Q : I have found out that my husband has been having an affair for 3 years. All the family members including my husband and children stay at home a lot due to the Covid-19 pandemic situation. My husband asks for forgiveness and is really sweet to children. I have become to feel quite comfortable as we stay together a lot. I think that we could live happily after I forgive him since he looks like he has come back to me. However, I heard that infidelity would recur when he has not actually been cured? What should I do?
A : The husband asks for forgiveness and tries to be nice to the wife in order to avoid his own stress. It does not indicate that his relationship addiction is cured. The wife develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity and her condition gets aggravated regardless of what the husband does.
Husband infidelity is affected by the practical situation and he cannot freely meet the adulteress due to the pandemic situation. He has to stay at home a lot and he may think that he needs to calm his wife down to avoid getting stress by conflicts with his wife.
The wife may begin to feel better since everything goes well in marriage and family life. She may even think that he would never have another affair since he looks like he has come back to her.
The husband may also think that his infidelity is over and he will not have another affair, being convinced that everything will be fine from now on. Or, he may think that the wife has overlooked or forgiven him and he can have an affair again later. Either way, he still has the condition of relationship addiction, which can recur anytime when the situation allows him. Either way, the wife’s post traumatic stress continues to deteriorate as time goes by unless properly treated.
The second time husband infidelity is discovered in the future, your post traumatic stress will become so severe that you will end up ruining your life and your children’s life since you will not be able to hold the pain anymore.
You may mistake staying at home with your husband and having a comfortable time with family for infidelity issues having been solved, but your post traumatic stress and your husband’s relationship addiction are getting aggravated even today. It is almost guaranteed that he will resume his infidelity after the pandemic situation is over and the whole painful process will repeat.
It is crucial that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband’s condition. Then, you will be able to give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
Many teenagers use swear words. They may think that they have to use them to be included in the circle of friends or they look cool by adopting swearing. They may argue that they don't want to use them but it is difficult to resist peer pressure.
If you swear only in your thought and imagination, it may affect you in negative ways, but it would not affect other people since you don't express your swearing outwardly. However, when you express swearing outwardly toward other people in speech or writing, both others and you are definitely affected in negative ways.
It is impossible and not even right to stop teenagers from using swear words altogether or force them never to use them. However, adults must at least let them know how using swear words affect people's psychology and relationships. Once they accurately understand how human mind and psychology operate regarding adopting swear words, they cannot but be careful and refrain from swearing.
Everyone knows that swearing makes the listener feel bad without even thinking much about its exact meaning. All swearing expressions contain negative contents but people use them without knowing or thinking what they exactly mean. They may use them just because others also use them casually, which cannot justify their own adoption of swearing.
Whether you swear or not can be determined only by yourself. Therefore, making excuses for swearing blaming other people or situations cannot be justified. You yourself must understand what swear words mean and judge their use in different situations. Also, if someone knows exactly what swear words mean and still choose to use them just casually, he or she is the kind of person you had better avoid hanging out with.
Q : I have developed abnormal sexual desire since I discovered my husband's infidelity, and we are having sex a lot. Moreover, my husband's affair seems to be related with sexual issues, so I am trying really hard and he also likes my effort. Especially, we stay at home a lot due to the pandemic situation, and it feels as if we were newlyweds. I think we have restored our marriage relationship, and both my husband and I have become normal. I guess I can be assured that we are fine now?
A : Upon the discovery of husband infidelity, the wife develops post traumatic stress. The wife's post traumatic stress may cause abnormally strong sexual desire in many cases. Then, the wife may become to seek sexual relationship with the husband excessively.
When the husband confesses that he had an affair due to some kind of sexual issues, the wife's sexual desire is reinforced and she may become obsessive about sexual relationship.
However, the fact is that all sexual actions with the wife are perceived as intense stress by the husband since he is in the condition of relationship addiction. Still, he cannot but accept the wife's demand for having sex when he cannot avoid the situation.
When the husband perceives stronger sexual response from the wife than that from his adulteress, the couple naturally get involved in having sex quite actively. Then, the husband may even develop relationship addiction toward his own wife, which is considered as the worst condition, and become the wife's adulterer, who destroys his own wife's mind.
The wife may become obsessive about having sex with the husband and also become her own husband's adulteress. She may mistake the distorted situation for happiness and feel as if they went back to the days when they were crazy about each other. She may be convinced that they have recovered and become happy again.
As time passes without proper treatment, their psychological conditions progress. The wife may develop hysteria adding relationship addiction to post traumatic stress, and the husband may develop intermittent explosive disorder adding perception disorder to relationship addiction.
Now, they stay at home a lot without many social activities and can get immersed into sexual pleasure as an adulterer and an adulteress, but soon, they will face situations where their hysteria and intermittent explosive disorder are activated to destroy their life and lives of people around them.
Moreover, both of them are highly likely to get involved in infidelity with other people as the pandemic situation is over and they resume social activities outside home. It is only natural that children also develop psychological problems being affected by both parents developing and aggravating psychological disorders.
Trying hard for restoring marriage relationship through active sexual relationship is likened to trying hard to destroy lives of all family members. You are driving yourself and your husband to become pleasure seekers who put the highest priority on sexual pleasure above all human values and meanings.
The foremost thing you must do is to treat post traumatic stress. It is extremely painful to get yourself out of the psychology of an adulteress and face the pain of post traumatic stress. However, you can regain your own and your children's happiness only when you treat your condition properly. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
Married couple's sexual happiness must never be based upon post traumatic stress and relationship addiction. When you accurately understand and try for true sexual happiness after treating psychological disorders, you can achieve the best sexual happiness that rivals that of newlyweds, and your children can also regain psychological stability and happiness.
Many parents hope their children will study hard, show interest in sports, and actively engage themselves in what they like. Parents want to help children form habits of immersion, generate passion, and make achievements in what they do.
Of course, any one, old or young, who has passion looks good and tends to make great achievements. You don't have to form habits of passion in childhood necessarily, but it wouldn't hurt for children to form habits of passion for what they do. It is possible to form habits of passion after they become adults, but it will take relatively more time, effort, and expense than when you form them during childhood.
Some parents push their children to do this and that based on parents' standards to help children form habits of passion and make achievements. Parents can become anxious and press children for the direction they think right and desirable, which actually hinders children from forming their own habits of passion.
To help children form habits of generating passion, you must first help them understand what passion is and why they need it. Then, you can encourage them to find what they are interested in, and what they want in their life based on their own thought standards. Some children will be quick to find their interest and others will take more time.
Parents must think what they do really helps children. Some children just follow as parents guide them even though they don't like it or without even thinking much about what they themselves like. Then, when they realize that they have been pushed around regardless of their own will, they may blame parents and stop pursuing what they have been working on. They are considered not to be given an opportunity to form habits of passion but to have passively followed parents' directions.
Many parents do their best to support children to help them form habits of passion, and they expect quick and visible results that equals their support. If you truly want to help your children form habits of passion, please, be patient and help them find their own interest based on their own thought standards.
When you are considerate enough to allow your children to freely explore with what they want and provide consolation and encouragement when they go through trials and error, children will naturally develop habits of passion in the process.
Q : I have found out that my husband caught Covid-19 from his adulteress. He begs me for forgiveness and says he broke up with her. I have also learned that they had dates in unbelievably creative and the most bizarre ways. I simply freaked out and hired a lawyer for a lawsuit against the adulteress and a divorce. My husband keeps bagging me for forgiveness, but I just can't. My rage is such that I want to kill both of them, and I am suffering from excruciating pain due to the sense of betrayal and despair.
A : Social restrictions due to the pandemic situation leads to the revelation of infidelity cases for many couples. The husband cannot go out or leave home to meet the adulteress due to Covid-19 pandemic situation, so cannot but try to restore marriage relationship for now. Then, the wife begins to believe and trust the husband, and regains the sense of relief and comfort. However, it is highly likely that the husband plans to continue infidelity, or is still continuing infidelity in some secretive ways since he is still in the condition of relationship addiction.
Both the wife's post traumatic stress and the husband's relationship addiction continue to deteriorate whether he continues or stops infidelity unless properly treated. When post traumatic stress that has been covered up but progressing is activated by some trigger later, the wife may file lawsuits and get a divorce but she will end up living an unhappy life for the rest of her life since her condition has not been treated at all.
It is urgent that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband's condition or other practical situations. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction and live a happy life with your children whether you stay in marriage or get a divorce.
My relationship with my daughter has improved so much as I adopted Mother Therapy. These days, I listen through my daughter’s talk until she finishesand I pay attention to her facial expressions and other behaviors more than before.
I used to feel very tired when I came home, but these days, I enjoy interacting with my daughter. When my daughter feels tired and wants to stay alone in her room,I become considerate and understanding instead of feeling rejected. I generally feel composed and comfortable at home or at work these days.
The relationship between me and my daughter used to be really good or really bad in the past,but now the really bad part does not occur any more. I am confident that I can manage it well even if it occurs by being considerate and understanding based on our trusting relationship.
I feel happy and energetic due to the changed relationship with my daughter. I learned from Mother Therapy that women can have happiness of a woman, a wife, and a mother, which is so true but has been neglected by me so far. It means a lot to me that I can adopt Mother Therapy to form habits of happiness. I want to express my deep gratitude for being given a chance to train myself with Mother Therapy.
Q. I am really concerned about my daughter, who always gets into troubles. She wouldn't listen to me or my husband, and my husband and I often get into arguments over what to do about her. What should I do?
A. First of all, you must carefully watch why she gets into troubles. It is likely that she gets into troubles since she has much stress and many psychological wounds. She may be trying hard on her part to adapt herself to situations and solve problems even if she looks thoughtless to her parents' eyes. When parents try to advise her or solve problems for her with their thought standards, parents and the daughter may develop relational conflicts.
Teenagers are in the process of forming their own thought standards and self-identity. Parents must understand that even troubles she is going through are part of her own precious experiences and trials and errors even if they worry parents who can clearly foresee their undesirable consequences. Experiencing trials and errors in the growth process is necessary for healthy psychological development, so parents must provide encouragement and recognition at least on that point.
You must discuss matters with her with open mind to help her develop healthy and rational thought standards instead of trying to impose your ideas upon her or direct her to behave as you want. Then, your daughter will also begin to share her own ideas with you with open mind, developing right judgment and making right decisions. She wouldn't think that you are scolding or nagging one-sidedly anymore.
Daughters are nurtured by mother's feelings. When the mother is unhappy and filled with negative feelings inside her, they are projected into the daughter and the daughter develops stress and wounds more and more, making her feel unhappy, too. It is also important that the mother heals stress and treats her own wounds and become a happy woman in order to make other family members psychologically stable and happy. Then, to your surprise, your daughter will take your advice not as nagging or bothering her but as paying attention to her in a positive way.
Q : I have not contacted my parents for a long time since we didn’t get along well. I have a happy family of my own with my husband and children after marriage but I occasionally think about my parents. Will I experience relational conflicts again if I begin to see them?
A : Some parents consider their children as some type of possessions rather than independent individuals with their own thought standards. Then, the daughter may accumulate a lot of psychological wounds. Such parents are not interested in the daughter’s ideas, emotions, or psychological conditions, and just think everything is fine as far as things go as they want.
When the daughter stops contacting them, they may simply think that one of their possessions has disappeared. When the daughter begins contacting them again and they find out that the daughter has a happy family, they may develop the desire to regain the lost possession and have their way.
For the daughter to protect her own family’s happiness, she has to keep a certain distance from the parents to prevent the parents from destroying her happiness.
Thus, you must be able to protect your current happy life before anything. Then, you must accurately understand why your parents thought and acted that way by understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to correct and broaden your own perspective.
When you correct your own perspective and have accurate understanding of mind and psychology, your parents are likely to change their behaviors, too. Your change in attitudes will lead to their change in attitudes and behaviors.
Change must begin from within yourself first, and then, you will see more and more practical issues resolved. Please, do not rush but take time and go step by step in the process.
I: I don’t know what to do. My husband has cheated on me!!!
Friend 1 : What? You can’t stand it. Just sue him!
Friend 2 : Right. It’s really easy these days!
I : I can’t think anything. It’s so painful...
He says he loves her more than me. He even asked me if love is sin.
Friend 3 : And you didn’t do anything? You’re not a saint.
Friend 4 : Right. How can you stand it? I would have divorced him on the spot!
Friend 1 : Cheating such a perfect wife like you?
You should live your own life from now on.
Friend 2 : Humans cannot be repaired for the better.
These days, it is a common practice that people focus more on practical issues over the root cause upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, which leads to immediate lawsuits and divorce. The cause of infidelity is not problems of marriage or love, or issues of sexuality or emotions, but is relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Many people have wrong conviction on the root cause and take practical measures such as counseling, coaching, lawsuits, and divorce. They may make you feel better temporarily, but actually aggravate your psychological condition and lead to the destruction of all relationships.
Upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, you must first treat post traumatic stress and the spouse’s relationship addiction. Then, you can address practical issues related with infidelity, and you can live a happy life with your loved ones regardless of your marital status.
Psychological disorders including post traumatic stress and relationship addiction can be treated by adjusting the operation of mind, not of psychology, based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind.
Many people doubt and distrust the fact that psychology treatment is proceeded without counseling and coaching. However, you will be surprised that you can achieve restoration of healthy psychology and feelings of happiness through KIP treatment program regardless of your practical situation. This is only a natural result when the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind is applied to adjust the operation of mind in your unconscious. This method is not well known to even psychology experts let alone lay people, so there are some degree of hesitancy before people start the program, but its high efficacy shocks most participants.
Please, keep in mind that all your family members are in a life crisis situation now due to infidelity issues. Treatment must precede taking any practical measure. It is because you cannot judge or make decisions in the right way when you are in excruciating psychological pain or in psychological disorders. Only when you treat yourself and restore happiness inside yourself, can you see through all the situations with the right perspective and adopt right solutions.
Accurate treatment for restoring healthy psychology and happiness cannot but take time, effort, and expense. Please, think about how much time, effort, and expense happiness of yourself and your children is worth. Happy life cannot be converted into any value with concrete matter. Almost all the participants of KIP treatment program say that it was worth all their time, effort, and expense after they finish the course. Please, reflect upon the right direction of your life path upon facing pain and suffering due to infidelity issues.
Men’s mind and women’s mind operate completely differently. Therefore, a man and a woman in a close relationship necessarily develop conflicts and disputes. This is all due to the fact that neither party understands that the counterparty's mind operates differently and both argue only for their own position.
Psychological manifestation changes depending on situations and environments. Many people think that the counterparty is a capricious person and develop misunderstanding based on arbitrary interpretation.
For example, suppose that a couple is on a vacation and has just arrived at the hotel room.
W : Ugh... This is quite different from what I expected.
M : At least, the view of the ocean is great. We can’t move to another place now. Let’s just relax and have fun.
W: I don’t care about the view. I planned to take a ton of pictures in the room. This is so old and dull. I just want to go home.
The man does his best to make the woman feel better but she keeps complaining. Then, the man makes diverse speech, actions, and facial expressions just to get out of the situation. He could try harder and take her out to enjoy other things, but he may display anger or just disappear. Then, the woman assumes that the man has changed and doesn’t love her anymore, feeling deeply hurt. The fact is that his feelings toward her have not changed even a bit but manifestations of his psychology change moment by moment.
Men’s mind operates to avoid or remove stress and women’s mind operates to accommodate stress and transforms it into wounds in memory. Men’s display of anger or avoidance is simply the result of attempting to get out of stress. Women cannot understand this mechanism and generate wounds on their own based on arbitrary interpretation.
The operation of human mind does not change from birth to death but the manifestation of psychology changes moment by moment in forms of speech, actions, and facial expressions. We are all to misunderstand others’ thoughts and emotions when we do not accurately understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology.
Different thoughts and emotions cause stress and wounds in relationships. In such cases, it is recommended that you stop interacting with each other and heal your own stress and wounds separately.
When stress and wounds continue and are neglected, psychological problems get aggravated and develop into psychological disorders.
Women’s mind decides to block memories of emotions when the amount of accumulated wounds exceeds the capacity for accommodation. This is manifested as the disorder of memory of emotions or depression. The root cause of depression is accumulated wounds and it can be treated by forming habits of wound treatment.
Men’s mind develops neurotic conditions not to perceive stress anymore when it cannot remove or avoid stress. This is manifested as perception disorder such as panic disorder, anxiety disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. The root cause of perception disorder is stress and it can be treated by forming habits of healing stress in healthy ways.
The disorder of memory of emotions in women and perception disorder in men occur in order to prevent psychology from being excessively activated in any one component among perception, memory, and expression losing balance.
Balanced psychology leads to stable emotions and losing balance in psychology leads to unstable emotions or psychological problems or disorders. Manifestations of psychology change moment by moment, so temporary change of psychology is not appropriate or applicable to treat psychological disorders. Adjustment at the level of mind, which consists of the conscious and the unconscious, does not change depending on situations, and fundamentally affect the manifestation of psychology, is necessary to treat psychological disorders.
Q. I was in such pain due to my girl friend's infidelity and I decided to take KIP treatment program. As I was told, I feel better little by little and I can control myself better these days. The level of pain has subsided and the attack comes less often. My girlfriend is also considering taking the treatment. We are engaged to get married but I feel that I want to leave her as I feel better and better. Am I avoiding the situation or aggravating my condition? Of course, I plan to continue with the treatment. I think I will feel that I am providing some kind of service to her even when my girlfriend takes the treatment program. I would not leave her if we were already married, but I ask myself whether I have to go through this much for her even before I get married.
A. It is your girlfriend's responsibility to treat her own condition through her own determination and effort. As they restore psychological stability in the process of treatment, most people feel comfortable and wish to avoid the nature of the stress in spite of yourself.
Many people feel the desire to get a divorce and have a hard time generating positive emotions toward the spouse in infidelity. As your emotions go up and down, you also experience the middle point with comfort, in which you feel that you don't want to bother to save the relationship. It is a common phenomenon that appears in the process of treatment and it does not indicate that your condition is being aggravated. It is recommended that you stay in the relationship until you recover completely instead of leaving her now and focus on your treatment.
Your girlfriend may decide to treat her relationship addiction and build happiness ability. Then, she will reflect on her behaviors in the right perspective and understand what you have been through due to her infidelity. She will also treat her wounds from all her past life and stabilize her psychology. Each of you can focus on your own treatment and both of you will see whether it is better to stay together or break up for future happiness after complete cure.
When people achieve their goal in life, they are referred to as successful people. If you want to succeed, you must first know what your interests are and decide on the direction you want to take. Then, you can set the goal and pursue values of life. Values of life can be categorized into financial values, relational values, and social values. When you make efforts in the right direction without digression to achieve your goal, you will find yourself getting closer to success. Humans are designed to pursue happiness with self-actualization. They set goals and pursue values of life for self-actualization. In the pursuit of values of life, the process is more important than the result of success by giving you the sense of achievement through overcoming difficulties. The immersion into what you pursue with passion is more important than the achievement itself to make you feel the sense of fulfillment.
You must continuously make efforts with the will power to pursue values of life. Success never comes from luck but from effort. If you are born with everything you can ask for in life, you don't have to make any effort and don't have to pursue self-actualization. Then, you may indulge yourself with only fun and pleasure but you cannot achieve happiness and success since you don't pursue self-actualization.
You must form habits of success to be able to achieve success. Habits are formed only through constant practice and any great idea is of no use unless it is put into actions. You must begin by setting a small and practical goal to form habits of success. You can set bigger and bigger goals gradually and you can form habits of success and abilities for great achievement. When you set too high a goal, you are more likely to give up and form habits of failure since it is too difficult.
Everyone wants to become successful but only a small number of people end up being successful. Naturally, people try to learn about how to succeed from successful people's experiences. What you must learn from successful people is not how they have made the achievement in their field but their will power and effort in the process of the pursuit of their goal. The will power and efforts come from hope, and successful people acquire and accumulate knowledge and put their ideas into actions one by one. Putting your ideas into practice means that you build the will power and keep making efforts. Each practice is accumulated to make values of your life increase. Then, you will also grow confidence and ability to solve problems and cope with crises, which in turn charge you with more energy and passion for even further pursuit of values of life.
One of the most important factor in achieving success is one's own experience. It is to put your ideas and knowledge into practice. Through first-hand experience, you go through trials and errors learning what more you need and building problem solving abilities. No one can succeed with only one try in an easy way. Every successful person has experienced trials and errors and continued to try without losing hope. They enjoy the process, overcome difficulties, and continue to generate passion for further challenge.
Success in one area does not mean that your whole life is a successful one, and any life is to go through ups and downs. If you just focus on seeking pleasure thinking that you are in golden days of your life, you will soon fall into dark days in the near future. People who achieve success in a true sense never choose to stay in the present comfort and never stop pursuing self-actualization based on their experience of success.
Many people give up right before reaching the summit not because it is impossible to climb the cliff but because they think it is impossible. One's thought results in one's action and negative thoughts will lead you to stop going forward. On the other hand, there are some people who achieve success with only one try. They may easily collapse since they lack experiences as well as habits and abilities of success. Therefore, there is not much to learn from people who have succeeded with good luck. Any path to success is long and rough and it is strange and scary to anyone. You will fall and get confused many times. People without strong will power for their goal will easily give up but people with strong will power will keep going making trials and errors until they find their own ways.
The more experiences you have, the more abilities you can build for problem solving. People with abilities for success always focus on restoration and make efforts when they are faced with crises. You don't have to fear making mistakes since you are just building abilities through trials and errors. However, you cannot go closer to your goal if you avoid or give up.
To be able to achieve success in life, knowledge and experience are necessary elements. However, many people fail because they just try to follow the experiences of successful people without their own knowledge and experience. Some people even try to follow the successful people's life itself. Then, they are imitating other people's life instead of living their own life and their life becomes a clear failure. Life is to accumulate the whole range of facts and emotions through unique experiences and imitating other people's life without making efforts with your own knowledge and experience may simply lead you nowhere.
It would be ignorant of you to try to learn about the know-how of success from successful people since success is possible only when you make efforts with your own knowledge and experience. The only thing you can learn from successful people is their strong will power, efforts, and perseverance. No one can succeed without numerous trials and errors. Those who hold onto hope and make efforts even in the worst situation will find the way to success and those who do not will fail. You must find your own way to success. When you follow the path other people have taken, you may lose the way in spite of yourself. Other people's methods of success cannot be your method of success.
You may want to learn about how to succeed from successful people since you want to reach the destination in easy and comfortable ways. Then, you could take a shortcut and wouldn't have to make efforts with strong will power. However, the shortcut is what the successful people have found with their will power and effort not with yours. It must always be kept in mind that you must learn the successful people's will power and effort not the specific methods of success.
When someone dies, people evaluate the person's life as a happy life or an unhappy life. To be able to judge on a happy or an unhappy life, we must first accurately understand what life is and what happiness and unhappiness are. Life is one's journey from birth to death. No life journey is simple and easy. One day, life is comfortable, and the very next day, some problem makes you stay up all night. Sometimes, it is pleasurable enough to make you feel that you are in the golden days of your life, and other times, you develop suicidal ideation since life is too painful to endure. Life is the continuum of ups and downs with the whole range of emotions inside you including joy, pleasure, sorrow, and anger generating both happiness and unhappiness.
You life is considered to be a happy one when you continuously pursue self-actualization. You feel the emotion of happiness when you overcome difficulties in life and regain the comfortable and positive condition. The ups and downs in life generate the emotion of happiness. Happiness is not given by other people and it is not placed far away. The emotion of happiness is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. The same applies to unhappiness. Your emotion of unhappiness is never given by other people. It is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. It is up to you to control your mind to become happy inside your mind.
Your life is considered to be an unhappy one when you lose the balance in your mind. When people lose their pet, they put up posters in the whole neighborhood and even offer a reward to find it. However, not many people even recognize when they lose the balance in their mind. We must pay attention to and take care of our mind to prevent problems from occurring in our mind. We are supposed to feel deep positive emotions as we overcome difficulties in life and the deep positive emotions are emotions of happiness. When life is too comfortable or too pleasurable for some prolonged time, it indicates that unhappiness is to come soon. Happy life is a life where we enjoy what we have together with our loved ones in balance without excess or deficiency.
Some people complain that they cannot get out of worries and problems even for a day and they keep grieving over their tough luck. They usually do not have the will power to solve their problems and just keep worrying and complaining. Some blame people around them or the society for their misfortune. They usually have the condition of dependency and inferiority complex and always try to find some easy way by taking advantage of other people. Still others get immersed into fun and pleasure and do not care about other people's pain and suffering. They destroy harmony and order in relationships and lack conscience. People described above end up living an unhappy life by causing the loss of balance in their life and lives of other people.
Life experiences always change like weather. Being sunny today does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. It may be rainy or even stormy. The present situation does not represent your whole life whether you are happy or unhappy at present. You will be able to evaluate your life only on your death bed and we never know when we will face crisis in life. Being unhappy today does not mean that you will be unhappy tomorrow and vice versa. The important thing is to set the right direction for the future regardless of your current situation.
The fact that you are suffering in mind indicates that your mind wants you to overcome difficulties and achieve happiness again. Thus, you must try to solve the current problem and go forward for happiness. Failures and trials and errors will only make you stronger by accumulating valuable first hand experiences. You must build your own ability to overcome the crisis instead of blaming yourself or other prople to be able to restore happiness. You must focus on recovery with happiness ability instead of giving up or avoiding. No matter how hard your life is at present, it does not represent your whole life since you still have the whole future in front of you. Whether you overcome or give up determines whether you will be happy or unhappy in the future.
There can be three types of problems in life everyone is to experience. They are problems of human relationships, problems in the pursuit of values of life, and problems in the pursuit of meanings of life. Upon facing those problems in your life, you must think hard on how to solve the problems and put your ideas into practice instead of just giving up or avoiding. Then, you will build problem solving abilities, be able to overcome difficulties in life, and achieve happiness. Not thinking is equivalent to giving up on your life and avoiding problems will only lead you to failure. Also, knowledge and experience are useless unless they are put into practice.
Human mind is designed to pursue happiness. When the pursuit of happiness is obstructed, you suffer from pain and difficulties, which is an indication that your mind wants you to overcome the difficulties and go back to happiness. Therefore, we must focus on regaining happiness whenever we face problems in life. If you do not have the ability to solve problems you can build basic abilities by accumulating small efforts and small achievements. Then you can free yourself from depending on other people and develop independence.
You are to experience the whole range of emotions and it is only you yourself who can generate your emotions from within yourself based on your own thought standards. You may feel sorry for people who have lost their job but they may actually feel fine since they didn't like the job and they have a better plan for their life. Happiness or unhappiness is determined only by yourself. Your friend may look very happy to your eyes but it is only your thought and you can not know how he or she feels inside.
When you live only by yourself, you need to pursue only your own happiness for your freedom and right with your own standards. However, when you live with other people in human relationships, you must pursue being happy together with other people and maintain balance between right and duty and respect harmony and order.
When you suffer from relational conflicts, you may develop victim mentality. You may feel angry and raged and perceive everything in negative ways. As you continue with victim mentality, your condition may advance and lead you to develop perpetrator mentality in spite of yourself. You may inflict the same degree of damage as you have received onto other people, and it will make you feel comfortable by offsetting your suffering. You may mistake it for happiness and live an unhappy life with distorted ideas and behaviors.
Some people develop compensation mentality to get out of negative emotions. They usually develop the sense of inferiority and shame, and try to compensate their negative emotions with behaviors that can provide them with the sense of satisfaction such as shopping or eating. Perpetrator mentality and compensation mentality are different in the sense that in the former you feel satisfied by damaging other people and in the latter you feel satisfied by damaging yourself.
All people with conditions described above cannot but live unhappily since their ideas and behaviors are distorted and end up destroying their own life and lives of people around them. They also easily blame others, themselves, or develop dependency. They seek only comfort and pleasure without pursuing true happiness with meanings and values of life. They also become easy targets by people with selfish purposes and are taken advantage of, which aggravates their psychological conditions further.
It is difficult to restore healthy psychology once it completely collapses. It is crucial for us to reflect upon conditions of our mind and find the cause of problems if there is any. You can get out of unhappiness only when you accurately understand why you are unhappy. Once you understand the root cause of problems, you can think about solutions and put your ideas into practice by making efforts. Many people stay in unhappiness because they do not think hard enough and give up, avoid, or depend on other people in face of crisis. You can get out of unhappiness and restore happiness only when you have your own will power and make efforts on your own.
