own fun and pleasure after divorce. You must restore healthy psychology and happiness ability by treating psychological disorders before getting a divorce. 

You can apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage' at Korea Institute of Psycho-education to accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and learn about how to transform your psychology from that of marriage into that of divorce to live an happy life after divorce. 

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[The Psychology of dating Q&A] Does the society that focuses on moods rather than on feelings negatively influence women more than men?

The society that focuses on moods rather than on feelings negatively influences both women and men. Men cannot generate passion and women cannot generate love when they form a dating relationship based on moods rather than on feelings. 

When a man and a woman in a dating relationship based on moods get married to each other and they develop stress and wounds since they have different thought standards, they are highly likely to choose to get a divorce or to be led to diverse irrational behaviors instead of trying to endure and overcome difficulties. They may think that there is no point living together and staying in marriage when they cannot pursue fun and pleasure together.

A dating relationship that is based on moods rather than on feelings may easily end when fun and pleasure disappear. Also, people who pursue fun and pleasure valuing moods over feelings are highly likely to develop relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. 

  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)  

The cause of husband infidelity is relationship addiction.

 

The cause of husband infidelity is relationship addiction. It is not caused by problems of marriage, sex, love, emotions, or desires. The husband has developed a psychological disorder in two components of psychology. He has perception disorder with which he cannot stand even the smallest stress, and expression disorder with which he is addicted to the object of addiction, the adulteress in this case and he has self-conviction that his ideas are right. 

He develops relationship addiction when he perceives the adulteress's expression such as speech, actions, and facial expressions as responses, or when he develops desires for the distorted relationship upon the perception of the adulteress's responses. Then, he perceives normal responses of people around him including family members as intense stress, and tries his best to avoid or remove such stress. He begins to employ all his abilities and resources to develop, maintain, and reinforce relationship addiction. 

He behaves normally with people in general on the surface, but he would live his life only with reference to his own distorted thought. He may end up destroying normal and healthy relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. He will also develop sexual dysfunctions and intermittent explosive disorder, and cannot break away from the pathological condition of relationship addiction without proper treatment.

He may be able to adopt proper treatment when he realizes that his ideas and his life have gone wrong at some fundamental level, and he is destroying normal relationships and other people's lives. At this stage, the wife can help the husband by firstly treating her post traumatic stress and building the environment where he can realize his problems and start the treatment of relationship addiction.       

Both the husband in infidelity and the wife in psychological pain must deeply reflect upon the path to true happiness. Both relationship addiction and post traumatic stress bring about misfortune not only for yourself but also for your loved ones. It is only you yourself who can gather the will power and make efforts to restore your healthy psychology and healthy relationships with other people.

https://youtu.be/6F0cj_h7xro

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

The cause of wife infidelity is relationship addiction.

 

The cause of wife infidelity is relationship addiction. It is not caused by problems of marriage, sex, love, emotions, or desires. The wife has developed a psychological disorder in two components of psychology. She has the disorder of memory of emotion in which she cannot stand even the smallest wound, and expression disorder in which she is addicted to the object of addiction, the adulterer in this case, and she has self-conviction that her ideas are right. 

She develops relationship addiction when she stores in her memory the adulterer's expressions such speech, actions, and facial expressions as attention and consolation, or when she develops desires for the distorted relationship that provides her with attention and consolation. Then, she activates her wounds toward all the attention and consolation from other people than the adulterer including her family, friends, and coworkers, and tries her best to avoid or remove sources of wounds. She begins to employ sexual expressions to develop, maintain, and reinforce relationship addiction, and grow self-conviction that she is in love with the adulterer and living a happy life.      Relationship addiction is not activated toward her husband, children, family members, and people who she remembers that have inflicted wounds upon her.     

She lives her life only with reference to her own distorted thought maximizing sexual expressions whenever possible and displaying hysteria when she cannot hold her wounds inside, which happens often. She may end up destroying normal and healthy relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. Her relationship addiction keeps getting aggravated unless treated properly.

She may be able to adopt proper treatment when she realizes that her ideas and her life have gone wrong at some fundamental level. She may be in excruciating pain due to conflicts with the adulterer or realize that her hysteria is destroying herself and other people. The husband needs to treat his post traumatic stress and build happiness ability. Then, he can help his wife treat relationship addiction. Living with relationship addiction or post traumatic stress is far from living happily. You yourself must gather up the will power and make efforts for happiness of yours and your loved ones. 

https://youtu.be/P09-MJ50WEo

  

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People you should avoid

 

There are people who you should avoid interacting with. Many people do not know about this concept and do not know how to avoid those people, so they experience difficulties in relationships. When you are in a good relationship having fun and comfort together, you cannot tell whether they are people you should avoid or not. You can tell what kind of people they are by looking at their speech and actions they take when they experience difficulties from stress and wounds. 

People display three types of responses when they experience pain or crisis. The first is to become dependent on other people, religion, study, or hobbies to break away from pain and crisis and achieve comfort. The second is to blame themselves for their pain and crisis. The third is to blame other people or the society. Many people fall for dependency, self-blame, or other-blame upon experiencing difficulties in life.        

In the first type, you don't have to avoid them if you can and want to take responsibility for the person who wants to become dependent on you. It not, you will only aggravate the person's condition by letting them become dependent on you. When they become dependent on you, they may even perceive that the damage you inflict upon them as benefits for them. As the relationship progresses, you may end up being a perpetrator without intention. It may look cold to refuse to help and sever the relationship, but it actually benefits both you and them when you cannot take full responsibility to take care of them. 

In the second type, they keep blaming themselves for their pain and crisis and they usually do not harm other people. They will try to take full responsibility for their pain and crisis, and find causes in themselves. They may not be able to break away from pain and crisis even when others offer help or consolation. It is recommended that you provide them with encouragement and consolation to help them overcome pain and crisis. When no one offers help, they keep blaming themselves more and more and may end up destroying their life in many ways. You can form a good relationship with them when you offer help to them, so they do not belong to people who you should avoid. 

In the third type, you can be damaged by their behaviors so you need to avoid them by all means. You should not provide them with help or consolation when they are suffering from pain and crisis since they are highly likely to blame you for their misfortune in the future. 

People who become dependent, blame themselves, or blame others can develop psychological disorders. There are two types of psychological disorders. One is the disorder of positivity and the other is the disorder of negativity. People with the disorder of negativity live in pain and difficulties whereas people with the disorder of positivity take advantage of other people to pursue their own fun and pleasure. The disorder of negativity usually occurs in people with the issue of dependency or self-blame. They suffer from depression and panic disorder and hardly inflict damage on other people.

On the other hand, the disorder of positivity occurs in people with the issue of other-blame. They develop addiction and the consciousness disorder and pursue fun and pleasure at all costs. They are convinced that others rather than themselves cause problems, and do not hesitate to bother other people to pursue their own fun and pleasure. They cannot stand the slightest stress and wounds when things do not turn out as they want, blaming other people. They are active and good at pursuing fun and pleasure with others, but they start blaming others the moment they cannot have their own way. You don't have to avoid people with the disorder of negativity, but you should avoid people with the disorder of positivity by all means.

When you do not avoid people with the disorder of positivity and keep interacting with them, you also may end up developing the disorder of positivity and ruin your own life and lives of others. People with the disorder of positivity will invite you to live like them prioritizing having fun and pleasure over everything else. They contribute to turning more and more people into people with the disorder of positivity.

You may decide on avoidance by keeping a certain distance with people who belong to the three types and wait until they recover instead of completely severing the relationship. When you are convinced that it is impossible for them to recover, you can sever the relationship with them. Any one can experience pain and crisis and display one of the three characteristics in the process. Anyone can develop the psychological disorder of negativity or positivity. When you experience pain and crisis, it also indicates that the chance has come for you to restore healthy psychology. When you do not restore healthy psychology but develop psychological disorders, you are highly likely to live unhappily and damage other people. 

By understanding the mechanism of dependency, self-blame, and other blame, you can manage your relationships with other people adequately in a way that benefits both you and your counterparty. 

https://youtu.be/WUvaASAAmG8

 

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Qualifications for psychology counseling

When you experience psychological difficulties and cannot solve the problem on  your own, you may seek help from psychology counseling.  The counselor has professional knowledge and abilities to help solve  psychological problems. 

Counselors must have professional knowledge on psychology treatment and abilities to induce the counselee's underlying problems to be expressed for proper treatment. However, there are more important abilities and qualifications a competent counselor needs to have to provide the counselee with proper guidance regarding the restoration of healthy psychology. 

The first and foremost is the ability to distinguish among psychological problems, psychological disorders, and severe mental conditions that require medical intervention. Psychological problems can be improved and solved by psychology counseling, but psychological disorders need to be treated with proper treatment methods other than psychology counseling. Applying psychology counseling to treat psychological disorders may only aggravate the pathological condition. 

Many people mistake symptoms of psychological disorders for those of psychological problems, which leads to applying psychology counseling to treat psychological disorders. It is as if you prescribed cold medicine to a patient of cancer. When the condition is diagnosed as a psychological disorder, the counselor should apply a psychology treatment method that is designed for the specific condition instead of providing psychology counseling. The case may have to be referred for a medical consultation when the condition is even more serious. 

The second is the ability to heal and treat their own stress and wounds.        Counselors are stressed and wounded a lot through counseling practices since they have to keep perceiving negative information during counseling sessions. They are in a situation where they can easily develop psychological problems. Counselors can also build up stress and wounds through study, work, and other life matters. They need to establish the psychology healing system for themselves, and be able to treat their own psychological problems and disorders. 

When the counselor does not have the healing system for themselves, the counselee's psychological condition keeps being aggravated as well as the counselor's condition. Then, the counseling itself gets distorted in procedures and results. Improper counseling may contribute to aggravating a mild case of psychological problem to a severe psychological disorder. 

The third is the ability to provide the counselee with a comfortable enough atmosphere but to prevent the counselor and the counselee from building rapport at the same time. The counselor must be able to communicate with the counselee effectively and let the counselee freely express his or her thoughts and feelings employing diverse counseling techniques. However, they must not form rapport to the extent that they develop some personal relationship or the counselee becomes dependent on the counseling or the counselor. 

Competent counselors must have the three qualifications described above, on top of which they can build professional knowledge and counseling skills. Professional knowledge and counseling skills without the three fundamental qualifications will only lead to the advancement of the counselee's pathological condition. 

Psychology counseling has been prevailing as a way to solve psychological problems and treat psychological disorders. Many people misunderstand that psychology counseling is a proper treatment method not only for psychological problems but also for psychological disorders, which is not the case at all. Incorrect application of psychology counseling only produces more and more severe cases of psychological disorders in the society. This mechanism also applies to lay people's giving advice to people who have psychological problems. Mentoring and sharing thoughts and emotions for psychological issues must be approached with great care and caution. Some people even take advantage of vulnerable people in disguise of philanthropic intention and professional knowledge. 

Anyone who suffers from psychological difficulties easily falls for attention, consolation, and encouragement from other people especially from so-called experts. A truly competent and benevolent counselor would never neglect any of the three important qualifications in practicing psychology counseling. 

 

  https://youtu.be/mEvJGGxbOOU

 

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The effect of knowledge education on child psychology

 

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[The psychology of dating Q&A] Do people feel more attracted to partners who have different personality from their own in a romantic relationship?

Yes. People feel more attracted to partners who have different personality than to partners who have similar personality with their own. We see many couples with opposite personalities who maintain passion toward each other and stay together for a long time. A woman who is quiet and passive may feel attracted to a man who is tough and active. This phenomenon results from the unconscious operating in the opposite way from the conscious. 

Many people find their partner attractive due to the difference in personality and become lovers and spouses, but they also break up for the same reason. When a man and a woman have similar personality, they may stay as friends but cannot develop a romantic relationship because they are not attracted to each other. They may feel comfortable to stay together, but cannot generate passion and love toward each other. Anyone who is special to you is highly likely to be someone who is very different from you. 

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)  

[The psychology of dating Q&A] What is the difference between a friend relationship naturally developing into a dating relationship and a dating relationship that starts from a blind date?

A woman and an man may meet as friends or coworkers and develop romantic feelings toward each other. This development of positive feelings applies only to women. From the man's perspective, he was attracted to the woman from the first, but he just didn't have a chance to get closer to her so far. 

A man staying as a friend with a woman indicates that he is attracted to the woman in the first place. Men do not become friends with women or stay close to them when they are not interested in developing a dating relationship. They may stay as friends and wait until they have a chance to become lovers. The opportunity may come or not, so for men, meeting women through a blind date is more comfortable and less exhausting than staying as friends and waiting for the opportunity. 

  

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[The psychology of dating Q&A] What is the difference between a long distance relationship and dating with different people without going steady?

In both cases, the relationship is easy to be broken since they are easily exposed to opportunities for meeting new partners. The long distance relationship can be maintained in a healthy way for quite a long time if they do not meet new partners. Since they meet only once in a while and they have less chances to develop conflicts, the woman can do without wounds and the man can do without stress in the relationship. 

Dating different people without going steady is generally preferred by men than by women. Men tend to focus on fun and pleasure of the moment and depend on moods rather than feelings, so they may take every opportunity to meet women in general. Men may easily break up with their partner when dating is not fun any more. 

From the perspective of most women, such behaviors of men may be perceived as immoral or untrustworthy, but it is actually the result of males' operation of mind and psychology. Some women may also decide to prioritize fun and pleasure based on moods rather than feelings by focusing on dating with different partners without going steady. 

It must be noted that seeking only fun and pleasure following moods in dating relationships will lead to ruining both men's and women's life. 

https://youtu.be/U0VlkxczKHM

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Empty nest syndrome

 

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[On divorce & remarriage] It is most important that you build your own happiness.

Not many people know what it is to build their own happiness as an individual. Sacrificing your life for family and children is not exactly your happiness as an individual. We aim for being happy together with our loved ones but we cannot not be happy unless we are happy as an individual to begin with. You can have healthy and happy relationships only when you are a healthy and happy person as an individual. 

Many people do not realize that they have severe psychological wounds and blame themselves or others for their unfortunate condition. They may become dependent on other people to avoid facing their wounds. They may also seek only pleasure claiming that they are entitled to live their own life as they wish and give up on true happiness. Pleasure seeking is not living your life but destroying your life. 

We must accurately understand about meanings and values of life and how to become happy in a true sense. If you do not adequately build your own happiness as an individual, you are likely to get involved in wrong and unhappy relationships, and suffer more and more from all kinds of practical and psychological problems. 

You must also build your happiness as an individual to be able to solve children's psychological problems since most psychological problems of children stem from parents' psychological problems. Sadly enough, so many parents do not realize that they themselves must change and become healthy in order to solve children' psychological problems. This applies to all parents in all cultures and societies since all human beings share identical operational mechanism of mind and psychology. 

Suffering from psychological pain indicates that you badly want to become happy. Seeking pleasure at the expense of your life and your loved ones indicates that you are trying to compensate for your psychological pain in a distorted way. Our mind operates only for ourselves and it can be manifested as selfish pleasure seeking. However, we live in relationships with other people and pursue being happy together in harmony and order. Our psychology is supposed to operate in the way harmony and order in relationships can be achieved and maintained. 

When you suffer from depressive feelings and then restore confidence in some ways, you may feel that your condition has been treated and willingly get immersed into positive moods through activities of diversion. However, you may have actually aggravated your condition and developed a psychological disorder with which you employ distorted ways of compensating for your negative emotions and inflict damage upon other people including your children. 

Children's psychological problems are caused by parents' psychological problems. Children's psychological problems are quickly and easily solved when parents' psychology is stabilized and adequate parenting strategies are adopted. Focusing only on children's problems per se is unlikely to lead you any where near treatment or improvement. Imposing rules and responsibilities on children for managing their psychology is the last thing you want to do for healthy psychological development of children. It is parents' and adults' responsibility to cultivate healthy body and mind in children. 

The first and foremost thing to do is to establish yourself as a healthy and happy individual. You must analyze your psychological condition and restore healthy psychology if necessary. Then, you must transform your psychology to the psychology of divorce or remarriage depending on your circumstance. You must also adjust and realign your relationships with people. Once you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you can restore healthy psychology and become a happy person regardless of your marital status. 

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[On divorce] Divorce without preparation forecasts misfortune.

Through 'Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage' of KIP, you can learn about causes of divorce, things to prepare before divorce, problems that may occur in the process of divorce, directions of life after divorce, and how to solve diverse problems and live happily.

You may experience one of the most drastic changes in psychology through divorce process. The first important change occurs during the process of dating in which you form an intimate relationship with another person. The second important change in psychology occurs when you get married. You form a relationship where two people pursue and share happiness of life together. The psychology of dating and that of marriage are completely different and people develop relational conflicts since they do not know about how their psychology operates before and after marriage. 

The third important change in psychology occurs when you get a divorce. You will choose to get a divorce when you want and decide to build happiness by yourself instead of building it with your partner. Then, you will return to yourself before you got married regardless of the period of marriage, that is, to the time even before you were in a dating relationship. 

Of course, you can date and get married again after a divorce. You will experience another major change in psychology when you remarry. The psychology of the first marriage and that of the second or the third marriage are different. You also experience another major change in psychology when you are bereaved of your spouse. Our psychology keeps changing at every major turning point in life. It is only you yourself who can maneuver the course of life through all the changes in life situations in the way you build and maintain happiness for yourself.

When you are alone, you are to pursue only your own happiness. When you are with other people, you are to pursue not only your happiness but also happiness of your loved ones. It is more challenging to build happiness after divorce than to build happiness in a dating or marriage relationship. That is why you must prepare yourself well for life after divorce. Jumping into divorce without preparation often makes you suffer from even more practical and psychological problems after divorce.

You live only once. You may be able to take difficulties after divorce as a good experience of life, but you may also want to choose less painful and less damaging path of life if you can. It may be even better if you can become happy after divorce without too many trials and errors. Also, many couples get a divorce when they can be perfectly happy together staying in marriage just because they do not understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Some couples are better off by getting a divorce. Either way, the most important thing is your happiness in a true sense. 

You may decide to get a divorce or not depending on your circumstance. Under any circumstance, you must be well prepared for your future happiness. Getting a divorce a a way of avoidance or retaliation will only result in even greater misfortune. Blaming other people and your environment will only aggravate your psychological condition. 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' of KIP will provide you with an opportunity to treat psychological wounds, solve practical problems, and build happiness ability. 

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People who only say that they want treatment but do not take treatment

 

When you discover spouse infidelity, you develop post traumatic stress and suffer from great psychological pain. Most people think about the treatment of their psychology and say that they want treatment. However, many people try different measures to solve practical problems and adopt temporary diversions from their suffering, and they aggravate their psychological condition and focus more and more on coping with the issues in practical manners and adopt activities of diversions. 

You actually feel comfortable temporarily while the condition of post traumatic stress is progressing. Then, they focus more and more on taking temporary measures to feel comfortable at the moment. Post traumatic stress is aggravated more as you feel more comfortable without proper treatment. 

People who say that they want to treat themselves but do not take treatment are considered to be seeking comfort by taking activities of diversion and trying to cope with the situation by adopting practical measures such as separation or lawsuit. As time passes, their condition of post traumatic stress progresses to the level in which they cannot stand only with temporary comfort. Then, they are to choose one of the two different courses of life. 

One course is that they realize that measures that give them temporary comfort do not resolve the fundamental issues and decide on the treatment of post traumatic stress for a happy life in a true sense. It takes more time to treat such cases than when you begin treatment right after you develop post traumatic stress since the condition has progressed during the time. Luckily, these people have at least chosen to treat themselves and try to put their life back on the right track. They realize how meaningless and wasteful their effort to earn temporary comfort and solve the matter in practical ways was. 

The other course is that they become convinced that they have done all they could do to resolve the issue and they have no hope in their marriage relationship any more. They may stay in marriage but give up restoring the relationship or get a divorce. They give up on the treatment of their pathological condition and proceed to forgetting about spouse infidelity and pain caused by it. They keep aggravating the psychological condition and need more and more intense measures of compensation that can match the level of their wounds. When the level of pain associated with post traumatic stress is -100,000, you need the positive moods of +100,000 to compensate the negative value. When the level of pain is -200,000, you need the positive moods of +200,000 to cover up the pain.

Unfortunately, people who take the latter course of life necessarily live an unhappy life. They become people who destroy not only their own but also others' psychology and life. They inflict damage upon their family and people around them. They would deny that they have a serious psychological condition and self-justify their ideas and behaviors, but people around them including their children have to suffer from their irrational behaviors. 

It must be noted that you must take the right action and make efforts to restore healthy psychology and happiness in a true sense instead of just saying that you will someday and seek diversion.

https://youtu.be/mgGrWQUP3xM

  

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The husband in infidelity and the wife in psychological pain

The husband in infidelity gets immersed into the distorted sense of fun and pleasure caused by relationship addiction. It is as if you ate rotten food and found it so delicious. The wife suffers from post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity. When she does not treat her post traumatic stress and develops relationship addiction on top of that, she may also fall for infidelity. Then, it is their children who have to experience the greatest suffering and pain.

Relationship addiction can develop acutely regardless of one's conscious intention. When husband infidelity occurs, the husband must be able to recognize that he has developed a pathological condition that requires psychology treatment, and must provide his wife with an opportunity to treat her post traumatic stress. 

The wife must understand that the more she takes countermeasures against her husband's irrational behaviors, the more he gets immersed into the distorted fun and pleasure of relationship addiction. It is not trying to solve the husband's problems but treating her post traumatic stress that the wife must focus on most urgently. 

When post traumatic stress is ignored without treatment, the wife is also highly likely to develop relationship addiction and other psychological disorders. Anything but psychology treatment and restoration of healthy psychology must be stopped and postponed to be addressed only after stabilizing psychology first. 

Taking diverse measures to address husband infidelity issues and trying to solve the wife's psychological suffering through suppression or diversion may provide temporary comfort and the illusion that you have recovered or resolved the issue, but it must be clearly understood that only adequate psychology treatment can restore healthy psychology without adverse side effects and prevent recurrence of psychological disorders. 

https://youtu.be/zovXOWbouEM

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)