How to overcome unfortunate family history

     Many people attribute the cause of their present medical problems to family history. When this concept is applied to the analysis of psychology, the cause of the present psychological problems is attributed to the original family or the growth process. If you think that you are suffering from psychological problems related with family history, you should first understand the relationship between family history and your present psychological problems accurately. 

     All human relationships are formed based on you yourself as the only standard. You must exist in the first place in order to have relationships with your parents, children, siblings, and relatives. It is only you yourself who can recognize happiness and unhappiness in all relationships. Attributing the cause of your happiness or unhappiness to family history is the same as attributing the cause of your problems to other people in the sense that you look for the cause of your psychological condition in external factors. This concept also results in the idea that you cannot but be unhappy or have psychological problems when you grow up in an unhappy family. On the other hand, when you attribute your happiness and unhappiness to yourself, it results in the idea that you are the active agent who can make both yourself and your family happy. 

     Many people attribute their unhappiness to family history but not many people think that they can make the whole family happy by making themselves happy people first. Also, it is most common for people to think that others must change in order for them to become happy rather than thinking that they themselves must change for their own happiness. When you have psychological problems, you must treat your psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology instead of trying to look for the cause in family history or change other family members. When you change yourself to become a happy person, you can change your family history to a happy one.

 

 https://youtu.be/IPHPthStc6Q   

     When you treat your psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology, you can stop the unfortunate family history in your generation and pass down happy family history to the next generation. You cannot change the facts of unhappy past, but you can break away from the present stress and wounds and restore healthy psychology. You are the one who can decide whether you will keep the unhappy family history or start building a happy family history. To build a happy family history, you must make efforts to change yourself into a happy person without avoiding the issue and blaming family history or other people.

     Problems that seem to run in the family are actually individual issues. When the individual issues are not adequately resolved and family members form new families of their own, it is no wonder that the problems look as if they had been passed down to the next generation. Moreover, when individual issues are not adequately addressed and continue, they usually get aggravated as time goes by, which results in the next generation suffering from even more severe psychological problems. Then, people may give up on happiness and even sever their family relationship.

     First of all, you yourself must restore healthy psychology and become a happy person. Your question must be 'How can I become a happy person in a true sense?' instead of 'What can I do about my family members being this way or that way?' Your happiness can be achieved within your mind only by your own will power and efforts regardless of you family history or other people. 

     Everyone wants to live happily in relationships with other people but attributing your psychological problems to family history is simply out of focus and leads you nowhere. Being happy together starts from you becoming a happy person at present and not from others changing in any way. You can start to build a happy family history from today and lead your loved ones in the journey. 

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Do you get along well with children at home in the time of Covid-19 pandemic?

 

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I would like to know the standard of judging on infidelity.

 

Q : I would like to know the standard of judging on  infidelity.

A : When it comes to the husband's infidelity, there are cases of the husband saying that he only held hands or just had a little conversation, and so on. Problems occur because the standard whether he has an inappropriate relationship or not is looked for from these things. The standard must not be the husband who has had an inappropriate relationship with another woman but the wife who has figured out all of this. If she says it is infidelity, it is infidelity. The victim of the husband's infidelity, the wife, is the one who decides whether her spouse had infidelity or not.

https://youtu.be/4NQMjKgmFew

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Does it count as infidelity when two people contact without face-to-face interaction?

Q : My husband is saying that he didn't have an extramarital affair with another woman because he only exchanged pictures of sexual genitals and romantic text messages, but he has done it for 5 years with that woman. He keeps saying he never cheated on me because they did not meet each other. Is it really not counted as infidelity if they didn't meet in person? 

A : Your husband is addicted to relationships. It is a psychological disorder. Even if he did not meet her in person, he still has a psychological disorder; it is infidelity. However, men think, whatever they did, they did not have inappropriate relationships if there was no sexual relationship. 

Then, women are confused by that. What matters is not that relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder, is judged by whether there was a sexual relationship but that the woman whom your husband enjoyed over the phone was the object that he released his compulsion. 

He is out of mind, which is why he can exchange pictures of his naked body and text messages of romantic words. If he does not keep exchanging text messages and pictures like that, he knows that his relationship with that woman will break and that he can no more have fun. 

https://youtu.be/gvDvHVMZqL0

Just refer to the fact that the woman is just an object of having fun and that the relationship of your husband and that woman is a form of relationship addictions caused by compulsion that comes along with anxiety. You need to be wide-awake. They just did not meet in person, or maybe, they did. 

In this kind of situation, wounds, as deep as the wounds that a wife gets when her husband cheats on her, have already been generated in you. Text messages and pictures that your husband exchanged with that woman have become great wounds; thus, you must treat yourself first. If you do not form the ability of happiness for yourself, his psychological disorder will never be treated.

Don't mind about what your husband saying that he did not cheat on you. What is sure for now is that he is addicted to relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Do not make him mad by showing this video and telling him what you are told. To understand what you are just told and be wide-awake would be better for you now. 

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Phases of psychological development

 

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How not to pass down domestic violence to the next generation.

      What would it mean by changing yourself in order not to pass down domestic violence to the next generation? Many people experience domestic violence during their childhood and make efforts not to repeat the same tragic situations when they become adults by changing themselves. However, a family that is free from domestic violence cannot be achieved by just consciously making efforts. 

     When children experience domestic violence in the family, they may develop psychological wounds and trauma in themselves. When they become adults and live independently, they may have psychological difficulties due to the past experiences, but they are not directly under the influence of domestic violence at present. Thus, it is their memory and emotions but not the facts of the past that cause the present difficulties. It is imperative to differentiate the past facts of domestic violence and the present emotions caused by the past facts. The facts of the past cannot be changed but the present emotions can be treated and transformed to emotions of happiness. Therefore, to change yourself not to repeat the tragic situations in the future, you must treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology.

 https://youtu.be/3dOwkN5sPz8

     Once you are separated from the perpetrator of domestic violence, you are not under the influence of domestic violence any more. Also, you may think that you can live without being violent yourself as an adult and a parent if you have a strong will power. However, as far as you keep your psychological problems caused by the untreated wounds and trauma, the problems will be manifested in whatever ways. The manifestation of unbalanced psychology is not something you can control with your consciousness, and it is highly likely that your family may have to live under the influence of your untreated psychological problems, which may be manifested as violence or some other negative behaviors. 

     Violence is a form of the expression of psychology which is manifested when habits of expressing stress and wounds have developed problems. However, when the mechanism of stress and wounds being manifested as violence is not understood accurately, the solution of the problem of violence cannot be adequately addressed either, no matter how hard you try in the conscious. What you have to do not to repeat domestic violence is to treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology regardless of your past experiences. 

     Trying to change other people or looking for the cause in the past cannot solve the problem stemming from unfortunate family history. Instead of relating past facts with the present psychological conditions, you can simply treat wounds and overcome trauma that you have now, and then, build happy family history and good relationships with people on your own.  

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What a wise wife can do when the husband feels stressed.

      Many wives try to help their husbands when they find that their husbands are going through difficulties and feeling stressed due to problems of career, economy, health and so on. However, such well intended behaviors remind their husbands of the problems again, make it hard to get rid of the stress, and make them feel even worse. By the operation of males' defense mechanism of mind, any perception that is related with a stressful matter induces even more stress no matter how well it is intended. When the wife tries to bring up the issue and discuss and help in any way even when the husband does not ask for help, it has only an adverse effect and he may become to connect the wife with stress in general when such situations repeatedly occur.   

      What the wife can do to really help her husband is not to try to directly help him with the matter through discussion or other ways, but to establish the environment where her husband can heal himself and forget about stressful matters. Then, the husband can achieve healing and comfort just by staying with his wife and stay away from stress for the time when they are together. Establishing the environment for healing is less about doing something for the husband and more about stabilizing the wife's psychological condition. 

     People tend to try to change their counterparty rather than themselves when problems occur and this leads to the collapse of both the self and others. All human beings have their own life experiences and thought standards, and no two people can feel and think in an identical way no matter how close they are to each other. Only you yourself can treat your own psychological wounds and heal your own stress.  

https://youtu.be/T1IIRIMJtVI

     What you can do as a wife to help your husband is not about sharing or addressing the problems together, which is usually beyond your ability. Building a company for your husband where he never gets stressed is not what the wife can or must do. What the wife can do is to become a happy person with whom the husband can naturally heal stress and enjoy comfort. What you can do to really help your husband is to change yourself to become a happy person. 

     The same logic applies to the relationship with children. When you find that your son has had a bad day at school, trying to talk about the matter will make your son feel even more stressed and lead him to avoid you when such situations occur repeatedly. However, when you become a happy mother and make him feel happy and comfortable when he comes home no matter what happened at school, he himself will talk about everything, feeling safe and comfortable and heal stress just by being with you.  

     Everyone including yourself, your husband, and your children lives their life with their unique life experiences and thought standards. The moment you deliberately try to do things to make others feel better or try to change others, problems and conflicts start or worsen. All you have to do both for yourself and for others is to become a happy and healthy person. If you find that things got better after you have done something to solve the problem for the counterparty, it indicates that your counterparty has achieved a selfish goal through your behaviors or your counterparty has already collapsed psychologically. It must be always kept in mind that you can never solve others' problems for them or change other people even if they are the closest ones to you.  

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No one has the right to demand others to self-reflect.

     Only you yourself can self-reflect on your thoughts and behaviors. It is arrogation of power for others to demand you for your self-reflection. Others cannot judge on your life experiences and your behaviors since they cannot experience your life with your thought standards. When others judge your behaviors, it is to apply their thought standards to your life experiences. No one can be convinced that their thought standards and their life experiences are right and others' thought standards and life experiences are wrong. Everyone has unique life experiences and therefore, everyone has unique thought standards. 

     When you think that your way of life is right and others' way of life is wrong and demand them to self-reflect on their behaviors, it is an action that destroys yourself as well as others. By applying your thought standards to judge others' behaviors, you naturally judge that others' ideas and behaviors are wrong. It is only to justify yourself by denying others and it  destroys individual's psychology and human relationships.  

https://youtu.be/F1l8I2cnJ_k

     People who are absorbed in self-justification will keep demanding others to self-reflect on their thoughts and behaviors since they are firm in the belief that they are the only ones who are right without understanding the uniqueness of everyone's life experiences. Then, they keep disturbing the balance in relationships and the society wherever they go applying their own distorted thought standards to all situations and all people. 

     Self-reflection must be applied only within oneself as the term itself represents. Anyone who demands others to self-reflect on their thoughts and behaviors are considered to already have lost balance in his or her psychology.

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Relationship addiction may progress into more serious mental illnesses.

 

Q : The woman having an inappropriate relationship with my husband keeps sending me text messages full of abusive words and tells my husband to leave her. She says that she can meet another man who is much better than my husband, but she keeps contacting him. Now, she uploads pictures they took together by her name and my husband's name on her social media. She is a foreigner just for reference.

A : She has had many experiences of having inappropriate relationships with men. Whether she is a foreigner or not, the mind operates the same. Her psychological disorder is becoming more and more serious, which is why she is hysterical. Thus, just consider her as a potential criminal.

https://youtu.be/EbGgP6GkD_k

If she loses her mind because of the hysteria, no one knows what would happen. She is just a social evil; however, she was not like this in the beginning. Over five to ten years of experience as a stray woman (a woman having an inappropriate relationship with a married man), hysteria appears, which is a psychological psychosis. That is to say, relationship addiction becomes a psychological mental disease.

When her psychological status becomes serious, it leads to crimes. Therefore, the best is to avoid her. It is no more a psychological problem but a mental disease. Hysteria is very dangerous.

What is best for you is to block the woman's contact and avoid her, but, for now, it is better to stop reacting and treat yourself first to form the ability of happiness since your husband might be the one that could possibly be damaged in any way. It is better not to deal with her for now. 

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I'm trying to sue the adulteress and demand her for compensation for my treatment cost.

 

Q : I want to support my treatment cost by getting compensation from the woman having an extramarital relationship with my husband by a suit. 

A : You must not think of any of that. Treatment must be done only for your recovery and happiness. To sue the woman after you have the ability of happiness through treatment is a different matter. Therefore, you must not think of suing her and demanding her compensation for your treatment cost. If you do so, the sue is going to be nothing but for making money; it should be done with a smile and a relaxed mind after obtaining the ability of happiness. You can make a precise judgment only after you become treated with regard to all of these.

https://youtu.be/j7M_1RpKBe4

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Is it possible for a womanizer to be recovered?

 

Q : I knew my husband was a womanizer when we were dating before we got married, but our relationship was kept because he always came to me even if we had fights. Well...after we got married, I gave him stress by nagging at him before his infidelity; he had an extramarital affair with another woman. Can a womanizer like him also be recovered? 

A : Your husband's infidelity occurred not because he, a womanizer, had a fight with his wife. The cause of a spouse's infidelity is his psychological disorder, not conjugal problems or fights. 

https://youtu.be/grwcXHciwjk

A couple argues, fights, and makes up the relationship as they live together. They can't always have fun and enjoy every day. You and your husband have done living together well.  So, instead of thinking about how to recover your relationship, do not mind about your husband. Focus on your own recovery.  

Moreover, your husband is a womanizer because he has a psychological disorder. Among men, those who seem to be good-natured and do well to others definitely have psychological disorders. 

Thus, you must treat and recover yourself first. If you see your husband after you get treated, you will be able to see his true nature. You can give him a chance for treatment after you are treated. He won't have a chance to get treated if you are not treated.

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I live with a married man and I want to end the relationship with him.

 Q : I am in my mid-20s and currently live with a married man. I want to end this relationship but don't know how to get away from him. It has been 4 years already since we met. 

A : You have only become his plaything. Your situation can be seen as Stockholm syndrome.  You can't get away from him if he gives you a little bit of attention even though you know this is wrongdoing. He is keeping the relationship with you because your reactions and behaviors give him fun. He is not protecting you.

You must get away from him. Since it is difficult to provide you solutions through this online counseling, please send me an email. Then, I will let you know what to do to get away from him through email.

In this case, you will end up being an adulterous woman having an inappropriate relationship with a married man. You are young but addicted to attention; if you get attention from a married man, the only option you have is having an inappropriate relationship with him, which is too bad.

https://youtu.be/KMW4g-G7bcc

Generally, in this case, the man would probably say that he will divorce and come to you; however, you should never ever trust him. It is problematic even if he actually divorceㄴ and comes to you. Thus, you must return to the original psychological state regardless of him getting divorced or not. 

You think you are in love, but, in fact, you are not recognizing that you are addicted to his attention. So, your wounds will continually accumulate. There are women who were in inappropriate relationships like you and started getting treatment because of their psychological wounds. If you want to end your relationship with him, now is a good chance for you to get treatment. You will feel very painful as you get through the treatment process. It is so painful so much that you want to kill him. This phenomenon occurs when a wife who was in an inappropriate relationship with another man gets treatment as well. It is because you will be able to interpret and realize your current situation in the process of abnormal psychology becoming normal. 

You must stop and end your relationship with him immediately. Do not listen to whatever he says. Human beings can make mistakes and do wrong things because they don't know what they are doing. If you know that you are in the wrong situation, you should stop being in that situation, recover yourself and then pay for what you have done, which is the painful process during the treatment. If you don't give up and overcome this pain and difficult time, you will be able to recover and live a happy and healthy life. 

Relationship addiction is not able to be treated by oneself, but you can recover from it even if you get through the pain. Therefore, if you have realized something is wrong, please stop whatever you have been doing. Recover yourself if you want to live a happy life.

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The wife is the only woman that the husband never tries to see reactions from.

Q : I've learned about men's reaction addiction as I watch your lectures on videos. My husband tries to make jokes to other women when I am with him and tries to make them laugh and talk with them. Is it correct that he's trying to see their reactions?

A : Yes, of course. There is no reason for him to make other women laugh if he is not trying to see their reactions.

The reason why he keeps nagging on you is to see your reactions. Men do not care about meanings but care about reactions. The problem is that men get addicted to these reactions, which is called men's relationship addiction. They can't bear without seeing women's reactions.

https://youtu.be/uuTBHPA5ejc

At this point, whoever that is, he is not interested in whether the person he's trying to see reactions from is a good person or not. What is interesting is that he never gets addicted to his wife's reactions. Yes, it is ironical, but a man does not get addicted to the reactions of a woman that he really loves. This person is his wife; thus, she is the only one who can give him a chance to be treated.

Besides the wife, a man addicted to reactions keeps trying to see reactions from other women; if they show reactions in any way, he gets addicted to relationships right away. That is to say, there is no specific reason that causes a man to get addicted to relationships. So, don't try to find causes. 

One more thing to mention is that noticing your husband seeking reactions after watching videos means that wounds have already been formed within you. I strongly suggest you get treatment because you already have enough reason to get treated.

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You just need to restore your own happiness if your spouse is still into fun that destroys his life.

Q : My husband said he can't live like this anymore and asked for a divorce. He left home about a year ago; I guess he was having an affair with another woman around that time. I'm not sure if he is still in an extramarital relationship with the woman, but he keeps saying that he will only be the father of children and that there will be no reunion. Does a person left for his happiness have a psychological disorder too? Should I not ask him anything until I get treated? 

A : Your husband has a psychological disorder. He left not for his happiness; he is just into fun that destroys his life.

Do not speak about happiness when it comes to infidelity. The extramarital relationship is not happiness. If your husband left home already, he would not recognize that he's the one making his own life destroy. He is into fun without realizing his daily life is being destroyed and gone.

https://youtu.be/uuTBHPA5ejc

Also, he perceives whatever you say to him as nagging, which is, of course, not fun at all. His focus is only on having fun instead of overcoming difficulties. So, anybody who gives him stress becomes his enemy whereas who gives him fun becomes his ally. However, you and your children are not the objects to play and have fun with, which makes him think that there is no reason for him to either sacrifice himself or reunite with you. Moreover, he is not able to have proper conversations with you. Whatever you tell or try to tell him would be useless since his psychological condition is abnormal.

Therefore, you should not mind about him if he already left home. Treat yourself first and keep your household without your husband while protecting your children. As you form your happiness and live happily with your children, he will look back on himself one day; however, you must keep not minding about him. Just give him a chance if he wishes to return to you; if not, you can decide whether you will prepare for a divorce action or divorce by agreement then. Whatever decision you make, you will be happy.

Just always keep in mind that you must never think or expect to be happy through your husband. Whether you will be happy or not is totally up to you.

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Pink Lens Effect

 

In a man-woman relationship who love each other, the phenomenon of seeing the counterparty's weaknesses as strengths is called 'pink lens effect.' Because pink is an atmospheric color, looking at the counterparty with this lens will make you feel everything beautiful if you are in love. The caudate nucleotoxin in the human brain catalyzes dopamine, the hormone that is very sensitive to love. It makes a person have fun and make cheeks blushing. Because of this, some of you may have heard that you look prettier when you are in love. 

Men generate passion in mind; through habits, they express the desires for psychological operations and devotion. When these are satisfied, their mind generates passion, Libido, and the desire for achievement making hopes and anticipations of happiness. However, this pink lens effect fades away within about 6 months to 3 years making the conscious operate again, which causes you to perceive the strengths and weaknesses of your counterparty. 

Thus, the positive emotions of love drop by 50 % after a year and gradually fade away. There is a study saying that these positive emotions completely disappear after about 900 days. Ultimately, the positive emotions of love are like a storm for 900 days. This is the pink lens effect. 

Pink Lens Effect is temporary in normal psychology; if it lasts, that means problems have occurred in the conscious and habits. It is like an old saying, 'too much is as bad as too little.' It will cause psychological disorders and physical problems, which make both the mind and the body destroyed, to both yourself and your counterparty. 

Pink lens effect is the phenomenon of perceiving the counterparty's weaknesses as strengths distortedly since it makes you see only strengths (charms) of the counterparty. Positive emotions will be generated as both strengths and weaknesses of the counterparty are perceived as charms; the maximized passion causes positive emotions to become maximized as well. This is accepted by thoughts, which are the conscious. 

Pink lens effect is a temporary phenomenon, which fades away gradually. As time passes and as you feel more comfortable and familiar with the counterparty, the counterparty's weaknesses start being perceived one by one. Due to this, negative emotions are formed as emotional conflicts and stress (or wounds) are created. This is when the pink lens effect starts fading away. When negative emotions start being created, man's passion starts decreasing as well, which takes about 6 months to 3 years. So, the pink lens effect fades away within 3 years. 

The phenomenon that deludes you to think that the world is formed having you and your counterparty as center occurs when you have the pink lens effect. So, you will reject what others say to you, even if it is a piece of advice. You will have psychological operations only by your thoughts (the conscious mistaken about your counterparty) and your counterparty's speeches and actions and always have positive emotions aroused. 

Since it even makes psychological operations meaningless, excessive positive emotions are formed, leaving you with a distorted life where only loving relationship and the man-woman relationship between you and your counterparty exist. Therefore, a man will have a psychological disorder when his passion is distorted; a woman will have a psychological disorder when her love is distorted(mistaken). The phenomenon that makes them mistake as if they have 'pink lens effect' will occur when this happens.

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The Symmetrical Principle of Human Psychology

 

Human psychology is never one-way. Everything is base don the principle of Yin and yang and the principle of the magnet. Realizing this principle is almost the same as knowing the principle of the human mind and psychology. 

A human being is composed of the conscious, the unconscious, and the mind. The mind operates in the back of the conscious and habit. On the visible side of the mind, there is the conscious; when one side is shown, the other side operates subconsciously. So, rather than the conscious and habits that are visible, the invisible mind must be understood clearly in order to know how the conscious and habits operate, affiliating with the mind. For this, the principles of how the mind and psychology operate must be understood accurately. 

The problem is habits because habits are two-sided since they are the path of not only the conscious but also the mind. Thus, rather than having only one habit created, habits that are both visible and invisible exist simultaneously. 

Habits appear in different personalities depending on emotions due to the double sidedness of positive and negative emotions. However, no matter what is expressed is, it is caused by the same habit. That is to say, that personality is that the double-sided habits (habits that appear by positive emotions and that appear by negative emotions) are expressed. This is the principle of the magnet and the symmetrical principle of psychology. 

If this is applied, the mind tries to treat the wound as much as the depth of negative emotions of the wound she remembers by the conscious; the instinct of happiness also exists. If you can see this, treating wounds, rage, disorders of emotion, disorders of expression, disorders of perception, etc. can be done faster and easier. In other words, since the mind trying to resolve the conscious or visible problems exists, this mind can be used so it could become a habit. It is the same principle of using one's own mind to treat psychological disorders which are the problems of the conscious and habits. This is the same as the principles of Mind Training. Mind Training is effective enough for psychological treatment. 

Weaknesses and strengths appear oppositely depending on the emotions that the subject of the point of view has towards the same object. At this time, the fact is the same if the emotions are removed. Moreover, negative emotions and positive emotions appear oppositely depending on various applications such as circumstances, environment, points of view, memory, psychological operations. Everything is the same if emotions are excluded this time as well. 

The reason why the perpetrator mentality and the victim mentality are the same is because of this principle. Once you have the victim mentality, you will have the perpetrator mentality as much as the victim mentality you have. This means that a victim can become a perpetrator and that a perpetrator was a victim in the past. Like this, if you understand the existence of twofold psychology, you can easily be able to analyze and control the psychology; forming the habits of happiness won't be that difficult.

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The Concept of Xes Psychology

 

Sex, sexual actions, is speeches, actions, and thoughts by the conscious and habits whereas xes psychology is the operation of the mind. So, xes psychology is the psychological standards that pursue the happiness of the mind whereas sex is the action and means by the conscious and habits. 

Since human beings are composed of men and women, the man-woman relationship is inevitable for humans. So, in the man-woman relationship, sexual actions play a major role. Since it means 'a man and a woman have a physical relationship', it is being used interchangeably with the word, ‘sexual intercourse’ and sometimes expressed with various terms. The sexual actions are the roots of fun & pleasure, wounds & stress, romantic relation & happiness along with the desire for survival and reproduction. Therefore, thoughts, desire, speeches & actions on sex have lasted in human relationships as an inseparable relation. It is so sophisticated that if one understands sexual behavior, he or she can understand the principles of human relationships as well. 

The reason for sex being focused on sexual actions and speeches in human relationships is that the excitement, pleasure & fun of sexual actions are linked to an individual's happiness directly. When pursuing sexual actions for an individual's happiness, the speeches and actions of sexual actions that are seen, heard, and felt are recognized as the core. However, not the sexual speeches and actions but the operations of the conscious, habits, and the mind are important. Sexual actions will become degraded into a means of having fun and pleasure if one focuses on activities without knowing this psychological operation, which will result in crucial misunderstandings in human relationships and cause psychological problems and disorders. 

Therefore, focusing on sexual actions will induce side effects in one's psychology; thus, sex education and sexual actions must be aligned with one's psychological standards for the pursuit of happiness. Sex education and sexual actions, even if they are very informative, excluding the principles of mind and psychology will cause psychological problems and psychological disorders and make the human society ill. That is to say, that if one pursues his or her individual happiness centered on sexual actions by the conscious and habits without knowing the xes psychology, that person won't actually get the happiness but will end up facing unhappy consequences of seeking only physical excitements and stimuli of peripheral nerves, not much different from animals. This will cause deterioration of individuals, families, and communities; due to this, extreme damages from infidelities, divorces, sexual crimes, suicides, pleasure culture will be expanded resulting in psychological problems and disorders of individuals, dissolution of families, destruction of social components and problematic human relationships. Ultimately, all of these are caused by living a life centered on focusing on sexual actions without knowing the xes psychology. 

Sex can be divided into xes psychology, which is the mind, and xes actions; these two operate separately and simultaneously. 'Sex' is generally used as a term to refer to sexual actions, and there has been no separate term for the psychology on sex. Thus, I use xes psychology based on xesmind. 

When you look into the relationship between sex and xes psychology in human psychology, sexual actions are operations of the conscious and habits whereas xes psychology is the operation of the mind. The memory and thoughts of sex are controlled by the conscious; sexual actions are controlled by speeches and actions by habits; negative and positive emotions of sex are controlled by the xes psychology, which is the xesmind. 

Man's xes psychology and woman's xes psychology operate differently according to the difference of their xesmind since it works within the xesmind. Man's xesmind pursues future happiness since his mind has the standards of pursuing future happiness whereas the woman's xesmind pursues present happiness since her mind has the standard of pursuing present happiness. Thus, man's sexual actions and woman's sexual actions by the conscious and habits work differently due to the different operations of their xes psychology. 

Relations not affected by xes psychology are between parents-children, family, or husband-wife; xes psychology operates in other man-woman relationships in most cases. The relationship between a man and a woman is not affected by xes psychology when the man is perceived as her husband and the woman is perceived as his wife. This relationship is separated from the function of xes psychology; xes psychology does not operate at all.

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Emotions of Xes

 

When xes information is perceived through sensory organs, one remembers the emotions by comparing the past memory on the xes information through the thoughts and creates emotions of xes through the xes information by combining the remembered emotions and information. The created information and emotions like this are controlled by the mind to see if they meet the psychological standards that pursue the happiness of the mind. When the mind is expressed outwardly through habits according to the standards of happiness, it appears in forms of speeches and actions (xes actions, sexual actions) and makes the conscious realign the information and expression on xes by expressing in the form of conscious thoughts. Xesmind, the mind, operates in this process. In other words, xes psychology operates about the emotions of xes generated by the conscious and makes expressions through habits. The thoughts, speeches, and actions appeared at this point are all aroused by habits. 

Thus, xes psychology cannot be recognized by the conscious and habits but controls them. Sexual actions are displayed by conscious thoughts and speeches & actions of habits; xes psychology, the mind, operates. In other words, xes psychology operates in the mind by xes information and emotions on it when the counterparty is perceived as the different gender. 

If xes psychology does not operate in human relationships, men and women will not be distinguished when they are recognized; because of this, emotions of xes won't be aroused, but there will be differences in man's and woman's perception when xes psychology starts operating. Between man and man or woman and woman, as in the same gender relationships, there are negative emotions being aroused like mutual exclusion, competition, and jealousy. However, in the opposite gender relationships between man and woman, a man has passion whereas a woman has positive feelings or affection, which naturally attract each other. The human mind has the psychological standards of the pursuit of happiness; when xes psychology operates, the same gender is perceived as an obstacle in one's pursuit of happiness whereas the opposite gender is perceived as necessary for his or her happiness. 

Homosexuality needs to be classified as either a psychological problem or psychological disorder caused by problems of habits and the conscious instead of being considered as different xes psychology. It is the phenomenon of being attracted to the same gender and excluding the opposite gender. This is not the occurrence of problems in xes psychology but a kind of psychological problem and psychological disorder that are caused by distorted conscious and habits due to problems in either the conscious or habits. At this point, one will end up living as a homosexual due to expression disorder if there are problems in the conscious, but homosexuality is a temporary and limited phenomenon if there are problems in the habits since it is a temporary matter of emotions by the occurrence of abnormal psychology. 

Moreover, in cases of transgenders, it must be interpreted in the same way. In cases of MTF (Male Transfer Female) that is the man turned into a woman or FTM(Female Transfer Male) that the woman turned into man, there is no change in xes psychology which operates in the same way for everybody; however, they can be separated into two cases; the acquired case (caused by problems in the conscious and habits) and the congenital case (caused by the problem of the body and the mind being different). In the acquired case due to the problems in the conscious and habits, it can be seen that it is caused by psychological problems and psychological disorders. 

Homosexuality and transgender have been viewed briefly based on xes psychology, the mind. We are fully aware of possible disputes and criticisms from them. However, when we learn the details of xes psychology, we can apply it appropriately to homosexuality and transgender as a proper theory and even eradicate social biases so that people who are involved can maintain their life as legitimate members of society with pride and confidence. Therefore, please do not condemn or argue with the contents briefly mentioned in this book.

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Xes Therapy : http://www.xestherapy.com/

Xes Training : http://www.xestraining.com/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/